My 4 Y/O Wont Sleep in His Own Room Says He Has Nitemares

Hi,
I have a 6 year old grandson that I am caring for these days who has a real fear of dogs. Have you considered a homeopathic doctor? There are herbal remedies that can be diagnosed to help with these symptoms.
After reading about the remedies, I am convinced that Eastern medicine should be considered at times. If you want more info. I can give you contact information. I am 47 years old, and have 2 adult children. When my grandson was so fearful, I had not had the experience and shared with my doctor. He gave me a remedy for my grandson after hearing the specifics.
Take care!

T., it is ok for a 4 1/2 to be afraid. Help him overcome it by staying nearby, it will go away. The less he stays terror stricken the better he will be later. His nerves system and muscular system will not stay in permanent shock. Provide safety by staying nearby. Monitor his tv viewing or reduce it it nothing. i am 64 and has less fear when i do not watch fearful programs. He probobly has great imagination and vivid mind. Love E.

My suggestion is to take him to see an energy healer that can clear away all that fear. I know one who worked with my friends little one who was having panic attacks, and it worked really well. Her name is Jessica and her number is ###-###-####. I think that would be a great place to start. Peace, Claudia

While this has not been a persistant problem with us it has come up. We use "monster spray". An old spray bottle with just water works. We ask my son where the "spookies" are and we spray them away like with the ants, bugs, etc. We spray under the bed or the closet or behind the shower curtain. That puts him at ease and we can all sleep. We found that at this age their imaginations are wild and dismissing their fears just dismisses their feelings. Good luck!

First of all, I am assuming there isn't a particuliar reason that triggered this behaviour. (tramatic experience, ect. ) some children just go through more extreme cases of seperation anxiety. Mostly boys. I have a 10 year old son and he did pretty much the same thing. He still won't go upstairs at night alone if the lights are off. He still would prefer to sleep in our room on the floor. He is a great, well adjusted kid. You would never know if you met him, that he has these little fears. And although you will get all kind of advice, I say, try not to worry about it too much and just let him have the comfort he is seeking. Walk him to the bathroom, let him sleep in your room for a while. (maybe make a litttle bed on the floor) Instead of constantly battling him or trying to reason with him (fears aren't reasonable) let him do what he has to do right now and don't worry about spoiling him or babying him. After all, he is still a little guy. These things eventually work themselves out. After a good long while of reassurances, you cold then start to offer him little rewards for small steps of independence. But only as he chooses. It looses the affect when they are forced to do something. My son started sleeping over at friends' finally, not too long ago. But the point is, that he IS now doing it. He was on his own timetable. All kids are. In general, I think we as a a society, put too much pressure on our kids to fit all these different molds at the same time. (developmentally, socially, educationally ) They're all unique, with there own pace. I know this to be true because I also have a 3 year old daughter, who is the complete opposite of her brother. She would walk down to the corner store, at night, to buy milk, if I let her. No fear at all. Hope this is helpful.

One idea is to go out together and buy a flashlight that he can take to bed with him that way he can check his room on his own when he thinks there is someone in the room and you could say that the light would protect him from monsters because they are scared of light.

Hi T.,

I have 5 year old son and an almost 3 year old daughter.

This is normal. My son went through this stage as well. My though is that he is looking for your support, and wants to know that you will be there when he needs it. Take care of the needs that he is asking for, so that he will ask less in the future. Doing this will show him that you are there for him when he needs it, so he will eventually ask less sooner rather than later. He will not be doing this when he is 20.

My suggestion is to go with him to the restroom when he asks. If you go with him to the restroom, then he will ask you to go with him less.

Also if you go with him to the restroom when he asks on a consistent basis, for a week or so, then you can start proposing alternatives for him such as, "I will go with you to the restroom, but I would prefer to stand outside of the restroom while until you are finished to give you some privacy," or "I will go with you to the restroom, and then I am going to finish (doing the dishes). I will be back to check on you, or you can call me when you are finished and I will take care of your needs."

My suggestion for him going to sleep is similar to my response to him going to the restroom. Read him a story before he goes to bed, and if he says that he does not want to sleep alone stay with him until he falls asleep, and then crawl into your bed afterward. He may wake-up in the middle of the night, and you will have to put him to bed again as above. After you have waited for him to go to sleep, then go back to bed again.

Your son is only four now. enjoy this extra time to be close with him. He will not be doing this when he is 20. My son is five now, and he sleeps in his bed by himself now. There are times that he requests for my time to go with him to the restroom and to stay with him when he sleeps, but that is every now and again. I find that my son only asks when he really needs me. I trust that you and your son will find your rhythm as well.

I hope you found some of this information helpful, and I wish you and your little man the best.

Well T.,

You need to do all you can to reassure him, just quietly go to where he wants you to be and wait for him to go to the bathroom etc.and maybe it will go away. Actions are more important than words to kids that age.

In the mean time do a lot of reading and asking the pediatrician the next time you go, be firm that you want to know where you can find more information about this type of fear in a young child.

Do not be afraid to tell him no about his behavior otherwise, disciplining a child also give him security. Children feel insecure when they can get their way with us too much. They realize that we are larger and more powerful than they are and that they need us. They may not act like they need us, but they do and they know it.

Get the book "Real Boys", I got my copy on Amazon.com for $5.00. It is really an excellent book and tells you lots of things about boys that we do not understand until we read this. It is a big help in understanding males in general and your son in particular.

C. N.

One of my sons is prone to nightmares - he used to come in to our room in the middle of the night crying 4 or 5 times per week. But about a year and a half ago we put a fish tank in his bedroom (he can see it from bed) and it works as a "living" nightlight. It seems that what he is thinking about at bed time has a lot to do with how well he sleeps. So, watching the peaceful fish as he drifts off to sleep (I also lay with him until he falls asleep and often sing or tell him stories or play music/books on tape for him) puts him at ease and fills his head with happy thoughts. Then if he does wake up, the fish are awake and peaceful and it comforts him. I can now count on one hand the number of times he has woken up with a nightmare in the last year and a half since the tank went in. It really feels like a miracle happened! We also have an indoor dog that will sometimes sleep with him and that is great, too. I hope some of these methods are helpful for you!

I had to move my 4 year olds toddler bed in our room. This is very normal for their age. I am just going to let it play out. Luckily she goes to the bathroom alone but she will stay in her room all night long. My youngest is 20 months so I am hoping to move them both in a room together at the same time.

My son, like many children, went through a stage like this and still has some of these fears at age 5. He is also a more sensitive, cautious and fearful child in general. He'll send his younger brother into a dark room ahead of him to turn on the light! Having a night-light in the room helped him, and we taped a picture of Mommy and Daddy next to his bed for him to look at. I sing a song and pray with him every night before bed, and I also describe happy things for him to dream about (his favorite is when I tell him to dream that he is in Candy Land, with chocolate rivers and lollipop trees). I've heard of people putting water into a spray bottle and calling it some kind of "magic" name, telling their child to spray it at anything that seems scary. In general, it is normal for children to have vivid imaginations and believe that everything is real. You'll figure out what will work to help your unique child cope with this, and it will eventually pass.

Well, he's either seen something or had a vivid dream that has convinced him that there is a boogey man or something that will get him. I have heard of these fears before from all of the many moms that come to my school and here is one idea that may work:

Since he is convinced and reasoning with a 4 year old can be difficult, you could do some other sort of "ritual" to make the bad thing go away. You can be creative and you will know best what he responds to. Like a favorite toy or movie character. Just take the toy through the house with him and say "toy or character" has chased the bad thing away or that "toy or character" protects our house from the bad thing.

One of my moms did this when her child had a fear like this and it worked for her. Also, another idea is to do a fun game in the dark (or very dimly lit). Make the dark a positive and having fun in the dark may change his mind about it. Hide and seek is a good game to help the "alone" thing as well.

Good luck!
Lisa - Toddle Tunes.

Hi T.,

Maybe you could try a little ritual with your son to "chase away monsters and scary things". My thought is a special little "protector" that he can carry with him (a keychain to clip to his pants or shoes, etc.) "This is the protector of our family and especially you, all scary things are afraid of him and will go right away where ever you are." Or sprinkle some "magic fairy dust" around the house, "this dust is stronger than any scary thing in the world and no monsters dare to come near it!" Do it together ... the fairy dust can be "invisible" that you just "pinch" from an empty jar as you go. It's worth a try, anyway :)

Get him a sleeping bag and let him sleep on the floor next to your bed but don't let him sleep in the bed with you. This should satisfy him for a while and he will out grow it. I would suggest you reinforcing conversation with him during the day that he is a big boy and you are proud of him and make sure he does chores and give him some responsibilites. I hope this helps.

Our 5 yr old has done the same for as long as I can remember. It is less frightening the more tired he is, but he has his 4 yr old sister turn on every light in the house for him before he'll enter most evenings. We found this great moon light that can be lit anywhere between a sliver to full moon. The combination of that moon light, closing his closet doors (or putting a light in there so he can see no monsters are in there), reading a couple of books to relax him before bed after a bath, and sometimes agreeing to lay with him until he falls asleep have proven successful. We do turn all lights off when he's asleep. Very seldom does he wake up with nightmares anymore. Oh, big BTW...we cut out the Pokemon/Ben 10/Spongebob type cartoons. They seem harmless but the characters were ending up in our son's nightmares.

Try putting a whole bunch of cool nite lights all around the house. And not the kind that give just a little lite. Or try the kind you have to push, to get it on. As for the room thing, try sleeping w/ him in HIS room. You on the floor, him on the bed.. Make it fun, like a camping trip.. and slowly by slowly, like every other day sleep in your room. It's hard for kids at this age. I know my son's there and it's killer! But just try and stay away from the spooky movies/settings. Try setting a softer mood for the house and rooms. Toys should be completely hidden (toys w/ big eyes, etc.)
*good luck M.E.

hi there - my son went through the same thing when he was that age. My advice is to be patient. try working with him - play some music, nite lite, door open, put a little bell by his bed so he can ring it when he needs you (I didn't try that, but you get the idea). It got so bad that my son would refuse to fall asleep. Eventually my pediatrician suggested a teaspoon of benedryl - not my first instinct - but, I did try it and it worked...I only used it for about 2 weeks at night and then didn't need it anymore. I also changed his day care to a smaller more nurturing environment. I hope this helps - anyway, you aren't alone. It will pass. Take care, C.

I had my son at 42 and my twins at 44. My first son got his own bed at 21 mths old, to make room for the twins. As soon as we got him a bed he decided to only want to sleep in my bed. That went on for about a year and a half and then I laid down on a mat at the foot of his bed. I slept there for a couple of nights and then eventually left. He is now ten years old and wants to have talk time for 15 minutes and has been sleeping in his own bed since he was five years old.

My son was scared of the GREEN MONSTER. It is very normal for children to have fears. They all eventually sleep in their own bed, get rid of their bottle and their diapers. My son still sleeps with his ratty stuffed animal that needs major surgery. He would love to sleep with me in the big and once in a while I let him.

Your son also wants your attention. He is still a baby so humor him a bit longer, try the mat or cot idea and see how that works. Walk him to the bathroom and wait outside. He probably does not want to wet his pants. Does he go to preschool?

Hi T.!

I read your situation with your 4 Y/O. My approach would start with sitting down on the floor with him - when he's NOT afraid or being asked to be alone - and get more information from him. Being on the floor puts you at his level, and then you are in a place to see the situation from his model of the world. What is he really afraid of? What does it look like or feel like or sound like? What would help him feel safe? There are many questions like this that can be asked. You just want to spend the time to listen to him, make sure he feels heard and understood. He needs to be validated that this FEELS real for him. We know what we know, and yet kids have their own perception based upon THEIR experience. So, taking the time to listen, and really meet him where he is is important. There's much more I could say, but it's a lot for an email. And, more info about the situation would help me help you too. I would start there and see what your intuition tells you. Know that it's real for him. Find out what safety would feel like and look like. How could you create that WITH him? Hold him close. Imagine how you can just drop oodles of love inside his little body and heart, and see what that would create. I hope this helps. :)

Hello get him a necklace or a braclet with some sort of stone or charm and tell him it has special protecting forces and all he has to do is rub it when he gets scared and then he'll be able to do whatever it is without fear try it let me no A.

It seems a lot of kids go through this. There are so many things to learn to cope through.

Veggie Tales makes a video called Where is God When I'm Scared? There is a great song titled God is Bigger Than the Boogie-man in it.

Kids believe in EVERYTHING when they are that age. It works for when we want them to believe in Santa, but not so much when they believe in monsters and ghosts and so forth. The blessings and setbacks of having vivid imaginations...

For one of our kids, promising them a million dollars if a monster actually ate them worked great.

For another, promising them God sends angels to protect them as they sleep when they pray and ask for them worked.

For another, putting a bigger than life ice cream cone on the wall made out of construction paper-with scoops of rainbow colors to choose and add to the top of the cone each time they conquered a fear worked great for them.

Walmart sells Super Hero pajamas for boys his age. Our sons have no idea who Spider man is, but they both have a set of his PJs and it helps contribute to their sense of invincibility.

They also love to listen to books on tape as they are going to bed. The Magic Tree House series is worth its weight in gold. There are over 33 stories and you can get them on CD or audio cassette.

There is always letting your kid know monsters have a sense of humor-see this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7l9ESnIJ-o

Okay. I know this sounds unconventional, but, it worked for us. My daughter was having terrible nightmares every single night. It was effecting her days because she was so tired from not wanting to go to sleep at night, she would try to stay awake for as long as she could, sometimes waking up "for good" at 3 am! Anyway, we tried everything, but the only thing that worked was hypnotherapy. We found an awesome child hypnotherapist that she just loves, and she helped her with so many things. Spider phobia, bed wetting. Anything. Her name is Melanie Friedlander and her website is hypnoswitch.com and she is in LA. She's super sweet. (She is $100 per session and most kids only need a couple to a few sessions). Hope this helps!

maybe try to go arround with him & look into where he says something is watching him, show him nothing is there. keep dors open & make him feel free. turn on happy music & march arround the house saying "im not afraid, this is my house, i am in charge" or make up a chant. then at night give him something to hold onto, tell him its his protection and it will destroy any fears.. cause thats all they are ..
if it still doesnt work tell him you have a speaker in his room where you can hear him at all hours of the night and can protect him. if it still doesnt work maybe ask a counsolor??

My son had the same problem at about that age. I told him that I absolutely did not allow monsters in my house. Then, just to be sure, I bought some squirt bottle air freshener spray and made a "Monster Away" label for it. He would spray around the house just to be sure before he went to bed, concentrating on the "scary areas" such as under his bed. It seemed to do the trick. He's 17 now and we still kid about it (he drinks Monster energy drinks, and I always tease him that he knows I don't allow monsters in the house!) Hope this helps.

Hi, I don't know if you have any other rooms you can switch him to, but if you do, maybe make a big deal about changing where he sleeps so he is happy. OR if no other rooms, maybe you can totally rearrange his room, maybe even paint a bright color on one wall,(and let him help?) Find out where that someone is watching him from and cover it with something happy. And if you don't already do this, put more than one night light, even if its really too light, and some soothing music on before bed, then eventually tone them down when he is comfortable? Just an idea, Good luck,

Hi T.!
I wish that I had some magical solution for you, but I just wanted to chime in so that you know you are not alone. My daughter just turned 9 and she still does this. It is difficult not to get frustrated, because with an adult's logic we can obviously see that there is nothing dangerous or scary about going to the bathroom alone, etc., but logic and kids don't usually mix.

Anyhow... best of luck to you. I always just try to remind myself that while it's frustrating right now... eventually she is going to grow up and move out on her own... and then I'm really going to miss how much she wants and needs me now.

xo
Ez

Hi I am a Mother of 3. I don't have any more to add really just some of the same but wanted to offer you some encouragement. I let my kids sleep with me, we encourage them to start out in their own bed and they are welcome to get in with us whenever they want. It sounds like your little guy needs to know he is safe and protected so being with you right now is probably the best thing. The best advice we ever got was from a father of 8 children with the oldest being in college and the youngest around 18 months. He said: "They grow so fast! You blink your eyes and they don't want to cuddle with you anymore, keep them close when you can and let them sleep with you." I also highly recommend reading anything by Dr. Sears, I believe he has a Sleep Book. He is extremely informative and basically just gives you permission to parent as your heart wants to.

Get him a spray bottle with with water in it. Tell him it is monster repelant. When ever he thinks something is in there or watching him tell him to spray the water at it and it will disappear. It worked for my son!

Maybe try giving him something that will help him feel empowered like "monster spray" in a spray bottle that he can use whenever he gets scared. Tell him how powerful his words are, and that if he wants something to go away, all he has to do is tell it to leave. Flower essences also work wonders. I would check out Bach Essences, FES or Alaskan Essences. This may sound strange but just consider how sensitive and receptive children are...maybe your home needs a space clearing.
Good Luck!

My five year old girl began to do the same, minus the pleading to sleep with us. I think they must hear scary stories in school or their beginning to imagine stuff due to some scary parts in some of the "G" shows. I think that it is a normal part of being little. She never had accidents at night from three until five. Apparently, I did the same at about that age. Anyway, put some night lights in the room, bathroom, hall, etc. Let him know that if he needs you to help him into the bathroom at night to call for you or to run fast to the lightswitch and turn it on so that he can go potty. I also do some prayers at night on my own asking God to keep my children safe during the night, invisioning them with light surrounding them to keep them from any dark forces that may be plaguing around. I ask God to allow the angels to keep watch over them as well. It seems to be working. Good luck!

Hi T.;

I don't know you much and I don't know if you will be offended if I suggested to you to started teaching your son to pray every night so that his guardian angel will guide,protected him. I am Christian and I believe that we should have our children baptized and get involve in church. It is peaceful in our own house if we have faith. I don't know what will be your reaction, but this is only my idea or suggestion and see if it is works with your son. Have talk to your minister/priest in your area, and have your house to be blessing for once and for all so that your son won't be afraid in his room. Check your churches in your area and talk to them about this. Good luck.

A.

Have you done the whole song and dance about the magic monster spray? Are you a single mom or is there a dad there too? Whatever the parental unit comes together and you tell your son you are going to take care of this problem once and for all you stage a phone call to the Magic Monster exterminators and then tell him they are sending you a package with The Super Scary Magic Monster removal potion, If the whole family is taking this as a Real solution, May be remembering that mom or dad or someone close to the family remembers using this when they were little and it completely sends all Magic Monsters (which by the way you have to let him know these magig monsters are in no way mean they are just nosey little magic monsters that want to come play with his toys) Or something of that nature when the Magic Monster Potion comes ( Make it a big deal) Now the whole Family comes together and you do a little talk about how these Monsters who scare your son are going to smell the Magic Monster spray and they are going to know their moms and daddy Monster Family are telling them they have to come home and not go back because the scared your son .
So make it a little song and dance and if your son wants to spray too let him he might lead you around to the scary places he believes they are ( oh and do not forget to make the spray bottle like a special bottle then when your son goes to bed you make a special note from the Magic monster that was playing with his toys saying he was sorry and he will not bother him any more and for scaring him leaves a real cool gift for what your son went through!!!
The part where the monster leaves a present is the part where your son will identify with that maybe these were not so scary just noesy Monsters that were playing too loud!!! Good luck what ever you do!

My daughter did not like to sleep in her room either and at times would say she is scared. I have done the following things, all of which have helped her and she is sleeping through the night in her room:
I bought her a big stuffed teddybear so she can snuggle up to it.

I put a night light in her room.

I read her a bedtime stories.

I play a CD that she likes to sing and listen to.

As a last resort, I lay on the floor in her room until she goes to sleep.

I hope this helps, hang in there.

D. W.