Do Kindergarten Boys Need to Know Self Defense?

I think its good for him to know some basics and how to use an authoritative voice. When my daughter was in K, some 5th grade girls were attempting to pick on her in the bathroom. She's tiny, but had 3 yrs of tae kwan do and had the confidence to push past them, throw the door open it and slam it shut. She totally intimidated them and they never bothered her again.

Proper tae kwon do training teaches a child not to beat up people, but to have skills and self discipline to control themselves and a situation. It does not teach kids to brag about how they can beat people up. My daughter started at 2.5 yrs old.

For those who say that this must be a bad area -trust me, its almost worse in affluent communities because kids are less tolerant of those who don't fit the cookie cutter mold. And as far as "anti bullying policies", I've found that most of them keep the good kids in line and make the "bad" kids more stealthy. Example- my daughter got in trouble for yelling at a little girl when the girl pushed her friend. Since the teacher didn't see the push but heard my daughter yell, guess who got in trouble....

I think it's a great idea to get kids into martial arts at any age or any size! Great physical activity, builds confidence. Don't push it as something that he'll need to take care of himself. Just something fun and healthy.

Every kid should know how to fight back if someone attacks him.
I taught my daughter never to throw the first punch, but that if someone hit her, to fight back and fight dirty.

I've mentioned before that when my oldest son (now 6 and in Kindergarten) was 4, and his baby brother was 1 and still a little unsteady on his feet, we went to a children's fair at a local museum. They had a "balloon typhoon" which is similar to a bounce house AROUND the kids, but no cushioning on the floor, so it's still the hard concrete surface below. A blower blows balloons all around, and the kids loved it, thinking it was magical. I was on the opposite end of the thing, watching happily from the "window" there when I saw a bigger boy (8-ish?) take a balloon in his hand and walk up and knock children down on their bums, on the hard surface. The employee there was trying to yell over the blower "don't hit, stop" but he wasn't hearing it and just kept knocking down all the children. He walked to my 1 year old and I started moving toward the entrance as fast as I could while still watching, and my 4 year old stepped in front of his brother and said "Don't touch my baby brother". The kid tried to push him out of the way but Joseph jumped into his "ready" stance that he'd been learning from Kung Fu and blocked him. The bigger kid tried to step around him, arms up, to hit my 1 year old again, and Joseph just stepped in front again and said "Do not touch my baby brother". My 1 year old, oblivious, toddled away to safety, still playing, so I stopped and watched instead of interfering. The older kid got frustrated and tried to hit Joseph (the employee yelling to stop, no hitting, come back" and Joseph just blocked it: left, right, left, right, he blocked several attempts before the kid got frustrated and walked away. The employee crawled in and removed him from the balloon typhoon and he ended up going home. I was so proud of my 4 year old: he's also small. He was always quite small being a preemie, but he's finally evened out to "average", but we had put him in Kung Fu with a great teacher right after he turned 4 because we were concerned about his size and if he'd be bullied (he's a very sweet, mild mannered kid). We were proud of him because he was able to defend someone else (his brother), stand up for and defend himself, and all the while never had to throw a punch or kick.

Now in kindergarten: he went half a year with no problems at all at his first school. His teacher had nothing but wonderful things to say about his social skills, conduct, etc. We moved, and he started a different school. About two months in, he started coming home with bruises. __ pushed him, kicked him, hit him, etc. We were like "Did you use your words? Did you tell the teacher? What is happening?" I was concerned he was being bullied but the story wasn't adding up: he got hit in the face, has a bruise on his forehead, has mustard all down the BACK of his shirt (a corndog wiped down his back at lunch) and that child "just got a yellow"??? (Yellow being like a warning or single mark down in the daily conduct grade). I thought it must not be true and had a parent/teacher conference to check on his general wellbeing and how he's adjusting into the new school. All 3 teachers said he is super sweet, super nice, has good friends, plays well, etc. But nobody could really set my mind at ease about this one specific kid. I let it go a couple weeks, and then he came from school with a tear in his shirt and said that the boy spit in his face.

We'd taught him to look someone in the eye and speak up for himself firmly (he did) and if that didn't work, get an adult (teacher, which he did). The kid got a stupid "yellow" again (what does that MEAN?). It wasn't good enough, he isn't being protected from a continual issue with a specific child, so we told him to use what he's learned in Kung Fu. The boy has had his last chance. I then wrote a calm, very precise letter to his teacher detailing everything, reminding her of the parent/teacher conference, explaining how he's used his words, he's sought out help from teachers (or assistants, whoever is there), and that the NEXT step to physical attack is going to be physical defense. We asked that they be separated, it's a big class, there's no reason for this child to be sitting by my son, but that he has been trained and he has been instructed to defend himself because we don't feel he's being defended going through "the rules". I said that I understood that this child may have some sort of problem, and that he has his medical privacy and I'm not asking what his problem is, because I don't care what it is. He still can't hit, spit, push, wipe food, snot, or anything else on my child. Period. I told her to let everyone else who would be in contact with the class know my stance on it, and how my son has been instructed to handle it in the future because the school is failing him.

I got a phone call 3 minutes after sending that email: his teacher phoned me to say she had forwarded my email to the guidance counselor, the assistant principal, and all his other teachers, and they already had a parent teacher conference with the other boy's mother THAT DAY planned. She would also discuss my email with the other mom to explain the seriousness of the situation. She told me that the boy is not a bully, he just has trouble controlling himself; that he does this in their "specials" (art, music, etc) but not when with her in the main class. And I said "Ok, if he can refrain from doing it in front of his main teacher, then he CAN control himself and he should be held accountable". She said she did not want anything physical happening in school (referring to my email) and I simply replied "Me either, so handle it" (referring to his behavior to my son). The boy hasn't bothered him since. But especially at this young age, I don't care if he gets in trouble or not: my instruction has changed from "use your words, then get help from a teacher" to adding "defend yourself if it doesn't stop. never hit wimpy--if you absolutely must hit, it must be a good hit, and a hard hit. it needs to be enough to make someone not WANT to do it again". My opinion is that we have it documented that he's had lots of physical things happen TO him, but that boy's punishment was not much of anything. So if my son has to defend himself physically (I mean to get the kid off or away, not to just go pummeling someone) then he had better not have anything too strict happen to him. And if it does, I will defend him myself.

I personally have NO memory of children getting pushed around at school when I was this age. Teased, yes (the nose picker, the pants wetter, the stinky brain), and I remember the one boy every girl "loved". But I don't remember a bully. But it hurts my heart for my son to have experienced it first hand in kindergarten, and to see his confusion when he's following the rules and bad things kept happening...until the threat of physical defense was in play, at least.

it's not just about self-defense.

Martial Arts training gives EVERYONE confidence, skills and so much more...

Thank your husband for his service and sacrifices to our country. Sorry he was bullied when he was a kid. That sucks.

My boys are in Martial Arts - Tae Kwon Do and have been since Kindergarten. We are not active right now - but we will be again in the summer.

Good luck!

My son is a BIG kid. He is very tall, wears size 10 clothes. He is thin, but is a sturdy kid. He is in 1st grade.
Last week at the park he was "jumped" by a bunch of middleschoolers. (this park is in our apartment complex and he was with his older brother) These wretched kids held my son's arms kicked him and punched him in the face. I knew who they were, lost my ever loving mind on them, and called the police.
Remember, my son is in first grade.
My husband had taught my son how to punch and kick and it didn't do much good since these kids were older and MUCH bigger than him.
I do NOT live in a scary area at all. Very very low crime, nice area. It's just that kids are mean and awful sometimes.
My other son, who is 11, came home from school when he was in Kindergarten in tears. Apparently some of the 1st graders had cornered some of the K's on the playground and were holding the kids arms while they "kicked him in the nuts". My son was not hurt, but he was scared that it would happen to him. Luckily, he is pretty tall as well (in K he was in size 8/10 clothes as well) so he didn't get picked on, but the smaller guys did.
I don't know if "self defense" classes would help that much, but they certainly wouldn't hurt! I have absolutely seen Kindy's getting picked on.
L.
(I am FLOORED that people think that if you live in a nice area that your kid wont get picked on. That is absolutely 100% false! So what if the school has an anti-bullying campaign. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It does! All the time. We see it on TV on the news, in the paper, on social media. Please,ladies. It happens more than you think. Even the folks that live in huge houses with lovely yards are capable of having a child that is a mean bully.)

I'm all for learning self-defense, but for a five-year-old it needs to be taught in the context of something fun to do, rather than "It's a mean world out there and nobody will watch out for you but you."

It sounds as if you have a caring, sympathetic husband who is naturally concerned for his little boy. Why shouldn't he think of his own experiences and want something better for his son? Encourage him (your husband) to go to the school, meet the teachers and the school administrators *now*, and get to know them well. When he is sure his son will be among friends, he'll be a little less worried. Then he can help his son develop self-confidence and a great sense of friendliness. The confident, friendly folks are the ones who come out the best.

If you are that worried that your son will be beaten up, then maybe you need to find a different school.

I have talked to many parents in my DD's school to see what the bullying situation is now (vs a few years ago, since all those kids moved on). I wanted real-parent answers to questions about the staff and how they handle problems. Have you talked to other parents? To his teachers? If your DD is already in that school, is there a particular concern?

I also talked to her preschool teachers and they said that something that is in DD's favor is that she is well liked and can make friends. If your son has friends, can make friends, and is likeable, he is less likely to be a target.

DH's background as both a victim and a Marine may be clouding this issue. I think if he wants his son to know karate, then sign the kid up and see how YOUR SON likes it. But I would otherwise keep an eye on it, tell your son he can talk to a teacher, etc. If you truly feel that kindergarten is a war zone, then there are bigger issues with the school than playground scuffles.

I think that every kid needs to know self defense. Not just boys, but girls too. Yes there is bullying in schools. It doesn't matter if it's public or private school, it can happen anywhere. Not ever kid that is small gets bullied either. My son is in K and he is the youngest and smallest in his class (won't turn 6 until July). He has never been bullied.
But I do think it's just a good thing to know, whether your a kid, or an adult. Self defense is just one of those things that you should know.

At 5. You Are sending the wrong message. TaeKwon Do for re relation is wonderful but they teach the kids not to use it at home. I can just picture a five year old starting school and telling the other kids not to bother him because he can take care of them. He won't have one friend. Let him go to school, make friends and navigate the world of five year olds. He will do fine.

Wow you must live in a scary area!
My son, who is almost twenty years old now, and was also a little guy, never once got attacked physically at school or anywhere else.
Sure, there was the occasional pushing and shoving, but that was mostly in K/first grade when little boys are still learning how to control their impulses, and they were ALWAYS supervised at school, so these incidents were dealt with swiftly and were never serious.
If you're son will be walking alone through dangerous streets, by all means make sure he gets some self defense training.

Myself and two younger kids took Tae Kwon Do. Both of my kids had to use it for self defense and both got in school suspensions.

A girl attacked my daughter and all my daughter did was push her away and tell her no she wouldn't fight and she got a citation for disorderly conduct and a suspension.

A group of boys were bullying my son on the playground and one kid put him in a choke hold, my son broke the choke hold and decked the kid and got a suspension.

Moral of the story: even though both of my kids showed self control and were only defending them themselves they got into as much trouble as the kids who started it. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy and that includes self defense.

I think everyone should learn at least some basic self defense, sure, but make it fun, not scary. My kids started in martial arts at 4 and 6, so no, K is not too young. :)
Self defense is also good to incorporate into the stranger danger talks - it's not just about stopping a playground bully, it's about all around self protection - being aware, yelling, how to keep safe distance (3 steps away), and yes - also how to get out of some holds and maybe throw a proper punch. We don't live in a bubble of safety, we ALL should know how to protect ourselves.

Ditto Wild Woman.

The benefits of self-defense and martial arts training go well beyond the question of whether a child will ever be bullied, attacked, etc. They help kids develop self-confidence, social poise, self-control, and lifelong habits of fitness. They also really help kids deflect bullying, because they aren't intimidated. Make sure you're comfortable with the school and that the other kids seem happy there. If that checks out, you can't go wrong.

Unless you live in an area where the schools are completely horrible, no. But the firm voice thing is perfect. But if he likes organized sports like that, by all means get him into it. Kids can be jerks, but teachers tend to be on top of this especially at the younger grades. Hubby IS projecting, which is understandable. He needs to get a hold of that. It's not inferiority, it's remembered pain from childhood that he's feeling. He wants to spare his child, but you don't want to borrow trouble.

I would have a chat with the school to see what their policy is when a child gets physical-both the aggressive child and self-defender. Self-defense may just be your child's ticket to suspension.

I think it is great to have self defense skills, but don't assume he'll be bullied because he's small. I have 4 little peanuts and none of them have had an issue. But we've talked about them being tiny and short since they were born and they are very accepting of that and it helps tremendously with self esteem (wish I had that when I was kid). So, just make sure you don't emphasize that you're teaching him it because he's tiny, just that he's learning it because it's good to know.

Oh boy, I dunno. I have 4 boys, the oldest in kindergarten, and I can't imagine having to teach him to stand up for himself. I think you can cross that bridge when you get to it. My 3 brothers were never bullied at school at all. The boys in my son's class sometimes play a bit rough, but there's never been any bullying.

Fighting is not allowed at school, and since most kids these days are under constant supervision it's pretty unlikely he's going to get jumped (unless you live in an area where this kind of thing happens?)
The most important thing is self confidence and the ability to stand up, speak up and walk away from kids who aren't being nice.
Kids suffer in much more subtle ways these days, the classic bully who beat you up for your lunch money has morphed into the bully who controls kids by teasing and forming playground alliances. As long as your son is confident and learns how to choose good friends he should be just fine.

My sons are in karate, but they didn't start in preschool. The dojo they go to takes kids at age 5, iirc. They are adorable little cuties to watch!

The first things they learn are self control and discipline. When they begin to learn defense, lesson one is that physically defending oneself is the Last Resort in a situation. They learn several ways to deal with serious scenarios without fighting.

Only once has one of my kids ever had to lay hands on someone, and it didn't happen until 5th grade. Even then, he did not fight. He harmlessly subdued someone that was hurting others.

I would wait and see if there are any issues first. If he seems to be getting picked on, then enroll in a self defense class. My kids started at 6 and 8 years old.

Usually extra cirricular classes don't start until after school has begun anyway. Then they hand out fliers for these classes. So see what happens first and then decide.

Based on the information you've given, I tend to agree with the answers that say your husband is probably projecting his experiences onto your son. I think young kids need to start developing the 'self defense' skills of self- confidence and how to recognize+get out of problematic situations. Trained professionals are the best ones to teach them, however, not the parents. If you want to enroll him in martial arts classes (and he's interested), it can be a great place for him to begin learning those skills--and it might make your husband feel more comfortable. Our kids have really enjoyed Tae Kwon Do, for example, and it teaches them far more than physical skills.

Most importantly, you need to make sure your son has full trust in the adults running the school. Don't let your husband undermine that trust due to his own past. Probably it's time to have a good long talk with him to make sure you two get onto the same page.

Regardless of a child's size, I think it's a great idea to teach them how to stand up for themselves and/or be their own advocate. He should also know who he should go to in case of an emergency.

I have no worries puting a child in Karate and teaching them how to be responsible about their bodies and how to protect themselves if need be, however self defense for kinder? I do not see the need to bring that up. I do see the need for role play over the summer about things (all kinds of things) that can happen in real life and school.

We role play about Mommy being sick and him needing to call 9-1-1, we role play about someone taking him and how to respond. We role play about someone beating him up, his teacher being negative, Wrong touch, and ALL kinds of things that can happen.

We discuss "Safe Strangers" like Police Officers, Fire Fighters, Paramedics etc and "Strangers."

I wouldn't worry so much about inside of the school as outside. My son is also very, very small for his age. He's full foot smaller than most his average classmate. He's never once been the victim of physical violence inside the school. Verbal bullying - yes, definately.

Learning some self defense, even if he will never use it, can help to boost his self esteem if done in the right way. Telling him he needs to learn how to get out of a headlock because he's tiny and is going to get beat up IS NOT the right way.

Outside of school, my son has had 3 occasions where he's had to use the self defense he used in karate. Fortunately I just happeed to be nearby both times the events occured. One time a bigger kid, who always picks on him, came running by and floored him. Much to the kids dismay, my son jumped right up. So the bigger kid engaged him (grappling) and my son was able to get the upperhand. (you should have seen the look on that kid's face!)

I firmly believe all kids should be taught some basic self defense. How to get out of a wrist grab, headlock, and bear hug. And not just from someone their size - but from an attacking adult. We can't be with them every minute of the day and as we've all witnessed on the news lately, there are some real sickos out there.

I'd look at it like this - you don't have much to lose putting him in some kind of martial arts class... I always wanted to do it for my girls but we just didn't get around to it. He might not get bullied or picked on in K but maybe in 3rd grade he will. It takes some time to really get good at martial arts type stuff so starting now can't hurt. And not just for self defense but for the discipline, pride it seems to instill in people etc. So I'd put him in classes like plenty of other kids who are big for their ages. It's just another sport/activity and in your case, maybe a bit more insurance for your son. I'm in my 40's and still wish I knew martial arts. They're just cool. Think how great it is for anyone to know. There's a boy in my daughter's 1st grade class btw who is just tiny. Smaller than I think the smallest girl. I don't think he's picked on so I wouldn't worry too much but again - I think it's a good idea for all kids and as your son gets older, the chances of him needing to defend himself go up no matter where you live or what his size. Boys just fight sometimes...

I agree with other posters that a self-defense/martial arts class should be about the discipline of it, not because your husband is projecting a lot of fears onto his son.

Unless the school has lots of hidden corners and angles, your son will likely be fine. Stuff *does* happen, however, at my son's kindergarten, the teachers position themselves to see the entire space outdoors. The play structure doesn't allow hidden corners.

Stuff happens-- I see kids sort of play-fighting and one or two kids usually do have a rough time of keeping their bodies to themselves. But I will say this: most of the hitting and hurting I hear about usually happens between friends and not because the child is deliberately targeted. Certainly, I see pairs of kids who do get into it with each other regularly, and from what I've observed working at the school, they both give as well as they get.

School has changed a lot; teachers are more likely to step in and keep an eye on certain kids than I think they used to be. When I was a kid at recess, you often rarely felt the presence of the teachers attending. Sooo not the case these days.