K.K. asks from Dallas, OR on February 26, 2007
Just "Mom" and "Wife".... Where Did "I" Go?
I think I am having an identity chrisis! Sometimes I feel like I am here strictly to serve my husband and kids and outside that, I'm supposed to just sit in the corner like an applicance not being used. When I'm asked "what do you like to do?"... my mind is empty. When I have free time, I clean. I am to the point now that I even clean my kids' rooms every week or two simply because I'm sitting around with nothing else to do (Yes, I make them help me so I'm not doing it for them!). When I tell my husband I want something to do because I'm tired of just sitting around doing nothing all the time, he tells me things like "go make the bed" or "the clothes need put away"... Gee, what was I thinking? I forgot, there is still cleaning to be done, how can I be bored?
I'm not meaning like I want to go out with the girls for a night... or I want a weekly outing, etc. I want something to do when I'm sitting at home and everyone else is busy doing something that I don't want to do. For instance... Sunday afternoons... we're home from church, my husband is taking a nap, one kid is doing homework, the other three are watching a movie... what do I do? NOTHING. I don't like kids' movies so it's really hard for me to sit down and watch one with them... once in a while I can do some of the funny ones, etc. but not if I've already seen it, I just can't sit there not being interested. I normally end up on the computer staring at an empty in box just hoping someone will email me so I have something to re/respond to! A lot of my evenings are the same way. The only tv I watch is an hour or so after the kids go to bed... my husband and I curl up on the couch together...or a movie on the weekend together.
I want something for me... something I enjoy and can sit at the kitchen table and do... or on the couch while the kids are watching a movie, so I can at least be with them. I"m going crazy! And the more I clean, even out of boredom, the more I get irritated because it doesn't last with 4 young kids in my house!!! Any suggestions? I'm very limited on money as my husband is out of work right now on medical leave. I'm not real crafty... I can follow directions, but can't guarantee what crafts will look like... and if I'm making something, I want to have a use for it when I'm done... I hate having stuff lay around just because it's home made!
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Thanks for the advice gals! I went to the second hand store today and looked around... I ended up buying a puzzle and some photo albums for the box of snap shots I have crammed up in the closet. Part of my problem that I forgot to mention is that our house is fairly small for 6 people so the space that we do have is used for many things... table is used for nightly dinners together, crafts, my husband sews (leather/patches, manly things!), homework, etc. so I can't leave my stuff sitting out for even an hour because the table will be needed for something else! However... my husband is going to cut me a board to use for the puzzle. And the picture stuff I can keep in a box and only work on when I have a lot of time to get it out, etc. Hopefully this will help. Thanks again!
L.F. answers from Portland on February 27, 2007
Hi, K.. I just wanted to share a few things I have done to get "me" back. Maybe something will strike a chord. First, I do a lot of reading. So when I have some downtime you will normally find my nose in a boook. This is something I've always enjoyed. Second, I have joined quite a few networking groups. I really felt like I needed to make some friends and do something for myself outside of my children. One of my favorites is Portland DinnerGrrls. Third, I joined Usborne Books as an educational consultant. Again, this gets me out of the house, it gives me something to work on when I have free time at home, it doesn't take too much time away from my family, and it ties in with my love of reading. Finally, I exercise. It's a great use of downtime, and I feel so much better after I do it.
Hope this helps at least a little.
J.H. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
Try sewing, you can get a used machine for cheap and start out with basic patterns. You can find great fabric for $1 at walmart joannes or pacific fabrics. You can make useful things like blankets, sleep clothes (who care what those look like) pot holders and such.
S.J. answers from Spokane on February 26, 2007
I too am not a crafty person a couple ideas that I enjoy but am not able to do them sience i am a full time student and can not bring any thing out while my son is awake because he gets into it, my ideas are scapbooking most malls have scapbooking stores and it is fun to do and you do not need to be crafty to do it. Also this may sound chessy but paint by numbers are quit fun even my step dad likes them so these are fun easy things to try. If you are looking for something else maybe try taking an online class to keep you busy. Hope this helps.
D.N. answers from Medford on February 26, 2007
How about working from home? I love my job from home and it definitely fills up free time. You can do it part-time, full-time, whatever you want - it's very flexible. And it's a great source for a second income or some extra spending money. I'd be happy to tell you about what I do. ###-###-#### or send me your number and I'll call you.
1 mom found this helpful
K.L. answers from Spokane on February 26, 2007
I definately know what you mean. We seem to forget about ourselves. I like to get on the computer and browse around. I check out ebay a lot, check my email, myspace, mamasource. I also like to follow up on the top stories in the news, and I love celebrity gossip. I too have started excercising, and I'm not going to tell you I love it, but it takes my mind off things! I have some me time. You should take a warm relaxing bubble bath and pamper yourself once in a while. Lock the kids out!! :) One thing that I used to do before I had kids was I stamped. It is relatively cheap, and nowadays you can buy most of the supplies at Walmart. I took a Stampin Up class, and it was lots of fun. My mom did cake decorating and she loved it. Just a couple ideas...Good luck!!
B.G. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
Read, girl, read.
Even if you never have liked it before, hit the library and pick out a book from every catagory you can think of. I have friends who had never finished a book all through school, and now LOVE to read as Mommies. One likes romance, one likes mysteries and one likes home improvement books. One of them figured out from reading that she likes to arrange flowers ... she even ended up going to school for it. It's total ME time: you and the book.
The best part is, it's good for the kids to see you engrossed in a book, but you can always mark your place and come back later if they need you.
I can recommend some titles if you already know what you like ... or the library and internet keep lots of reviews.
Have fun. I hope this helps.
J.B. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
I know you said you are not very crafty, but I like to scrapbook. It might sound corny but it is fun. You just need some old and new family photos. You can do vacations you have been on, holidays, special memories for the kids. You can make them each one. They will be very thankful when they are older to have such a precious memory that you Made!!!!! Also, it is relaxing and cures any case of boredom.
J.S. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
I'm going to suggest some things that I have started doing and some ideas that might pique your interest. I like to read, so I check out books from the Library. I also like to make things and have started crocheting various items for Christmas presents or other gifts. Sudoku puzzles might interest you or other puzzles like crossword or word finds. These are also good for your mental abilities.
If you don't know how to crohet or knit, I would be willing to teach you. I know you said you don't want a night out with the girls, but girl time is also good. It gives you a chance to rediscover who you are aside from being a mom and a wife. Please e-mail me if you want. I will be praying for you.
K.D. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
hi K., well i think that first of all you should stop asking your husband to give you something to do, or asking his permission. read, go on a walk, paint, there are lots of things to do. i know that we don't feel like we always have the time but we do. we need to make time. finding a hobby is a very good thing, i wish you luck......K.
L.C. answers from Seattle on February 27, 2007
I recently found exercise is a good outlet for me.
I also like to scrapbook and like you I'm not a crafty person. It's more important to me to preserve memories so I try to make it easy by just mounting pictures on colorful paper and journaling.
K.S. answers from Portland on February 27, 2007
What city do you live in? My husband and I just moved from living in an island community for 18 years to the "big" city of Vancouver Wa. We are in our 50's and have already raised 2 daughters ages 21 and 19. Our 21 year old got married and pregnant on her honeymoon in Dec, so we will be grandparents in Sept. NOW, we are starting over again raising twin girls that will be 3 in May. I can't tell you how many times I've gone thru the exact feelings you're experiencing! I'm having an even harder time now, cuz I didn't expect to be raising little ones at this stage of my life. At this time, I basically have one friend that works full time. I'm a stay at home mom. We have found a church that seems to make us happy and I'm trying to get involved there. They have a knitting/croshet(sp?) class twice a month on Friday nite that I'm seriously thinking of going to. I can learn something and socialize with other women in the process. My husband and I play scrabble and cribbage together, but before we moved we really enjoyed having other people over and playing cards or dominoes or something. It'll be awhile before we know anyone here. I get terribly lonely and feel kind of trapped in a world of kids. I don't have any solutions other than trying to trust that God has a plan and something will turn around. My husband is currently looking for work and he's wonderful about helping out, but he's much more content to just sit around at home with the kids than I am. I find myself spending long hours at thrift stores on weekends just to do something and get out of the house. I read alot of books! I'd love to find a book club. I'd love to email back and forth if you'd like someone to vent your frustrations with. Maybe we'll actually end up thinking of ways to help each other! K. ____@____.com