How to Get 10 Month Old to Fall Asleep on His Own Without Being Nursed to Sleep?

Dear S.,

First of all I want to you to make sure that you keep in mind that ALL babies are different. So when you read the responses, know that babies respond differently to things. By all means, try things, but in the end you have to do what works for you two.

I really feel for you because I went through the same thing with my baby girl, except that after breastfeeding I usually had to rock her for what seemed like forever. And then had to rock her whenever she woke in the middle of the night. We used a swing and our arms. At six months I was completely exhausted, getting very little sleep. I didn't want her to cry, but then she would cry anyway when she woke, so I thought, well lets try a little crying on mommy's terms.

I read a whole bunch of books and began trying the methods. The one that appealed first was the moving chair. I got earplugs and first tried the sitting by her crib on a stool, patting her as needed. The theory was that each night you move the stool further towards the door and then eventually you can leave. But that never worked because as long as I was in the room she wanted to be with me. After three hours of crying (I knew there was nothing wrong, clean diaper, fed, mom right there,) I couldn't do it, so I decided we needed a different method.

So then I got the Ferber book, read the WHOLE book and took what I felt comfortable from it. Ferber is not cry it out, it is letting the baby learn to self soothe in small increments while letting baby know that you are always there for them. As parents we have to be the child's parent and teacher. We have to teach our children how to self soothe and regulate to help them respond well to situations as they grow older.

Ferber said to feed the baby in the light, then put them to bed, but I felt that my baby was way to active and alert for that. In my opinion she needs the dark downtime to wind down. She is just too interested in the world otherwise. I went through our normal routine, including the breastfeeding in the dark. I would wait till her sucking pattern slowed to suckling and she was relaxed. (She didn't always get relaxed, and still doesn't. I have to sometimes gently hold her arm or legs to stop it from smacking me or herself. Its like her limbs sometimes have a mind of their own!!) I unlatched her, popped in a paci and put her in her crib, patted her for a second or two then left the room. We have a video baby monitor so I watched intently. She naturally popped right up and began crying, then screaming. I chose short intervals to visit her (mostly because I couldn't take the crying for too long), so after 3 minutes of watching the second hand on a watch I went in and reassured her mommy was right outside, leaned in the crib and hugged her, patted her and sat her down and let her calm down a little. After 2 minutes I left the room. Louder screaming ensued, and I came back after 5 minutes. From then on I switched to 7 minutes. She was asleep after 40 minutes from start time. I was shocked! She woke at 1am and I did the same thing (3,5,7 minutes). She was asleep after the second visit. The next night it took 20 minutes, with one night waking (started with 5 minutes, went to 7 then 12). The third night she went right to sleep, no crying and slept for 10 hours. She woke twice with a little tiny whimper, and went on sleeping. I kid you not. I couldn't believe it.

So how are we now at 13 months? Whenever she went through a new developmental milestone like walking at 8 months, or new teeth I knew that she would need more comforting. I would sometimes nurse her to sleep and put her in her crib asleep. I pretty much put her in her crib asleep now, but she has learned that if she is in real trouble, mommy will come. Plus it takes only 10-20 minutes of quality snuggle time.

So if she has a bad dream and a gentle patting doesn't soothe her, I pick her up and assure her its okay. I've only had to respond to nightmares a handful of times. On the occasion that she is completely fidgety and restless and wont nurse to sleep, (or is biting me too much) I sit with her in the rocker with a paci and try to get her drowsy. If it doesn't work and she is too squirmy, I put her in her crib. Most of the time she was just not comfy in my arm, rolls over onto her tummy and goes to sleep. If she doesn't go right to sleep and complains, I pat her back a little and say hush to comfort her. Then there is the 1% of the time when nothing works and we have a bad night, but jeez after what we have gone through already, I can't complain.

The most important thing to do in my opinion is to stay flexible. Do your routine, and try to show her how to self soothe, then respond as needed. You do have to set boundries though, because if you don't you are doing a disservice to your child who will expect the world to not have boundries either. Do all of this with lots of gentle love, of course. :)

Good luck,
L.

Hi S.,as a mom 25 years I a good mom who is treating a 10 month old like an infant, that's the first problem I see as an older mom. As for not putting your baby to bed till they fall a sleep is an individual choice, S. I rocked my babys to sleep from birth to toddler stage, I was never a believer that baby's should put themselves to sleep, that's my own personal opinion. Some of my sweetest memories of my babys was singing and rocking them to sleep. I put them on rice cereal at 6 weeks old so we never had any sleep issues with our 3 kids. we put a cup of water in the corner of the crib incase they did wake up and they were thirsty, (six months on). Breastfeeding from what i have been reading through mamasourse this past year causes sleep issues. At 10 months I would give him cereal rock him to sleep lay him down, and don't go back in if he wakes up crying, if you have been doing this for 10 months, this is now his routine, he knows the crying controls you so he uses it. I know a lot of moms out there think I am against BF I am not, but when it is done for so long that it becomes more about routine and habit that it does feeding then i believe it's a problem, thats just my opinion sweetie. it can't hurt to try something different, thats the only way you get different is by doing something different. Just for what ever, starting at 9 months my baby's were at one bottle a day, in the morning while i was getting their cereal ready` the rest of the day they were on a cup, 3 meals a day plus snacks, cereal at bed time. no sleep in issues, what and how we raised and loved our babys/childeren worked for us, I pray you find what works for yours. remember everyone is going to have an opinion, so weigh them out, but you need to be able to sleep at night. J. L.

S., I nursed my son until he was 21 months old. I nursed him to sleep every night and then put him to bed. If he would wake up I would let him cry for no longer then 10 minutes then I would go get him and nurse him to sleep again. The fact that it is taking so long to get him to sleep might be that your milk supply is low. With it being so hot you could be alittle dyhidrated and that will cause you to not have as much milk. Make sure you are drinking alot of water. I had this problem a few times and my son would bite and kick and just wiggle around because he had know way of telling me that he was not getting enough milk. Good Luck don't give up on breastfeeding!

Tina

I have a 12 month old with sleep issues also, but I think he struggles with some digestive problems too.

He's getting to the stage where the weather is hot and he can't fall asleep nursing because he is overheated. So when he stops nursing and wants to get down, I give him a pacifier, hold him and rock him for a couple of minutes, then I stand up and rock him while singing our routine lullaby. Then I lay him in the crib. If he doesn't have any tummy or gas issues, he will try to relax and go to sleep. However it has taken two secrets. 1) A consistent bedtime routine so he knows it's time to sleep and 2) I use Tracy Hogg's "Solves all your Problems" baby book. The put down method where you come in and lay them back down every time so they know that you mean business. It seems to me that I have to let him cry a little because he likes me to come in and lay him down. I'm not sure if it is really easier in the long run to try something like the Ferber method that the other Mama suggested. But Tracy's method certainly makes you feel less guilty bacause you are always there for the child.