How to Prepare My Children for the Intolerance of Others?

Hate or intolerance isn't with you at birth, it is taught. You are teaching your children tolerance and respect and that's all you can do as well as show them by example. My son's Godfather is gay and has been with his partner for some years now. They adore my son and he loves them. He never knew there was a difference between homosexuals or heterosexuals till someone pointed out to him that his Godfather is "married" to a man. My 7 year old said " you never know who you will fall in love with but the "being loved" part is something you never want to live without" Hello??? He is 7??/ I was so proud of him. This country is so full of hate and intolerance and it is up to us teaching our kids that different doesn't mean wrong.

Dear J.,
I have 3 children, 15,16 and 5.
My oldest son is openly gay, happy, tons of friends, he is also somewhat different, he wears make up,looks a little like Adam Lambert.
My daughter is a free spirit, has her own fashion style,for a while she looked like a homeless person..............but everybody loves my childrens good nature.
It comes from being allowed to be themself.
I have taught them from the beginning, especially my son, there will always be people who are hatefull,intolerant,you name it....
They have learned from me,not to buy into that whole system...
My kids know, I love everything about witches,but follow more the Buddhist
relegion.We are the only people in the family, who are different,but they got used to us...we are pretty " normal" just have are own thing going.....
So, I believe if you keep on living your life as an example like that and keep
telling your children, that they will always meet these people, who have to be
nasty.They have been raised that way, you most likely can't change them.You can only controll your own life and the way you react to those people. When they get older, they will be strong and
not care about these people.
I wish you could life next to us :)

My sons are 2 and 4 and I've wondered some of the same things. I think all you can do is live your life well (and it sounds like you're doing a great job), and teach them that some people may think your spiritual path is weird or even say ugly things about it, but that just shows their narrowmindedness and unhappiness with the diversity in this world. We're lucky enough to live in a very diverse area, so my kids see lots of difference and many gay families and couples as well.

I would speak to the teacher and let her know that there certainly are many witches around today just like there always have been -basically since recorded human history! You may not fly around on a broomstick or boil toads in a black cauldron and cast evil spells, but let her know that those ideas of witches are stereotypes just like thinking all Muslims are terrorists or all Catholic priests are pedophiles. Not very nice pictures -and not correct!

I LOVE Marion's thought about living your life as an example. Beautiful words. You show your love and acceptance for others and your children will too. Thanks Marion!

Sorry J., I don't have any real answers but think you are doing a great job already.
We are a spiritual family who doesn't practice an organized religion. I'm a southern baptist, married to a Catholic, worked for the Seventh Day Adventist, went to school with the Nazarenes and have dear friends who are Jewish, Muslim, Islamic AND Buddhist. Sorry now wicans I'm aware of anyway. It is amazing to me how similar we all are in so many ways.

And as far as the gay/lesbian thing, again we have beloved friends AND family members who are homosexuals. The first baby shower my daughter attended with me was lesbian friends of ours who adopted.

I guess as far as your question, we've talked to both our kids, a 19 year old son and 15 year old daughter, that we don't care who they hang with/marry or have children with. As long as they are happy. But I have told them, as a mommy, that I do fear for the intolerance and prejudice that is out there. So I do understand that fear.

You are an amazing mom and the kids will be OK as long as you are open and honest. That not everyone believes the same way you do but we love our friends for al their qualities.

Hugs,

Lori K

wow what a couple of open minded, happy, loving boys you must have! i wish i could expose my son to such a diverse group of people. i don't really have any advice, except to give you a pat on the back and tell you, hang in there! remind your boys how much you all love each other, and ask them, do the people that make mean comments seem very happy? they will probably see they're not. (snide faces, grimaces, judging looks, etc). point out that those of us who accept and love ALL kinds of people are the happy people. and (edit per your beliefs), god/goddess/buddah, wants us all to love each other. making someone feel bad for what they think is never okay. tell them you're sorry if their feelings were hurt, be there to pick up the pieces...(and maybe talk to the principle...thank goodness school is almost over, what an awful example that teacher is setting for those kids!)

Well, we are Scientologists so I really do understand what you are going through. Our beliefs are different than the Christian ones, and on top of it the tabloids and internet spread around false data about us.

We have taught my stepdaughter tolerance by teaching her about the Christian religion as it is different from ours. For example, we say "Some Christians believe that you go to heaven or hell when you die, and we believe that you are born into a different body. Both beliefs are okay." By letting her know what others believe, and that it's okay for them to believe that, we are teaching her tolerance. And we are not letting her be ignorant of other religions. Ignorance breeds intolerance.

It's interesting that she'll get into conversations with other kids about religion and her accepting attitude is contagious.

We are also teaching her as much as we can about our own religion. So when some kid says "oh, that's the religion where you believe in aliens!" then she can intelligently say "that's not true. In fact, we believe..."

From having to defend my religion to adults, I have learned that simple truth can turn someone who is ignorant and intolerant into someone that has the true facts and can see how they were believing false data.

So, in teaching your children about your religions you keep them from being ignorant if questioned or made fun of. By teaching them about other religions you can teach them tolerance. And when they can SEE that someone is just ignorant, they will not be jaded. In fact, they will probably just pity that person.

If I were you, I'd send some info about paganism to the teacher. Perhaps she's not as smart as she thinks???

Good luck!

Great question! :) I don't think you really CAN prepare them for the world in regards to the intolerance of others except to say that some people don't understand and are sometimes scared of people who are different. Your sons will grow up loving and accepting their grandfather and uncle because that is human nature. They are loved by him and they love him back--we are taught to fear and hate. In time, if the issue comes up about homosexuality, their natural instincts to defend the ones they love will kick in. As far as the teacher's comments, explain to your son that his teacher obviously does not understand Wiccan and was talking about scary witches with green faces in books. It sounds like you may need to educate some of the staff. Hopefully they will be willing to learn.

If you teach love and acceptance of others to your children, that is what they will learn. If you teach them that the outside world can be scary and hateful to others that are different, they may grow wary and distrustful of others. You are obviously great parents, open-minded and loving and that in itself, is the best protection you can offer you children. A safe place to come back, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

What if your sons turn out to prefer christian and hates your religion, would you accept them and be tolerant of them too?

We are also military, so I don't envy your situation. I really don't think you can put hate into your child, unless you are talking about others that don't share your beliefs hatefully (which you clearly are not).
Just be sure to keep your children educated on answers to the questions they will hear. It might be good to tell your child's teacher upfront your religious practices so issues will not come up again. I think, especially in Military schools, that teachers falsely assume that we all share the same beliefs.
These issues will always be magnified as long as you are part of the military base. You could try to move off post and send the boys to non-military public schools so they will be given a more diverse group of students.

what is a "witch"? not judging, just wondering :)

Good for you, J., teaching your sons to be tolerant of differences. That is really how change happens, one example and one generation at a time. I'm 62, and have seen the growth of racial and sexual tolerance in society at a whole, although I'm sure there must be areas and organizations where that's not so evident. Religious and political tolerance do seem to be taking some hits over the past decade or so. Hmmm, two steps forward, one step back?

But regarding your son's teacher, I don't think she can legally dismiss or judge any religion, any more than she's allowed to lead prayers favoring any particular religion. I don't know whether bringing that up with the teacher or administration would be of benefit unless you're willing to fight, in which case your sons might be targeted for further comments or ridicule. But it's something to consider. The comments were certainly out of place, and the law would probably be on your side.

My best to you and your family. I have all kinds of people in my life, and love how rich that makes my life.

I just want to give you a smiley face and a hug for teaching your children to be accepting and open to other people's idea's and lives. Just keep doing what you are doing, and someday it will click that everyone is an individual. My favorite phrase is "You're special. Just like everyone else." lol sorry. My silly side apparently wants out.