Should We Let Her 'Cry It Out'?

I read all of the responses and based on my own experience, the best advice was no bottle at bedtime. My suggestion is to live in this pattern (not scheduled, but somewhat consistent) - eat/play/sleep/eat/play/sleep ... etc. No bottle at bedtime makes all the difference in the world!

Try this first. Both of you sleep with a baby blanket so it smells like mom and dad. That may be enough to help her feel comfortable and go back to sleep. I do not like to let children cry it out. I do not think it is cruel I just do not like crying. You could warm her bed with a heating pad as well. Do not forget to remove it before you put her down. Good luck.

I say let her cry it out. Its hard to hear her, but leave a crack in the door so you can check on her periodically to make sure she's OK. I have a few books on the subject, and they each have different strategies. One way is to let her cry for 5 minutes, then go in (and don't speak to her, just pat her or cover her up) and quickly leave. Then wait 10 minutes, and repeat. Then 15 minutes, and so on, until she sleeps. It may take hours, but she will become exhausted and fall asleep. The same procedure can be used for night waking. Another way to do it is just let her cry - never go back in. With my son, I kind of just checked on him if he was throwing himself around or stuck in a corner, and I left the door cracked open so I could check on him. One night it took almost an hour of him crying, but since then, he almost never cries. There have been relapses, and be sure to check the baby to see she is not sick or needs her diaper changed. But at 6 months, she should be able to soothe herself back to sleep. In the end, its your perogative. If you don't mind soothing her to sleep for the next 3 years (or more) then don't do the cry out thing. (You can just be sleepy!) Let us all know what you do and how it works out - good luck!

Hi!
I think that you should find a method that will work for you and your family and stick with it. I personally used the 'cry it out' method and my son is a great sleeper! He starting sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. He still(16 months old now) is a great sleeper going down at 8 and putting himself to sleep in his crib with no crying. He learned early on that the crib is for sleeping! There are many people on this board who have judged this method as "cruel" and I am a little sick and tired of hearing it. I could gibe my opinions on cosleeping and judge their methods too--but that is not the purpose of this board.

My advice if you want to use this method is to do it more consistently. If you put her down asleep sometimes and then sometimes let her cry it out she may be getting mixed messages. I always put him down drowsy, but awake at the beginning so he would learn to "put himself to sleep". Later it didn't really matter, but at the beginning he needed to learn he was alone and it was time to sleep. If you have any further questions about the method you can e-mail me.

Good Luck with in finding the method that works for you!
L.

Try not to let her fall asleep on the bottle. Put her into bed 'drowsy' so that she can learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Someone else mentioned routine - GREAT idea! We started a bedtime routine with our baby at about 2 weeks and we do the same thing every night. Initially it was difficult - we would put him down, he would cry, we'd go back in right away and rock him til drowsy. Rinse, repeat - he'd go down, he'd cry, we'd pick him back up and rock him. It took a few days of this but he got the hang of it. The payoff was most definitely worth it!

Now, at 3 months, we still do the same routine and he is sleeping LITERALLY through the night! He goes to bed around 9:30 each night and gets up around 8:00 in the morning. And, when we put him down in the bed at night most of the time his eyes are still open but he's calmed down and ready to sleep because we TAUGHT him that nighttime is sleep time.

Routine, routine, routine, and put her down drowsy so she can teach herself to sleep, not depend on the bottle.

By the way, some babies cry just to 'blow off steam' as opposed to being in pain, hungry, or wet. You're the mommy, you know her cries, so listen to them and you be the judge. Sometimes our baby gives a little cry in the middle of the night and it lasts maybe a minute, then he goes right back to sleep without any problem.

Oh for the love of pete! Please know that you aren't going to do your child any emotional harm by letting her cry it out every now and again--despite what some people believe. This culture is convinced that "overpareting" is the only way to provide love. Give me a break.

We started letting my daughter cry--even after a very solid bedtime routine was established (one that we still follow today and she's almost 4). Our routine was bath, message with lotion, read, sing, bedtime. It was very relaxing for all of us. We followed Ferber mostly in the end and it worked for us. It's a gradual method and not just "cold turkey". We co-slept for the first 5 months, but after that we started putting her in her crib and tried to establish a more solid routine.

We listened to our daughter and realized that the reason she was crying was that she wanted to stay up with us! She wasn't hungry, she wasn't wet/dirty, she wasn't gassy, etc. Once we came to this realization, we allowed her to cry.

Letting your child cry it out is not mean or cruel. Every time a child whimpers doesn't mean you have to go running to them. My daughter is a good sleeper and is very emotionally stable. No long term negative effects here!! She's loved and cared for on every level.

Do what's right for your family. I read EVERTHING, including many of the books suggested by others--No Cry Sleep Solution being one of the first that I tried. I borrowed little bits from each method and employed it over time. Eventually things clicked.

Is it hard to hear a child cry for 10-15 minutes? Hell yeah it is! Will your child suffer damage as a result of it? NO! Try whatever it is that you think might work.

I want to add that a "white noise" machine can work wonders with some babies.

I am also sick and tired of hearing some of the people who judge cry it out method as cruel, barbaric and inhumane. give me a break! We trained her through this method and since she was 6 mos old she has sleeping well. She is not going to turn into a head-chopping monster when she grows up, because mama let her cry it out.
We began a nighttime routine of massage, bath, and bottle, and then off to the crib. Took a few nights, but by week's end she learned the crib was for sleeping.
Consistency is key. Same routine every night, same method every night will teach your child.
In a nutshell, do what you feel is right. If crying it out method bothers you, don't do it. There are other methods out there. The key is, you have to do the SAME thing every night, and that is the only way she will learn.

I understand your pain and questions. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Our 4 year old was a terrible sleeper from day 1. At 4 months, our doctor told us about the CIO method. What convinced me on it is that he said that we have to teach our kids to do things, as parents. Since, at 4 months, he would start forming habits, we had to teach him to learn how to sleep on his own. He also said that if a kid crys for a candy bar, you don't give in because you know it is unhealthy. So, if they cry because they won't sleep, you don't give in because it is unhealthy to not know how to sleep on their own. So, we tried it. The key is consistency. You need to do the exact same routine every night. You also can't go to him when he has already been asleep for an hour. What I would do is try to wake him up while you are feeding him the first time if he looks like he is falling asleep. Or, try giving him his bottle a little earlier- 10 mins or so. The crying is painful for parents to listen to, heartbreaking in fact. But, just tell yourself that you are doing the right thing. Then, get in the shower or something so maybe you won't hear it. It can take up to 2 weeks for them to learn, and it does get worse for the first couple of days. But, it gets better. There are variations of the CIO method that you can try as well (like moving away from the crib slowly each night- watch SupperNanny) You will be glad you did it in the end. Our 4 year old is a great sleeper.

I am not trying to push this on you or anyone else. I strongly feel that you need to do what is best for you and your family. Yes, there are many out there that feel this is cruel. But, like someone else said, there are other parenting choices out there that seem cruel to others too. People just seem to be more vocal on this method being cruel, but (for instance) co sleeping is just as cruel in my opinion. Try not to listen to what others think, because it is your life and your choice. Every parent makes choices that aren't popular at atimes. It may seem like a huge thing at the time, but in the grand scheme of life, it isn't that big.

Good luck with whatever you try. Hang in there!

I think you should keep her awake for the entire 700 bedtime feeding. She might be used to taking a little catnapat seven and then waking up, eating and then she wants to play. But if she gets in the HABIT of eating then going to sleep she might sleep longer. Also, try feeding her at 630 and then giving her a bath then going to bed. This way she doesnt associate eating with sleeping and she is awake for the bedtime feeding.Routine is key. She learned that she could eat a little, fall asleep and then wake up and finish the rest. It might take a couple of days, but she will adjust. Just stay strong.

:( If your baby is crying, she needs something. It is her only way to communicate with you. Earaches get worse at night- I would have her ears checked first thing for fluid or infection, especially if she is falling asleep while taking her bottle- she can have fluid in the tubes in her ears from this.

I was just reading an interesting article about the man who came up with the Cry It Out method and how so much research has been done that says this is HARMFUL to babies that he has retracted everything he previously said promoting the Cry It Out system. Of course, this isn't publicized as widely as are all of the books that will still sit on shelves promoting it! I will try to find the article again if you are interested.

Your baby is nearing 6 months, which is time for her to start discovering new things she can do, and she may be hungrier than you think since she is probably using up LOTS of energy during the days now! I'll bet she is getting ready to start showing interest in the food on your plate at dinner, which will mean you can start solids soon as well! Try a very calm bedtime routine with soft music, dim lights, maybe a massage with a lavendar baby lotion, etc. to calm her down from all the sights and sounds that she is taking interest in now and that are stimulating her. Make sure she is neither too hot or cold (babies generally feel the same as us- if you would be too hot in a terrycloth gown, so is she probably!)

Make sure you DON'T change her diaper (unless it is a poopy diaper) when she wakes up. Don't talk to her at all, don't turn on the lights to give her the rest of her bottle- just make it very routine and all very calming because you don't want her to be MORE stimulated when she wakes up for her bottle.

Go with your heart. Mommies know their babies best. If you think something is wrong, take her to the dr. If you think she needs some extra lovies in the middle of the night, then snuggle her for awhile! Trusting your instincts is the BEST thing you can do for your baby and for your own piece of mind.

Sounds like you are on the right track already!
And congrats on breastfeeding for so long! She might be having formula issues as well. Can you pump for her at all? Just another thought when I re-read your post.

Amanda

I personally don't agree with the "cry it out" method, but if you're going to do it you have to be consistant with it.

Here is a link to an article about helping your baby learn to soothe himself to sleep:
http://www.babycenter.com/expert/baby/babysleep/1272921.h...

This link is about the no tears method:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/teachslee...

And finally this one explains the cry it out method:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/teachslee...

Whatever you choose to do the important thing is to be consistant.

Congratulations on your baby. Isn't it the worst when they cry. I personally have never been able to do the cry it out method with my babies ( when they are over year it is a bit different). Maybe she is teething? Or misses you? I personally rushed right in with my first...with my second I give it a minute to see if she's gonna really get going. Also maybe her routine just needs to change...she probably is getting little more active now starting to sit? wiggle alot? Maybe she needs to go to bed a little earlier? I swear, I thought my mother was nuts when she told me that with my first when his sleep patterns would change, and usually it would like a charm. Maybe a night light or something she can look at if she wakes up.

I would think that if she is usually a good sleeper, there is something really bothering her on the nights when she is fussy. Examine your days and see if you can think of anything different about them, maybe keep a journal for a few weeks and see if there isn't some rhyme or reason to it.
I mistakenly thought that on days when my daughter did not nap well that she should be extra tired at night and should sleep better. It sounds counterintuitive, but being over tired actually makes most kids have more trouble falling and staying asleep.
Is it possible she may be teething. For months before they actually get teeth their tetth are moving around...perhaps she is uncomfortable.
I am not a fan of cry-it-out. There are degrees, but the most extreme say that you should just let them cry endlessly. One book (I think it's Weissbluth) says a baby may cry to the point of vomiting and then advises that the parents wait until the child is quiet before going in to clean them up, and then just leaving them to cry again. I think this type of cry-it-out is abusive.
I don't think you have to jump up to get them at the littlest peep though.
I have let my daughter cry for 5 minutes...just to see if she would go back to sleep. Sometimes she does, but sometimes the little cry turns into one that I need to respond to. It can be very frustrating when you do not know what is wrong, but at 5 1/2 months I do not believe you daughter is truly manipulating you. Babies can't talk, there only way of communicating is to cry. There are different types of cries, as you know, and I think you should just listen to your daughter and go with your gut instinct. I do not think that extra cuddling, nursing, singing, whatever on the rare occassion is going to ruin her overall good sleep habits.
Do you have a bedtime routine? I think teaching them a routine that they are comfortable with and can rely on is far more beneficial in teaching them to fall asleep than teaching them that crying gets them nowhere and they might as well just give up and go to sleep. Even Ferber has revised his stance on sleep.
I am not an extremist, and I do not co-sleep nor do I advocate "overparenting" as another poster called it...but I also think that babies are only babies once and why on earth would I want my baby to be unhappy or to think that she cannot rely on me to respond to her needs.
I have an acquaintance that was bragging about having their 6 week old sleeping 12 hours straight at night. They kept pressuring me to let my (then 4 week old and horrifically colicky) baby cry it out. It made me so sad to think of their poor child, with mom and dad in the next room with their ipod headphones on so they could drown out her cries...I would much rather lose some sleep myself than put my baby through that.
My daughter, BTW, is 8 months old now and sleeps great at night. Goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 6:30. There is the rare night when she is more difficult, but hubby and I "spoiling" her on those night does not seem to have any negative impact on her overall sleep. She was hard core colicky until nearly 4 months, and is still a textbook "high needs" baby...but bless her, she lets me sleep well at nigt now :)

I think CIO method is just mean. If they are crying, they need you for something. Your baby is way too young at this age to "self soothe". When they cry, they need something. This is their only way of expressing needs at this time. I'm not saying that parents who choose this method are mean, just maybe not listening to their parental instincts. If your baby cries, they need you. NOBODY sleeps through the night. Not babies, not adults. We all wake up several times and go back to sleep, if we remember it or not. So right now at less than 6 months, your baby needs you to soothe her back down, I think.

There are a great couple of books, The No Cry Sleep Solution is one, and Good Nights by Dr. Jay Gordon is also great.

Our family chose co-sleeping because this way we ALL got to sleep and I am still nursing but of course this isn't right for everyone. But I think that pediatricians are off when they recommend CIO for the exact reason one of the PP said. If you do not respond when your baby cries, eventually, they give up. They believe no one is coming to help them, they think they are all alone. This results in low self esteem. Right now you need to nurture that ego and give that baby the security of knowing that you are ALWAYS there to soothe her. There is plenty of time for learning self soothing later.

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have to type fast as I need to nurse my kiddo. ;-)

I wanted to add that Dr. Ferber, the originator of the CIO method, was on GMA and other shows this summer saying that CIO is NOT A GOOD choice for most babies, and that he was off in recommending that to people years back. He acknowledged that it was not a good way to get babies to sleep.

I got some good advice when I was in your situation. Someone suggested that I separate bedtime from eating. So, we started doing a bedtime routine where we'd give a feeding, then a bath, then a story, then a little rocking, then bed. So then my daughter didn't associate eating with going to sleep.

Then, it was a lot easier to just go in and pat her to get her back to sleep in the night.

Hope this helps you -

Hi L.- I am a mom of 4 with my youngest 7 months. I just went through this. Routine, routine, routine. I nurse my son, he usually falls asleep. I sinf hime the same song, whether awake or asleep, put him down. If he wakes in the middle of the night the 1st time I go in and pick him up, sing the same song, lay him down, he cries, I waited 5 min, went back in and just patted his back and sang the same song, if he still cried waited 10 min. etc. Same routine, It will get worse for 2-4 days and then kick in. Letting a baby soothe themselves to sleep is hard so look at the clock and make sure you are lengthening the time betwee. Doing this is a personal choice. I did it will all my kids but you have to committ to the routine for it to work. I think it is harder on you than the baby. My son I am happy to say is sleeping well and wakes up happy and talkative!!
Good Luck with whatever you decide!
B.

Well ,you certainly have enough responses, but I am going to add another. Babies cannot talk. That is why they cry. It is VERY frustrating when they are dry, fed, seemingly would be comfortable, have had proper cuddling, but still cry. If you ignore it, for whatever reason, you are teaching them that they cannot rely/trust you.
Certainly they will stop/sleep after time. No one is responding to their needs! They are too young to manipulate.
They cry because something is WRONG. As others have said, there are stages of crying. Get to know these stages. Listen to your inner voice. There is a difference in a fussy/settling cry and one that says "HELP". Respond accordingly.

"I personally used the 'cry it out' method and my son is a great sleeper! He starting sleeping through the night at 7 weeks."

Please do not equate a good sleeper with sleeping through the night. SO MANY parents judge their parenting and if their child is a good sleeper based on sleeping through the night...it is not a developmental milestone. My son was a great sleeper too and did not start sleeping through the night until he was 1 year old. I personally did not have a problem with waking up with my son 1x per night to calm him to sleep. If it feels wrong it may be wrong for your family. There are more methods then CIO. My friend is not a CIO person either and recommended this book to me.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley (Author), William Sears (Author)
She also liked
The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer
by Harvey Karp (Author)
She was able to take techniques from both book and apply it to her situation. However, if this only happens once in awhile you can (if you want) walk, rock, sing, your baby to sleep. It doesn't become a habit b/c I did this all with my son and he now goes to sleep on his own with no problem. Sometimes too I found my son just needed to come out and play for about 10 minutes and then go back to bed just to get rid of some energy. It didn't happen often but it worked. Good luck in whatever decision you make..but remember do what feels right to you.

Wow. You have already gotten a lot of responses. I think you should do whatever your mommy sense tells you to do.

Here is our story, briefly. My daughter did the same thing from 5 months to 7 months. I was breastfeeding and she would eat and fall asleep then wake up an hour later, eat a little bit and go back to sleep. I was worried about it in the beginning but it seemed to work for her. We tried getting her to stop by my husband going in and trying to get her to go back to sleep and that didn't work, she kept crying so I would feed her. We figured if she didn't calm down when Dad picked her up she wasn't just crying for attention, she was hungry.
My daughter turned 8 months today. Most nights she does not wake up like this any more. She still wakes up more often than a lot of people have told you their children wake up. She has never slept more than 6 hours straight, but she eats and goes right back to sleep. She also doesn't sleep 12 hours a night, 11 hours. But she wakes up very happy, we truly don't think she needs more sleep.

I think all kids are different and we just have to learn to work with our children. We tried the cry it out method with my daughter. The most I ever was able to let her cry was a half an hour. I just couldn't bear it any longer. My daughter is a very happy baby and doesn't cry much, usually only when she is hungry or tired. She has never screamed like she did when we tried the Ferber method. She never calmed down when we went in each interval. Maybe if I had let her cry indefinitely for more than a couple days it would have worked (like in HSH,HC), but we decided the pay out wasn't worth it. We decided we would hold off on the "sleep training" until she was older, if we need it. We get plenty of sleep, although we go to sleep much earlier than we used to, and we get some quiet time holding my baby.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

D.

When did our children become puppies? They are not animals that need to be trained. Babies, especially very young ones are not inherently wired to sleep through the night or need some assurance in order to do so. Contrary to what your pediatrician or whatever book you are reading says, babies need their mommies, period. They are in our bodies for nine months and then we just expect them to lie in a great big bed by themselves and "learn" how to go to sleep on their own.
Sleeping is not the same as a candy bar as one mother will have you believe. Your daughter will only be small once and before you know it she won't want you anywhere near her and you won't be able to drag her out of bed. What is our rush as parents to create these independent beings who don't need us? I don't think CIO is cruel, just not natural in any way. There is a country somewhere that I read about that celebrates at 6 months old with a ground touching ceremony. The baby is finally put down after 6 months. He/she has been held, swaddled, nursed, co-slept, etc for the first 6 months of his/her life and now is ready to become mobile. We are supposedly so advanced here in the US although we are so behind when it comes to baby-rearing.

You should do what comes natural to you as a mother, not what you read or your Dr. says or your friends or your mother. Follow your gut and love your daughter. That's all you can do.

For Christy -
Please do some research on cosleeping. The last thing anyone can say about it is that it is cruel. Research seems to show quite the contrary. Good luck all on your choices for sleeping...

Read "The Baby Book" or "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr. Sears.

Crying it out is not ideal for infants. All child development experts agree on this.

Good luck!!

Parenting is a round the clock job, which means you need to be available for your baby at ALL hours. She is crying to communicate, she needs you! Please don't let her 'cry it out'!!!

Hi L.,

I don't think it's wrong to let your baby cry a little just to see if she'll fall back asleep. When my 7-month-old will wakes up at night, I won't rush into her room anymore like I did in the earlier months when it was still a necessity for night feedings. I usually wait a little bit to see if she will fall back asleep. Many times, she will. However, if her cries continue for longer than 10 minutes, I will go to her because I do feel she needs me. One of the posters, Amanda, had mentioned new research on the "let cry" method. I also came across an article a while back regarding this issue. Here's the link if you're interested: http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

Good luck!!