How Do I Make Everyone Happy on Christmas Without Making Myself Miserable?

First off there is no way on earth to make everyone happy. Quit worrying about it. It's your job to make your child happy, anyone else can just suck it up and be a grown up. Now speaking of grown ups, I think it's time to sit down with the in laws and parents and say you understand that they aren't the best of friends, but it's time to focus on making sure the kids have a good time and since everyone else is an adult you expect them to act like it and be polite and respectful. tell them it's important to set a good example for the kids since you know there will always be people you encounter at school or other places that you don't really get along with, but that dealing with that without being impolite is a skill everyone needs to be successful. Then set some rules about voice tone, and behavior and tell them flat out anyone who can't buck up and be a grown up about this situation will be asked to leave. It's ridiculous for you to be expected to play peacemaker to a bunch of adults who should know better. Say you want your kids to know and enjoy their grandparents, but this is about the kids not them and if they can't follow the Thumper rule then they can't be there.

Okay, you CAN'T make everyone happy! They are grown-ups, and some of them sound pretty immature. You cannot lower yourself to their level - they are actually controlling you through their behavior.

You handle your parents, who are coming from far away, and deserve some special time with their grandchildren. Your husband can handle his parents (leaving you out of it) and tell them they are making HIM miserable (not you) and also screwing things up for the kids.

I know the frustration of dealing with a stepchild whom you don't see until later in the day. Maybe you could have the morning be "Santa's gifts" for your kids, but save the family gifts until Wyatt comes. That spreads it out over the day anyway, which is better for the kids. Skylar won't know what's going on, and Trevor is old enough to defer some of his gifts until the afternoon. Bring the in-laws over for the afternoon since Wyatt is their grandson, and have your husband tell them they are staying home in the morning because they are so unpleasant to you and your parents.

Everyone can come for Christmas dinner if they behave, otherwise go for the dessert at their house as the previous poster suggested. You and your husband have to establish ground rules for your home. No one can take advantage of you without your permission, so it's time to set boundaries and stick to them.

If your parents don't come every year, then your in-laws can come on other Christmas mornings. If your parents DO come every year, then both sets of parents need to suck it up and learn to behave for the sake of the grandchildren. Otherwise, they alternate years - your parents stay home one year and your in-laws get the Christmas morning deal that year. Your in-laws should be thrilled that they get to see the grandchildren all the time, and they should support your parents just being occasional visitors. Your parents should appreciate that the in-laws are there to help (if they do), and be able to enjoy the few visits they have.

They are not modeling good behavior for their grandchildren, who need to grow up learning about the JOYS of family and not the silly jealous competition garbage. They will never be able to seek out healthy marriages for themselves if they haven't witnessed it - and you and your husband can tell both sets of parents that. The sooner the better.

Otherwise just do your own thing and make the rules for your own house.

M.!!!!

I feel bad for you!! Well I would have Christmas at 3:30 at your house with your parents for a while. Then around 5:30 I would have a nice desert party over at the in-laws house. Nothing like an evening of Celebrating. Leaving your parents at your house alone for a couple of hours or hour. Because they chose not to get along this is how it has to be. Good luck ......sounds like you will need it!!

D.

Hi M.,

Oh man!!!

I agree with Lila A.

: ) Maureen

How about a Christmas open house? Have room temperature food on your table all day long, coffee pot on, Christmas cookies out. People can come whenever they come, eat what's there, have their coffee and cookies, relax, then go whenever they need to go. Make it easy on yourself. Christmas is about enjoying each other's company, not slaving away. Enjoy it and remember the meaning of the day!

M.,

Since your in-laws live next door I would say they need to compromise and whenever they are available is when you can have Christmas with them. Weather that is this weekend or after the new year. They can see your children anytime and your parents can not. They are only in for 5 days so I would make that time special with your parents and if your in-laws can't understand that then they are just being ridiculous. Don't make yourself crazy but be realistic and others need to as well. Don't worry about hurting feelings of adults. If they can't get over it then they are worse then children. They day is for the children - make them happy!!

Good luck and have a lot of egg nog. I hope your husband supports your decision whatever it is.

L. M

why don't you and your parents get along though and why are they leaving the next morning why don't you get along with your parents here is my cellphone number ###-###-#### call me sometime ok my name is R. i have a 3 1/2 year old son at home try and giving her a bath at night with johnson's bedtime bath it will help her sleep better at night trust me.

I here yah! My inlaws changed their plans, we usually go their christmas day. My family has two sides so we must skip one this year. To top it off it is all food Me and my kids won't eat. Weird stuff!!

Good luck and bring your bandages I know I will! Maybe some wine!! LOL!

M.
SAHM and WAHM of three!

http://www.WorkingGreenMoms.com

I can slightly relate...as April 2010 we'll have outr 3rd, I have 3 families to please and very critical family members who like to hurt others and refuses to be anywhere my in-laws are.
My advice is to have your husband talk to his parents and family about behaving properly on Christmas for eeryone to have a good time. Then you speak to your parents. It's very important your children don't see this. If your in-laws can't wait another day which you've offered them, they need to respect that your parents live in FL and will be leaving soon after. They have no extra time. And the in-laws are here all the time.
It's hard. I hope it works out for everyone.
Merry Christmas!!!