How Young Is to Young for a Wake?

its obviously a very personal decision, but i think 5 is way too young. my son is 5, and he is very concerned with getting old and death and i know if i brought him to a wake, he could never wrap his brain around it, i know it would completely upset him. and, that aside, why would you want her to remember her like that? i would definitely bring her to see her now, take some pictures of them together, and later on you can look at the pics with her and older pics of your aunt and talk to her about the good things and happy memories, and that is how she will remember her angel. believe me, i know from experience that there is a great chance that if she sees her at the wake, that will always be in her mind every time she thinks or hears about her. and i really think that is the best case scenario, you just never know how a 5 year old mind will interpret these things. and, i should have said this first, but i am very sorry for what your aunt and your family is going through, i wish you all the best.

My grandfather just died and my cousin brought her 6 year old daughter because it was the childs choice to come. She had told me that the little girl had a curiosity about death, and she explained that grandpa had died and his soul was in heaven and his body was here so we could say goodbye to it. She also drew some pictures for grandpa and we put them in the casket. It worked for her. I think it depends on your daughter and if you think she will be ok with it. I understand what a tough time this is. I hope this helps.

J.,

Sorry to hear about your aunt.

Personally I believe 5 is to young to attend awake, especially if the body will be viewed. However, each child is different and your daughter may be mature enough to handle it.

If you decide not to take her to the wake when Aunt Cathy passes, I would definitely take the time to explain to her what has happened.

Hi J.,

So sorry about your Aunt.

I think that death is something that we all need to deal with as it is a part of life. When I was a kid, my mother always took me to afternoon wakes. I leaned how to behave and usually, sat in the back while she paid her respects. She had no choice but to bring me along (my grandmother was usally with us, too). So I learned young how to act and that this was somewhere where I HAD to behave. It seems those places don't exist any more. The same with church - behave or be in trouble. Now, they have palyrooms. Seems strange to me.

When I was a teenager and my father died, I had some friends who did not come to the wake because they were either scared or “grossed out.” I think that was inappropriate. No one ever taught them the proper etiquette. I think that you should teach your kids when they are young about death. It’s inevitable! Then they will always understand what it is and how to act.

I think that the two year old can handle it as well, but who wants to chase her around a funeral home!!

I say this based upon Christian death rituals.

Hello

Sorry for your ant.

Sadly my kids have been to many of those, they were 5 and 3 their first time,, a friend suggested that I rent the movie "ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN" to helped them understand a little bit, and it did.

They came , they saw, and they asked questions, and it was ok, they also had a bunch of cousins to see, it made it less akward for them. It also made the older crowd smile to see the younger generation.

The last one was my grand-dad 4 years ago, and the priest asked the great grand kids to read a passage from the bible, my son who just started to read volunteered and was honnored to do so. He was 7 all smile and proud to do it, he even told his whole class about it.

Another thing, I also select when to bring them,,only close family member, when it's outside the family circle I leave them at home.

You will know what to do when the time comes

Sincerly
N.

Dear J.,

I'm sorry about your aunt!

I'm embarrassed to say, I'm not quite sure what your religious tradition involves, but would it be possible for your daughter not to come to the wake but to be present at a gathering afterwards? In my tradition (I'm Jewish) we have a funeral service and then afterwards we sit shivah -- friends and family come to the home of the bereaved, bring food, and just sit and reminisce. When my grandfather (who is quite ill) passes, we've already decided that we won't take my son to the funeral, but we will have him sit shivah. The presence of a (reasonably well behaved) young child can actually be very comforting to people after a loss. You can tell your daughter that if people just see her and give her a hug, it will help them feel better when they're sad. Feeling like she's able to help others may help her cope with the loss -- just as it does for adults.

I hope that helps. You sound like a wonderful, thoughtful mom, and I'm sorry your family is going through this difficult time.

Mira