I Must Stop Nursing My 22 Month Old!

Your daughter's dental difficulties are not from breastfeeding, and your dentist is wrong to refer to you meeting your daughter's needs as "spoiling."
I highly, highly suggest you contact your local La Leche League Leader for some accurate, helpful and gentle ideas about weaning. The best book I've ever read on the subject is "MOthering Your Nursing Toddler." "How Weaning Happens is also an important one. Both books are published by LLL and are not at all repeats of anything else you'd read in other books. You could order them online, or borrow them for free from your local La Leche League group library. All LLL services are free and so helpful.
I have three sons, and my older two weaned when they were about 2 1/2. I sincerely congratulate you for nursing your baby into toddlerhood--aside from the incomparable health benefits, you have given her an opportunity to learn to cope with challenges by connecting with people in a healthy way. . . I believe you and she will both be reaping the benefits of your breastfeeding relationship forever.
Remember, weaning is a process, not an event. Stopping cold turkey will set you up for engorgement and/or mastitis. I don't suggest cutting out more than one nursing session every three to four days--it takes your body 24 to 48 hours to adjust milk supply, and if you work with that you'll stay more comfortable and things will be less traumatic. The best ideas that worked for me are the "don't offer, don't refuse" method, which meant I avoided sitting in our comfy recliner for a week since that was a favorite nursing spot; shortening sessions by counting or singing ("you can nurse until I count to 10," or "until I finish singing Eensy Weensy Spider." SOmetimes I'd count or sing fast and sometimes I'd count slowly, depending on the situation and my mood); and saying goodnight to everything, including nursing, with the understanding we only nurse during the day.
You're at a distinct advantage because you can reason a bit with a 22 month old.
I suspect your daughter is so eager to nurse while you're at work so she can reconnect with you one-on-one. You could make a special effor to offer her extra attention there so she can be OK with not nursing.
Really, call your LLL Leader and find those books. I think they will reassure you and give you some ideas so you don't feel so stressed. You can find the numbers for the Boise Leaders at www.llli.org.
You're such a responsive, sensative mom and you can continue to be that way even as you graduate from your breastfeeding relationship. Your daughter is fortunate to have you. Hang in there!

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S.,

This summer and fall, I weaned my 25-27 month old daughter. In July (25 months) I got so sick of nursing at night--I was nursing 6-7 times at night and it was tough. For a long time, she was nursing 1-2 times at night, and that was fine, but 6-7 times was making me a crabby mother! At night, we found that we just had to go cold turkey. We had a talk over a couple of days, saying that my "nu-nu" was going night-night when it got dark, and would wake up in the morning again. She got a special toy because she was such a big girl to not have nu-nu at night any more. And then we had a terribly difficult week. At night when she would wake, I would go in to her. She would cry for nu-nu, and I would just hold her and tell her that nu nu had gone night-night. I would tell her that I loved her and just held her, or rubbed her head or whatever was helpful--sometimes just sitting there because she didn't want to be touched. It was so hard. The first 3-4 nights were awful, and the next couple weeks were still rough, but got better. My daughter would kick and scream, cry and hit me. I just had to clothe myself with patience, and remind myself that she doesn't have the language skills she needs to express this extreme frustration that she feels--and just has to express it other ways. Although I do not normally tolerate this kind of behavior at home, I decided I would for this process--because she had to express her frustration at having to change a habit she had grown dependent upon.

As far as what to do while you are at work, I am not sure what to tell you about that--that is tough. I can share what I did--but that was with me being home full time. I weaned Emma at 27 months (in September) because I got pregnant, and it was TERRIBLY painful to nurse her--I cried every time. We had a talk, picked out a big girl toy, and I would just tell her that my nu-nus had bad owies whenever she would ask to nurse. Again, there was lots of crying and frustration. About once every 1-2 weeks, she still asks for nu-nu. I let her pat them, but not nurse. She is very concerned/jealous that baby will be nursing when he arrives, and I wonder how things will go at that point.

So, we went cold turkey with both day and night feedings--and each time it was really rough for a week. Consistency was a big key--not giving in in the midst of screaming/crying/etc... Getting her down for a nap became really hard, too. I don't know how I would deal with it in a work/day care situation. On the plus side, my super picky, small eater developed a great appetite once we weaned. I saw a difference even with just the night weaning. She started drinking lots of water, and eating big meals and snacks--and became less picky.

Could you talk to her and tell her that you will now nurse her just before work, at your lunch/break and before bedtime? If you could get her to three feedings a day, then you could get rid of them one a week or one every other week, and not have a big impact at work with just one feeding during the day. You are not a bad mom, and nursing is not a bad thing. Some kids are just really, really attached and it is hard to change things up. But a lot of people nurse older children.

For me, I had to have my sleep. You could night wean cold turkey, and then see how that goes for a month or two before deciding what to do during the day.

As far as engorgement or mastitis, I would pump if I was uncomfortable--just enough to relieve my discomfort. This way I wasn't encouraging more milk production, but I was keeping from an infection. I am prone to mastitis, and just a bit of preventative pumping for a few days really helped. When I weaned entirely, I would pump about three times a day--whenever I felt full--and gradually tried to increase times between pumping over the course of a week--6 hours between, 8 hours, working my way up to 24 and 30 hours between and then not at all.

Good luck. I would be happy to answer any questions if you want to PM me.

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I just weaned my daughter the night before her second birthday (actually she weaned herself). I too was stressed out about what to do - all the books I read said do it by 15 mo. or wait until three when you can negotiate with your child. I really didn't want to wait. I was only nursing at night, before bed, which made bedtime very peaceful and easy - but I knew it couldn't go on forever. I started talking to her, probably about two months before weaning, about how we wouldn't be nursing much longer, as she was getting to be a big girl. I always offered her a book before bed, and she always responded "eat, eat", and so we nursed. But one night she said "read book" and without any other comment she went to her crib and fell asleep while I read to her. And that's how it has continued. It seems that you need to find something else that your daughter really loves to do, and try to do that to distract her from nursing requests. I reduced the number of feeding, down to one, over several months, and it sounds like your daughter is still nursing a lot - so cold turkey seems like a bad idea. One thing to keep in mind is that Americans are incredibly uptight about nursing after a year. I was hassled by everyone, my friends, my mother, though my docs were supportive and advised "it will happen when it happens". If you want a supportive book to read take a look at the book "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning" - it helps you relax about the whole thing a bit. And the jury is still out on the nursing/tooth decay thing - formula and cow's milk are a bad idea at bedtime - but many experts claim that nursing does not contribute to tooth decay. Trust your desire to do the best for you and your daughter. It will happen, and it may or may not be easy. Good luck. you are not a bad mother and you are not alone.

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I know you feel like you have to stop nursing because of pressure from others, but your baby being a picky eater and not wanting some things might be her body telling you that she is allergic to certain foods. She probably just needs to get a little older to out grow that. I wouldn't stop nursing her, like you said, she likes to nurse for comfort which is okay. If that's what she needs emotionally right now, then that's what I would let her have. Your dentist is completely wrong about "spoiling" her. (He obviously didn't get nursed long enough when he was a kid if he's that mean Ha! Ha!) Your milk is not decaying her teeth, if anything it's the milk and food she's having during the day, so I would just brush her teeth atleast in the morning and at night if you're not already doing that. Oh, and don't worry about her having to drink milk, because in recent studies, they've found that milk doesn't do the good things for you that we thought it did. But if she likes it, more power to her. Get in contact with a good lactation specialist or something like LeLeche League so you can have the support around you you need to get the reassurance that what you are doing is okay. I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you.

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Wear a SWIMSUIT under your shirt so she just can't find your breasts when she tries to find them.

Cut out one feeding at a time every 3-4 days. Replace it with an activity that you do together or something that will keep her really busy. Be firm. Tell her "no, we're not going to do that now. Let's read a story." Give her lots of hugs, tell her how happy you are to see her, get her a snack if she's hungry. Pretend you have no idea what she wants when she tries to nurse. Cut bedtime last. Replace that one with a story or bath time or both.

I weaned my son at 21 months. I cut out one daytime session for a few days, then another, then another. It took a couple of weeks, but it was worth doing it slowly - we were both less upset. I also did bedtime last - it was my favorite time also, but it turned out it was easiest because we substituted storytime and snuggling, so you might try that sooner than I did. If she screams, walk away and have your husband or someone else deal with her. She will scream more if you give in and nurse her, so stick to your guns. It will get easier, really! She has to learn the new rules, and it will take a few days, but she is fully capable of learning to drink from a cup all the time. You might want to get her a special new cup that she picks out with a pretty design, so she has something nice as a reward for drinking her milk.

good luck!

Some things that people I know have done is,1 take a mommy vacation for a couple of days. This helped because mommy wasn't available. You leave your daughter with someone that is willing to watch her and love her. Another option that I have heard of that has worked for someone else is that sometimes you have to let them cry. It is hard because as a mom you don't want your daughter to be sad. Unfortunately though since she is older she is not able to have it easily replaced. She is used to that being her source of comfort. You could try taking her to the store and let her pick something that she likes, such as a soft blanket, soft doll, a book, a cool cup. Then explain that this is her special time thing and give it to her in place of nursing. While you cuddle her or someone else cuddles her. It will take consistancy and patience. You could continue nursing but from the sounds of it that doesn't seem to be making things easier either. Your daughter will be okay and won't be scarred for life either way. Good luck and I hope that you can find something that works for you.

S.,

I wish I had the magic answer for you. Your request takes me back 22 years ago when my 22 month old was still nursing.
All the books I was reading at the time said children wean themselves... If I wanted for that who knows how long I would have nursed my daughter. It ended up being cold turkey for her, but it was because she started biting and after the second bite I simply said "no".

Hopefully you find the perfect answer for you. One suggestion: Make sure you have some wonderful connection time with your daughter in other ways.

With my whole heart, C.

I just weaned my 21-month-old and I have a few words of advice. It worked for me to set up a schedule and get buy-in from my husband. Then everyone knows the plan and he can (hopefully) encourage you. I tried cold turkey several months ago, and it completely did not work--I was miserable, she was miserable. So I recommend the gradual, reduce a feeding every 3-4 days approach. Some other things that helped--modest clothing (tuck those girls away), short nursings and saying "bye bye" to the boobies at the end, at normal nursing times distraction is key (I wouldn't even sit down in front of my daughter as that would often stimulate an ask for nursing), and finally and most crucial for me...Dad had to step up and soothe her if she woke up crying in the middle of the night. Before, I would just go in and nurse her back to sleep. During weaning, Dad went to her at night (for the first time!!). It was actually a very positive thing for him as he learned that he could soothe her too. Also, and this is a bad habit I know, but I let her use her pacifier more. It helped with the sucking urge, and smoothed the way. Many people say not to allow use of the pacifier as it just creates another bad habit, but I intend to wean her from that gradually as well, and I don't think there will be long term bad effects. Most important though is you must stick to your guns and not give in. It is your decision, and not fair to your child to confuse her by giving in. Be strict, but gradual. You'll get there!

My son was 19 months old and I was pregnant with my 4th so I really wanted to stop. One day I just told him that we could cuddle or play but that mommy was not going to nurse him anymore. He was old enough to understand and though he to this day is still quite the snuggler and loves to have his head rest on my breasts he accepted it. It sounds like your work would really like you to stop and that you really need to stop for her health. Once you come to terms with it she will too. Tell everyone at work that you are not going to nurse her and that they need to keep her in her own class. At home tell your husband that he must keep her away from you at her normal nursing times as well and set up some new routines for her. Now is the perfect time to start a good bedtime routine. I also wouldn't even consider getting pregnant again until this is worked out or you may be writing next about your 3 year old hitting the baby.

Here's how I did it with a VERY connected 18 month old who did NOT want to give it up. My husband was absolutely not available and I was exhausted. I started by deciding on a schedule, and then when she wanted to nurse off the schedule, I went down a list of other things we could do together for closeness and attention (she is #2 of 3). It was hard (I'm not going to kid you), but I tried riding in the car, walking in the stroller, dancing around the living room, listening to the dog bark, looking out the window, watching TV (NOT successful at all!), playing with her toys, singing at the top of my lungs, walking outside, stacking plastic dishes, and so on. The best one turned out to be in the stroller. Granted, I live in a small town in a very safe neighborhood, so using the stroller at 4am was plausible for me. (My husband stayed home with the older sleeping child). I know your weather in Boise (I live just a couple hours from you), so right now is not the best time to go out in a stroller, but how about a sled? Or play in the snow? It's hard when they're super attached, but if you're ready, it has to happen. By the way it took us 6 weeks to wean. I was exhausted, but felt better when it was over. I did,however, spend about another two weeks up at all hours of the night just checking on her! Good luck and feel free to PM me for support or more suggestions!

My DS1 stopped nursing at 24 months. Although I was pretty much letting him set the pace, I did do some things that might help you.

First off, get her off the night feedings. I had great luck with the book "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. (Your dentist is mistaken, both on the cause of the decay and on the spoiling her angle. Honestly, I'd look for a new dentist.) At 15 months, my son went from getting up countless times a night to sleeping 11 hours STRAIGHT and he didn't have to cry it out. :) That'll help get your daughter used to the idea of not having to nurse every few hours.

Try a cup. Not a sippy cup or a bottle, but just a regular cup. Some little ones take well to drinking milk out of a completely different container. And I think they like the grown-up way of doing things.

Distract her from feedings. I adopted the "Don't offer, don't refuse" policy and then tried to find fun things to do at normal nursing times. It didn't really take long for him to forget about it and we got down to 2 nursings a day... then just 1. (The surprise to me was that the last he wanted to give up was the first one of the morning. I'd have guessed before nap or before bedtime, for sure!)

If your work hassles you, you might provide them with some info from the World Health Organization (www.who.org) who recommends nursing for AT LEAST the first two years. Not to mention that if you're feeding her on your break, they shouldn't have anything to say about it at all.

Lastly, talk to your daughter about it. Prepare her for it. Remember, our little ones understand a LOT. If you start to get her used to the idea, she might surprise you and start weaning herself.

Best of luck! Don't worry about it too much. You'll find the way to wean that works best for you & your daughter. :)

My son wasn't quite as old, but still over a year when I decided to wean him due to being pregnant again. While you can nurse while pregnant, it is tough. My milk supply dwindled enough that he was leaving teeth marks from trying harder to get milk. I did not go cold-turkey with nursing all at once, but I DID go cold-turkey on individual feeding times. I went first with a late morning feeding time that seemed the least important to him. After several days I dropped another, and so on, leaving bedtime for last. Rather than going to a bottle, which you would have to turn around and wean her off of anyway, you will probably have much more success with a sippy cup. I'm not sure how likely it is, though, that she'll drink cows milk at this point. She may, but so many moms that I know that nursed longer never could get their kids to drink regular milk after weaning. But at your daughter's age, that doesn't have to be a problem. If you can get her to drink juice or water for fluids, then you can always give her other dairy in lieu of milk. Toddlers often love yogurt and cheese. I know this isn't an easy process, but whayever you decide to do,it will all come out fine in the end!