How to Handle My Toddler Being "Bullied"

Hi, H.. My daughter is 19 month old, she is very social and super active. We meet other children a lot and VERY often my child is being bullied similar way you described. I tried "the gentle" approatch: describing the situation and her fillings, and it's OK when the other parent notices what is going on and disciplines aggressor. Well, most often I don't even know who the parent is( at the park's playground for example), and some kids may be truly rude. Well, my usuall reaction is immediate and loud: "no pushing" or "no hitting" , "excuse me, she is playing with...right now" or "the rule is no running, it's posted right there"( at indoor playarea). I feel that I protect her and still teach the rules.

It sounds like you are on the right track, going to him to make sure he's OK and continue on... I think the most important thing is to help him find words to express how it makes him feel. For now it can just be with you, but eventually standing up for himself should come in the form of him telling the bigger kid that he doesn't like it and that he doesn't want to be treated that way. He may be a little young to express himself well now, but I think you can do it for him ... wow, that must have upset you, that boy/girl was not behaving very nicely, we don't act like that when we are mad or playing... that sort of thing.

I think you are handling it well. The other parent is in charge of disciplining their kid, you should just attend to your boy. You should go up and make sure he is ok, and then tell him that what the other person did is not nice and he shouldn't act that way. Then encourage him to continue playing. At that age, that is about all you can do. They are too young to really understand empathy, and he will learn to defend himself at a later age. When he is a little older, you can tell him the proper words to use when someone does something he doesn't like. Then, you should try to let him handle these situations himself. He needs to learn how to handle these situations without always having mommy/daddy step in for him...because mommy/daddy aren't always there. You giving him the space to do that enables you to see how he reacts in situations and allows you to coach him(later at home) if you feel he handled a situation improperly. This also builds up his confidence if he says his words and the person stops. This will help him be confident enough to defend himself in future episodes.

So, you are doing a great job. I wouldn't worry too much at this age about his aggressiveness skills, they aren't really there yet.

This is a tough situation that we face also. My husband has asked me not to run to his defense all the time and let him figure it out. I do try that once in a while. However, I have found that when he gets hurt (falls down, hits his head, trips) we reprimand the object (floor, table, toys) and say "don't hit, Jack". After about 6 months of doing this, I now see him saying this to people. I think he is starting to understand that it is not right to hurt someone whether they be an object or person.

i am terafied to think that my boys will grow up to be push overs or bullied, so i kinda sit back(not that im 30ft away, im a foot away if that) for the first second or so to see what he(my son) will do or say when someone pushes him(on purpose)or takes something from him. If he doesn't say aything....i say "isaiah tell him not to push you, or if it was a toy issue say "i was playing with that 1st" I tell that to my son but i am directing it to the little kid.

All you can realy do at this age is let your child know that they(other kids) can't do this to them. and if they do your child needs to know that he can say something to that kid. All we can do is try to build confidence in them self that they can take care of a situation with out mom running to the rescue.

my 2nd baby is 21mo and if i see someone push him at the park i always say julian tell him not to push you. He might not understand me yet(or he does) but he will learn that...........No that other kids can't hit me or push me etc and i have to sit here and do and say nothing.
Its hard to teach them to not be bullied and to not be a bully

I am gong thru this to owith my 3 year old and it's nice to hear everyone's responses. It is frustrating when other parents don't step in with their kids...it leaves you felling helpless.

someone told me to not worry about my child picking up bad habits from these kids as long as I teach him what is right, so I have to trust that.

But his daycare has taught him to use his words for his feelings. Like if a child is play slapping him, and he is visibly getting frustrated, he is taught to say "Don't hit me. I don't like to be hit." It sounds really direct to me, but they encourage expressing their needs. I think its pretty cool.

But it in regards to what to do with the other child???? I usually act like a school teacher and will say directly "we share our toys. we take turns. when so and so is done, then you can take a turn too."

Lame, but it's not getting too personal. Good luck everyone.

I am so sorry to hear this is going on. I own a Martial Arts School and actually run a Bully Busters Program. I would try to find out if you have one in your area. This will teach your son what to do if he is in the situation. Bully's usually pick out specific people. Usually children who have low self-esteem are easy targets. They did a study on inmates and asked them to pick out their victims. They prisoners always went after the same people. You can tell alot about people just from the way they carry themselves. If your son acts confident I guarantee he will not get bullied. I would really try to find a Martial Arts School with a great program, not so that he can learn how to fight, but if he can build some confidence in himself, I guarantee you he will not need to fight.

I taught my son to say don't do that or stop and put his hands up to protect himself. You of course don't want him to learn to hit and that is good but he can learn to put his hands up in defense or even hold the other childs hands so they can not continue hurting him.

As for the new baby I taught my son to only kiss a baby on the forehead because my son kisses on the lips, never pick the baby up, and always be soft and gentle when you touch the baby. I taught him the difference between soft and hard by swatting his butt. Sounds silly but it works and it has helped him to understand how to be around younger children or even animals.

Same story with me, same age son (almost). I have unfortunately found many children at the park/library.. that their parents are no where to be found or lost in their cell phones and not paying attention to their children (hmmm wonder why their kids are acting out). I believe modeling behavior for my son may be helpful. When a boy takes the toy away from him I say "oh. Please give that back to us, we're still playing with it" and take it from that child if necessary. I also say "no hitting, hitting is not nice". We obviously cannot discipline someone elses child at the playground but certainly your child will learn from your voice and your words and eventually will imitate what you teach. good luck.

I'm going through the same thing with my 15 month old. It's always boys around his age. They haven't been too aggressive yet but it breaks my heart every time. The only reason I can think of for the other boys being mean to him is that he's nice. He's always smiling and willing to share toys. I really like what other people had said about teaching him to say, "No! don't hit me!". The only problem is he can only say about 6 words and surprisingly "no" isn't one of them.
I also tell the other kid "we don't hit, that's not nice", but I probably say it too nice.