Husband in Delivery Room

Do you have a friend who you might feel comfortable having in the room with you instead of him if he backs out? It wouldn't be fun to go through alone, but I'm with you on not wanting people in there with me other than husband. I didn't want mothers or in-laws or anyone else.

I was lucky to have my sister there for both of my deliveries and she was so much more helpful than he was. The majority of it is not going to be a big deal for him but the end is.

My husband is the same way and with the second he almost fainted. My sister did tell him just stay up by the head as far as you can and whatever you do, do not take a deep breath. I couldn't smell it, but I guess it is quiet nasty and he said that was the best advice ever. He still was a bit queasy, but this helped.

Get a Bradley Method book at the library or on Amazon, it's very husband-centered. Mine found it very helpful and informative.

Invite him to stay near your head--he doesn't have to look down there if he is going to be squeamish, but I'd bet when the time comes, he will be excited and will want to see.

I've got the opposite problem--my husband's a doctor on staff at the hospital where I deliver, so he's just about selling tickets to our deliveries ;-) Actually, the 1 time I was in labor he drove me CRAZY. I almost preferred to be alone during the labor.

My husband, then boyfriend, was very nervous about being in the delivery room as well. I told him to suck it up cause he was going to be there whether he liked it or not :)

In the end, he did fine and even cut the umbilical cord even though he was originally against it.

Your hubs will be fine :)

Has he been on the hospital tour? Taken the birthing class with you? If not, you should invite him to your next OB appointment so he can talk to the doctor. He would not be the first dad to have to sit down. He can also stay at your head vs the business end if that is what bothers him. Talk to him very specifically about what he is concerned about. Maybe knowing what to expect is all he needs.

He may totally suprise you, and himself.
Regardless, the nurses and docs are used to this and prepared! I was in the delivery room w/ my sister for her two kids. The first I had one child, her second I had three. And I'll be honest, it wasn't easy for ME!!! I have worked in hospitals and nursing homes. So you'd think it would be a piece of cake and it wasnt.
HOWEVER...when it is your own child being born, you tend to get tunnel vision. It is very possible he will be so focused on his child being born, on your well being, that all the side circumstances will not even matter!
I agree, keep him involved. "Distracted"...let him rub your back, or hands, put a cold wash cloth on your face etc. Chances are, everything will be just fine for him! CONGRATS on your new baby, and best of luck for a speedy healthy delivery!!!! (((HUGS))))

My sister jokes that her husband spent her deliveries holding her hand while he looked out the window because he didn't want to see what was going on 'down there'. And he didn't cut the cord because he didn't want to see the blood and afterbirth, etc. Even so, my sister was glad to have him there.

If that's what your husband has to do, it's fine as long as you are fine with it.

Also, depending on how your labor goes... mine was long, and the first many hours were spend just waiting through contractions - nothing gory to look at. So my husband was in charge of keeping me distracted by talking, changing out the music in the CD player, giving me a back rub, etc. He left the room while they inserted the epidural so he didn't have to see the needle. And when it came time to push, he stayed facing my head and supporting my legs and back while the labor nurse kept an eye on the progress of the baby. So there was really nothing to see that would have made him get sick because he was watching my face and helping me, not looking at the birth itself.

I would say that you should talk to him about staying with you as long as he can. If it starts to get really uncomfortable for him (as in, he thinks if he stays longer he might get sick), then he can step out (of course, you have to realize that this could happen). But my guess is that once he gets there, it won't be as bad as he is anticipating.

Okay, I know this isn't funny, but it made me laugh a little because of my personal experience in this area. You probably think you want him there. But you might not.

Let me explain. My first was born overseas, so other family being present really wasn't an option. It was my husband or nobody. Well, it turns out that when I'm giving birth I morph into a tiger. I was very focused on the birth, and not at all interested in coddling a squeamish husband who alternated between wanting to throw up and wanting to "help." As he was trying to convince the non- English speaking doctor to give me pain meds I felt no need for, (yes, labor hurt, but I wasn't interested in drugs - I was progressing rapidly and mainly interested in getting it done) I was swearing at him (my husband) in all five languages I know how to cuss in because he was too busy trying to "fix" things to hold my hand. I wish the doctor had given HIM a tranquilizer. Or a shot of tequila. Or a sharp blow to the head.

My second was delivered so fast that my husband, who was taking care of getting my firstborn settled in at the neighbors' house so he could come to the birth, didn't get there in time. You know what? I realize that for most women this wouldn't be ideal, but for me, not having him fluttering around nervously while I did the job at hand was a good thing. He felt bad for missing it. I wouldn't let him apologize. He was taking care of our daughter so I didn't need to worry about her, and because he wasn't there, I could focus. I thanked him for looking out for our daughter, reassured him that I was fine, and carefully did not say how much easier it was to give birth without his "help."

Make sure whenever you go into labor and are admitted, that the labor nurses that are taking care of you are TOLD right away, that your husband is a light-weight when it comes to blood and other medical stuff. It can help them know that an extra pair of hands might be needed. He wouldn't be the first husband to pass out cold on the floor---but if you know it is a possibility it would be nice to share that info with the people tasked with your care, since they are supposed to be caring for YOU, and your husband passing out will take someone from your care to move him out of the way, etc.

Yes, instruct him to stand up near your head and look at you and hold your hand. He really won't see much there, unless the doc/nurses make a point to show him something. And here again, is where it matters that you TELL THEM not to do that. If they would like to offer to show him, fine, but do not just show.

He might be surprised in that he may handle it all very well. For some people, the amazing experience of watching life coming into the world is just, magical. And trumps any of the other reactions they might otherwise have. You just never know.

If you have any friends who can come sit at the hospital when the time comes, it might be helpful. Then, if husband should become faint, he would have someone to sit with in the waiting area. And maybe someone else could come in to hold your hand if he was unable to stay.

I would also see if you can google birth prep classes online. You might be able to find some videos that are free, that have good information. There is a youtube for just about anything these days....

Injuries to expectant fathers are actually very common in the hospital. They pass out all the time. Put him at the head of the bed to comfort and support you. He does not have to watch the baby come out. Let the nurse know he is squeamish so they can make sure he has a chair near by.
have him watch some birthing shows or You tube child birth videos to get him used to the process.

How fun for him! I was worried about that too when my daughter wanted me there for her. I have anxiety attacks and when I am cornered or trapped I get frantic. Since I couldn't be running in and out during delivery it was a stressful idea for me too.

He can be facing you and looking at you but once he sees the whole thing unfold he will feel better about it I bet. Perhaps he can look up some video's of child birth and can get over the whole dread of that part of it....lol.

Have him stay up near your face. :) You don't need him anywhere else but coaching you and whispering in your ear. Honestly, I had a tough, tough delivery and the one thing I remember was my husband whispering into my ear, cheering me on. I couldn't physically respond, but I knew he was there and it made all the difference in the world.

My hubby was in the room with me. He basically stayed out of the "line of sight" of where all the business was going on. It's kinda boring really for the hubby's untill the time when the baby comes out depending on how mom is doing. I was very internal with my contractions, not yelling, etc. He was supportive, and that was good. Then he helped when it was time, and checked out the afterbirth when it came out, which was neat. So really, unless things get crazy, it's not that big of a deal. If you can be calm, it will help him be calm.

Sounds like you are doing all you can to prepare him for it. Some people just do better with things like this than others. My hubby is not thrilled with the whole medical thing, but I think something happens when it is his wife having his child. My hubby is a noncryer and he cried with the birth of our first baby.
ok, I know I am not helpful, I Just want to give you some food for thought. I am guessing your hubby is not interested in cutting the umbilical cord. My hubby didn't cut any of our 3 kids. You might want to consider cutting it yourself. If he isn't going to, someone has too, why not you. I cut my daughter's and it was a neat experience for me. No one can say I never "cut the cord" with my kids!

Congratulations mama! You're almost there!
I think there are some things you can do to help him feel more comfortable in the delivery room. I do think it's very important for him to be a part of this! First, for his "no regrets." But also because YOU NEED him there! I know you're really close right now (2 weeks!), but see if there are any resources available for you & him to attend a free birthing class! Ours was actually covered by our insurance/hospital! There are also lots of support organizations out there that may provide free or cheap classes--even this late, it probably may still help ease his mind (and yours)!
My husband is also very squeamish about ALL body fluids (pee, poop, vomit, blood) and HATES needles! But, he knew that I needed him there. Anyways, he was there to massage me, bring me ice, relay messages to my family, and just be supportive. I ended up having a c-section and he even suited up for that! I thought he was going to pass out when they told him to stand up (there's a curtain to block off what's going on "down there") and see his baby, but he did great and even got to cut the cord!
Don't pressure him, but help ease him into making the decision that he wants to be there. Trust me, you WILL NEED him!
Good luck and best wishes!

Have him stay up by your head. Have a chair nearby, so he can sit if he feels faint. Let the delivery doc know that he isn't interested in cutting the cord. Advise him to keep hydrated and EAT during your labor. He'll be fine - and so glad he was there!

Another tip - have him watch "it's a baby story" and "it's a birth story" on TLC over and over to desensitize himself and know what to expect. Our imaginations are our worst enemies, usually. Perhaps seeing what will happen will relax him a little?

Good luck and congrats!

My husband really didn't want to be there, but I insisted. I didn't want to be alone and I didn't really have anyone else at the time either.
He basically "supported" me by being in the room and by getting me things (extra pillow, ice chips) when the nurses weren't there. He did NOT watch the birth, he stayed up by my head and kept his face turned towards me. He also did not cut the cord (which they offered for him to do.)
I didn't do any photos or videos, I didn't want the distraction during labor and delivery, and I'm sure my husband couldn't have handled that even if I had wanted it.
Assure your husband you want him there for YOU, not to watch the birth up close or film or do anything he's uncomfortable with. And let him know he can step out of the room if he really needs to, but he should stay right outside the door, in case anything unplanned happens, he should be RIGHT there.
Best of luck and congrats!!!

Relax, take a deep breath and stop worrying! I say this because my husband was the squeamish, not sure he could handle it type too....this is a big, burly, hunting military man! LOL! He WAS there for our daughter and he cried...and for our son, he even cut the cord! THAT was a huge shocker!

Funny story, hubs almost missed our daughter's birth. We had been in hospital all night w/ labor, it was 7:30 am, and it was time to push...and no hubs anywhere! My parents were there and I looked at my dad and told him to go find my hubs...he was in the cafeteria getting an ice cream bar! REALLY!? LOL! When I went to be induced w/ my son, my dad walked in w/ an ice cream bar and asked if he should tie a string to it first!

Do yourself a favor and get a doula or have a friend or family member be your partner. My DH is like yours, just generally freaked out about anything medical/bodily (poop, vomit, blood - you name it it freaks him out).

I gave my DH the option to leave the delivery room at any time (I actually told him during labor that it was ok if he left) but he still felt obligated to stay, because I did not have anyone else there with me.
To this day (almost 6 years later) he calls it one of the worst experiences in his life.
I had a completely normal, uncomplicated and fast (4 hours) birth that was one of the best experiences in MY life. But for most of the labor I was more worried about him than about myself and his fears did effect my experience somewhat negatively. I just did not feel supported by him.
The worst thing however is that he is thinking about one of the best moments in my life, one of the moments that truly made me proud of myself in this all around negative way. This is still hurtful to me and I truly regret that I asked him to be there in the first place (even if I gave him an out later).

Some guys just aren't cut out for it - and I say this even though I love DH dearly - but he wasn't up to the task.
Good luck.

He may surprise you at the end...mine wasn't sure he wanted to be there...and I told him that was okay. I would rather him be outside and comfortable than unconscious on the floor (I am having the baby and I get ALL the medical personnels attention, thank you!!)

Finally he decided to be by my head but not look at anything else...but when things started really happening down there...he got so into the moment and was telling me that the baby's head was crowning...at one point both the doctor and nurse had to leave for a very serious emergency next door. He told me don't worry honey if he comes out I will catch him, just keep pushing. He did great!!!

He (my husband) did decide that he didn't want to cut the cord...and when I told my OB that my husband didn't want to cut the cord he was relieved. My doctor told me he had attended several births where the father accidentally cut the baby with the shears. One birth the baby grabbed the shears and cut its whole hand...they are surgically sharp and the daddies can be a bit shaky...my doctor said it was usually the only time of a delivery when he was nervous. LOL.

Look into a doula...I have two friends who work as doulas...they go and provide comfort for the mom. I went with my best friend when she gave birth stayed until she pushed and then left her and her husband alone.

HUGS!!

Unfortunately it is hard to predict what having a baby is going to be like. When I was pregnant with my first I read SO much and took a childbirth class (the class was such a waste of time) so that I would really be prepared for giving birth. I too thought that I would want my husband to rub my back, hold my hand, etc. when I was in labor. Then when it actually happened I didn't want those things at all! I didn't want him to touch me, I begged him to help me somehow and he of course felt hurt. To add another layer of unexpected problems our baby was born seriously ill and had to be rushed to the NICU. It was very, very scary and difficult. Even with all of those problems, I cannot imagine going through labor alone, I was so glad to have my husband there with me! And happily, our baby got better and our next 2 children were born healthy. I also coped with my next 2 children's births much better and was able to have them unmedicated (or naturally) and my husband learned how he could be most helpful during their births. We learned to be a team. I guess the moral of the story is that you don't really know what labor is going to be like until it happens to you, and it can be different with each baby, but it is important to have support no matter what. I recommend that you NOT go the "husband as coach" route because you will know what you need more than he will. I also recommend reading the book Birthing From Within, it was more helpful to me than a class and it is also much cheaper. Best of luck with your labor and your precious baby!

Get a doula. You may be able to find a student who will charge you a very minimal or no fee to attend the birth or a more experienced doula who has a sliding payment scale. I cannot recommend this enough. It will be another person who knows exactly what is happening and will be calm, can answer his questions, and will be there for you if he needs to step out for a minute. Our doula was a HUGE help to my husband during my labor and delivery.

My hubby was nervous too. Just keep giving him jobs to do. Get a cup of ice, rub your back, get you a magazine. He'll be fine. The nurses will help.

A birthing class is not a pre-requisite to having a baby. I didn't take one either the first time and still got the baby out ok. And the two after. We're enlisted military and don't have extra money for those things that we deem unnecessary. Birthing classes fell in that category for me.
My husband is not the squeamish type, but during the birth of our first, the nurse gave him the job of standing by my head and breathing with me through the contractions. He's taken it upon himself to do just that at every delivery. It actually DOES help, especially if you're labor is awful (like my second) and you forget to breathe through the pain. I didn't read other responses, but just the way you describe your husband, it sounds like that's a job he could handle nicely.
And, just so you know, there's no shame in passing out. My dad did that during the birth of one of brothers (he was working a lot those days, and was going on a day or two of no sleep), and the nurse just caught him and eased him down to the floor :)

I have a friend who found it very supportive and helpful to text updates to friends (mostly who had already been through labor and birth) while she went through the process. If a doula is not in your budget, this might be a nice option to know you are being supported by women who have been through similar experiences. And I agree that your husband may get caught up in the moment. Good luck.

My husband is very "queasy" when it comes to that stuff too. I am the "bodily fluid" person of the house - I clean up everyone's poop, puke, blood, etc. He can't stomach it.

He was nervous too, BUT he did surprisingly well! The only time he felt queasy was when I was having the epidural put in. Sometimes they have you lean on your hubby, but I leaned on the nurse while my husband sat on the couch with a cool cloth :-)

Otherwise, he did great! He even has said many times that he was so amazed by everything. He even cut the cord (which he wasn't sure he would have been able to do).

My friend's husband, on the other hand, passed out during both of her C-sections, and he is the "bodily fluid" person of their family. He had a hard time with the thought of her being cut open right there, even though he stayed on the "head side" of the drape. There was medical staff there to assist him. I think it is not an uncommon occurrence!

Good luck!!

Congrats on your new baby! Just make sure your husband understands: during the vast, vast majority of the process, there'll be nothing to see! The baby will slowly be making its way down the birth canal. The actual birth happens at the very, very end of labor, and it's *fast.* So, he'll only have to avert his eyes (if he still wants to) for a minute or two.

Watch "Worst Week" -buy it on DVD

My husband just sat by my head and tried not to look although my doctor placed a huge mirror down there so I could watch my 1st be born. I packed ginger ale for my husband to drink while I was in delivery and he did just fine. My husband had no interest in cutting the cord either:)