Getting to My Breaking Point with This No Sleeping!!!

Updated on October 27, 2011
K.C. asks from Texarkana, AR
18 answers

OK im getting so worn out and tired and i need answers but before you answer please do not tell me that i have done wrong with my sons sleeping patterns in the past I have done what works best for me but is just no longer working, I very much dislike negative people and honestly i am on here everyday and answer questions all the time and never once been negative ... Ok with that being said HELP ME lol
Ok this may be kinda long but my son is will be 15mths old on the 3rd of nov, he has always been a cosleeper baby or in the pack in play next to us or bassinet since birth.... I have always rocked him to sleep since day one and still do , and i have also never ignored him when he wakes at night it ( never let him CIO) what can i say i want a happy baby that knows mommy is there for him ( i know i know cut the cord already K. lol) alil past history my son is a kicker, mover, rolls over , stands up and crawls to the end of the bed all night every night in his sleep and has done this since he has been mobile. It drives me insane but after speaking to his de about it she said he would grow outta it well 6mths late he still hasnt.
Ok so about a month ago we started the crib thing and it worked great my son may have woke once a night but usually around 5am so i would put him in bed w us and he would zonk out again till 7 r 8.. Well this lasted 2 weeks. Well we out tubes put in about 2 to 3 weeks ago bc he has had so many infections and i swear i think he hears so much better that everything wakes him up. He wakes about 5 x a night now.
Out schedule is
730pm get in pj's, tv turned down, lights off
745 bottle in dads arms
800-830 sits quietly in dads arms and starts dozing
9pm out like a light and we move him to crib
11pm-midnight AWAKE whining which turns to crying so he gets in bed with us
2am rolling and trying to crawl over me in his sleep and when i move him back in middle of bed it wakes him up
3AM again kicking both feet in air so much that wakes himself up
430-5am wakes up sits up in bed and tries to put his binky in my mouth to wake me up finds this funny and laughs, i get him a half a bottle feed him and he falls back asleep
6am-7am rolls crawls, stands up in sleep until finally we give in and we all get up for breakfast.
This is a regular night for us recently and i just cant deal with it any more. I am currently 7 mths pregnant and i have enough kicking in my stomach from the unborn lol .
Now we have tried putting him back in his crib everytime he goes back to sleep but find it easlier and to keep him in bed w us because it prevents him from crying several times in the middle of the night. Im not saying i wouldnt try and let him CIO but i dont think hubby could deal he has to get his sleep or is a major grump. I am currently reading no cry sleep solution for toddlers but i just got it today and am only a hr into the book . O and also my baby gets one nap a day usually from about 12-230 and plays hard at babysitters everyday, he eats good all meals and usually has a full belly before bed,
O and one more thing to add he is currently teething actually has 3 coming in at once and i usually give him teething tablets or tyenol before bed, but even when he's not teething the sleep patterns are the same.
ANY help or stories from ya i would be so grateful.... and for the record i understand that I have formed this issues by co sleeping and by always being there for him when he crys . He was my first baby and believe me i have learned my lesson and this new baby will not be sleeping with us lol
thanks for everything ladies

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answers from New York on

I think he needs his own space. Yes, teething or illness messes up sleep patterns, but you also said this happens when he is not sick. He is still young for this but since you have a new baby coming, consider putting him in a full size bed in his room. You can stay with him while he falls asleep and then leave. If you need to, go to his room if he cries. Then leave again when he is asleep. It may not work, but worth a try. Does he have a lovie, something he can use to self-soothe?

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answers from New York on

We used Ferber, we did it b/f I returned to work. Baby was crying so much we felt we had nothing to loose and everything to gain. He's one, and he sleeps from 8:30-6:45 on weekdays and 8:30-7:30/8 on weekends. Our goodnight routine is I sing him up to two lullabies while rocking him in my arms. He mustn't like my singing because he usually squirms and makes his way to the crib. He gives me a great big smile while I cover him. I put on his mobile, shut the door. By the time I've had a cup of coffee, he's asleep and I prop his door open for circulation.

BTW, just because our baby sleeps, doesn't mean that he is still. We call him Mr. Migration because we find him all over his crib and in every which shape and position. He's been wriggly from the start, and continues to be that way.

Our ped suggested that we let him self soothe even if he's teething. If he wakes in the night, we wait 3-5 minutes before getting up to see to him. 9/10 times he manages to get back to sleep without our assistance.

Please act quickly with whatever sleep solution you are going to implement. You, your husband, your son, and the new baby will all suffer worse when all four of you aren't sleeping through.
Good luck to you.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Tuscaloosa on

Hi K.,
One of our jobs as parent, that's not in the baby manuals (LOL) is teaching them how to fall asleep and how to fall back to sleep when they wake up. So far, you haven't taught him that yet because you do it for him. That doesn't mean you have to let him "cry it out" but there are gentler ways to help him learn how to fall asleep. It may involve some crying, which is heart-breaking, but keep reminding yourself that you are teaching him a valuable life skill. As he gets older there will be many more valuable life skills that he will need to learn and sometimes they may involve crying. That's just a part of life.

A great book I recommend is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth. It gives you options to choose from to break bad sleep habits. You don't have to rea the whole book but can skip to the age or phase you need. The author also has a facebook page!!!

As people already suggested, you're going to have to start putting him down to sleep without letting him fall asleep in your arms. That's a major first step. Then, when he wakes you can go and comfort him without picking him up so that he knows you are there and respond to him, but aren't going to do the work for him. He may/will cry, and you don't have to let him cry for hours. Let him cry for 5 mins., do it again, wait 10 mins. next time, do it again,etc. He'll start to figure it out pretty quickly. You may have a rough night or 2 or 3, but I really think that will fix it as long as you don't cave in and take him to your bed. That starts you at square 1 again.

Best of luck. I hope you are able to get some sleep soon!!!

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answers from Charlotte on

K., the reason he won't sleep and be still is that he doesn't have to. You do everything for him. Whatever he demands, he gets. You put him in bed with you still, and that is what he expects.

Is he in the crib in his own room or in your room? He needs to be in his own room. Try getting a white noise machine - that might help him with hearing stuff.

If the book you are reading doesn't work, instead, read the Ferber method (updated) and decide if you could do that. Let hubby wear earplugs while you sleep train. It is hard to sleep train when they are teething, but I would not pick your baby up from his crib while you wait for the teething to subside. If you feel you must go in there, just pat him on the back. The best way to do it is to go in 5 minutes after he cries, pat him, walk out, then wait 10 minutes, go in and pat him, walk out, then 15, then 20, etc. If you pick him up, if you put him in bed with you, if you are wishy-washy, he will wake up all night long screaming for you to put him to sleep. If you sleep train him, he will learn to go to sleep on his own. And you will know how to handle 2nd baby when he or she comes along.

Good luck,

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answers from Kansas City on

I don't mean to be negative so hope it doesn't sound like I am. I have written on here before about my first child. I patted him to sleep and sat in his room. I did this every night. He was our first and I thought everything 'firm' would make him not like us, or me. So I did that. It got very hard on my husband as I was sitting in the room all night patting and then when I crawled to the door he would pop up and cry. I realize this is not co sleeping and an all night disturbance but it was a disturbance to our life. Finally about the time our second child was born, 12 months later, the pediatrician told my husband to send me around the block driving to keep me out of the room and let him cry it out. I didn't have to drive around but it only took a few days, less than a week. He cried and when I didn't go in it got less and less crying each night. He was 12 months old or close to it and he understood the situation and still knew we loved him and he slept better then and we had the evening to see each other. It didn't hurt him, wasn't mean and all I thought it was. I would suggest you talk with your husband and tell him for a few nights he will hear crying and see if he's willing to put up with it. It won't last long IF you are consistent and stick to not picking him up. I would suggest his own room though. He will be much better not seeing you and thinking he can get you up then. This is just what I learned and it's up to you. I will say if you are having another baby you do want to break this BEFORE the baby if you can or you'll be up all night and the baby will learn the pattern of the other child and family. My other children all went to bed fine as they learned from the beginning. I did rock one a bit before bedtime but he went right to sleep then. I know many will not agree with this crying it out but I do know it works and doesn't hurt the child at all. They have to learn sometime that you are there but not every minute of day and night unless there is a real need to go in.

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answers from Phoenix on

Wow, this sucks! The best advice I got when I was preggo with my first was to NEVER rock the baby to sleep and to put them in their own crib/bed awake so they learn to put themselves to sleep. I did this with both kids and from their first week home they both slept 12 hours straight thru the night until they were almost 3. And now at ages 12 and 9 they are still good sleepers. I'm sorry I don't really have any advice since I never had this problem but will suggest maybe a fan on in the room. The white noise may help keep the other noise from waking him up. Good luck!!!

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answers from Fayetteville on

First I want to say, I see that you have done nothing wrong. You are doing what you feel is best for you and you family. Even now you know it is time for a change.
The one thing that promtted me most to reply was the fact that you are giving teething tablets at bed time. Are you aware that teething tablets have caffeine in them? Caffeine is a natural stimulant that aids in pain management but non the less is a stimulant. It may not be the cause, but I would not think that it helps with his restlessness.
Hope this helps.
Be blessed,

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answers from Austin on

Get your husband some earplugs. they will block a lot of the noise.
Babies/toddlers/children do not sleep in one position the whole night.. Heck I toss and turn all night too.

Have a routine every night and stick with it the same every night. Keep it calm and quiet around your son. He does not want to feel like he is missing out on anything going on around the house.

Once your son is in bed asleep,
Give your son time to move around and even cry a little before you go in.. Sometimes they will even talk or sing, this is not the time to go in if he is not hard crying.. Just leave him be.

If/when you do go in, Do not turn on the lights, do not look him in the eye, do not pick him up do not speak with him. Give him his binky and pat him for a moment and then leave.

We had friends that left about 5 pacifiers in the crib, so that when their daughter reached around for one in the dark, she could find it.

I agree with either having a humming fan, soft music or a white noise machine to help block the sounds out for your son.. Especially when the newborn comes.

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answers from Champaign on

Excellent book!!! Elizabeth Pantley really does have some great ideas. I was going to suggest it, actually. I never really did the crib. My kids co-slept (and still do some nights). The one thing we did to help them get used to their own bed was to put a twin size mattress on the floor. We did this for two reasons. First, so they began each night in their own bed (at the first waking, they joined us). Second, so we could lie down with them if need be. I could lie down next to them our squish together on the mattress, sing to them, rub their backs, etc. Whatever they needed in order to relax.

The kicking and moving really sucks!!! They do grow out of it, but 5 year old didn't grow out of it until he was 3 or so, I think. My youngest is 2 1/2 and still does it sometimes. It helps us get more sleep that they begin their nights in their own bed. At least we get a few hours to ourselves. Some nights we joke about it. "How long to he wakes up?" And then we both guess at time. Some times we wake up in the morning surprised to find just the two of us in bed.

Hang in there!!! It really does get better :-)

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answers from Pittsburgh on

I've always heard that WE disrupt THEIR sleep much more than they disrupt ours.
When he wakes up after 11:00, give him a bottle and put him back in his crib drowsy. I would also be giving him some food before that 7:45 bottle.

And CIO is about 3 nights of hell. You can comfort & pat every 5, 10, 15 etc minutes but then it's all about the payoff. I need to count on my sleep to function daily. Most people do.

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answers from Kansas City on

Don't feel bad, I was the same way with my son. I actually found an instrumental cd (very mellow) and put it on while I was rocking him to sleep, and left it on repeat in his room overnight. It helped drown out some of the outside noise, and since he fell asleep with the music, he was more confident that mommy had "just" laid him down, so he would go back to sleep on his own more easily. He is 4 now and only wakes up in the middle of the night if he has to go potty. Of course, he likes to get up at 6 am on the weekends and join me and daddy in bed until it's time to get up for breakfast, but we honestly love the chance to still cuddle him occasionally.

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answers from Provo on

Keep reading the book you are reading, make a sleep plan and stick to it.

I was in the same boat as you a few years ago with my first. So I know it can be done, and I know that book works. What you need to do now is concentrate on the self-soothing techniques so your boy can get himself to sleep, so that when he wakes in the night he can put himself back to sleep. It's a great skill to be teaching him, but it takes some time and some patience. FFWD 3.5 years, and my 6yo goes to bed at 8 and sleeps through until 7 am solid. Every. single. night. There is hope!!

Hope all goes well, especially with another on the way for you.

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answers from New York on

I did not do CIO with wither of my daughters. It breaks my heart to hear them cry and I also wanted to teach them that I will always be there when they need me. My oldest daughter was a great sleeper. My second, not so much. Part of the reason was that when she would cry I would nurse her immediately because I didn't want her to wake up her sister (they are only 15 months apart). So I created this monster that didn't sleep at night because she needed me to comfort her. I nursed her in the middle of the night (almost every 2 hours) until she was 15 months old. Here's what worked for us. I put a mattress on the floor next to her crib. I would lay with her until she fell asleep, rubbing her back or holding her hand. When she would wake up in the middle of the night I would go again to the mattress and rub her back or hold her hand, and usually fall asleep next to her. That way if she woke up in the middle of the night again I would be there, plus I could also get sue sleep. It took about 2 weeks of middle of the night wakings before she was able to stay asleep. Then it was a couple more weeks of me staying with her until she fell asleep. She turned 2 in July and has been sleeping on her own for months. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon! :)

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answers from Miami on

Everything that Amanda said. Also, for the white noise try this:

My son has had it since about 5 months old and yes, it is in his crib. He can't get the sound box out - there is no way he is going to choke! He is 14 months old TODAY and he has been turning it on or changing the noise on his own for months. You can tell him he is a big boy now and big boys sleep in cribs but the Giraffe will keep him safe. I also don't mind the giraffe noises over the baby monitor.

Good luck! C.

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answers from Shreveport on

my daughter has twin boys that are 15 months ole also, she did learn from their daughter( 5yrs.) that you don't put them in your don't put them in your ROOM or bed. At first they were getting up and feeding them at night and both work full time in their 30's. They get up by 5 a.m becuase they have to get 5 ready for nursery, school and work and leave by 6 a.m. Finally they took the advise not to get up and give them a bottle during the night it took about 4 nite bu they are now sleeping all night and in bed for 7 p.m. they do wake up sometimes at night but they do not go get them... One has had 2 sets of tubes before 1 yrs old and the other one had tubes once...
Be firm and stick with the plan....Feed them change them and give last bottle before bedtime and stick with plan....give it a week if it takes that....Good luck and May Gob please you'll with your new addition on the way....Louisiana

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answers from Cleveland on

I can relate. My oldest was a horrible sleeper from day 1 and I probably made it worse. Cosleeping a lot etc. But by 15 months, she had to sleep in her crib. We had a newborn. So before our second was born, she went in her crib and when there was fussing, we went in and patted her and soothed her and lay down on the floor next to her crib. I'd read this somewhere and it struck me as a nicer form of CIO. I couldn't leave her alone in the room to CIO so I was there - she could see me - but after the initial soothing and telling her to go to sleep, I played being asleep and did not go back to her. It took a LONG time sometimes. We had to do this for naps too. But eventually it worked. And good news is, you're at least lying there resting and not being kicked while they're crying. I put pillows on the ground to lie on to be comfortable. My oldest cried and cried but eventually the pattern would be cry, plop down, cry some more, get up and peak if I were there, plop down, repeat and eventually sleep. She's still not the easiest sleeper and she's 7 now. Some kids are tough in this dept. Good luck! oh - I'd try a white noise machine for a bit but try not to get him addicted to him like I am.

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answers from Los Angeles on

Time to bite the bullet for the sake of your whole family. I used the Teach To Sleep method in a book called Baby Love (sorry, I don't remember the author's name). If you do choose to use a self soothe method, just remember that even if your baby is crying, he is safe, and loved, and he he gain a wonderful ability that will benefit him. Good luck.

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answers from Houston on

When my daughter started waking up more frequently at night even when she didn't need to nurse, I knew it was time to put her in her crib and keep her there. In my head, I was doing it as much for her as I was for me. She wasn't getting the quality sleep I know she needs in my bed with me.

BTW - I coslept with my daughter and have had no trouble with teaching her to sleep in her own bed. It's not the cosleeping that creates this problem...

Will his waking actually wake your husband up if they're in different rooms?

As his mom, you can tell the difference between his "I'm scared/something's wrong" cry and his "I'm lonely and you always come in when I cry" cry. Leave him alone when it's a lonely cry. Give your husband earplugs as someone else suggested, if necessary.

I would also recommend starting a bedtime routine that does not involve him falling asleep with your or your husband. You can do it gradually. Start putting him down when he's *almost* asleep, but not quite. Do that for a few days/couple of weeks. Then bump it up to where he's fully relaxed but not dozing off/almost asleep. Eventually, bump up to putting him down when he's acting sleepy, but not fully relaxed. Then, put him down after your routine is finished.

My daughter's routine is bath, brush teeth/hair, get dressed, read book, kiss and hug, then crib.

If he cries, you'll need to let him cry. There will be times when he won't calm down and you'll need to get him and help him calm down, then lay him back down in his crib. If he sounds to be calming himself, even if he's still crying, let him be.

I thought it would be way more difficult than it was for my daughter, but she caught on pretty quick. Most toddlers do. It's us as the parents that tend to fight changes and make them harder than they have to be.

Edit: About the co-sleeping vs. cry it out. At this point, your son knows he can trust you to be there when he needs you. He's taking advantage of that. Just because a child cries and you don't respond immediately doesn't mean the child will start to think you aren't there for him. I don't believe in cry it out when they are very young - they need to learn the trust. But, at some point, children know their parents are there for them or not. Once they trust that their parents will respond when they truly need them they start to try to get them to respond when they only *want* them. And, of course, we need to respond to those wants, too - just not in the middle of the night. At night, we sleep - that is what they need to learn at your son's age, if not before. Letting a child cry because he or she *wants* mommy b/c he or she is bored or lonely or just pulling their "let's see what happens" strings is not cruel or damaging. However, if you have a really needy child and that child still does not trust that he or she is safe if mommy isn't there, then crying it out is probably not the best option. That doesn't sound like what your son is dealing with.

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answers from New York on

I think he needs his own space. Yes, teething or illness messes up sleep patterns, but you also said this happens when he is not sick. He is still young for this but since you have a new baby coming, consider putting him in a full size bed in his room. You can stay with him while he falls asleep and then leave. If you need to, go to his room if he cries. Then leave again when he is asleep. It may not work, but worth a try. Does he have a lovie, something he can use to self-soothe?

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