My 16 month old boy is a little behind the curve on most things. Just started walking, has still only 2 teeth (!!), isn't talking (we're getting help with this), etc. He's one of those kids who doesn't just "figure things out" on his own. Perhaps he would... but very late in the game. He needs prodding. But he resists prodding! I feel like his peers are already coloring and painting and many are eating with little spoons and forks. He resists the hand-over-hand learning technique which makes it hard for me to show him drawing, spooning, etc. wondering if you have any ingenious ideas to get him interested in these activities!! I would be happy with finger painting at this point. :)
Thanks to all of your for your advice and encouragement. Perhaps my post sounded like I'm prodding too much or pushing too much - I think it sounded worse than it really is. My boy is only 16 months for goodness sake! He's totally at the age now where he knows what he wants and doesn't want. As we are heading into winter I was hoping to maybe get him into drawing or art so we'd have more indoor activities to do together since I feel like we do the same things over and over! I stay at home and right now we're not in any mom's groups so he doesn't have lots of "models" around except me. But I will keep bringing out activities and maybe one day he will join in. some of you provided some very fun activities, techniques... thank you so much - that is exactly what I was looking for. And the eating - great to hear lots of you have kiddos like my little one - and I don't need to stress that he's not using a spoon yet :) All in good time.
Well, whenever I think my child is behind on something I look over at Einstein and think:"He didn't speak until he was 4.... My kid will be fine".
I would just love on him and remember that they grow up so fast that it won't be an issue forever.
Hi N.,
Was he a preemie?? If not and you are getting services for speech, then I would ask to have him tested for developmental delays. Probably nothing to worry about but I would just to be on the safe side.
Penny Amic
CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings
An Early Intervention Network
310-=869-9856
While it's tempting to compare your child with others, it's not productive for either of you. Children develop in their own time, whether they read at 2 or at 9 (both of which fall within the normal curve, by the way). By 4th grade they all are at more or less the same place, no matter at what age they spoke, painted, read, wrote. Enjoy your little boy and follow his lead, rather than forcing him to follow yours. Offer interesting materials and objects to play with and see what he wants to do with them. He'll indicate what he wants to do, and you being willing to go along with him on his journey of exploration is far more important than having him finger paint at any age. It does take patience - toddler time is a different pace than adult time - but it will be so worth it for both his development and the trust it will build in your relationship. Have fun!
S. Eiges, M.S.W.
aka "LA School Scout"
____@____.com
877 877 6240
Mine was like that.
In development, very few kids are early, on time, or late with EVERYTHING. At 1 my son wasn't walking yet, was still babbling, wasn't using utensils (much less drawing!... the closest we got was when I cut his hair, he'd smear shaving cream all over the mirror.
By 1.5 he had a few words (most of his communication was done with body language), was just figuring out the walking thing (wasn't really "good" at walking until 2, and would revert to crawling, because it was faster), etc. We just enjoyed him. He was having a blast figuring out the world, he just did it at his own pace. He wasn't MISSING milestones, he was just at the latest edge for many of them, but early on others (like smiling and laughing the first week, and dead on with others like rolling over).
Even though it seemed like he was "behind" on language & movement...By 3 he was reading fluently at a 1st/2nd grade level (he started reading at 2.5), typing on the computer (no hand strength for writing) and was in CONSTANT motion... Jumping/flying off of furniture. We had to put him in gymnastics/swimming/soccer & buy a puppy just so he could burn off the energy that was radiating off of him. (We also had the "terrible three's" at our house. Thankfully things calmed down when he hit 4).
Kids don't all develop at the same rate/time... that's why there's a "range". We weren't concerned with him, because he was within the range, and we didn't do any intervention stuff, because we weren't concerned. (Now we have autistic & developmentally disabled kids in our family, so we also had a really good "meter" to compare against. He wasn't exhibiting concerning symptoms... like not making eye contact, mewing, etc... so even though he was "behind" his peer group, no worries. And as time told, did he ever "catch up"!! Oy. An early reader is a nightmare, btw).
Some kids also just have strong likes and dislikes. My son has ALWAYS disliked drawing/painting (and I'm an artist, so go figure), and is as stubborn as all get out. Prodding in any direction equals an immediate dig in the heels and stop. He was fantastic with chopsticks, until someone "handed" chopsticks to him, instead of letting him pick his own. This was also around age 3. He hasn't used chopsticks since. The things he loves, you can't keep him from doing, and the things he dislikes... you can only get him to do via careful manipulation.
Mom-instincts are good... if you "feel" something is wrong... ALWAYS trust your gut, but don't get too wrapped up in what other kids are doing & or capable of... because that is a really fluid set of criteria.
:) best,
R
one thing that is fun to let them create something is put a mound of shaving cream on the kitchen table (or floor if you don't mind) and YOU can start playing in it... making shapes and letters drawing little pictures etc. Then ask if he wants to try. Give him his own and let him go at it while you are still doing it yourself for a while. Yes it is messy (but actually good for the wood if your table is real wood) but it is fun. My son hated writting so would never practice his letters but this way he would. He thought it was great fun to make shapes in the mess on the table. Also those aquadoodle pads are fun. Get it on the floor and start doodling yourself then give him one see what he does with it. he can't make a mess and even if he just shakes the "pen" around if water comes out onto the pad it will make a mark and then maybe he will investigate how.
Do you always give him a spoon when he is eating? Don't try to show him or help guide him if this upsets him. Just hand it to him and see what he will do. Maybe he will throw it down, maybe eventually he will start trying to put it to him mouth even if there is no food on it. Good luck hope this helps:)
N.,
It looks like you have been trying everything you can. Two teeth and not talking is a big deal, but it sounds like the other stuff is normal. I think people who say you shouldn't compare when things are obviously wrong are too polically correct and don't realize that it gives a mother more peace to know if there is something wrong so that they can take action. Having said that, my daughter (26 months) has hit every milestone super early but she was not capable of using a utensil until almost 2 years old. It's not something they just pick up, you really need to be super super diligent with it, letting them explore despite the mess. I was not in the mood for that, especially with being tired and pregnant and then having a newborn myself when my daughter was 16.5 months! Besides, I think she preferred touching her food and feeling the texture. Coloring was not interesting to her either, except for my wild cheering when she put the crayon anywhere near the paper!! :) Some kids truly are disinterested in certain things. I found my daughter was more interested in watching things going on all around her than the things she could personally manipulate and affect (except for musical toys).
I hope that helps a little. If you think there is more to be concerned about, check out Dr. Blaylock's work. He is a neurologist that is extremely insightful. My favorite one is called, Vaccines and Brain Development. In some of his articles he gives insight on how some foods affect the brain.
Sincerely,
C.
16 months is not too late to walk. Alot of children do not develop the coordination to do all these acivities you are describing until about 2 years old and older.
Also, some kids are just not interested in these activities.
I think the key with utensils and drawing is to not push it at this age. Just always have it available for him and use it yourselves, but don't push him yet. If it's always there on his dish, he'll eventually be curious and start picking it up. Maybe you could even let him choose his own spoon and fork from the store so he feels like he has a say in it.
My son is 2.5 and doesn't love drawing either. Some of his friends really like it and others would much rather play with their trucks.
Don't worry - he'll get there!
K.
http://oc.citymommy.com
N. :)
Lucky mom to have 2 little ones! I think you should relax a bit about your son. Give him spoons to play with, eating spoons, wooden spoons, any size you have. Give him a big pot, and show him how to drum it. Drum with him. He will learn through play and imitation of you. Let him try, when he wants to, but don't push him for another little while. Make it fun! Do things with him, but most of all, relax, and enjoy!
A.
Hi, N.
What I did with my little boy was -- since I lived in an apartment which was very small, I covered the side of my refrigerator with paper and had a cigar box of colors sitting by it,
so anytime I was in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning, he was there drawing beautiful pictures for me. We would also draw together on the paper, and he ended up being the best artist in kindergarten. He's not an artist now by any means, but... This was also 21 years ago.
Good luck and don't worry. His talents are still being honed perhaps in other ways.
N.,
I am a Proud Mother of 4 children my Eldest daughter 19, years, Son 18 years, Daughter 10 and Son 3 years old. I have had 4 different experiences with my children and what I have gathered is every child learns at his/her own pace and your boy just walking was when my 18 year old boy started and he didn't talk until he was 1 and a half and when he did talk, he never stopped!!! He is at an Amazing University back East and I am very proud of him. He really just took everything in and when he Mastered it; He applied it. I promise you will see changes and progression. Be patient. My suggestion is not to compare your unique child with any other.
Good Luck,
B.
I definitely think its early for him to be coloring or using utensils. I would not worry about it yet. I have a 2 year old boy (remember too that boys are very different from girls) and even though he CAN hold a crayon and color he really has almost no interest in it at all. I know some kids his age are interested in coloring but he is not and I'm not too worried about it. But even so, he didn't really "get" the concept of it until past 18 months, probably closer to 20 months. As for utensils, that seems to be another one of those things that every child does at their own rate but I still don't know many who did it before 18 months. Mine was definitely closer to two when he consistently started using utensils and even now he sometimes chooses his fingers over a utensil. I would just choose something you don't mind if he gets all over himself (we started with thicker yogurt) and give him a spoon. Let him play, make a mess. We just did that once a day and now at two he can eat a bowl of yogurt or applesauce on his own (but he's still pretty messy!).
Try not to stress about "behind the curve". It sounds like you are doing the right things but pressure won't help him. My little guy was ahead of the curve on some things (walking) and behind a little on others but I'm surprised how at 2 everything has started to come together and even out. I am noticing less and less differences between him and his peers. Also, I was comparing him too often and that is just a bad set up for the future, you don't want them to feel like they are constantly being compared and trust me, they will catch on to these things before we think they will.
Good luck!
I really like the idea about using shaving cream with him. Also the advice about using your mother's instict is right on! Just don't combine that with denial.
I would suggest to look up ideas on the computer under occupational therapy with toddlers (or something similar to that). You ought to find all kinds of ideas and fun things to do with your son. Also, just FYI...girls will, usually develop their pincher (spelling?) muscles (fingers) faster than boys because they button babydoll clothes, color, etc.
Just FYI my 2 1/2 year old daughter is not very into these things. We are still always bugging her to use her fork and spoon and she insists on using her fingers. She has never seemed that interested in crayons or drawing, and doesn't seem as advanced in Fine Motor Skills area as others her age... oh well, everything in time. I'm not concerned about it, so I really wouldn't be worried at all with a 16 month old. Just encourage it and provide opportunities I guess.
Ok put your fears to rest and ease-up on your kiddo. Of course he is resisting the prodding. I don't know a single kid that responds positively to that kind of pressure to perform. My oldest daughter was a dream. She could feed herself, could talk in full enough sentences and knew her alphabet by by 18 months. She was the EXCEPTION NOT THE RULE!
My next daughter (21 months younger) was a whole other story. I finally stopped feeding her myself at age 3 and made her learn how on her own. She was not a big talker (now she won't shut up! Just turned 8) and had me fooled that she didn't know how to read until she was 6 (she gave herself away reading a street sign out loud one day).
I now have a two year old son who is yet another story altogether. He barely says 15 words (getting much better in the last couple weeks with communication). He feeds himself but that's relatively new and he is still terribly messy but I am going to let him learn at his own pace. And as for art? I would let him draw all the time but he still eats the writing implement. No pencils in this house have erasers at the moment. Don't even get me started on paint! Yeah it's fun to mess with but it's even more fun to lick (YUCK!!!!)
I guess my point is: He will only be little once and the time will truly fly. Let him learn at his own pace. Both of you will appreciate it in the long run.
~V.
my daughter progresses best when she watches other children older than her. She didn't figure out utensils until she was well over 18 months, while her cousin had it down by 14mo.
Every child develops differently. It is very dangerous to compare your child to others because children can sense how others are feeling. If everyone feels he is slow and not quick to "figure thing out", this will actually contribute to who he will become. I have worked with young children for over 20 years. The milestones that you read about in books are an average ... it does not mean that something is wrong with your child if they meet these milestones a little differently. My son, Jonathan, did not walk until he was 18 months. He was not interested in writing until he went to kindergarten. When he was in preschool, all he wanted to do was build Legos. Now, he is in 8th grade. He is an A student, he is in the honor orchestra, and is working towards USC. When he was younger, some people felt that he was not smart because he was just sitting there as other children were doing their work. What I discovered was that he was thinking. He is a very deep thinker and now that he is older, this is a great quality. He is a smart, talented, charming, strong, healthy, happy young man.
I believe that it is way too early to worry. Enjoy your little guy and his unique personality. Introduce him to new activities and when he is ready, he may just surprise you.
