How Do I Discuss Inappropriate Touch

I told my son that no one should touch him where his swimsuit covers his body, and if they do, he tells me, even if that person says not to, because that person isn't being nice. About the potty-training issue, maybe explain that they can only touch her when she has gone #2, and only with the toilet paper. Just my two cents! Good luck, it's such a sensitive subject!

I do NOT think it is too soon to begin this sort of talk. I think you are wise to begin now BUT I would do it in a very small scale. For my daughters, ages 3 and 5, we casually discuss it in the bathtub. "I will help you wash here because I am your mother. Daddy or Grandma might help too if they are helping with the bath, but NO ONE else should ever touch you here. You can tell me if anyone ever tries to do something that makes your heart feel uncomfortable." As simple, casual comment when helping with the wiping is great too. We don't discuss it often but I like to mention it every once in a while so that they remember and know that I care. I say it lovingly and if they begin to discuss it or worry about it I tell them that it is not something we need to worry about and we move on. I don't think they are scared or worried. More in-depth conversations can come later but I do think it is wise to begin discussing it in small steps now. I still have to help my 3 year old (and occasionally my 5 year old) wipe but I have been working with her so she can do it independently. It takes a while--their arms need to grow longer still. We make sure we are done with bathroom business before preschool and I do not ask the preschool teacher or babysitters to do that. She's on her own if she has an issue at school and occasionally that means I have extra laundry to do after her attempts. But oh, well.

Hi J.,

I honestly think it is a little too soon to have this sort of talk with her. At 3 1/2 years old she will not understand and like you said it will scare her or confuse her more than anything. However, if she is around someone that worries you about touching your daughter in an inapropriate way than take her away from that person. I also have a daughter and I will wait until she goes to Kindergarten before I have a talk with her. If you trust your daycare then you should not have to worry yet about having this talk. I hope I helped a little!

J. S :)

I don't think it's too soon to have this talk. I have a seven year old daughter and we talked about this when she was around age 3 1/2 years old. I told her that her private areas are just that, private and that nobody is allowed to touch her there. I also said that if anybody ever tried to touch her there that she should yell and say "don't touch me there! I'm going to tell my Mom!" loud enough for anyone around to hear her. I also told her about good touches and bad touches. I told her we don't keep secrets from each other and that if anyone ever did try to touch her in a bad way that they are wrong and she is to tell me. I let her know that I'm here to protect her. That is my job. Our talk was brief but she understood. I had her practice yelling what she would say. (Don't touch me there, I'm going to tell my Mom!)Then I left it at that. I remind her only once in awhile.

Hey there,
I have a nine year old daughter. She is very articulate. We had small, gentle discussions when she started potty training. It helped she had a brother so as I bathed him and she showed interest in his different anatomy we could address things like "this part of your body is private"
Start slowly and casually. One day when helping her wipe ask her, "who is allowed to help you in the bathroom" and see what she says. Some kids have already developed a strong sense of what is private. I used to swap babysitting with another mom and her daughter would not allow me to change her diaper. (the child was 2 1/2.) So I didn't. After the first day I brought it up with her mom and just said, "she has very strong feelings about her diaper and I don't think I should violate them." She was only at my house for 3 hours anyway and we both agreed that mom would make sure she was clean when she came and I would leave it alone.
If your daughter looks at you blankly "what do you mean mom?" Then you can give her your ideas of who should be allowed to help her in the bathroom. List yourself, her dad, if you see her grandparents, any babysitters... and keep it casual. Don't talk about bad people just use the word "private" we all need privacy :)
Good luck!

Do you have the name of a book to explain good touches/bad touches to 8 yr old boy .

A Book titled, Protecting the Gift

Use natural opportunities to mention it without making it a huge deal or scary thing. They are at the age where it isn't embarrassing yet so now is the time to start dialogue about our 'special parts' in order to keep open communication about it throughout their life.

It is not too early to have the discussion. As my pediatrician told me, if they're away from you not at home, they need to have guidance....We used books from the library to get started - the librarian helped us w/finding them. Definitely pre-screen them - some are horrid but there are some good ones too. And, a huge family rule is NO SECRETS! We have surprises (i.e., birthday presents) and we spent a lot of time on the difference but I think it has helped. My 6 and 4 year old know that anyone that asks them to keep a secret is being bad and they tell us right away - we had a bully issue that didn't last real long because of this rule but it would also help w/ anything inappropriate. I think it also makes them less vulnerable - a predator will go after a kid that's going to keep a secret.

I have had this discussion with my daughter since she was about 3, that nobody is ever to touch her "pee pee" place unless I am there. I have explained it is special and that it is private just for her. That sometimes babysitters may need to wipe her, that the Dr may need to check her out but that only with mommy's permission is this allowed. You need to acknowledge that really not even teachers of family members are allowed UNLESS they are wiping poopies off of her and never should they touch her pee pee area, I even let my daughter know it is a vagina and all women have them and they are just very special. I went into some detail how we do no show anyone our vagina and it is very private. At her age there is no reason for family members or teachers to be touching her, wiping is one thing but touching is another. With kids this age, you just have to present it in a manner that is very matter of fact, state the facts, call the body parts what they are and explain it is hers and private. There isn't anything scary and only when my daughter hit 6 did she ask me why it was private did I have to get into a little more detail without scaring her, just explaining that it is time she is old enough for privacy, that our bodies are Gods gift to us and we need to treat them as they are special and that there unfortunately are bad people in the world that may try to hurt her. I have told her to never believe someone that tells her not to tell that she should always know that it is my job to protect her and she can always tell me!!!

I have been reading the book "My Body Belongs to Me" with my almost 4 year old son. I highly recommend it. I don't think it is too early to have this discussion. You just have to be careful how you do it, so you help them feel safe and secure in the world, as well as avoiding shaming or teaching that their bodies are problematic.