47 answers

Child Is Always Getting Hit/pushed in Preschool

My son is 4 years old and started going to preschool. Everyday he comes home crying and says that a child has either pushed or hit him in school. He is neither provoking it or doing anything after they hit him. He just stands alone, sad, and comes home to tell me. He is my first-born and seeing him cry pains me. What can I do to help my son defend himself in school? The teachers are aware of the problem, but because this happening daily they don't care any more. As a parent what can I do protect him? One parent recommended that my son should get more involved in video games. I don't understand the correlation between a video game and self-defense. Should I put him in a karate class? Moms, I need your advice.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

If the teacher don't care. And don't know how to calm it down. Then i would change school if that is possible . And fine one were The teachers really care.

If the teachers aren't concerned, then go to the owner. If that doesn't help I would find another one. HE shouldn't have to deal with that everyday. When mine was in preschool, if something happened to him or by him I was notified when I picked him up so if he was the one provoking it then I could let him know it wasn't ok.
The shcool should have a no hitting, pushing rule and it should be enforced. Maybe you could " visit" unannounced one day and see what is going on?

I would start looking at other preschools.you need to talk to the teachers at other schools about the problem and find out how they will handle it. He has many years of school ahead of him and you need to get this worked out now before it is a real mindset with him. L.

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Go and talk to the teachers and bring in the head of the school. Demand that something be done or you will report them to the authorities. Yes this is necessary.

Is this a regular school or a privately owned place. If it is privatley owned, check with your local school. A lot of times they will have pre-k at the schools to prepare them for kindergarten and 1st grade. My daughter was in a school pre-k and it was great for her. They also recognized a few disabilities that I suspected she had and they started to correct the problem then. It worked out wonderfully and she is now in 2nd grade and getting the help she needs. Plus she is doing much better.

Anyway, the point is that your son has rights, you have rights as a parent. You need to make sure this school does something to correct the problem now, not later.

Good luck.


1 mom found this helpful

First, are you sure he's being treated this way. A child in my sons class made up the same issues because he didn't want to be there. He wanted to be at home. If he is telling the truth than you should get angry and go to the director. My son has pushed and hit other kids before, they have done this to him. BUT, his teachers punished whoever had the bad behavior and then had a discussion about why they shouldn't act that way. They NEVER overlooked they always taught. You should demand safety. If your child is allowed to be bullied now, he'll grow up thinking it's okay. I'd also look at putting him in a sport to grow confidence. Soccer, tee ball. My son plays ice hockey and has had the confidence to puff his chest out and yell at another kid, an entire foot taller, to stop knocking him down. My son dug his skates into the ice, preparing to get pushed again, and when the other kid tried to knock him down that kid fell. My son skated off laughing. It was a great moment as a parent. I hope you have one of these moments too.

Good luck, J.

1 mom found this helpful

I have two daughters. One has a passive personality and one had an outoging personality. They both attended the same elementary school. One always had a great day, great friends, no problems. The older one didn't. She was always sad because someone teased her, wouldn't play with her, etc. Same school, same teachers, 2 totally different experiences. It has taken me several years to realize that the older one is MUCH MUCH more sensative then the younger one. When someone says anything that can remotely hurtful my oldest is hurt to the bone, my younger daughter lets a lot of stuff roll off her back and only gets hurt by the bigger stuff.

This has been my experience and I hope it helps.

1 mom found this helpful

Once my son got bitten 5-7 times in the same week. The teacher's excuse was that he was the 'nice kid'. If they took something from him, he just went and got something else. If they were ugly to him, he just walked away. It was suggested (by his teacher) that he become a biter to teach the others a lesson. I was/am not comfortable teaching my kids to react negatively to negative behavior.

Needless to say, I took my son out of that class for a week. Sent him to my parents. I had 2 other children in the center. I was vocal to the directors/asst. directors about my disappointment in what they were allowing to happen. I also threatened to stand in the classroom and talk to each parent as they dropped children off.

I don't know what happened during the week in that classroom, but the next week everything was fine. They didn't hit or bite or anything. He is 4 now and in the pre-k program at the same center.

It will work out, don't despair. Be frank with the director, teachers, or owners. If you don't want to be confrontational, find a new pre-k.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Z.,

Your son doesn't need to know how to fight or how to physically respond to the bullies. This is a great opportunity for you to teach him about the virtue of assertiveness. Let your son know that when he lets others push him around, hit him, or otherwise hurt him that he is being "passive." Being passive lets others know that they don't have to respect him. He's allowing them to treat him badly.

To be assertive he will need to know that he deserves to be treated with respect. It means that you ask for what you want and need. Help him practice being assertive. A great way to do this is with small animals, puppets, or dolls. Let him play the role of the bully and you play the role of him. The bully might grab a toy from him or shove him to get in front of him in line and your doll of your son can say, "It's not okay to push me! I don't like it." If the other child becomes very aggressive, you can have your doll say, "Hitting is not okay. You are hurting me. I will not play with you if you do that."

As his mom, encourage him to use his voice and to ask for what he needs or wants. At home, notice if he is being too passive. Give him the nudge and the permission to speak up and to take care of himself. Do not solve all of his problems for him. You can help him understand how to set limits with others by letting them know what he will do and what he will not do or what he will not let them do.

Hope this helps. Teaching our children moral intelligence is one of the 4 parenting principles I teach on my site at http://www.motheringwithpatience.com

Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

Your son is probably simply a 'target' type child (mild mannered and will put up with it). There was a 2-day series of broadcasts on Focus on the Family just last week regarding this called "Instilling Courage and Integrity in Your Child". (I wish I'd known this info 25 years ago). You can listen online (like I do, daily) by going to http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/ar... and it will have a link or button to show 'archives'. Just go down the list and click on the ones of interest and they'll play for you.

1 mom found this helpful

There is no excuse for the teachers allowing this behavior. The offending child(ren) should be dealt with. If the teacher doesn't know how to deal with it, go to the school owner (if its a private school) and give them a chance to remedy the situation. It may mean that the school will need to contact the parents of the child(ren) and ask for their help in getting the children under control, but don't count on that too much :-( You may have to change schools if you get no response. Your child has a right to go to school in peace and without having to worry about his own safety - pushing can lead to more offensive behavior. Certainly, if 4 year olds are allowed to act this way, what will they be like at 14! You should reassure your son that you are supporting him and trying to get the problem fixed and allow him to vent his fear or frustration to you. Knowing your child is "standing alone" and still being mistreated is very painful. My son, who is 26 now, was treated this way. There is no easy solution. Perhaps you can offer him some ways to have him join in their play and help him to socialize a little better. Also, you may be allowed to sit in during the part of the day this is happening to see if you can recognize anything that might be causing your child to be picked on. Because he is quiet and "takes it" often will cause the other children to continue taunting him. but if you work with the school, your pediatrician and educate yourself on ways to teach your child the skills necessary, it will all be worth it! I realize teachers get busy and don't have time to discipline children and still teach, but unfortunately for them, that is still part of their job! Good luck and God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

Z.--- Good afternoon, I have to agree with the other posters--this is not acceptable behaivor and the preschool has been intrusted by you to keep your son safe. If they are not doing their jobs you must advocate for your son and do whatever it takes for this to end. That being said, you mentioned karate. I have recently enrolled my son in a class that not only teaches the art itself but also stranger danger and how to deal with bullies--I think this type of class may benefit your son. He will not go kung-fu on the other kids but he will learn self-confidence and how to react to these situations. I think you should definetly look into the karate schools in your area and go visit them while class is in session so you can see how they interact with the children, talk about what you would like your son to get out of the class and see what they have to say. This will also be an opportunity for your son to make new friends. (Please note that it may take a few classes for your son to open up and really get into it but his confidence WILL grow with each new accomplishment).
Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

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