How to Stop the Whining??

IF it is any consulation, my 2 1/2 year old son is the same way. He wants to do everything by himself, and the minute he can't and notices that I do not help him immediately, he suddenly begins to whine and cry. i know that 2 year olds are not supposed to have an ounce of patience, but he also whines the minute he wants something to eat, drink, etc. even though he knows how to ask for it!! I know this probably does not help to give a solutiona, but just know you are not alone!! B.

The greatest book I've ever found on parenting addresses this sooooooo well! Hope this helps... BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS... BY DRS CLOUD & TOWNSEND. Hope it will help...L.

You've heard of the "terrible twos" -right? Well, now you know why! She's becoming more and more independent and realizing she can do lots of things on her own -or at least try -but she still desperately needs your help and attention, so it all makes for a lot of crying, whining and tantrums. My 2 1/2 year old boy's whining has improved a lot after consistently letting him know it will LESSEN his chances of getting what he wants, he gets time outs, etc. and we tell him "NO WHINING" -that is NOT the way to get our attention! He still pitches complete fits sometimes about diaper changes (we're in the midst of potty training). There are tons of books and websites that address the terrible twos, but it's basically a big phase or growing pain that children go through and the parents have to learn to handle in whatever way they choose.

Try the 1 2 3 Magic program (book and cd--check library or you can buy it)by Thomas Phelan, Ph.d.

They suggested it at preschool and it worked for us. If you can, watch the cds don't just read the book....the cd helps a lot with implementation.
I still use it and my kids are 7, 9 and 12.
Good luck.

I'm sure all kids go through this stage now and then... all I can suggest is just not giving her what she wants when she whines... EVER. And since "whining" might be sort of an abstact concept for a two year old, instead of just saying "stop whining"... show her how to ask for what she wants in a clear/non-whining tone. I've also been known to send my kids to their room, or at least out of the room I'm in until they can stop whining. She'll outgrow it... as long as you don't reinforce it by making it effective for her! One more thing... my kids tend to be at their whiniest when they are tired, so try to make sure she's getting enough sleep/rest. Good luck!

I know with me & my DD, when she whines (she still does occasionally & she will be 7 in 2 weeks!!) I look her in the eyes & say, "Excuse me, but I don't understand whine. Could you speak a little clearer for me?" or "I'm sorry but I can't understand what you are trying to say. You need to speak clearer for me by speaking slowly & using words." Sometimes I have to repeat it but it works. Especially if I have to say it a few times in a row; she gets so mad at me that she turns the whinning into frustration & she'll speak clear as day with no whine involved lol. Luckily now, when she does whine, it is only when she is really tired. Good luck!

M.,

You mentioned that your daughter is suffering from seasonal allergies right now. She doesn't happen to be on an antihistamine, does she? My son's personality turns from happy, contented child to whiney, cry-on-a-dime when he takes antihistamines. The doctors don't want to hear about that side effect but I've seen it in many children.

I will tell you the conversation I had with my daughter tonight and you can take what works for you and the rest....

I never discuss the issue when I am frustrated or angry, I let either or both of us cool off. I had my daughter look me in the eyes and told her that I prefer that she uses her words rather than whine. I made her repeat it as we have had this conversation before. I let her know that it is ok to forget to use her words, we all slip into poor behavior every once in awhile. So we made up a signal that I could give her to remind her that she had forgotten and that she was whining instead of using her words to relay what she wanted. I will use this signal and then she knows that she is to ... STOP, LISTEN and USE HER WORDS. I use sign language put my hand like I am chopping my palm for stop, point to my ear for listen and then my mouth for use your words. She has agreed that she will do that.

Tomorrow when she gets up, and we are loving and all is calm, I will remind her and go over the plan. If need be, there will be the consequence of time out if she jus twill not cooperate (I believe in consequences and following through), but I know her well enough that will not be necessary.

My hardest part is not getting sucked into her drama... I have to stay calm and play by the rules. Sometimes you may just have to walk away. If she is crying, I always work with her to breathe and calm down before I try to talk to her.

You may want to check out www.loveandlogic.com

All the best, would love to hear how it goes! Here's to success for both of us on this front tomorrow!

Here's to being a Passion Parent!
C. Hiebel
www.PassionParent.com "Where a Parent can be a Parent!"

Yep,
Have to agree with Beth. Completely normal fror a 2 yr old. My daughter didn't really start this until about 2.5 years, but I would say it can vary by child. And she is also right that 3 is worse. There was about six months (from 2 yrs 9 mo to 3 yrs 3 mo) when I was ready to disown my daughter :-) Luckily she grew out of it. She still does it from time to time, but it has gotten sooooooo much better. SHe still tries to throw the occassional fit, I have no idea why she never gets anything when she does it, and most of the time I can call her bluff. Once you get to about 3 and a half you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just be consistant and she'll eventually quit, it just may take some time.

A.

I agree that it is the age(and that the allergies are probably adding to it right now). I also find it hard to believe that there are people out there that don't believe in the terrible 2's. I mean seriously, if my 2 1/2 year old didn't whine or act defiantly, I would be worried that there was something wrong with her! Obviously it does vary from child to child, but I am 34 and still whine myself sometimes if I don't get my way(LOL!).

I do let my daughter know that I can't understand her or that I am not going to listen until she can ask me for something or tell me what she wants. I also try to empathize and let her know that I understand she is frustrated and can then usually stop it or make her start laughing by diverting her attention. I have actually bribed her with lima beans when she was whining for candy on 2 occassions(and after she ate the beans, she didn't even ask for the candy!).

It is very frustrating, but I could not imagine my life without her. Everytime I start to lose my patience or sanity, I remind myself of that. I figure this is just good practice for the teenage years!

Hang in there and be thrilled that you have a NORMAL, beautiful little girl. Good Luck!

I have a two year old who is the same way. It helps, in my opinion, to do two things:
1. Make sure they are well rested. Naps, breaks, and wind down times are critical for BOTH of us.
2. After you address the whining, IGNORE it. I mention it, and ask him if he is tired or hungry, then I tell him I cant understand him when he whines, and that he needs to speak like a big boy. When that doesnt work, I simply tune it out. I know that is not the best way, but I dont know what else to do, either. My cousin has a two year old daughter who is the whiniest of them all.... By the way..... What kind of business are you doing? I am looking for something to try....

M.

You are not alone!! I have twin 2 year old daughters who both have very whiney moments..A LOT!! It seems the whines out weigh the laughs right now. Like you, I hope it is just a phase.

welcome to the terriable 2s . yep that's just what 2 yr olds do and some 3 yr olds. 3s are worse than 2s I dunno where they came up with terrible 2s. When she starts the whining like when she wants something, tell her " until you speak to me in a big girl voice and stop whining you arent getting anything because I can't understand a word you are saying when you whine."just keeptelling her that you can't understand her when she whines. allergies may be a contributing factor but they all do it. I have an almost 4 yr old that still does it sometimes , thank goodness it's not nearly as often as it used to be.
Good luck

No, this is not what 2 year olds do. Your daughter is trying to tell you something, whether she is going through something physical or emotional, but either way, I would recommend you attempt to love and support her. Follow her to discover if her health is compromised and she needs support and a break or whatever it may be.

Also, was she vaccinated within the last three months? Usually, vaccine reactions (beginning with ear infections, digestive issues, etc) will degrade the immune system. Many families see the problems around 15 months to 2.5. If you wish more direction on this, be glad to give more.

J

Everything that I have read and watched, has said that when a child whines to not respond. They advise you to tell your child to talk normally and then you respond when they do.
As far as the yelling, my son is 1 year old and loves to scream. I have been advised to ignore the screaming and it will stop. If he doesn't stop within a short amount of time, then I put him into his crib with a movie, and walk out. Once he has quit screaming which isn't long afterward, I go and get him.

Ah yes, I'm taking the same walk in the park as you!! My son who turned 2 in May has all of a sudden started throwing fits over everything, down to him not getting to turn on the bathroom light or getting his own diaper/pull-up!!! You've got 1 of 2 choices, totally ignore the behaviour for a few days and see if she stops. If so, then keep ignoring her, she'll figure it out. And you can speak to her only one time and that is to tell her you can't understand her, you don't like her behaviour or you don't like the way she is acting when she stops, she can come to you. Or you can count her to 3 (1 pause, 2 pause, 3 time out) and once you get to 3 and she is still doing it, put her in time out. Either in her room (she can play, just has to stay there for 2 mins) or in a special spot in your house. She'll get the hint after a while. Also, you mentioned allergies, my son is too and I've been putting him on OTC zertec (1/2 tsp a day) and it seems to be helping his nose out but hasn't helped as much in the attitude department!! lol

Good luck and stay strong!!
S.

I've had success by telling my children that I cannot understand them and they might as well not even bother to speak if they cannot speak clearly. I don't argue with them I just tell them I cannot hear them unless they articulate their words and it seems to work for us. Good luck.

This sounds like typical 2 and 3 year old behavior. Since she has allergies that make her feel yucky, I am sure that is not helping. My advice to you is to give her as many choices as possible thru the day, even if it seems silly (Do you want the pink cup or the yellow cup? Do you want the white socks or the blue socks? Do you want Cheerios or Kix? Do you want to wash your face first or brush your teeth first?) Then, when it really matters you can tell her that she had lots of choices that day but this time Mommy gets her choice. Also, make sure she is getting enough sleep (11-12 hours) and that she is eating enough. Carry healthy snacks everywhere. Good luck! It will get better!

Hi M.,

Anytime a little one is under the weather, they whine (shoot, I do too, lol). Seasonal allergies ONLY exist because the immune system is not strong enough to fight them off. Allergies should only be to synthetic things, not natural ones. You can get her immune system up and working properly simply.

Remove the synthetic stimulus in the house (store-bought cleaners and bath and body products), get her on a good absorbable multivitamin and remove the processed foods from her diet. Anything fast and easy has been processed and "fast food" is the worst. Pesticides and preservatives in foods are synthetic chemicals that contraindicate just like medications do.

I know I went from how to handle the terrible twos into a direction you probably weren't expecting but it worked in my home and I wanted to share :) All two year olds don't go through this "phase."

God bless!

M.

It looks like you have already gotten a lot of good advice so I won't restate what has already been said, but I did want to tell you about a book/school of thought that really helped my family when dealing with our whinning 2 year old. It's called Love and Logic. The website is loveandlogic.com. They have some great books out with excellent strategies to try that will help you and your child cope with the whinning. I checked out the books from my local library and then used the website to get the items not available at the library. Good Luck! It does get better!