Weaning My 21 Month Old from Nursing

I nursed my daughter until she self-weaned at about 2.5 years old.

During that time, I got pregnant once, but miscarried... not due to the breastfeeding though.

You can either (1) let her self wean, if you are not in a "rush" to get pregnant again (2) wean her, gently. You can distract her when she wants you...ie: get up and don't sit down... make yourself "busy." Tell her, "One moment, Mommy is busy now..." or get her distracted with an activity.... (3) explain to her that she is a "big girl" and "one day...." she will have to stop nursing. This is a gradual thing though. Not cold-turkey. (4) let her nurse ONLY at certain times of the day or night.... explaining to her. (6) give her some kind of substitute. For example... she must be drinking milk by now, right? Perhaps, give her that instead...

Yes, any nursing child may "appear" to be anxious about it all and want you 'available' to nurse. It's normal... because THIS is a transition for them... they are changing... .and you are changing. It's a natural progression.

I realize you are 41 years old... but if it is any consolation.. I was 42 when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. And everything was fine. Normal pregnancy. And my son was born normal and healthy.

Since you DO want to wean her & need to... you have to use distraction methods, as well as talking with her about it all. Gently. With any child, they will get "anxious" because it is a "change" for them. It's normal. For me, I talked with my daughter about it. I allowed her to self-wean... and she did. But I did talk to her about it... explaining that "one day" she will not be nursing... she will be a "big girl" etc. And one day... out of the blue... she just stopped. She told me simply "I'm a big girl Mommy.... I don't drink (from you) anymore..." and she even laughed and thought it was funny that she "used to" breastfeed! And that was that. The end.

At her age, even if she does get sick... you don't "have to" ramp up your breastfeeding. She can take kid vitamins. That is what I did.

The thing is using gentle talking with her about it and explaining it to her. Using distraction. Making yourself less 'available" to her. Wearing clothing that she can't just pull-up and grab to get to your boobs. Teaching her "manners" about it... ie: that YOU decide when is nursing time... that there is a time and a place to do it... that she try and do an activity first before nursing. AND CHANGE THE PLACE where you breastfeed (ie: not in bed. Perhaps do it just in a certain chair. And that's all). YOU decide where... .not letting her decide where. THEN... you LESSEN the amount of time that she is at your breast. Then pull her off.

Don't worry... they will adjust. It's a progression. A transition like anything else. In time, she will understand.

For you, don't make the nursing sessions 'emotional.' Don't bring attention to it. If she senses your anxiety, she will feel it too. Just make it a 'routine' like brushing your teeth.

If worse comes to worse... perhaps just use a "reward" chart or something... or telling her she can choose a special "prize/toy" when she stops breastfeeding. But the key thing is... she has to "understand" that breastfeeding will "END" one day... and there is no going back to it.

oh! One thing my friends did (with success), is they put band-aids on their breasts covering the nipples, and they told their child "Mommy has a bobo...." or "Mommy's milk doesn't work anymore.." and things like that. They said this worked for them.

All the best, just some ideas and what I went through.
Take care,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

I have 4 children that I needed to wean before I could get pregnant again. The first thing I did was move the nursing out of my bed. I started nursing only on the couch. with my first three I then went down to one nursing and just replaced the nursing with something yummy. ( real milk or graham crackers or such.) it took about 2 weeks, I cut out one feeding every other day. Then with the last one I just told her at one point, the milk is all gone. you drank it all. :) that worked pretty good. But I got REALLY engorged for at least a week after that until the milk was all the way gone.
With my fourth child I went a bit different and it worked really well. when ever she asked I said: just a little bit. and nursed her for a minute or so. in the beginning she complained when I took her off but it was amazing how it naturally got less and less times, plus I had no engorgement once we stopped all the way.
good luck!
:)
-c

S.,

I weaned my older son at 2 years old and he was very attached to nursing. I'd slowly been reducing nursing, nursing less during the day, don't offer, don't refuse, nursing for shorter periods of time, etc.... All that said, when I finally weaned, we had about 3 days of pure hell and then it was okay. With my second son, he self weaned at 18 months like it was nothing. So you just never know what's going to happen until you are there. In general, kids are very resilient and much better at adjusting then we tend to give them credit for.

Fantastic job for nursing so long. Read the WOmanly Art of reastfeeding, find a le leche league group nearby, they can help alot with this. Self-weaning has MANY benefits, but you can speed things up a bit. Drop one feeding about every 2-3 weeks. DISTRACTION during that usual time is the key. Paint, story... snack, whatever, go outside... anything to keep her mind off it, change of scenery helps alot. Cold turkeyh won't be good for you or her, so just nudge her along and you'll be fine.

i had to quit cold turkey at 22 months b/c i was very ill and had to be put on anti-biotics that he could not get from me..so i just stopped..it was a little rough that week..so i gave him bottles w/ a little chocolate almond milk mixed in w/ the regular milk ..then i started up again...and have recently weaned again..i just say.."booby is broken" or "mommy's boobies have an owie it hurts mama" and he's been good about it..
my friend taught me about "booby is broken" it works..you just have to be firm about it..my son is almost 3..everyone was hassling me about it..but he's always been so wild that it made life easier ..calmed him down..but we're done..just have to be say no..and go with it..after about a week they get over it. sorry she's sick..have u tried the Bioron products? u can get them at Wholefoods..all natural.

Hi S.,
I haven't weaned yet, but the suggestion I'd give to you is to make sure she has milk available to her in a cup during the day. That way if she's thirsty, she can drink from the cup. The more milk she drinks from the cup, the less she'll take from you. That way your supply will gradually decrease as she nurses for comfort and not for nutrition. Unless she's tired, my daughter will generally either nurse or take the bottle. It's only when she's tired and wants to "snack and snooze" that she throws a fit if I don't offer to nurse.

I've also heard weaning suggestions such as telling them you only nurse at certain times (sunrise and sunset) or only for as long as it takes you to sing the abc song. That way you can gradually cut down on the frequency and duration of her nursing sessions.

Good luck to you!

I weaned my duaghter at 21 months, and had similar concerns. I was most worried about dropping her bedtime feed, but it was so much easier than I expected.

I realized it was mostly about the closeness (that feed in particular), so one night I said 'no boop, but we can have lots of cuddles.' We had a tears for only a minute or two and we had replaced our bedtime feed with bedtime hugs and cuddles.

I wouldn't go cold turkey, btw. You can drop feeds pretty quickly and wean over a couple of weeks and I would think it will be easier.

I agree with others that you should probably wean gradually. I also wanted to say that come spring and summertime she (hopefully) shouldn't be getting sick as often, so it should be easier to wean even more at that time. Even though "the clock is ticking" it'll perhaps only be a couple more months if you start slowly weaning now, in a way that will be more comfortable for you and her.

Congratulations on giving your daughter such a wonderful experience.

My daughter was about 26 months old when I tried to wean her. It worked, without even a tear! For the first week, I counted to 10 (at any pace you want) while she nursed, then switched sides and counted again. Keep switching sides and counting until she's done. After 5-7 days, count to 9 each side and so on. My daughter stopped by the time we counted to 5, about 5 weeks into the weaning process. I guess she was bored with the switching! It worked perfectly for us, but it usually takes 5-10 weeks. BTW, I gave birth to her when I was 43 y.o.

This technique was given to us by a consultant at The Pump Station.

Hi S.! I nursed my son until he was 18 months, and although he was younger than yours is now I do not think he was any less attached. The way I did it was to sut one at a time and surprisingly it was easier than I thought. I started with the middle of the night forst. I stopped nursing him for his one middle of the night rendevous and after a bit of fussing, he gave in. I did that for about a week and then took another one away. I kept the before bed one the longest. It seemed to be the biggest security blanket. However, even to this day, he always tries to put his hand down my shirt and hold on to my boob. I guess it is still, in a way, his securtiy blanket. It is just a little strange for me. He has stopped doing it nearly as much as he used to. I guess he just traded one habit for another. Good luck. You will have a few sleepless trying moments, but stick to your guns and it will work!

First of all, you should be proud of offering your daughter the best start to her life for 21 months!

Gradual weaning is always preferable for both mom and little one since it is a big transition and adjustment. LLL has a great book of ideas called "How Weaning Happens" available though their website. THey also have great Q&A forums that would have lots of ideas for encouraging your milk supply to dry up and encouraging her to nurse less.
http://www.llli.org/resources.html

Blessings,
N.

Hi S.,

I am currently pregnant and still nursing but since my body is decreasing my milk supply naturally, my baby is being forcibly weaned. I find that during the day, when she starts chasing me to nurse, I can easily distract her by giving her animal crackers, yougurt, milk or juice in a cup. It's at night that she REALLY fights to nurse. She does not want a cup, but I can occassionally get her to eat crackers and on a few occassions she's fallen asleep with just the crackers. Maybe you can try distracting her in a similiar way. Best of luck to you.

I feel for you. It's hard to wean when your child (and You) are so attached to nursing. I'm not one to talk about successful weaning since I tried to gradually wean him for almost 6 months without getting anywhere. My son was only 15 months, and he was soooo attached to nursing (and still asks me for it)! I just kept hoping he’d self-wean, but I had a business trip fast approaching, and the self-weaning was never going to happen. So, I went cold turkey, and so far, it's going okay. It’s only been a month, but so far nothing horrible has happened.
I had the double whammy of sleeping and weaning issues, since unfortunately, he would only want to nurse at night! Even my pediatrician kept saying not to wean because he needed the extra comfort since he was sick/had an ear infection/was teething/or some other excuse. So I'd give in and drag myself out of bed, remind myself how much I love motherhood and my son, and go get him when I'd hear him awake in the middle of the night. It got to the point where he was waking every 2 hours and wanting to nurse. Then, it got to the point where I was bringing him into bed with me to nurse. And, he'd never slept with us (except on vacations). So, no one got any sleep, my husband was cranky, and I was really loopy.
My first business trip away was fast approaching, so one night I just told him, "You're a big boy now, and you're big enough to sleep all by yourself all night long. Mommy's not going to come get you until morning. ‘Mum-mum’ is all done." I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and told him how much I loved him and put him in his crib. He laid down with his blanket, rolled over away from me, gave me that look of, "I hate going to bed, Mommy. I'm mad," cried in protest for a minute, then fell asleep. Like clockwork, he woke up at 11 pm. I went in his room, picked him up, gave him a hug, and told him again that he was a big boy, no “mum mum”, it was time to sleep, put him back down and left.... and I didn't go get him until morning. He woke up every 1-2 hours, but eventually he fell back to sleep. The second night, he only woke up 3 times, but I couldn’t sleep because I realized that I missed being with him. The third night was weirdly quiet. I nursed him for 2 mornings, the first morning because we both really, really wanted it, and the second because I was just so engorged! And that was it.
Sounds so easy, right? But when I got back from my trip, the first thing in the morning, he was asking for "mum-mum." I tried giving him milk, and he threw it at me. I tried walking with him, but he started crying. We tried watching TV. He still pulled at my shirt. Then my husband said to try juice. And it worked! My son curled up in my arms and drank his juice.
Every morning, eventually, my son still really wants to nurse. Not the best solution, but instead of nursing, we cuddle in bed (awake) with Kix, diluted apple juice, and Sesame Street. Some of my friends have replaced nursing with cookies or some other treat. Not ideal, but it works.
Sometimes, I really do miss it and have thought about nursing again. But, if I do, I just know I'll be nursing until he's 5. If he tells me he wants it, I remind both of us, "No more mum-mum. It’s all done," then I distract him and he’s back to his happy self. If I sit in my rocking chair, he'll climb into my lap and "get into position." So, I read him his bedtime story sitting on the floor. Oh well. It works.
I’m not sure if this helps you. This is just how I ended up doing it. My son still loves me and is still a happy playful little boy. You will have to figure out what works best for you, whether it is cold turkey or gradual withdrawal. Either way, you and your daughter will be fine. She may still want it, but you will find other ways to be close with her. Good luck to you!

I can't imagine quitting cold turkey, on purpose, if you are nursing several times a day. It makes my breasts hurt just to think about it. I would cut out one feeding at a time, offering a sippy cup, or you might want to leave her with a trusted person she likes to offer the cup. My kids both weaned themselves -
one because he was in a full body spika cast at the time and it hurt him to nurse. He was 24 months. We both survived. 6 weeks later when the cast came off he wanted to nurse again, but I told him the milk was all gone, and we didn't not start up again.
Changes are hard. The best of luck to you and your little girl. LInda

Hi I'm a mom of five (and Granny of 2yr old twins)! My longest nurser was 27 months old. And my two youngest were 18 mo. and 2 yrs. when I weaned them. At those ages babies have some verbal understanding. And perhaps you have a name for nursing......? Our was "Nummy". Several weeks or a month before weaning I would say things like "pretty soon Nummies will be all gone". Just a stress free convervsation about how nursing will not go on much longer.

My first two babies were weaned before a year old. To a bottle which eventually they would have to be weaned from. Dumb........live and learn, right?

For my next two I went out of town for a few days and dad had no problems. He just gave them a sippy cup as needed (which you have to be careful, they can get attached like a bottle). When I returned I just couldn't sit in the nursing rocker or let them sit on my lap for about a week.

So for weaning my last baby I but on a tight skin colored stretchy tank top and my nursing bra over it. As usual when wanting to nurse he was in my lap and had his hand up my shirt (you know the routine) and I said "it might be all gone, let see". And pulled the flap of my nursing bra down and sure enough, no more Nummies! He bought it! I had to wear that for about a week. And show him more than once they were all gone. The tight tank helped to keep my breasts from getting stimulated and engorged (pump only if they become very painful).

I weaned child #4 about half way through my pregnancy with #5. The interesting thing about that is he could tell a difference in my milk early on, before I even knew I was pregnant. After weaning he got pretty sick with roto-virus, and became dehydrated and had to be hospitalized. I just knew dehydration and the extent of his illness would not of been so bad had he still be nursing. And I certainly considered letting him start up again. But didn't and all was well.

I really enjoyed all my years of nursing and all that my children have and still teach me! Hope something I've said can be of help.

I guess I know about that "ticking clock" thing. My last baby was born on my 40th birthday (There is 18 years between my oldest and youngest) And I wouldn't change a thing!