How Do You and What Do You Do When You're Soul Searching

W., I pray about it. It also helps to have some quiet time to yourself and journal. Try going to a quiet place in the morning and just write down whatever comes into your mind.
The reading you are doing is great. You may not be a Christian, but the Bible is a great guide for anyone. You might also try reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.
I hope this is helpful to you.
Victoria

I must agree with the journeling. It sounds silly to some women cause we're not "teenagers", but you'll be surprised at what you find out about yourself just through writing. It's also a great stress reliever for me. It's a private place to vent. You should try it. Good luck!

Hi! I like to bake bread from wheat I grind. If you want the recipe, let me know. And scrapbooking is so great also. Get your Mom or a friend to watch your kids for a day, maybe once a month, and scrapbook. Update your purse for Spring (maybe you do this already). I also am so much about my kids. I am glad, but wish I had done scrapbooking more regularly. I love being busy. So with our youngest (of eight) off to college, it is so different. My husband and I do eat out more and that is really fun! And I am scrapbooking.

I journal, writing about past experiences and wonder in writing about possible interests.

What has helped me most in figuring out myself is to read self-help books about issues, such as anger, that I know I need to look at. I got started doing this the first time I went to counseling. I was around 30, wanted to be married and have children but felt that wasn't going to happen. She gave me a book to read about being co-dependent. At first reading it made me angry. A year or more later, after reading other related books, I realized that I was co-dependent and had to focus on finding ways to make myself happy without depending on other people.

I have always had at least one friend with whom I could talk about interests, hers and mine.

If finding things to do is part of your goal, I suggest that you try out different activities. Take the 4yo to the library for story time where you'll meet other mothers who may be in a similar quandry but who also have other activities/interests that you can learn about.

I now view life as a continuing process of learning about myself, my world, and growing as I make new discoveries. With this philosophy I still have a purpose when I feel brought down by negative experiences. It's gotten easier over the years for me to bounce back from the negative.

i am in the same situation. but it's not only personal, but professional, spiritual and mental. you've gotten some amazing advice...i am also in a cycle of self-blame, not only for not fulfilling my potential as a person but also for not being more happy with what i have. i am thinking about seeing a therapist for the first time - i just can't imagine carving out the time and expense...but honestly, when i feel the most desperate ever, i pray. i am not religious and never have been. but "laying those burdens down" and begging the universe for guidance at least makes me feel like i've done something. and often the universe answers...and then it's back to me, and remembering that i have everything inside of me that i need....

this might not be helpful, but at least know that you are not alone...

peace

I know how you feel. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm trying to think of a new career and all I keep coming up with is "I can't do that because I have kids." You do have limitations so that is something to acknowledge.

Last fall I served on a jury and I loved it. That prompted me to consider going back to school to get a paralegal certificate. I'm doing it for the learning aspect and I'm not sure if I'll actually work as a paralegal but it will give me something to think about.

Both of my kids are in school and that made such a change in my life. Once your 4YO is in first grade you may find yourself having the time to experience things other than the day-to-day chores of being a mom. Otherwise, when you have a child who is younger you can't enjoy much. You're always trying to squeeze as much as possible in your limited "alone" time.

Staring to read again was one of those turning points for me too. The next was trying to put some effort into dressing and looking nice. Buying clothes, getting my hair cut regularly, etc. I felt as if I had rejoined the world.

Good-luck.

First off I might be the wrong person to post. Because the last time I did this soal searching...I desided to have another child. I have 19, 9, 8.5 and now 8 month old.

What did you do before you had kids? When you think of some of the things suggested or something you might think up on your own, notice how it makes you feel. If it feels good, give it a go! Might be morbid to think but I also thought to myself, if I were to die today what would be my regreats?

For me veggie gardening is only good in theory. I like being out doors but only when the weather is just right. I would love to see the vegies grow. I know I would love to eat them. But I also know I can forget to water. So for me it might be too much of a commitment. Or one more chore. Even scrapbooking can feel like a chore. When I did my "what do I want to do with out kids"...I realized I like doing things with friends. Scrapbooking is great with others. Vegi gardening would be better for me if I had a couple friends who I would meet with and help each other with the gardening. Then it is more social for me and I would probablly remember to water.

Enjoy finding the you with out kids. Keep in mind what ever you deside you like today does not have to be what you like forever.

That's about the time I find a therapist I can talk to to get my head on straight. For me, bouncing stuff off of someone works very well. If you can't afford one, then maybe you could do a list of things you like about yourself and things you don't and figure out what you want to change.

Years ago I remember being in the transition of not knowing who I was or who I wanted to be and one of my dear friends said to me, call me when you figure out who you really are. That was a wake-up call for me. Several months later I called and we are still friends 30 years later.

If something sounds like I might like it, I try it. I have discovered that I LOVE being a Mom. that's who I am now. I do it well (with help) and enjoy it to no end. When I get a little bored or restless, I find something new to do with my kids. If I want to escape them (yes, it happens) I read a book. I wanted to start a book club, but never found the time - go figure.

Hi Momma-
It sounds like you need to schedule some you time, or some girl time.
Think back to before the kids- what were things that you loved to do. Camping, hiking, reading, sewing, crafting, cooking, shopping, sleeping ( =) ), having a girls nite in or out.....
Now think about when you decided to have kids. All women know that their lives will revolve around those babies. The thing is that having children is like getting married. You discover a new a melded part of yourself with your partner...as for the kids, you discover the mommy zone and all the things you can do that you thought you might not ever be able to. The trick in all of this is to remember what used to make you happy- swimming at the beach, etc. and then make time for it. If it's planting a garden, then do it. Your kids will become what you make them to become for the most part. Let them discover themselves within the realm of you. Show your daughter, for example, how fantastic growing things are and have her help you with a garden- herbs, flowers, veggies, or greenery. If it's painting, or photography- make your kids the focal point. The deal here is to fold them in to you, allow them to grow from you and become their own version or hybrid of the flower that you are. If you love baking, accept that they will make a huge mess, but teach them the arts and crafts and sciences and disciplines that YOU LOVE. If it's lip singing to your favorite rock and roll band, dress them up and have a blast. Don't be embarrassed or shy about those things. Just do them and make this new part of your life (motherhood) a more exciting version of the original you. Happiness is guaranteed to be found.
Good luck, and wishes for alot of fun times.
-E. M

Hehe! I don't think there is a mom out there that hasn't done the "who am I?? where am I going?? what am I doing?? is there life after diapers and soccer practice??. Believe me when you have done it in two rounds (bio kids from 25 down to 7) then you really think your only purpose is to be MOM! Which you know isn't a bad thing. What you hope is that when your kid is an adult they will turn around and say "thanks Mom", THAT is the greatest feeling in the world! But, back to the question...for myself I find time in the morning to sit in MY chair, pray, read something inspiring or good sci-fi and think. Going out in the garden helps, nothing like digging in the dirt to center yourself. I have gotten back into quilting again. I have spent time going through family pictures. And I have gotten more involved with my church.
It used to be on the weekends we would veg, now we pick a park to visit and explore. That gives me time to walk with my husband and hold his hand, look at nature and enjoy being outdoors. After 9pm is my time with my husband, whether it is playing a computer game or snuggling on the couch. We have made a concerted effort to get to know two couples who we spend time with every other Friday or so.
ALL those things contribute "me" time, "us" (as in hubby time) and "family" time. Balance is important. Get involved in things that give you pleasure and help you grow as a person. And try to remember that your children won't always be with you, enjoy the stages they are at...even if they drive you crazy. =)

I have no clue, sorry I have no advice on this.
BUT
I will keep my eye on this to see what the other wonderful mama's have to say.

= )

God Bless and I hope that you find what you are looking for.

Exercise!!!!! ....in whatever way I prefer.

Start and complete a gardening project.

Get away with the hubby! ....they tend to be very encouraging about this!

Go Shopping ;)

Hello W.: After the death of my husband I spent most of 2years living a life in slow motion. I have 5 children(one a foster child we raised but didn't get to adopt), and several others that are dear to me that are part of my life and their spouses that I adore, and several grandchildren that are the sunshine of my world. YET--I felt nothing and had to ask myself the same questions you are. I found that I had to take it slowly, got counciling,and took advantage of wonderful friends that loved me back into life. I found that I couldn't face any of my old passions and have had to look for new ones like cooking for a shelter,visiting at a nursing home and getting rid of many things related to my old life and replaced them with new colors and style. I am still trying to find my deepest self and self worth. I have taken a few classes of things that interest me at the local Adult School but have trouble concentrating and focusing on any book and Take it one day at a time. I found that as I gave service to others even for a litle bit of time it has helped. I have also make a point of spending several hours with the grandchildren to create new memories. I have to say that for most of my life I was able to make the world revolve around my husband and children- even as adults so literally had to rebuild my personal foundation and rebuild my life. I know that my children are my life and my grandchildren all 12 are my future and am thrilled with the challenges they have seen me over come so they have an example to follow when tough times hit them. If I have learned anything from books it has been to stick tothe ones that are healthy and positive like my scriptures and a few favorite authors. I wish you peace of mind and heart in this journey. God Bless, Glenda

my friend just went through the same thing. one thing she did was join a group called meetup.com. there are tons of different activites structured to your likes. in no way is it a dating thing or a hook up thing. simply people getting together for group activities. she did a sushi dinner, borrowed her sisters motorcycle and went on a ride with a group of all women, did a snow trip with single parents with kids. she said there is basically a group for anything you can think of and so far everyone has been very nice and she has had no issues.

I had to start finding myself again. Before, it was all about work, then it has been all about the kids, now I have time to do something for me. So, I have done a book club, started yoga, certified as a lifeguard and swim instructor, certified cpr instructor, tried my hand at scrapbooking and cardmaking, played volleyball once a month, did a girls night out with some friends from church once a month, and volunteered. Some things I love doing, some I figure I will like more as I work at it. I have also applied to college so that I can work on my education. A junior college is a great place to try things out. Last, I am not done trying things. I have a great church that gives me a lot of options on trying things with others. That way if I like it I have friends and if I don't I can always try something else out.

Also, the most important thing I do for myself is have a weekly date night with my husband. That way we still will have our relationship even after the kids are gone.

D.