How to Wean a Toddler from the Breast - Fairly Desparate

Pack a snack and a sippy cup and head to the park. Perhaps the distraction will help. Take it one meal at a time and don't give in.

This is no different than any other discipline. I mean if she was refusing to eat anything but ice cream would we be having this discussion? Stop feeling guilty.

Elizabeth who compared breast milk to ice cream, I am comparing food to food. She feels guilty because it is such a good food but one she no longer wants to give. I was only pointing out that guilt element.

All I have to say is I'm right there with you, my daughter is 26 months and I'm ready to be done with it, but she is not. Its hard for me too because she will be my last baby, so once I'm done with her its all over for me forever. Makes me sad. I don't have any advise, need some myself. Good luck to you.

Be strong! If you told her you're done, then be DONE! She's old enough to understand and she won't starve herself to get what she wants.

Just try to distract her whenever she gets upset about it. And when she asks, just tell her it's all gone. Don't go into a long winded explanation, just a simple and calm "no more nursing" (or whatever) and offer to read a book, or colour a picture or something. Don't replace a nursing with a food item - that's just teaching her to self-sooth with food (bad!).

The other option would be to leave her for a couple of days, but that's not always possible.

Good luck and be strong. They can *smell* it when we waiver, so you have to be 100% committed to quitting and she'll get it in a day or so.

I just wanted to chime in for those comparing breastmilk to ice cream or saying it's no longer about nutrition. This is a common misconception about breastmilk. The scientific facts, however, are much different. Science has proven that through the age of FIVE, there is NO other food or combinations of foods that support their nutritional needs as much as breastmilk. In other words, breastmilk is the perfect food through the age of 5 for any child. They will reap more nutritional benefits from breastmilk than any plate of any combination of food you can think of. Awesome, isn't it? That being said, of course you should not feel guilty about being done. But I would take a gradual approach. It will be much easier for both of you. Hugs!

At two years old, nursing is no longer about nutrition or hydration. Not when there's plenty to eat and drink in the house in a developed country :-) so I'm assuming she has plenty of access to eat and drink and frequently takes advantage of that.

What's it's really about is the bonding time and the closeness. She needs reassurances that you're not eliminating that with her, just that you'll be finding new ways to accomplish it. Plus, it's scary to make such big changes to a small child if she's not the one initiating the change.

My daughter was 27 months when I weaned her. This was 2 months ago. This is what I did: Every time she asked me to nurse, I asked her, "Would you rather nurse or have an M&M?" She would almost always choose the M&M. I gave her exactly ONE M&M, so I really didn't feel too bad about it. If she did choose to nurse, it was usually because she was upset, so I would let her. We got the nursing down to just once or twice a day, which I was never able to do with my son. Of course I would NEVER have used candy with my son either - my daughter is my second child, and I'm just more relaxed about pretty much everything. Even though I don't typically love using candy as incentives or distractions, the M&Ms made it a really easy, non-traumatic way to stop.

I will admit, I did this knowing that her father was going to take her on a five-day trip away from me. We nursed for the last time right before they left, and we haven't done it since. She does ask about it every now and then, but I just tell her that it's all gone and that she's a big girl now.

FWIW, I also nursed my son until he was 2 years old. With him, it was pretty much cold turkey. He bit me really hard about a week before his 2nd birthday. It hurt like the dickens, and I made a big deal out of it. I put band-aids on my nipples right in front of him. I think it scared him. He didn't ask to nurse for a few days after that. When he did ask again, all I would have to say is, "Do you really want to?" and he usually said no. Once, a week after, he said yes, so I let him do it that last time, mostly so that *I* knew it was the last time. After that, when he asked I just told him it was all gone. Since he was no longer in the habit of doing it, it was really no big deal.

Good luck!

Well, if there is no negotiating with YOU that you are done then you can see why there is no negotiating with HER that she is not done. LOL ;) You can do this the gentle way that will take longer or you can be done now and go cold turkey. She will survive either way, but weaning gradually will be easier for her - and possibly you since you may have to deal with full swollen breasts. I would suggest gradual. I don't know how often she nurses, but perhaps tell her nursing is for sleep times and only nurse her before naps and bed. Try to do fun things with her to distract her during the day. If she nurses every hour or so you may want to start by stretching her to 2 hours or 3. Then gradually increase. My toddlers all self weaned - the last was just after her 4th birthday, but I did start to set limits after they turned two and it worked beautifully to take a gradual approach. If you decide not to go cold turkey, try reading some articles/studies on the benefits of extended nursing. I'm sure you've read some before, but it may help boost your morale to be reminded of all the benefits while you slowly wean her. Good luck! Believe me, these days will fly by and you'll cherish those sweet memories of her at your breast. :)

Updated

Well, if there is no negotiating with YOU that you are done then you can see why there is no negotiating with HER that she is not done. LOL ;) You can do this the gentle way that will take longer or you can be done now and go cold turkey. She will survive either way, but weaning gradually will be easier for her - and possibly you since you may have to deal with full swollen breasts. I would suggest gradual. I don't know how often she nurses, but perhaps tell her nursing is for sleep times and only nurse her before naps and bed. Try to do fun things with her to distract her during the day. If she nurses every hour or so you may want to start by stretching her to 2 hours or 3. Then gradually increase. My toddlers all self weaned - the last was just after her 4th birthday, but I did start to set limits after they turned two and it worked beautifully to take a gradual approach. If you decide not to go cold turkey, try reading some articles/studies on the benefits of extended nursing. I'm sure you've read some before, but it may help boost your morale to be reminded of all the benefits while you slowly wean her. Good luck! Believe me, these days will fly by and you'll cherish those sweet memories of her at your breast. :)

I weaned my daughter at about 18 months. She was the oldest of my 3 (the boys were 14 months and 17 months). So, I'll tell you, my daughter was younger, but very persistent and had lots of words. I had to go cold turkey.

It will be one very hard week. If you don't want to cut out one at a time, just say they are empty and be strong. She will eventually give it up but you have to be very very consistent.

I agree with the distraction technique. Wear her out (out of the house) take her to the park, the zoo, the museum, etc. Let her fall asleep in the car (instead of nursing). Bring your book and read a book after she falls asleep... or stay in your yard and play with your older child while she sleeps in the car. I took my first swimming a ton when we were weaning. It totally wore him out and he'd fall asleep rocking in about a second (instead of nursing). I'd stand up to rock him. Don't sit down and rock - just do it standing.

Nights will be hard too - they were the hardest for me. My daughter was still waking at least 2 times a night to nurse, and I was exhausted (I had a 5 year old and 3 year old too). I just muscled through it and after 1 week, she started sleeping through the night.

J.

I weaned mine at 2.5 years old. And just had to get rid of the "least important" feed and go from there. I figured it was just easier on both of us to be gradual and it was. That's the only thing I can suggest is to go slow, even though you are done.

Now one thing I did say to my son is that I couldn't nurse him at the times that I was taking away was because I didn't have as much milk, so he had to eat big kid food.

Give her some choices also - pick the times you'd like to cut out and let her chose nurse or food, perhaps. Or in the no-nurse time say "mommy's running out of milk now and can't nurse - would you like to have X or Y?".
Also, "Mommy's milk is going away because you're not a baby any more. We can't nurse right now, but would you like to drink your sippy cup and snuggle with mommy for a few minutes?"

Give her some control, because by taking away the nursing, you're taking something major out of her life.

Ok, the longest I ever lasted was 7 months, so kudos to you, and I really mean it! Do not feel guilty at all for wanting to be done. Most experts will say the time to wean is when one of you (either one) is ready to be done.

Having no experience at weaning but plenty of experience with toddlers not wanting to eat what you make, please do not try to force her to eat. Do what you can to not make food a battle ... ever. Try to be as relaxed as you can, very matter-of-fact. This is what you are serving for lunch, and she can choose to eat it or not.

She will not starve herself, and she will not let herself go thirsty. This is especially true if you remain calm. She can eat or not. She can drink or not. It's entirely up to her.

Do your best to relax (I know it isn't easy). She will get through this sooner than you think.

You could go cold turkey at this age like some people do w/ the pacifier.

I weaned my daughter at 22 months. At that point she was only nursing at night before bed. I took 1 min off her average nursing time every night every few nights. Then I was done. She cried, but she would stop after a few mintues. I just made sure I gave extra snuggles even though she wasn't nursing. It took a few days but I figured if I gave in it would have made all her other tears and sadness for nothing so I stayed strong.

I knew she was ready because she was more screwing around at that point than she was actually nursing and getting food.

she will get visibly upset when you tell her no drinking, dating etc also. Just get used to it lol. If she is hungry she will eat. just go cold turkey and be done with it.

At this age, you can cold-turkey say No. Replace nursing with cuddles and expect a few tantrums, but hold your ground.

My daughter would feed in the afternoon, bedtime, a couple times a night and then in the morning. I first did away with the afternoon as it was easy to distract her with activities or other food/drinks. The night-time feedings were next - I would tell her she could have some in the morning and to go back to sleep. The morning feedings were replaced by breakfast/distraction and lastly the bedtime. This took me about a month as I would take out a feeding every week. It wasn't always easy but it worked and because she was old enough to understand. Also, make sure to substitute snuggles for feedings. Sometimes that's all they want is the extra snuggle-time.

My newest one is almost 21 months and I just weaned her from the night feedings and will start weaning her from the others after she turns two using the same method.

All three of my kids were older than that when we finally weaned (okay, I haven't weaned #3 yet... but plan to very soon ) at 36 and 39 months, and currently about 3 1/2, and really, we just had a talk about it and I picked a day which would be the last day and it was. By that point we were down to 3x a day (morning, naptime, bedtime) and not all that much then.

I have mixed feelings about weaning my third... on the one hand, I really want my body to be just mine again -- I've been continuously pregnant, nursing, or both since Dec. of 2000, but he's my last, and I've loved it, so it's very bitter-sweet.

Have you every had family pets who had kittens or puppies? when it's time to wean they just stop. if they're laying down to relze and little one comes over they genetly push little one away, get up and move. Sometimes they'll even gently "swat" little one away. They don' thave the same guilt that we do! If you little one refuses to eat her breakfast let her go hungry. Trust me - she will change her mind when her tummy rumbles and she won't starve. Good l uck mama - it doesn't get easier though. When she's 15 and wants to go to a party you know she shouldn't go to she'll do the same thing. This is just practice on standing firm for those times in the future!

I cut back. I distracted her from nursing in the AM with breakfast, for example. I cut out the nursings before bedtime and then made bedtime shorter and shorter. It didn't take six months but it did probably take two...hard to remember. I'd have to look at her book. If you got her down from constant demands, I think you would feel better about the process. If she refuses to eat breakfast and you are not providing a nursing session, you can say, "No feed you now. You eat breakfast or you wait til snack time". She's 2, and she'll be OK. Sometimes she was simply wanting a hug and sometimes she was thirsty and if I offered strawberry milk instead, she was just as happy. I had to figure out what it was.

Also, reinforce manners. "You can't pull my shirt in the store. We do not nurse in public anymore." Or "You need to ask nicely." or whatever works for you. Since nursing is not her only means of nutrition, it's not as important that she nurse immediately upon asking and she might forget.

The flip side is she sees nursing as time with you and attention from you. So start to trade. Rather than nurse her, maybe hold her in your lap and read a book, or sit and share breakfast together. "Do you want some of Mommy's scrambled eggs?" My DD always wanted what I had. For nap time, it turned into rocking for a few minutes and a book and being laid down in her bed and she did OK. Night was the hardest, but she understood "little bit" til we were done. My DD was 2.5 when we stopped and I totally understand the bittersweet place you are at. Hang in there, Momma.

Also, if she gets up at night for a snack, give her a post-dinner snack. Once we did that (very small, healthy), DD no longer woke up in the middle of the night. That was a first step toward her being weaned within the year following. DD does not always ask for her "bednight" snack anymore, but when she does, it's usually a sign that a growth spurt is coming.