How Do You Stage an Intervention? Have You Ever Particicapted in One?

2 years ago, we did an intervention for my son & my dad. Both required joint replacement surgery....both were delaying & adversely affecting the quality of life.

We gathered the family for a fun weekend at the family lake house. I told them both what we were planning on doing. I was totally honest up front! I did not want either of them walking away in anger.

We began the process by saying that:
we loved them.
it hurt us to watch them delay surgery & to live with their pain.
I expressed my feelings on the subject, as did many others present.
then we asked "why" they were delaying.

Dad's answer was...not from the heart. He was embarrassed that we actually followed thru on the threat of intervention. A little bit of belligerance, a little bit of bravado.....& then an agreement to seek treatment.....which he did. & his life did improve.

My son's answer was from the heart. He fully-explained "why" he didn't want to move forward with surgery. He had honest explanations & concerns for the treatment plan. He refused to move forward....but did so with all honesty. I was very proud of how he "took" the intervention - it proved to him that we all had his best interests at heart & that we loved him. The fact that we let him express himself so honestly....made a huge difference. Soooo, two years later....just 3 weeks ago.....he went thru hip replacement surgery at age 23!!!! Hooray!

I am thankful, that in the end, the intervention worked for both of them. Sometimes just by showing that you love them.....helps make the change.

Get professional help at least from the advice standpoint. Understanding addiction is key to any intervention. Expect that an intervention will not go smoothly and that he will resist it. If people will tip him off, they aren't on your list of collaborators. If they aren't, who are you going to get to do this with you? If this is your ex, are you the best person to do it? You need a lot more education than we amateurs can give you. Good luck.

Yes and yes. Get a professional. And go to Alanon if you're not already. PM me if you have any questions.

I second everything that is said below. I would be in favor of using a professional who will be able to be neutral. Many times during an intervention the addict feels "betrayed" and can sometimes listen to the outsider who they don't feel has 'ganged up' on them.

One thing I would caution you - if you (and those who love him) are not ready to lose him (either way) then don't stage an intervention.

The only way an intervention works is to cut him off from ANY enabling/support that he has. If you are going to do the intervention and then 3 months later let him sleep on the couch one night because you are worried for him and it's cold out or snowing then you are NOT ready for this step. If you are going to give him money because he can't hold a job and he is now homeless and hasn't eaten in a week then you are NOT ready for this intervention. To have an intervention be successful for YOU - you need to be at the point where you are able to have nothing more do with him if he does not get help and meet the demands that you place on him.

Interventions are very very very serious. They are not bluffs or threats of "get help or I'll leave". Interventions are when you say "It is no longer healthy for me and (whoever) to continue to be in this relationship. If you don't get help, I can no longer be a part of your life". Interventions are really more for the rest of you than for the actual addict. You are hoping that you all mean enough to the addict that the thought of losing you is worse than the consequences of giving up their addiction. Many times it is not. The addict has to WANT to change.

This is a tough decision and tough road - good luck.

I like the thought of professional help. As a family member, or a friend, sometimes the addict can talk you out of help. They can also twist your words around, they sometimes tell you, they will meet you tomorrow to go rehab, but never show up. So, personally, I would find an interventionist. They are responsible for "hosting" the intervention so to speak. They also walk the family and friends through what they need to do, what they should expect. They also ask what are you willing to do if they refuse help. I just like that there is someone who is un-biased in the room, who basically controls the situation.
Also check into the different rehab programs. They really need to be evaluated before you just decide on how long they need to be there. There are usually things that contribute to the addictions, things meaning events, feelings, emotions, some sort of trauma (trauma can be different for everyone). A lot of people turn to drugs or alcohol because they are un willing or don't know how to cope with something. In rehab they can also get counseling for things they need to deal with. So what I am saying is, you can't just say a 30 day rehab will be good enough, sometimes they need to be in rehab for 90 days or more, plus sober living afterwards, and continuation of seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist.
I've been around many addicts. Been through a few interventions. In the end all of the friends and family have to be on board. By on board I mean absolutely take a stand together refusing to participate in their addiction any longer. If that means saying goodbye, thats what it means. If that means no longer allowed in homes, thats what it means. If that means no longer giving them money for whatever, thats what it means. If one person can't agree to whatever you decide, then the addict knows they have one person to manipulate. And of course...the addict has to want to help themselves.
I wish you good luck, its a tough process. Its a tough life being around addcits. Hang in there!

I commend you for wanting to help. Definitely agree you need a professional to assist. You can also get help from Al-Anon or even AA. Some AA programs have counselors who will help with interventions. You are right not to tip him off. You absolutely need to have everyone on board and completely committed to the intervention and the after effects of it. Be prepared for him to deny, lie, explode, blame, cry, do everything to get you to not commit him to a program. Make sure the program is a good one, not just a detox program. He needs intensive therapy to understand why he drinks and to stop the behavior. I hate to sound defeatist, but he also has to want to do this. Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but you need to prepare for him to say and act like he is all better after a short time. A lot of addicts learn to "work the program" and convince people they are doing well. It really does come back to him wanting to stop. One of the hardest things to accept is that we can't change them, they have to change themselves.

I wish you and him the best of luck.