B.B. asks from Haynesville, LA on September 28, 2009
8 Weeks Pregnant and Afraid and Don't Know What to Do...
I will start with 6 months ago I fell in love with a older man but he's only here still dec..This pregnancy was unplanned.. I'm now 8 weeks and he is promising me so much. Then one night after he has a few drinks, he opens up and tells me he is married and don't know were to go from here.. He tells me he will do whatever I want him to do but I dont know what it is a want him to do or if a can believe him now.. I have two children 4 and 8 years old from my first marriage and he has a 13 and 17 year old.... I'm adraid when he leaves in dec I will be left alone to bring a child in to this world and is that wrong not wanting to do this??? and is it fair to this child to not have a dad in he/she life when my two other babys have a great dad around all the time... But I can't come to terms with getting a abortion...Maybe adoption would be the best route for me.... I know no one can tell me what to do but anything would HELP..Thank You...
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
It's more like what's still happpening.. Im now 20 weeks pregnancy and it's a boy..Myself and him are still together only because he tells me that him and his wife are getting a divore.. But i dont' think I believe it....He tells me he don't talk to her no more... He wont answer her calls when I'm around and tells me its would else calling.. but I knows he calls her like 5 times a day when he goes to work because i check his cell when he showers or goes to bed if he don't forget to erase the call history .Pretty bad hey... I know by now I should have some really answers and I don't...I dont want to be the other woman... He's going home for christmas to see his kids then coming back to me and our baby or should I say back for a different project.. and that's what he maybe telling her ... I dont know what to believe or say.. I should be a happy right now because im going to have a baby boy in 20 week,,,
not sad and crying all the time.. So im still lost....But I want to thanks you all for your comments and words because they did help me..
P.S. answers from Tulsa on September 29, 2009
I went through the same thing that you did with my boyfriend. He did not tell me that he was still married until we had been together a while and we were in California. I got pregnant and he did not want me to have the baby. I did have the baby and he has still not been there for me. He left in January and moved back to Calif. No child support, no nothing.
You can do this. Get the support of you're family and friends. You are already a single mother of 2, the other 2 will love the baby
B.C. answers from Alexandria on September 29, 2009
If you decide you can not handle the new baby please put him up for adoption! I know of a number of people who are unable to have children you have been blessed by angels who gave them children. What a wonderful gift you can give to someone else and to that child.
K.C. answers from Pine Bluff on September 29, 2009
I have worked in the counseling field for about five years now and have worked for an adoption agency as well. The main thing I can tell you is that God does not make mistakes. He is bringing this child into the world for a reason and no one is above what God can do. Obviously, you have two other children, so you know without a doubt what you would be doing by having an abortion. This baby will be a blessing no matter who raises it. I can certainly understand the thought of adoption. There are SO many families who cannot have their own children and want to adopt. Working with mothers who have placed their children for adoption, I saw women who were selfless in giving something so precious to someone who wanted to be a mother or father so badly. Never once did one of the mothers say they felt they made a mistake, but it isn't necessarily for everyone. My first thought is that you need to find a support group or someone for counseling to really discuss your options and feelings. I don't know where you are, but there are many adoption agencies who will counsel with you even if you don't want to place your child for adoption. They can help you with your decisions and what is best for you and your baby. A couple of agencies I know of are Buckner and Dillon. You can check out the ones in your area by pulling them up on the internet. Good luck to you and I will be praying for what God has in store for you and your baby.
1 mom found this helpful
T.W. answers from Monroe on September 29, 2009
Please, please, please do not get an abortion. There are tons of families out there that would love to adopt a child. If you are not keeping the baby, then please go the adoption route. Do some research and locate a reputable attorney that deals in adoptions and I am sure there are organizations as well that have a list of families that are loving, and very capable of caring for a newborn that can give them a wonderful life. I will say a prayer for you.
A.L. answers from Oklahoma City on September 29, 2009
Hello, my dear. You have received a lot of advice from all different vantage points. However, you are the only person who can make this difficult decision. Many people think the term "pro-choice" means having an abortion. It doesn't. It means having to make one of the toughest choices of your life - raising the baby, putting it up for adoption or having an abortion. That is a decision only you can make.
By all means, if you decide to raise the baby yourself, file for child support. He helped make the baby and he should help pay for the things the baby needs. Don't worry about what he will tell his wife. That's not your problem.
If you decide to go for adoption, look into different options with that. You or a family member may have a friend who has been struggling with infertility. You may want to go with an open or a closed adoption. How much contact do you want with the adoptive family? My son is adopted. He is now 23. A family member of his birth mother knew I desperately wanted a child and couldn't have one. We also had an open adoption. His birth mother was always able to call me to check on him or get an updated picture. She and I both know our places in his life and we sincerely appreciate each other to this day. He now has a relationship with his birth siblings. In fact, their children call me Grandma.
Should you take the even harder road of abortion or even consider it, be sure you get counseling from someone who does not judge you for what is an extremely hard personal decision. There are a lot of places that do judge you and, rather than let you work through your options, will try to get you to do what they want you to do.
If you want to talk to me, I'd be happy to talk to you without judgment. I'm not sure if there is a way to click on here to get to me but my email is ____@____.com.
A.L. answers from Oklahoma City on September 29, 2009
My husband and I are looking into adoption for our next child. We have a two year old and want him to have a sibiling. I may not be able to get pregnant again so we are preparing to look at adoption. No matter what you choose (adoption or keeping the baby) your baby will have a wonderful life. It is evident that you already care a great deal for the child because you are giving this a lot of thought. If you are considering giving your child up for adoption just remener that there are loving families out here looking for another child to complete their families. What an amazing gift that would be.
T.P. answers from Tuscaloosa on September 29, 2009
So sorry to hear about the situation you are in. It sounds like he wants YOU to make his tough decisions instead of facing up to what he has done with his life. You only have to decide for you, not him too. You are so brave to be considering all the options, including adoption. I think you are much more mature than he is, despite him being older. I agree with the others who think adoption would be such a beautiful act on your part. One place you can turn, if you like, is Catholic Charities or Catholic Social Services, I forget the current name. You can call any catholic church and find out the nearest office. They often handle adoptions and can help with counseling too. I'm pretty sure you don't have to be catholic to seek their help. They have been around a long time and it's someplace you should be able to trust. It's one free option you can consider. Whatever you choose, I will keep you in my prayes and wish you all the best! Stay strong!!!
J.V. answers from Baton Rouge on September 29, 2009
Please do not think about abortion. If you cannot raise this child, ADOPTION is the best option that you can choose for yourself, the child and an adoptive couple. I understand how difficult this must be for you and I know you are looking to do the right thing b/c you posted on this site. Please find it in your heart to carry this child to term and raise him/her yourself or make an adoption plan for your child. Adoption is the most loving, unselfish thing a woman can do for a child. We were blessed over 4 yrs ago with a child through adoption and it is the best thing that could have ever happened to us.
A.A. answers from Montgomery on September 29, 2009
Hi B. B,
I'm sorry you are in this situation, but be encouraged. We don't always understand why things happen the way they do. This has happened for a reason. First, I would say that you should be very careful about believing anything that he says. He has obviously done some major deceiving and put you in an awkward place with the baby and with allowing you to develop deep feelings for him. However; the Lord has allowed this child to be conceived for a reason. Abortion is not the answer! I had one many years ago and still regret and feel the pains of it. Adoption may be the solution. There are many people out there who cannot have children and this child could be the answer to their prayers. I find myself in this situation now as well. Be blessed and I hope you will find the right solution for you.
H.D. answers from Lafayette on September 29, 2009
PLEASE don't have an abortion...PRAY...I think you have more strength in you, than you give yourself...Send me a message...I wanted to say more, but not for the public to see...but it won't let me send a private message?
I wish you the very best and will pray for you...