40 answers

Mom Won't Let Daughter Play with Mine Because of Religious Beliefs.

Let me preface with this, since a lot people are missing it in my super long post! My daughter DID and ALWAYS has bowed her head out of respect. Each and every time, including this one.

So my 8 year old daughter made good friends with a little girl (9 years old) who goes to her school and lives down the street. They get along great and love to play. Well, her mother asked my daughter to pray at a meal (as in say the grace, not just sit while they prayed) my daughter respectfully declined to SAY the prayer, she did NOT decline sitting at the table and bowing her head out of respect (we are an atheist family) In the rare event that someone asks my daughter what her religion is, she simply says that no one knows about god for sure (because this is what we believe. No one has solid, irrefutable proof for the existence of god. Some people have experiences they accredit to a higher power, we do not. Her saying 'no one knows for sure,' is what we believe and if some people choose to interpret that as us discrediting their faith, well, we can't help that. It's not our intention, but I know some people will take it that way. I fail to see how her saying no one knows for sure is nearly as offensive as the constant insinuation that we 'have no hope' and will suffer for eternity!)

Now her mother won't let the girls play together!! I am so floored by this. We live on a military base with many people of different faiths. I have heard my daughter decline requests like this before and she is very, very respectful (and again, she has only declined to SAY the prayer, she does not decline sitting there quietly while a prayer is said). We've always allowed Abbie to attend any friends churches if she wanted to (or Mosques or Temples) and we have no issue with those of faith (we are the only ones in our extended family who are atheist. Both my husband and I were raised in evangelical households. She has been more than exposed to Christian cultures and will sit quietly and watch, but out of respect for THEIR religion will not participate (as in actively pray aloud) I am so upset right now I cannot form a clear thought on how to talk to this mom. Our girls get along sooo well and my daughter was crushed. Any ideas?? How should I handle the fact that our kids play at the same place?

EDIT: I don't believe that it's over the prayer so much as the fact that we are atheists. Her mother called me and said that she doesn't want her child playing with mine as my daughter might put 'ideas' in her head! I just feel terrible for the girls because they see each other while playing outside or at the tree all the neighborhood kids gather at. I know I can't control how this mother behaves, but surely there is something that can be said to allow the girls to socialize again. Obviously any time inside their house is out, which is a shame.

(My daughter is crushed because as she was leaving the house the mother said something to her about not being able to come back. She came home upset and told me about it. I reassured her that I through it was a misunderstanding or that my daughter heard her wrong. Then I got that call from the mom.)

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

As for Sandy L.'s response, of course we would let our daughter play with yours. That's why we let her go to other people's churches or mosques or temples. As I said, all of our family is Christian. That's fine. Goodness.

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This is an unfortunate life lesson. To stand solid in ones beliefs one must be willing to accept potential rejection from others who do not hold similar beliefs.

If you have email contact with the other child's mother, perhaps shoot her a quick simple email asking if there is truly any harm in teaching a child tolerance, acceptance and respect for disimilar beliefs. Point out the children value one anothers' company despite differences in world view, and ask "as one adult to another" if the girls can continue to enjoy each other's company. In a world full of disharmony over a lack of homogenity one would hope that people could teach their young to 'love thy neighbor' instead of creating inexplicable hostility.

Afterall, when you boil it down to its to tiniest form- it's all an argument of semantics.

5 moms found this helpful

You are dealing with an ignorant mother that probably belongs to some sort of religious cult or has a very warped thought process about religion. If you can get the nerve to muster a visit and speak with her face to face and make a good, nice , argument for all the reasons why the girls should be allowed to play together, go for it.

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Your daughter couldn't have just sat there with her hands folded while the others prayed? Sorry, I don't think it was good manners to decline and make a big deal about "her" faith-which is lack of faith. And I can see her point about not letting them play. As difficult as this may be for YOU to understand, Faith is the center of many people's lives. As Christians we are asked to love God above all else. And it should affect the way we live our whole loves. And NOT beliveing in God is the polar opposite of this. I think I would also be afraid that an atheist friend of my child's would talk about there not being a God and such. Yeah-I would-sorry. And because my child is still young and learning I just would not need that contradictory thought drummed into my child's head.

And people-it is not UN-Christian to do this. If the mother was telling her daughter to completely shun and be mean to the little girl, then yeah, that would be un-christian. But not allowing her daughter to play with her is NOT. This mother has a legitimate concern and should be resepcted for it.

8 moms found this helpful

Hey P.,

You might remind the "Christian" Mom, that her daughter has the equal ability to put "ideas" into your daughters head. True Christians are suppose to spread the word of God to all. Those who choose to listen do and those who choose not to, don't, we call this free will. Since the girls get along and care for each other, the Christian mother should not be afriad to let them play together. We are also taught to fear nothing and pray about everything.

If you opt to speak with her again, feel free to let her see this message so she will be reminded what true Christians are about.

I hope the girls will be able to continue their friendship.

Blessings.....

7 moms found this helpful

This is an unfortunate life lesson. To stand solid in ones beliefs one must be willing to accept potential rejection from others who do not hold similar beliefs.

If you have email contact with the other child's mother, perhaps shoot her a quick simple email asking if there is truly any harm in teaching a child tolerance, acceptance and respect for disimilar beliefs. Point out the children value one anothers' company despite differences in world view, and ask "as one adult to another" if the girls can continue to enjoy each other's company. In a world full of disharmony over a lack of homogenity one would hope that people could teach their young to 'love thy neighbor' instead of creating inexplicable hostility.

Afterall, when you boil it down to its to tiniest form- it's all an argument of semantics.

5 moms found this helpful

So, I read from your post that the mother asked your daughter to say the blessing? If so, then she was completely out of line. It sounds like your daughter would have quietly respected their custom if they prayed before the meal.

I am a Christian and believe that the other mother's behavior is appalling. Unfortunately, ignorance breeds fear and this mother seems to have an abundance of both.
It's amazing how ignorant people are! There was a family from our town who thought my family was a "bad influence" because my family was vegetarian! My dad still jokes about that one. Sometimes you have to laugh and feel pity for people who don't have any common sense.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some advice as to how to proceed. If it were me, I would call her up and tell her that she is living a double standard by expecting your daughter to be tolerant of HER faith, while she (the mom) is being intolerant to your beliefs.

4 moms found this helpful

That's odd...I am a christian and I would never do that to my child. I would see it as an opportunity to teach. I'm sorry ...it's the kids here who will suffer. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

P., I'm so sorry. I haven't encountered this before, but I'm sure it's really hard for you. I don't know what to tell you, except that some religious people can be very offended by someone saying they are atheists. It's like they take it personally or feel like you're slapping their Christ in the face.

I'm a Christian, but you aren't slapping MY Christ in the face. And in my point of view, Christ wouldn't want us to do that. What better way to witness to non-believers what Christ means to us than to live the way Christ taught us to live? Oh well.

I don't think there is anything you can do here. I do think you need to be honest with your daughter about the problems that can accompany being an atheist in a country that considers religion to be so important. As she grows up, she will be better able to understand that "freedom of religion" should actually include the freedom to NOT believe in religion, but our country can be very hypocritical.

I'm sorry about this. You will probably find that this will not be the first time you encounter this.

D.

4 moms found this helpful

I feel sad for the kids. I do totally understand and see where the mother is coming from.

She has a right to raise her child with the beliefs she wants. It is known that eventually peers influence a child more than family so it makes sense to me.

It is about her wanting her child to have a solid foundation in the values they believe in. It is not "against" your daughter and I would not focus on how she is being done wrong, making her feel like a victim.

3 moms found this helpful

Some parents choose to have their children only become good friends with others of the same beliefs. I can really understand that. The Bible says not to be unequally yolked (and a close friendship can be a "Yolking" of sorts) and to be a consecrated, "set apart" people. That doesn't mean a Christian doesn't associate with non-Christians for ministry, it means you don't develop close relationships with non believers.
Now, not every Christian interprets it that way. I'm just saying that is obviously the way that particular Christian family believes and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
I understand you want your daughter to be able to have a close friendship with this girl, but the family's beliefs are more important (as I'm sure you agree). So tell your daughter she can play with her at school, but that's it. You must respect their beliefs as you expect yours to be respected. This is a good learning opportunity for your daughter.

3 moms found this helpful

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