How to Help My Sister Grieve

Sorry about your mom. :(
It might be time for her to talk to a grief counselor, IF she'll agree.
A funeral director, church, hospital social worker, hospice or cemetery should be able to recommend someone.
While YES, everyone does grieve differently, everyone must grieve their loss in their own time. So maybe ask what she thinks about a grief counselor.
And, btw, according to many, year #2 is worse than year #1, because it become apparent that it's going to suck like this forever...so forget that magical "first year" idea--it's a myth.

If she is open to this type of healing........"Calm my Anxious Heart" is a great book. And maybe some books on heaven to find peace. " 90 min in Heaven " "Heaven is Real "
Counsoling is going to help a lot if she will go. Lots of prayer for her, lots of cards mailed ect... I can't think of anything else right now.

God Bless

Here's my take on time.. it' doesn't heal, but rather it's what you do with that time.. My suggestions would be... how about getting her to take a group exercise with you? As someone who has suffered from mild depression in the past, I have found that when I exercise (even though at first it's hard to get out) once I do, I feel so much better.. the endorphins that are released can make a person feel soooooooooooooooooo much better.. offer to take a class with her.. don't let her know why you are doing it.. just do it..
I honestly believe that it's through good nutrition and moreover, EXERCISE that we can change our body chemistry and begin the journey of healing both inside and out..
I think it's in "doing" and not thinking away our sadness that we become more at peace.. I won't beat around the bush, a program to rid oneself of depression takes work.... a person must be as vigilant as a drinker who truly wants sobriety.. Depression definitely alters our brain and the problem is, the longer we stay depressed, I believe the longer we train our minds to do as such..
Lastly, my aunt recently lost my uncle (the light of her life) for whom she was married for almost 40 years. it's been tough for her, but she joined a grieving group and is finding solace in knowing that she is not alone. additionally, my aunt who is 74 goes to Zumba, Pilates and Yoga... she does this not only to get in shape, but to beat the blues... so see how the exercise route work..

I wish you all the best

Give her time. Sorry, but she lived w/your mom for 27 years...it'll take her way more than a simple year to finish grieving. It may take 27 years!

Grief and loss support groups are always helpful, if she wants to talk out loud about it. If not, then she is just trying to still figure things out in her head and what her place is in the world now that she isn't your mom's daughter.

In the mean time, gently and lovingly remind her she is still a daughter to your father, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, and a spouse (?). There are responsibilities to others that come w/each of those roles. Ask her about the other people in her life, little by little. How is that one co-worker she can't stand? How is her best friend doing? Didn't so and so have a baby? Have you called so and so?

I agree hospice is a great organization that can help you and your sister find your own way to grieve and heal.

My mom died 8 years ago and I remember well into the second year picking up the phone and dialing the first few numbers, before realizing well I couldn't...

It does get easier...but it is true each of us grieve in our own way.

Everyone is different. When our mom passed suddenly in 02 it was shocking and a lot to deal with. My older sister, myself and my then 5 yr old son all lived together in my moms house and it was very hard, stressful. I figured I had to keep moving forward fir my sons sake and that's what I did. My boyfriend at the time ( now my husband ) took a lot of my crazy out bursts and I was able to keep my composure in public, at work, ect. (We all worked together too :() my older sister didn't. She shut down and didn't come out of her room, nearly lost her job- it was bad. I was there when she needed me and minded my business when she didn't. Everyone grieves and deals with death in their own way. Don't push her or be unkind. Maybe a counselor can help or even a anti depressant. Im sorry y'all have gone through this. I always say until you lose your mom you have no idea what kind of void it puts in your life. God bless y'all.

I'm not sure you can do anything except be there for her to listen when she wants to talk.
Some people will get down right angry if you keep pushing.
It's great you want to help her, but her grief is not about you.
When my Mom's boyfriend died, it took her close to 7 years before she stopped having crying jags.
Attempts to help were met with hostility - yelling, crying, "Don't tell me what to do/how to feel", etc.
Finally I had to tell her "Alright - I accept you may never be able to get over Bob's death" and that finally seemed to calm her a bit.

I am sorry about your mom. I think your sister is depressed. Maybe some medicine will help. It helped me in dealing with my sister's death 3 yrs ago. It made it easier to come out of the sadness. She would not have to take it for very long, just long enough to feel ok again, then weane herself off. Two to three months at the most. Meanwhile a good grief counseler and support group.
Good luck!!
Blessings
D.

sounds like she may have something called situational depression. it makes dealing with big changes very difficult. first and foremost the most important thing you can do is be there for her and be patient. no matter what no one should ever tell someone "youve greived long enough, it's time to get over it". obviously since you're asking this question, you are a caring enough sister that you wouldn't do that, thank goodness. i would have her think about seeking counseling. a counselor can give her the much needed tools she clearly needs to handle her sadness in possibly a better way, and give her an outlet to talk to. BEST OF LUCK!!

we all grieve differently and there is no way to know what another person needs without asking. We also must be careful to not force our grieving on others.

My dad passed away suddenly 5 years ago. My 2 brothers (14 and 29) and I (27 and 4.5 months pregnant) grieved very differently. We were all very close with our dad and our worlds were completely shattered. however there were differences, like I was at peace because I got to say goodbye. My older brother (29) felt guilt for not coming home sooner. My little brother (14 at the time) felt at a complete loss because he never got to say goodbye. Partially because he was wrapped up in basketball and thought dad was just sick and would recover.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we each need something different. I know with my little brother, just checking in with him and making sure he was talking about things with friends was enough for him. Whereas my older brother and I found peace in reminising. Not something my little brother was ready for.

Try to find out what she needs and just be that for her. Just check with her and make sure healthwise she is ok. If talking about mom all day makes her grief worse, then don't talk about mom with her (for now)...talk about other things like what you love about having a sister. or take her to a place she likes to go. work on keeping your relationship with her as strong as it can be or even stronger. In the end thats what will be the most important. You can honor your mom by being the best sister you can be.

My brothers and I are so much closer that I ever thought possible. Dad helped us get to this wonderful place where we can cherrish eachother instead of just being siblings. We can talk deaply and tenderly with eachother and not just shoot the breeze.

I hope this gives you another perspective and can be of help to you.

I am so sorry about your loss of your Mom. You are a good sister to try to help. Contact your local Hospice to get referrals to grief support or grief workshops. If you belong to a church or synogogue, they usually have some grief resources as well. Even the funeral home you used should have some resources.

I was listening to someone yesterday at church say they grieved for their spouse for over 7 years before joining a grief support group and how much that changed her life. I hope your sister finds something helpful. C.

I am sorry about your mom. My MIL passed away from lung cancer almost 2 years ago (in May) I was as close to her as my own mother and my husband was very close. Unfortunately the 2nd year can be as bad if not worse than the first. I even have a hard time sometimes talking about her still. Though, it is starting to get better. I encourage you to have your sister try and see a grief counselor, it seems like woman are much more likely to go see them than men. I think I read somewhere that it takes the average adult child at least two years to go through all of the grief process after losing a parent. Again I am so sorry for your loss and good luck to you and your sister!

Absolutely everyone grieves at their own pace. Keep talking to her about your mom but don't push her. I recommend the book Tear Soup. It was a great help to my family as we all make our own "soup" in different ways. Plus it will help you and her understand each other better. She may be thinking you are not grieving enough??? Do some little things to engage her. Make a scrapbook and ask her to help, add some pictures or write something about your mom. As you work on it maybe you can get her more involved. I am sure you have hospice where you are. They can still offer you some help with this too. Hope this helps. J.