S.D. asks from El Paso, TX on August 07, 2008
How Do I Motivate Hubby to Lose Weight
I have been married six years. Like majority of couples when there's a pregnancy, we started to gain (and keep) several of the pounds. Throughout the years and the second pregnancy we both have gone up and down in our weight gains/losses. Till recently I started to notice my husbands weight gain has starting to really effect him. He snores more often at night and gets more winded during intimacy.
I want to help him without offending him. He's always been pretty sensitive about his weight (even when he was real thin) I've tried making more health concise meals and cutting out the high calorie/fat snacks like chips, dips and sodas. But he ends up going to get it himself. He'll snack on junk then eats a full meal right after. Every time I've tried to mention about how he needs to cut those out of his diet he ends up serving seconds and thirds on the healthy stuff. He goes to the gym but is not consistent. How can i encourage him to exercise and eat right with out damaging our relationship?
So What Happened?™
Oh my goodness! Everyone had such great suggestions, I used majority of them. I had joined a belly dance class 1hr for 2days/wk at the gym I attend. (a fantastic workout, I recommend it!). I've been pretty involved in this and my hubby notices the positives its doing for me. He says its helped improve my "bedtime" techniques. All this encouraged him to keep going to the gym consistently. He's lost 20 pounds so far and is so much happier now. He was totally supportive when i had my first performance and I think my involvement in this dance will continue to help us all the way around. Not to mention I've been cooking without butter, and I steam vegetables instead of sauteing them. More water had played a huge role as well. Thanks again for all of your advice!! I love this site!
A.G. answers from Houston on August 07, 2008
you should lead by example, and involve him in your exercise activities, I was worried about my husbands eating habits, so I started making every meal a health conscience one, the I started going to the gym 3 days a week insisting i did not want to go alone, and i bought my husband a punching bag to hang in the garage. Believe it or not, now he is even more serious about fitness than I am. Maybe you could get him a weight bench, punching bag, a brand new bike.
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K.N. answers from Austin on August 07, 2008
Maybe you can a personal trainer who will come to your house and you and your husband can have a "workout date" once a week, just to get the ball rolling. Its not that expensive, considering the cost of a gym membership and/or home exercise equipment.
Or you might consider a once a week, evening kayaking class. I just finished a 6-week cardio kayaking class with my husband (and 15 other people) on Town Lake. It was geared for all fitness levels.
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B.M. answers from Houston on August 07, 2008
I suggest leading by example only and do NOT actually say anything to him about his weight or getting in shape. If you do that, it will only serve to hurt his self-esteem and his confidence in your relationship and not encourage him to make a change. Image your husband making a negative comment about your appearance or you getting winded during intimacy, even if it was meant to help, it would hurt and be a huge blow. Continue to make healthy choices for meals and snacks for your family. Also, try to increase your activity level as a couple/family, go for walks, take the kids to the park, or extra loving making. =) Hopefully you husband will realize how much better he feels and want to continue the trend. Good luck.
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N.S. answers from Austin on November 11, 2008
Like yourself after the kids were born we got comfortable with our chubby selves. But it seems we are never on the same page when it comes to losing weight. When he's ready, I'm not. Then just a horrible cycle. We did the low carb diet together and lost a whole bunch of weight and decided we couldn't live like that forever then we just gained all the weight back and then some. We all hate diets and can't stick to them for life. I started to use a diet patch after seeing a couple of my neighbors who looked awesome after using the patch. It has totally changed my life and I now too look and feel great. Well low and behold. My husband saw how easy it was and is now using the patch and is getting there too. It has so many other benefits that you have to just read up on them. No crazy diets just as easy and putting one on each day.
R.L. answers from Houston on August 07, 2008
First, stop buying junk food. There are plenty of 100 calorie snack packs out there, plus popcorn, fruits and veggies. If he drinks a lot of soda, maybe switch to diet or ice tea or natural fruit juice like V8 Splash. (Although you still want to limit the juice due to the amount of sugars, but it is a healthy alternative.)
What would really help is if you both do something. I don't know if you feel the need to lose a few pounds, but maybe if you bring it up as something both of you can do, he will be more motivated to have a healthier lifestyle. I highly recommend Weight Watchers, because it is not a diet. It's a healthy lifestyle change that forces you to make healthy choices and decisions. Their web site has toms of great recipes. There are other sites too like the South Beach diet and flatbellydiet.com.
Then maybe you can make time to take walks together or go to the gym together.
The thing I love about Weight Watchers is that I do not even need to exercise and I still am losing weight.
You definitely want to sit down and talk to him about this. Tell him that you love him and you are concerned about his health. Since he feels self conscious about it already then I am sure he would love to feel healthier. If you let him know that he can get healthier without depriving himself, that may make him feel better too! (Another WW perk! I don't need to deprive myself!)
Portion control and a balanced diet is key in losing weight. 3 helpings of a healthy meal is not going to do it!
Although if he is not receptive to this now, just continue to support him and buy healthy foods. (Try and only make enough so that there are seconds and no leftovers.) Don't comment on what he eats or how much because that will probably just backfire and make him eat more. (I'm speaking from experience on that!) Instead if he complains about his weight at all, let him know that you support him but that he needs to make the change and the decision to lose the weight.
I struggled with my weight gain fro several years and my husband never said anything unless I complained. Then he would say "well, do something about it or stop complaining." It may sound harsh but he was completely right! NOw that I've finally done something about it, I feel great!!
I hope you can find the right technique and plan that works for both of you! I'm sure he will come around but he may have to do it in his own time!
K.B. answers from Houston on August 08, 2008
One thing that I did to help us both lose some weight and start exercising was to use the kids. I didn't like the example we were setting for our kiddos so I told my husband that in order to be better role models for the kids we needed to start eating better and being more active as a family. We started nightly family walks/bike rides. Meals and snacks are much healthier in our house. When the focus and pressure was taken off of my husband's weight and was just about the kids it was easier for him to see it through. Then once he started feeling healthier then he added things like going to the gym to work out.
P.B. answers from Minneapolis on August 09, 2008
I agree that the best motivation will come from you. You need to set an example rather than trying to change him. Once, he sees you loosing weight and looking good he's gonna want to keep up with you. During "bed" time, have him do most of the work - that's actually great exercise! You are going to have to play your cards right though, if he sees that he can't perform good in bed he might get inspired to get in shape then.
S.O. answers from Austin on August 08, 2008
I agree with making the kids the goal. Do you want them to be overweight and unhealthy in the long-term? Just do not buy junk food - don't let it even be an option. No more chips, dip - try to stay away from processed food in general. A good rule is to try to eat food as close to how it occurs in nature. Try to avoid high fructose corn syrup all together (it's in EVERYTHING - read labels). There are many tastier and more nutritious treats and rewards for a healthy lifestyle than processed food.
Also, I wonder what your idea of "healthy" is - for some people that just means boring. You can eat great food that's easy and healthy for the whole family. I suggest you subscribe to "Everyday Food" it's a monthly magazine. All the the recipes have nutritional information - they are very satisfying and not "diet food" at all. There are lots of resources on the web to sort how how many calories you should eat per day - if you want to maintain or lose weight. Being "healthy" is not something to do once in a while, you have to integrate it into how you operate your household and live your life. And in my experience with my husband, you have to do it together for it to really work. Good Luck.