Hypnosis for 8 Year-old

Hi L.,

8 years old is the youngest you can do hypnotherapy with (I'm a doctor of clinical hypnotherapy). However, there are many things to do with your daughter first...such as play therapy. Children, in general, need closeness, so laying down with your daughter until she falls asleep is not unusual and is important for a lot of children for a LONG time. I am also an aware parenting instructor and practice Somatic Experiencing ....I would want to know your child's history from conception until now regarding stressful and/or traumatic experiencing - what your prenatal experience was, what the birth was like, when you and her father split up (how old was she?) there is a lot to think about....Once I had a sense of what she is carrying in her body/psyche I would know how you can talk to her, negotiate with her (so you could possibly deal with some of this immediately) and how you can use play therapy so she has an opportunity to 'work some things out' so she can sleep. For now, why don't you take some time early in the day, it may have to be on a weekend, and 'play' going to sleep. Allow her to take the lead and you just follow. Tell her she can boss you around and she is in charge...see what happens and see if you can get her laughing a lot (this releases a lot of fear even though that may not be what it looks like to you). When she gives you an instuction - "like lie down" do it in a very silly way to get her laughing. When she laughs, do whatever you did to make her laugh over and over until she doesn't laugh anymore. Get creative with this. She probably has a lot going on inside of her that she needs to release. You can also play role reversal games where she is the parent and you play her. This can be very revealing. When you play her you can exaggerate -- again trying to get her to laugh...but you need to be careful because it is a fine line between playing with this and 'teasing'.

You can also directly talk to her -- tell her your predicament, why it is hard for you and what you need. Ask her if she has any solutions that will work for both of you. You might be surprised what she comes up with. If you try her 'ideas' and they don't work then go back to the drawing board with her and let her know that didn't work for you and you both need to come up with a solution that works for both of you.

The 'talking' part is really just to get you through until she works through her difficulties. Sometimes lovingly setting up a firm limit without backing off - will give her an opportunity to cry for a long time (with you lovingly present - NEVER ALONE) which will also release many emotions long held that keep her from being cooperative.

C. M

4 moms found this helpful

Geez, this is killing me!!!! Sweet wonderful mommy, PLEASE have a family bed!!!! What is the deal about this? People have been sleeping in family beds since we have been a species--except for the last few decades.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Your daughter is giving you CLEAR signs as to what she needs. Trust her knowledge of herself. If only it was always so easy to figure out what they need! You are lucky. Your daughter is self aware. Nurture that. It is sooooo important in life!!!!

Trust your heart, not current convention. Remember, Dr. Spock recanted after a whole generation got screwed up with his methods. Trust your heart. Sit quietly with yourself and listen to your heart. Trust yourself and your daughter.

The people who tell you to go against your beautiful mothering instincts are the ones who need the hypnosis, Love.

Your daughter is trying to take care of herself. Isn't that what we want them to be able to do in the long run?

Save yourself some therapist bills later form her sorrow that when she asked for what she needed no one listened. Don't be afraid to stand for your daughter. That is what moms do.

You are not alone, Sis. And you are loved. Thanks for being a caring mom whatever you decide.

Deb

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First off, please keep in mind that YOU are the mom!! You wouldn't let her eat unlimited cookies or play in a busy street, why is this different?? There are lots of plans and programs out there you can utilize. I used the book below for both my boys, and my niece used it, also. It's not just for babies, but deals with sleep issues and problems in all ages, with lots of examples for all ages.
http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/june06/sleep.html

In the meantime, explain to your daughter she is a big girl and it's time for her to sleep on her own. Make sure she has a nightlight, and leave the hall light on for her. I'm guessing she's not really scared, but has learned the comforting habit of going to sleep with a loved parent. It's generally not recommended, but possibly while transitioning from habits at dad's home, put on some quiet, soothing music--a lullabye tape or some classical music to help keep her mind off her fears or whatever. An aquarium is soothing to some children, so that could be a possibility. If she gets out of bed, gently but firmly lead her back to bed without any conversation, because the talk in itself can reinforce her getting out of bed. Start on a Friday night, because you may have a rough few nights while your daughter learns that her mom means business this time. Do the same thing if she gets into your bed in the middle of the night. Set up a reward system where she gets a star for staying in her own bed all night, and after 3-4 stars she gets a treat---a movie or game rental, an ice cream cone, something small like that. After 7 stars, she gets a dinner out at a favorite restaurant, after 14 stars your problem should be over and she gets a mannie/peddie---something like that. You get the idea. Good luck!

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Hi L.,

I had the samr exact issue with my 9 year old Daughter. I took her to Melany, a hupnotherapist and I immediately saw results. Here is the website: http://www.hypnoswitch.com/home.html

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Hypnosis DOES work! It works really well for sleep. You will do well if you find an acutal psychologist who specializes in hypnotherapy instead of just someone who took a class. You will also want to learn how to 'talk' your daughter through the process as she is going to sleep. At first it is hard to do by yourself. It is VERY simple and extremely effective. I would persue it. You won't be disapointed. Good luck

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I think that I would start with a counselor/psychologist first, if it was my child. Later they might refer you to someone else if necessary. She may just have some seperation anxiety or security issues, since you and her father are not together. I hope things get better for you and her. Good Luck

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Contact Sleepy PLanet www.sleepyplanet.com They are the best as they have experience in childhood developement and family therapy but there niche is sleep issues. Cal, call, call!! And please do consider not drugging your child with benadryl to sleep as one of the other responders suggested. Please know this will be a process t resolve but can be done so stay strong and get the proper help for your child. Good luck.

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The first thing that jumped out at me was an 8 year old sleeping with her father. I know lots of people believe in co sleeping, but I think that at this age and just a father and daughter sleeping together is inaprorate and dangerous.

I am not accusing anyone, but having been through it, I say better safe than sorry. You don't want to look back and say "I should have realized". And I know what it's like to believe someone would never harm your daughter only to find out they are.

Someone suggested, if I read it right, that you ask your ex if hanky panky is going on, don't bother, if there is, he won't admit it. Do talk to him and tell him you want her out of his bed. One of them can take the couch if it is the only bed. If won't agree, call you lawyer and see what you can do.

I was surprised to find out how many kids are molested. I was surprised that I was charged with "knowing or should have known" what was going on. BTW, the charges were dropped, but still, I wouldn't want you to have to deal with it.

I do agree with those that suggested counselling. It would help with the divorce issues which are probably causing the sleep issues. And if they involve you, some places don't, some do, you can work there to find ways to ease her out of this if it is just a control issue.

And it will be needed if something inappropriate is going on.

Best of luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not sure where you live, but I took my 7 year old son to see Sydni Perdew in Tarzana. She is a hypnotherapist who specializes in kids. Her # ia ###-###-####. He saw her to help him with his fear of dogs - and she was helpful. Good Luck!

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Kids should not sleep with parents. Bad, bad habit. Eight year old is way to old to be sleeping with parents any way. You have to make her go to her own bed. You have to be the boss. When she comes to your room make her go back, or take her back to her own bed. Sometimes you have to do this several times, but eventually she will get the point but you have to make her sleep in her own bed. And the way things are now days. Exspecially your x-husband. If she goes to school and tells a teacher or another kid she is sleeping with her dad, The school can have him checked out. It's not good, things could get out of hand with athourity's if someone ever took it the wrong way. She just way to old to be sleeping with parents. Nanny on t.v. said keep making them stay in there own bed. Sometimes it takes several trips marching her back to her bed but you have got to show her who's boss. And your x-husband needs to do the same. It just don't look good and it's just not right. Eight years old is way to old. And if your x wears just his under wear to bed that's even the more reason. Please, please make her sleep in her own bed please. Before something happens. When she goes to her friends house is she going to want to sleep with her parents also. Think about it. When she goes to a friends to spend the night she's going to ask her how come you don't sleep with your parents I do mine. I'm sorry this really bothers me. Please make her sleep in her own bed please. You don't need hypnosis you need to show her who's boss.

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I can certainly sympathize with you. Our ten year old son still refuses to sleep in his room by himself. My husband and I take turns laying down with him in his bed and when he falls asleep, I usually sneak back to my bed. My husband usually will stay the whole night with him as he was the same way when he was a child. The only thing that keeps me sane around this issue is to remember that he will not be sleeping with us when he is 18... We have taken him to our family counselor and that has helped a little, basically she has told us that he has night terrors and we just need to be there for him. He will outgrow them. On the weekends we let him sleep on the couch in the living room with the TV on and then sneak out and turn it off, always making sure there is another light source for him so he does not wake up in the dark. My advice to you is to do what ever makes your daughter feel safe. They grow up so fast and the day will come when you wish she needed you as much as she does now. Cherish this time.

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I believe counseling for your daughter would be wise. My friend, upon a divorce, got counseling for her 2 children... she said it was the SMARTEST and wisest thing she provided for her children. A child, no matter how old, needs help in coping and just emotional issues. I believe, counseling will assist in areas the Parent is not equipped to, or knowledgeable enough about.

As a side note: a daughter of an acquaintance who is 7 years old... once mentioned to her teacher that she sleeps with her Parents... the Teacher then called "CPS" and reported it. It was seen as "inappropriate" etc. Just a head's up. "Co-sleeping" when in the case of an older child or opposite sex Parent(s), is not "viewed" as appropriate "behavior"... I'm not critiquing your sleep arrangements myself, just wanted to relay this information to you. As I know many Parents, (ourselves included), co-sleep with our children.

Your Ex really needs to get your girl to bed at a reasonable time... 11p.m..-midnight is so not good! He needs to realize, that he is causing upheaval in her. For an 8 year old... letting her sleep that late is, highly irresponsible. What does your Ex say about it... to "explain" this sleep time? He needs to know about responsible Parenting... it's for the stability of your/His daughter first... not "HIS" sleep time convenience. Is he telling your daughter anything that could make her so scared to sleep by herself lately?

Well all the best, and take care....
Susan

I have to say I'm kind of appalled at some of the answers. There is nothing here to indicate that there is a problem sleeping with her father. If you weren't sleeping with her or this was a new thing I might think something was up, but come on! Also, I totally understand how difficult it can be to figure out the correct action to take, but you really don't need to go to a hypnotherapist. You should just make the rule that she sleeps in her own bed and stick to it. If she wakes up scared, comfort her and put her back down. The key is to stick to it. Also, reward her for her good behavior. Do her friends sleep with their parents? Maybe you can enlist their help in telling her how big they are by sleeping in their own room. Don't get too psychological. She's just used to sleeping with you and you need to change the habit. Good luck!

Hi L.:
I tend to agree with Jennette: I believe,its as simple as separation issues and feelings of insecurity as a result of the divorce.Without realizing it,continuing to alow your daughter to sleep with the two of you, has made her believe,that there is a (Reason) to feel frightened sleeping alone. I believe,a therapist could help her out of this.One step at a time. If you don't get results from one, then move on. Hypnosis,is sort of jumping the gun.I believe it alot healthier and benificial to your daughter, to attempt to work things out, on her own,before allowing someone who could actually (control) her behavior.I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.

Ummm, i think discipline is needed. She really needs to sleep in her own bed. Parents usually go through dramatic weeks of bed transitions with 1 and 2 year olds.......you might need to let her "cry" it out as well. You are enabling her fears, justifying like there is something to be afraid of. Truth is she is a big girl and can sleep in her own bed. I was a single mom and my daughter slept with me until she was 5. Then i got married and she got her own room and bed. I was so worried about her transitioning and we prayed and prayed, and the Lord delivered a miracle! She slept just fine never cried oe complained. Hypnosis would not be the answer.

I have never heard of this for dreams. It sounds like she might be having scary dreams. You might try having her say a prayer before she goes to sleep and tell her that her guardian angel will protect her. It worked for my son plus it taught him 3 prayers. I also used this method on my grandson and i had to laugh because the following morning after i told him what to do. I asked him if it worked and he said yes but you didn't tell me there were so many of them ( guardian angels ) i have no doubt he had more than one. His waking up scared also ceased. I hope this will work for you. I did stay with each of them when they said their prayers and this is also comforting to them.

You need to see a pediatric psychologist and you will get lots of ideas and see results in a month's time --that is, if you follow the doc's instructions! Good luck, Ali

There are 2 parts to a solution, I think.

Part 1. Change behavior. Be consistent. In this you create trust by modeling it.

I know this sounds too simple to be true, but it works. Save your money and, if you can get SuperNanny on your TV, then you will be GREATLY comforted by watching it. She goes into real homes, some of them just exactly as you described your situation where the children refused to sleep alone, and she observes the family dynamic and then gives the parents clear instructions and helps them get used to implementing. She gives tons of great ideas -- simple discipline techniques (consistency is key), fun solutions -- truly fun for the kids and parent(s), etc.

In the one family I mentioned where the kids wouldn't sleep alone, no one got any sleep. It was so bad that the parents had not slept together in their own bed for 7 years! Can you imagine?!! The mom was physically exhausted. The kids ran the roost.

Here is the solution. Set a rule and stick with it. You do not have to explain and justify why you want her to sleep alone. It is good for her and good for you. You are the parent. You do not have to feel guilty. Your daughter NEEDS your guidance, your consistency and simple rules to live by. And, be prepared -- There will be fits and screaming and crying when the new behavior and your expectation is set forth. Don't kid yourself, it's always easier in the SHORT run to give in to an unhappy child (the drama can go on for HOURS) but once it is clear that you are serious about the rule, that you are not giving in no matter what it takes, and that you will not give in to screaming and crying and drama, then guess what.... They fall asleep and develop a new habit of sleeping by themselves.

It's like teaching someone a new dance step. You are the instructor (parent) and you know what steps will enable your child to learn the dance best and perform it beautifully. She may not want to learn the step, or may not want to correct the bad dance steps (habits) she has picked up because no instructor corrected her so far, but it is important -- to her now and to her future. Otherwise she will not be able to truly dance the dance with ease and elegance.

Or, in your case, if she is not disciplined in sleeping and getting her way vs. the better way you will teach her, then in the future the issues of demanding her own way will be much greater and possibly much more harmful to her. She needs to learn to respect your wishes and trust your wisdom. The beginning of knowledge is pleasure and pain. In the sleeping situation, it begins with clear explanation of the new expectation / new rule /(new dance step) and then absolute unrelenting consistent follow through when that new expectation is challenged. There has to be immediate consequences when it is challenged (e.g. taking the child immediately back to the bedroom and closing the door. Again and again until they "get" that you are serious about this new expectation.) The next evening it will be easier (or not) but as soon as they recognize that you are not going to give in no matter what, you will have peace!!!!! and you will also have given your daughter a new reason to respect you!!!!

It would be good if your Xhusband agreed to do the same thing so you have consistency, in addition to the other concerns other moms have commented on.

Part 2: Counseling could help you both communicate better. It could raise issues that haven't been addressed, like separation anxiety, fears, grief, confusion, emptiness, feeling unloved -- that could stem from a divorce. But you also could be the one who feels guilty about a divorce and not wanting that for your daughter, and that could unwittingly translate into not wanting to say "no" to her. But counseling won't take the place of simple actions that say I love you enough to give you clear and wise guidance -- clear expectations, clear consequences, consistent follow through. It cuts out the drama, the guilt, the agony.

And, in addition to the new expectation about sleep arrangements and consistent follow through for however long it takes until she gets that you are serious, perhaps you could plan -- separately -- some special time just for you and her to do something she wants to do, or introduce something like a new tradition such as having tea once a month or seeing a ballet or taking a class together or together helping someone who needs help -- an old person, a poor family, a soup kitchen, whatever, and you will end up building a strong, disciplined daughter and a beautiful relationship with her that is based on clear boundaries, respect, love, gratitude and serving others.

Good luck. You can do it!!!
Remember SuperNanny!!

Bon courage!! -K

This is what you do if you are at your wits end, get "silent nights" sleep patch by Lifewave. They work like magic! No drugs or chemicals in the patch. Nontransdermal and very safe for little ones. Do yourself a favor and order some, if you don't like them , the company will gladly give you your money back. Go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth for more info or to order. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. K.

are you freakin crazy??????????

Bexause she won't sleep ur going to send her to one of those hypnosist.. NO NO NO

Wait a little bit more.. Alll she has to do is just get back on shedule.. SO i suggest give a benedryl it'll put her right to sleep and there you go she'll be tired at 9 the next night and the next night

Hey L.. Well, I see you've got a lot of responses, but I'm going to tell you what worked for my daughter. She slept in my bed for years. We shared a room when she was young, about until she was 5. I'm a single momma, so you do what you have to.

When she got her own room, she hated sleeping in it and would get up 10 or more times a night. This was not working for either one of us. I told her that we will work towards sleeping in her room a whole night, and go slow. For a number of months she would "start" in my room. She would sleep in my bed, but I wouldn't be in it with her. When it was time for me to go to bed, I would wake her and tell her its time for her to go back to her room.

If she had trouble, then I would tell her that the next night she would have to start in HER room, so she better think about that. I also made sure I tucked her in and gave her lots of smootches.

Then we moved her to starting in her own room. What I found worked best for her was a radio. She seemed to like having noise. Of course, mom moving around all night made noise, so it made sense.
We also added a fan in her room, since I have one in mine. This for the most part solved the problem.

She still occasionally asks to "start" in my room, and on the rare occasion I let her. Usually its when she's not feeling good, or watched something that she felt was a little scary.
It took a while, but it only cost me the price of a fan and she seemed happy with the transition. Low stress.
Hope this helped!

Jen

I don't think a hypnotherapist is in order. But I do think a therapist or child psychologist might be worth considering. It sounds like something happened when she was with her dad and an impartial third party might be able to get her to talk about it.

she is 8 yrs old and in dads bed, why cant dad sleep on the couch while she is visiting, or she can sleep on the couch, I am not saying hanky panky is going on, wouldnt hurt to ask, maybe the dad doesnt feel the need to set limits since she only visits for a short time, if she never had troubles sleeping in her own bed before and now she does, did you ask her what is there to be afraid of ? do you share a bed with her, ? she is controling what you do, and your letting her, I would tell her unless you tell me what your afraid of then, I am not sleeping with you , she knows I am getting she is afraid to tell you !!

Start w/ just a regular therapist or a child psychologist.

I hate to say it, but I think your daughter is playing you. 8 year old can sleep in her own room by herself. If she is really scared then you should take her to talk to someone. She can see that you are worried and is using that to her advantage. If she is scared you need to find out why, but she still needs to sleep in her own room.

Dear L.:

It's probably not a good idea to ask her what she's afraid of. Why would you assume she's afraid? Like you said, she's ALWAYS slept with the two of you...it's just normal to her! She doesn't sleep with her parents because of fear but because of habit. To put the thought in her head that she MUST be afraid of something is just going to make things more difficult for you.

First, allow a little bit of time to help her forget the "fear" comments. Go to bed with her at 9 p.m. and let her adjust to being home...maybe two weeks. THEN (on a Friday, in case it's a rough night), tell her that your nighttime routine needs to change because your schedule demands that you go to bed later and her schedule demands that she go to bed earlier. Tell her that you are still "there" but just not as close as before...you are working in your home office or sleeping in your bed or whatever.

After your usual routine (prayer or whatever you do) have her read in bed until lights out (like a built-in transition time). Give her half an hour then call out, "Lights out." You now need to gauge your problem. You obviously can't go back on your word so if she wails, you just need to tell her to relax, sleep and "we'll talk about it in the morning."

If you detect actual, freaked-out distress, you might end up soothing her on the couch until morning...just NOT in your bed. In that case, I'd recommend having a counselor talk to her the next day (have someone reputable on standby).

I am so sorry you are both struggling with this. I pray for the best outcome for the two of you.

M.