Weaning 21 Month Old

Hi K.,

It is so great that you nursed this long. I began seriously weaning my son at 21/22 months but didn't actually stop nursing until he was 30-32 months.

How you wean depends on your temperament. At 22 months we offered him his own big boy bed in his own room but he was free to get up (and still does) anytime after my husband and I are asleep and join us in our bed. When we moved him to his bed, we told him no nursies at night, just during wake time. It was also becoming an issue with his teeth to nurse at night. I would tell him before bed that there were no more nursies at night. If he woke up, I would offer him a sip of water and let him cuddle my breasts for comfort. I would just whisper soothing words and songs and tell him what a big boy he was. I laid down with him. He would cry a little bit but go back to sleep. That's what worked for us. Eventually, he stopped waking up. At that point he got to nurse in the morning and then in the evening, for as long as he wanted.

Then, when he was 2, I went back to work full-time and cut the nursing to just once, before nighttime toothbrushing and bed. I did that for 6-8 months. It helped us to bond each evening when I came back from a long day away. I saved that nursing until last to cut out because it was his most vulnerable time of day--when he was most tired. Your little girl will probably have a different rhythm. During that last daily nursing session, I started teaching him about time, letting him have 10 minutes on each side and working those minutes down down down over the course of several months. I would tell him "nine minutes left, 8 minutes left" etc. He especially liked when I would count the last 10 seconds and tell him that when I said "one" I want him to "pop off" the boobie. He liked that a lot. I also used a children's TV show, Curious George, to distract him and help with the transition from nursing to no nursing. I told him we would nurse during the show but when the show was over, nursies were over. 22 minutes tops. He was so distracted and amused he didn't care! Eventually we traded nursing during the show for cuddling. I would encourage him to eat a snack during the show so that he would not wake up hungry at night. Then brushing and bed! Then, when he was totally weaned, we cut down the number of television viewings per week and traded for an increase in story readings/tellings. Now he doesn't watch any TV because he is really into his books.

It is amazing what a process weaning is and how it ties into independence. It ties a lot into the sleeping through the night process, too. Really, you need to balance your needs with your daughter's. It works best for some people to do the cold turkey thing, and some people are on the other extreme with "child-led" weaning that goes on for years. I tried to strike a balance that worked for my family that was respectful of my son's love for nursing but also gave me the much-needed sleep and energy for my workday.

Best of luck and if you have any questions I am happy to give you more details.

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You could have been writing about me! I too, have 21 month old, strong willed little girl, 11/12 (my third) who is also refusing to wean. However, being even more strong willed and working on it for many months we finally went 24 hours without nursing, however, in the middle of the night my breast hurt so much from milk, I had to have her let a little. I hope I didn't ruin the whole thing. We too are working on having her sleep in her own bed (crib) however she is waking up a lot but last night she let me sooth her to sleep in her bed without a fuss all night until my breast hurt and had to feed her. So, keep working on it! Remember they are big girls and can understand what you want and will manipulate you to get what they want. But use the fact that they can understand you and talk to them about it. We started by saying while the birdies are sleeping no milk from mom, when you hear the birdies you can have milk from mom. We stuck to that for awhile even if it was 4 in the mornig, I would then bring her in bed and nurse her, now the birds are waking up later so I use the sun instead. Don't forget to praise her when she does a good job and you are proud of her. Hope this helps. I know it is so hard, it wasn't this hard with my other 2. Dont hesitate to email me with your progress or more questions. I feel like I am at a loss and can always use good ideas or suggestions. Good luck! C.
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I have three that I have nursed, still nuring one. It is hard, you have to just cut her off. It is hard, she will cry. You could try giving her a cup with water. But you are just setting up another habit, but if you don't care it may help ease her. That is what I did, I too am a softy. My son is at the same point, he needs to be done nursing. Oh Yah I said water because of teeth issues with milk and juice even though I am sure she would prefer either one of those. If you want to talk I will listen!!

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M. - MOm of three 5,3,1.

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We weaned pretty old too, but not as old as you. Perhaps your daughter understands enough language that you can talk about it. The advice I got from my LLL contact was to try to let go of the resentment I was starting to have because of being "done with it" and when my daughter would know I would do anything for her, she would feel more secure and not need the intimacy of nursing. She weaned within 36 hours. She still drinks from a bottle (at 21 mo), and during those times I hold her and sing to her, and it almost like nursing (but she gets all the volume she needs!). Your daughter will probably continue to need to snuggle time. Just try to open your heart to her and not resent her needs. It was tough for me - hopefully easier for you!

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Oh, K., I feel your pain! It's been such a hard time for us as well. Our daughter Claire is going to be 2 in November and I'm one of the only women I know for whom nursing actually IS birth control. I'm not ovulating and have to wean her if I want to get pregnant again, which I very much do since I'll be 37 in March. We were also doing three nursings a day and a few at night up until very recently. So far we've cut out all the night nursings and the bedtime nursing by having Daddy put her to bed with a cup of milk. She is transitioning from co-sleeping also; she's on a futon on the floor in her room and when she wakes around 1 or 2 Daddy goes in to comfort her and usually stays. It's been tough - she's definitely more attached to me during the day, and I miss getting to sleep with her and daddy all together. But it's been working - he was away a few days last week and I did sleep with her for two nights without her even asking for nursing. I think in a week or two when she's comfortable with this we'll stop the morning session and just get up and eat breakfast whenever she wakes up (I usually get a little more time in bed with the morning nursing!). No idea how we'll cut the naptime session ;-)

I have another friend going through the same process, though she's only trying to stop the night nursing. Her daughter reacted badly to sleeping with her partner only and she wound up having to go through a week of saying no every time her little one woke up, with some hugs and tears. But it worked...she's sleeping and not nursing now!

I think there's no right answer and it's emotionally difficult for both of you, but you can get there. Sounds like you've got a good attachment to guide you through!

K.

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First, congrats on nursing for so long! You rock. I am still nursing my 2 year old daughter in the early morning hours, but it isn't every night. I basically offer only when she asks for it, not just as part of our routine. Could you start another comforting habit instead of the nursing? Maybe read to her? Gradually reduce each session and then cut one out per day?

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Hi! I also weaned my son at 21 months. I don't think it would've happened if I was around. I went away for the weekend with some girlfriends for two nights and viola! He was weaned! I did allow perhaps a small handful of nursings after that (especially since I was so engorged when I got back) but it was pretty much over. So my advice is try to get away, even for an overnight. Or break up the routine somehow where you are not around. And that's tough if she's in bed with you. Soon before my son was weaned I got him to drink milk- but had to add chocolate syrup to it. The Born Free trainer sippy nipple is soft and she may like that. Good luck!!

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Start offering a sippy cup with pumped milk maybe?? Or start a new routine instead- like ok today in stead of num num we are going to snuggle and read a book. I would just start saying no and offering her something else- I have always heard with weaning cold turkey is easiest even though the first few days are really tough because after that then they just kinda forget about it. Good luck!!

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We were in a similar situation when my daughter was that age. My husband and I took turns putting her to bed and she was fine not nursing when it was his turn. We took a family vacation when she was 2 and he did all of the wake ups, naps, bedtimes. When we got home and I was back in the routine, I just explained that I didn't have any more milk. Obviously each child is different, but it worked for us.
Good luck and congratulations!
J.

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Nursing is very important for her emotional development, not just her nutritional one. Are you sure that you want to wean? I'm nursing my 2 year old and it can be challenging sometimes but it's worth it. Other than that, I don't really have any advice.. but I would recommend not making it something traumatic... that would be a bad ending to something beautiful.

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Everything I have read on the subject suggests gradual weaning is preferable for both you and your DD. I'm planning to CLW so haven't weaned during the day but I'd start with night weaning. We did this in 4 days. I explained it to her once during the day and when we went to bed explained that we weren't nursing at night, but once the sun was up she could have milk again (we cosleep). When she awoke I offered water and comforted her. It took 4 nights of her being mad and crying some (less and less each night), the 5th night she awoke and didn't ask for milk and that was the end of it. She had been waking 1-2 X per night.

I'd start there and then gradually remove day nursing. Don't offer nursing, just do it if she asks and you can start distracting when she does ask. Offer a snack instead or distract with a craft. Change your routine so you are out more or doing active things. Stop sitting down where you would normally nurse (if there is a particular place). Get DH to do the night routine if she nurses down. And substitute new ways to bond as she will need that security if you are removing nursing, which is so comforting. There is nothing wrong with it just being about comfort and soothing, tho. It is not just nutrition! Also, there are a lot of immunological benefits even during toddlerhood, so that is something to consider as we go into the germy fall/winter season. Remember that she's been doing this for 2 years, so gradually reducing would be more reasonable. Cold turkey is generally difficult for most of us and you also don't want to end up with mastitis or something. Good luck! You also may want to check out Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, your library probably has it. They talk about how to wean. It might be helpful!

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Awesome for you for nursing for this long! I nursed my twin daughters to 19 months at which time I weaned them. They had already started tapering off, so I eliminated a feeding here then here then here. They LOVED to nurse so I was nervous about it (and a little sad), but it had gotten to the point where I literally could not sit down w/o both of them clamoring to nurse and if anything "bad" happened (if they fell or got upset about ANYTHING) they would be begging to nurse. So, when I started to wean, if they would ask to nurse, I would gently say something like, "Oh we don't need to nurse right now" and see how they took it. They often surprised me by being ok with it and going on their merry way. If they were upset, I would say "Let's go cuddle" and most often that would take the place of nursing. If they really carried on, I might give in. I found it was a process and some days were better than others. I think it took about 2 weeks and got easier and easier. And I've found that we cuddle so much more than when they were nursing which is a great trade-off for all of us!

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My son nursed until he was three and it was also just a comfort thing. I had to get a mammogram so I had to get him to stop. What I did was tell him that the milk was running out. Everytime he nursed I would say that there was less milk now and pretty soon it would be all gone. Finally I stopped on one side first telling him he had finished all the milk out of that side. A few days later I stopped the other side and said it was all gone now too. I told him he had finished all the milk and so that meant he was all done nursing and he accepted it fine.

Go away for a long weekend with out your child. We had a wedding to go to & when I came home he was done- He weaned me. It is good to get a little you time too & rekindle your relationship.