How Much Is Too Much Change for a 3 1/2 Yr Old?

I have a 2.5 y/o and a 6 month old...as far as the room change..we just gradually changed things and talked about it with our son as we did it. First we changed all the furniture except the crib. Then we moved the crib to where his bed would be so he could get used to the location. Then we really talked up the "big boy bed" and a different day we let him help us take down teh crib and his bed was delivered. He got new sheets/quilt, etc and was so excited. It helped with teh changes to do it slowly and change only a few things at once.

As far as keeping him occupied during nursing. We had book time so he could sit by me on the couch...or..(when that no longer worked and he would get into trouble :)..we let him have special movie time. We don't really let him watch much TV so now when I nurse or need to put the baby to sleep..that's his special tv/movie time. Then when I'm done we have our special play time and the tv goes off.

Good luck with the changes! It's very tiring at first..but so fun once everyone's used to it :)

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,
My two kids had to share for a few years. My son, however, was excited about sharing a room with his sister. I tried not to change too much and to involve him when I was setting it up. I found, however, that my daughter ended up sleeping in a bassinet/pack-n-play in our room for almost the whole first year. The changing table was still in the room, because my son took his time getting potty trained. If your daughter is really hesitant, perhaps move slowly. For example, move the changing table in and the dresser in the closet now... let her get used to the idea and then slowly make other changes. You do have some time, and if you are willing to wait until the baby is a little older to move him/her in the room, then you can even wait to move the bed/crib until the baby is here and your daughter has had time to get used to the idea. I found once my daughter was a year, they could share without waking each other up and my son was not too bothered by the "changes" in his room. Just my advice.... good luck!

including her in the changes especially with her room, will make her more excited than scared...shanging her room while she is gone to make it into a two kid room could be a little much, her sleep patterns could be affected...

our boys share a room, but for the first six months they did not, I bought a cradle to put next to my bed for nighttime feedings and I really enjoyed not having to get up to feed, I also waited because my older son was very very excited to be a big brother, I wanted to make sure he didn't care too much and end up putting too many blankets on his new baby brother, so I waited to move the youngest in when he could naturally move his face away from something blocking it...
I realize it might just be my fear, but I am going on #3 and I plan to do the same thing with this baby (even though we have enough rooms now) it is just so easy to feed at night when you don't have to change too much of the surroundings or even turn on a light.

I have three kids on one room and it is great! It took a little getting used to, but works well. They all go to bed at 8 awake and as long as no one is sick, I won't see them until morning. When we put them together their ages were 4, 2 and 9 months. (This was last spring) They are now older and still like being together. The boys sleep through their sisters crying if she is up at night. They get used to the sounds of each other and can sleep through almost anything.
I have a fan on in their room for white noise. Once you shut the door, you can't hear anything. I also enjoy just beds and books being in the room. Too much stimulation makes bedtime more difficult. We have stuffed animals too, but no toys. I also have a lullabies cd that they listen to when they fall asleep. if someone wakes up at night, I can turn that on and they will stay asleep.
Good luck!

Hi S.,

My son was 2 1/2 when my daughter was born almost a year ago. Shortly after her birth, we moved to a new house where they have to share a room, so I have some similar experiences.

First, regarding nursing during the day -- is there a place where your daughter will play with her toys, since you are moving them? Her room, or a playroom? -- I would put a rocker or chair of some sort in there if it fits and nurse in there. If no chair fits, just sit on the floor and nurse (with your back to the wall for support -- and a boppy helps, too). That way, you can closely monitor your daugher while you nurse. With my son, nursing was always ideal -- with my daughter I had to nurse wherever and whenever and found myself nursing in places I NEVER thought I would, lol! -- Frequently in the drivers' seat of the car at a store parking lot, lol! Got really good at it though!

At 3 1/2 -- are there some local classes/camps your daughter can take this summer? For example, we go to the local YMCA 2x/week -- my son takes a fun gym class from 8:30 until 10am, my daughter goes to the nursery and I work out and shower -- then I go play with my daughter until my son's class is over. As yours would be a newborn (and you will be tired) -- you could go home (or at least to your car) and sleep for a while. Unfortunately, at age 2, I did not have that option with my son (no classes for 2 yrs) -- good thing my daughter was a good sleeper (only woke a couple of times/night). For sleep, I just went to bed when the kids did -- no hubby time, unfortunately, TOO TIRED. He just had to cope, but then he's an adult, most of the time anyway. ;-) Of course in the fall, your daughter will be in preschool (or 4 yr. kindergarten in some places), so that may help give you and the baby some alone time, too.

Regarding the room -- yes, I'd have her go to the store with you to pick out new bedding, etc. -- then explain that you will fix up her room for her while she is away. That said, six weeks sounds like a very long time -- what is it that you cannot get done with her around? Could grandma and grandpa come to visit you instead? I would think that it might be a bit strange for her to be gone for so long, only to come home to a new baby...

Finally, I'm sort of assuming you've discussed the new baby with your daughter? At 3, except in the case of a developmental delay, she should be able to understand the concept of a new baby and "help" you prepare -- make her part of the whole process and she will feel more in control of what is happening. This is VERY IMPORTANT. It is when preschoolers (and, well, all of us for that matter) feel totally out of control that they start to react in negative ways.

I sure hope this helps. Good luck with everything and congratulations. This is an exciting and wonderful time!!

Angie

You know how they say a mother's heart is always big enough to love all her children? I think that's gonna be you as soon as the new baby is born. It's been you (and Daddy, of course) and your daughter for almost 4 years.
Therein lies the challenge. She's been very accustomed to your undivided attention (she's telling YOU that she doesn't want her bed moved?!). Maybe the best thing you can do for your daughter before the baby is born is to get her used to the idea that she's not going to get her way all the time anymore. She's getting a baby brother and she needs to share her room. Period. Mommy is nursing now, "it" will need to wait. Period. Do the tough work of getting her used to less attention now, so it doesn't hit her all at once after the baby is born. This is a learning opportunity for her--life changes, you don't always get what you want (but you get what you need...lol), and she can learn to adapt with grace.

I like Gina's advice about changing the room gradually with her, and I second that. But I guess my advice has way less to do with the room, and more to do with your daughter's reaction to the baby if you don't prepare her for those inevitable changes of less time and attention.

I would suggest that for now let the baby just sleep in your room. It would be quite awhile before he will outgrow that. (My daughter slept in our room for almost a year) Over the next few months, you could gradually change your daughter's room, including her in the process and not have it be too much of a change right off the bat -- having a little baby in the house is adjustment enough -- for all of you. Good luck and congratulations on your new addition!

I didn't read any of the other responses so, hopefully my response won't sound too redundant. When my daughter was 4 her brother was born and she helped me decorate the room a bit. They do have separate rooms but, decorating together helped her feel like she was adding some of her creativity and personalization. We made a paper chain to count down how many days until her brother's due date (easy enough since it was a planned c-section) and pinned it up on the wall. It was great to add other special "dates" on the individual links too so that she had many things to look forward to. We also added some artwork on the wall AND went through some of her old clothes/baby blankets. The best idea I heard and used was to have the older sibling paint a picture for the baby and hang it on the wall. I did that while we waited for the baby and when people visited - I was very proud to announce the artist. I've heard that some people leave it up BUT, when my son was born I came up with the idea of making a family tree out of our handprints (in different colors that coordinated and matched the room) - so, my husband's hands, my hands, and my daughters hands were all on the page - when my son arrived a few months later (we waited for him to be able to open his hand wide instead of always clenched) we had him make his mark. It turned out cute. I think having her dtr take a special role of decorating in that way will help. Maybe you have all of your dtr's toys out from birth on - what I did was stash some away every 3 months b/c otherwise, it's too overwhelming. Sometimes I just left them at Grandma's so that my dtr had an assortment everywhere she went. Anyways, so, when we went through the baby bins - some of her old toys showed up. I had her sort them into piles - "to donate," "to keep for me," "to share with brother." We did the same with her books. I bought 2 separate square laundry baskets so that she could try to keep things separated. Good luck on the furniture placement. I don't think you have to add much yet - usually the baby isn't needing much (except for the changing table) immediately. I'd maybe even wait until the baby was born or 3 months old to change it up a bit - you're dtr may want more of a change by then anyways.
Set up a little nursing station - a bin full of puzzles/toys/books for you both. We had more than one boppy pillow and it was so sweet of her to prop herself up next to me with her "own" boppy pillow nursing her baby doll (lifting her shirt up and all). Change up the baskets every couple of weeks or add something new. Sometimes a little sewing project (where they just use a plastic needle to weave through) - found at Joann's or Michael's adds a little variety and something for her to do independently too.
Best of luck - there are some great Big Sister books out there - I forgot the exact name but, it went through what to expect including changes, being more aware of toys that babies can have or shouldn't have. It also explained how a becoming a big sister is a fantastic role - focusing on their skill levels/privileges compared to their baby sibling. I know my dtr did great with her baby brother - biggest challenge I had was when the jealousy hit at about 6 months. I thought that we wouldn't have to deal with that b/c she already did fine with him coming into our lives. It's hard for the little ones when everyone oohs and aahs over the baby - but, when they start hitting milestones or having more of a personality - the questions like "Do you still love me?" start to creep up and the negative attention seeking behaviors occur in social settings. Let family/friends know if this is happening with your dtr so that they make more of a point to give her attention that she deserves too. It made a big difference. It's not like her brother's achievements didn't get noticed - they just were more cautious about their excitement level AND they always welcomed or noticed something about HER first rather than being all about the baby.

My daughters share a room, although my oldest was only 2 1/2 when her sister was born. Just make a big deal about being a big sister and how special it is that she is going to share her room. Stress how her little brother may need company and how safe he will feel sharing a room with her. Talk it up and she may get excited about it! Also, let her help with as much as she can. If it is a new bed, let her pick out sheets at the store. You could move all the furniture (although warn her before hand), but let her help put things back - such as her books and animals. Let her help put the baby stuff on the changing table as well. Good luck.

I know it is more of a hassle, but why not INCLUDE her in the process of changing her room around, so that she will get the impression that some of the things she had a say in (and doesn't feel powerless). My girls are 17.5 months apart, and we moved, had a baby, and switched to a toddler bed all within about 2 months. The thing is she "helped" with everything so it didn't seem like such a surprise and she was more OK whith the change. If you're so worried about having her around when you do the redecorating, have the grandparents come to YOUR house and do things/watch your daughter...that way she can keep an eye on the changes as they happen, but still be out of the way!

I have two sons who shared a room for most of their lives. I guess the most important thing is to make the decisions on the placement of the furniture but make it special to her by maybe buying her a new comforter or blanket for her bed. She is going to have alot of newness coming with the baby. At some point I am assuming you are going to move the baby out of your room and into "her" room. Most importantly you are going to have to stress to her that it isn't just her room anymore but it is going to be shared by both of them. I would let her pick out the new things for her area of the room. I am not sure there is away of accupying a 3 1/2 year old safely alone. I'm afraid that you are going to suffer like alot of us moms with sleep depreviation until the youngest sleeps thru the night. During nursing times are a good time for books or pick a quiet time occupation. I am not sure that I would move the furniture around without her there. Try and let her help with the move. I know that there are things that are easier to do when they aren't there but you can do it with love and patience.

You mentioned taking out 99% of her toys. I'm assuming you will create a new play area for her or move the toys to an existing play area. Could you have her help you reorganize/create the new play area and shift the attention to that instead of the bedroom changes?

You've got to do what you have to do. You can't always accommodate a child and giving her so much power is not healthy for any of you. Giving her some (limited) choices will help her feel like she isn't completely powerless in her world, but yet help her understand natural boundaries.

I love the suggestions from the other mamas and wish you all the best. :)

I feel that your daughter should be able to keep her bed where it is. The new baby you said yourself will be in your room at night so the window should be no big deal during the day. my sons room has a whole wall that is a sliding glass door just secure the window and put a curtain that you can't see through. Where did you put the toy box? That is a big part of a kids life. I have three and could not change the older ones room, the baby don't know the differance where his stuff is but your three year old has for three years.

Sounds like you have your hands full already just trying to prepare for the new addition! Congrats on the soon to be new one! Well... from my experience I would just explain to your daughter that this is the way it's going to be, and unfortunately she can't decide where the furniture goes. I'd let her have other choices in the room.... perhaps pick out a new picture for baby's wall, or a special blanket or toy for baby, etc. And maybe a little something for her side of the room as well. Just so that she feels like she was a part of this process. And as far as keeping her busy during nursing sessions... create a special "busy bag" that has some new and special coloring books and crayons (or markers - like those color wonder ones) and perhaps a puzzle (that she can do on her own) or a book, etc. and maybe even prepare a snack for her as well in case she gets hungry too. And this "busy bag" is only allowed to be out while you are nursing baby. It quickly becomes a special routine for her too, to get to play with these new and exciting things, so the focus is taken off of you being busy with baby. And if she's not on board with the idea, try doing a sticker chart for good behavior during nursing sessions. And as far as naptime goes, it sounds like your daughter outgrew that a while ago. My kids are 3 and 5 and they still take "rest time". Of course my 5 year old rarely naps (only when she's sick really) and my 3 year old still naps on most days. But either way... I do require and enjoy some down time during the day for myself (I work some nights), so I tell them that even if they don't "sleep" they need to rest... which means stay on your bed and stay quiet. My 5 year old often will read books or play quietly with her stuffed animals or dolls, and sometimes she will sneak a notebook and pencil in her room so she can draw. But the point is that my son needs to rest without interruptions from big sister, so she needs to do quiet things in her room (they have a co-joined room - which in otherwords is they each have a separate room, however you must walk through one room to get to the next, so in many ways they do "share" a room/space). But I don't know how this would really work out with a newborn napping in the same room as a 3 year old. Is there a different area that she can be assigned to for "quiet time"? Perhaps she would fancy the idea of a blanket and pillow on the livingroom floor and watching a movie quietly while you and baby nap. ??? I'm sure you will figure it out when you get there! It can be tough for everyone to adjust, but just be sure to set the rules and stick to them. And don't forget to set time aside for special Mommy and daughter time. (My daughter calls this "girl time", and sometimes we don't go anywhere or really do anything in particular... we might just sit on her bed together and talk about our day or what we're planning to do the next day, etc.) Just as long as she has time alone with you too! :) Good luck and congrats again!!!

I would try to give her as much "control" of the room situation as possible. Maybe picking out some new "big sister sheets" or something for the baby, or maying picking out a new paint color? Since her bed placement seems to be really a big deal for her, could you have the pack/n/play bassinet in her room for naps and the crib in your room? Maybe it wouldn't feel like the baby is "taking up so much of her room".

While we didn't have to have our 3 kiddos share rooms, we did have the 'mommy needs to feed the baby now" issues. Our boys are 2 years apart and then baby sister came almost 3 years after that! Both times we made a "feeding time playbox for them" which was out only when I was feeding and got put away when I was done. It worked great. We put age appropriate NEW things into this box (a rubbermaid tote) for the boys. It worked great! They would drag out their box when I started nursing and picked it all up when I was done!!!

I think you're right to be a little concerned about sending her away for the weekend and changing her room. There are so many changes going on that she has no control over, it seems like this is an opportunity to really involve her and make her feel part of the change, not just along for the ride. I totally understand how much faster and easier the job will be if she's not around, though. I wonder if the grandparents (or someone else) would be able to come stay with *you* for the weekend - they can be primary caregivers, so you and your spouse can get the work done, but your daughter can witness and help direct the process. Are you going to repaint? Have her pick the color (with some gentle guidance from you, of course, so you can live with the color.) Then have her "help" you paint a little bit - our 3-1/2 year old went at his walls with a roller for about 5 minutes, then went to the park with dad while I finished the room. But it made him feel like he was helping, which is so huge for that age. Totally understand her not wanting her bed moved, too. I wonder if there are maybe two options of where her bed could go - if there are, then let her choose between the two. Also ask her where she thinks some of the new baby stuff should go - give her options you can live with (should we put it here, or over here?) not a wide-open question (where should we put it?) - again, it'll go far towards making her feel a part of things. "Helping" is just so powerful at this age. You also might think about ways to make the room "new and special" for her, too. Maybe she can pick out new sheets for her bed? Or bedspread?

As for keeping her occupied while you're with the baby - try read-alongs from your library (cassette or CD.) We got our son a little clock radio/CD player, taught him how to put in the CD and start it, and then he could do quiet time with stories - he loved it. Also, at least initially, the baby totally won't care if you read your daughter a story while you're nursing - that worked really well for us. My son held the book, I said "beep!" when the page needed to be turned (just like the read-alongs). He loved it, and didn't feel banished by the baby.

Good luck!