My son turned 4 in April and is very interested in having siblings. He likes to pretend that he is a baby and to hear all about what it was like while I was pregnant. My husband and I are currently undecided about having a second child. RIght now we are not actively trying but not "not trying." Although my son hasn't specifically asked the question I can sense it is coming and if we do conceive it is only a matter of time. I have explained that babies grow inside their mothers. He knows that babies come out the "hole" and he knows about breast-feeding. We are not exactly sure how we want to explain conception (why did the baby start growing there? How did it get there? etc.) I am a pretty straight forward person and would like start off with information that is both appropriate for his development and relatively accurate (no stork stories). We are active in a community that has lots of same sex couples with children so even the "when a man and a woman really love each other" line gets complicated. I know he is only 4 and I don't have to go into great detail but I don't want to say that "babies are made in marriage by a man and a woman when they really love each other" and then be sitting near friends(same sex with child) and have him ask aloud how they have a baby. I know that I am probably over thinking this so I would love to hear how you have explained conception, pregnancy, birth, and all that to your children. That way, I can find something that works for us. My lego analogy was so pathetic it was humorous.
It looks like you received a lot of responses. Actually too many for me to even read through. he, he.
But using the line that when 2 "people" really love each other instead of saying when a "man and woman" really love each other should do the trick. It covers the woman-woman or man-man scenario.
Good luck!
My daughter asked when she was really young too. I am with you - I like to give specifics and not beat around the bush with things that will only prove innacurate later (i.e. you have to be married, etc). I basically said that mommies have lots and lots of eggs inside them and that believe it or not she already has all her eggs in her that she'll ever have. I told her that the eggs don't look like the eggs we eat, that they are super small and practically invisible. Then I said that the daddy has seeds. When a mommy wants a baby she has to have an fertilized by the seed and then the egg turns into the baby. She found it fascinating and still talks about it but didn't ask how the seed got there. While we are your "typical" married male/female couple, I know that she won't have a problem if she ever hears of someone who is pregnant but not married, or pregnant with a same sex partner because none of it goes against what I said. Of course I added my two cents about how when she is MUCH MUCH OLDER I hope she will find someone etc etc but that's because I couldn't resist :)
Hi - Gosh, I think we all go through this. It's really easy to get all worried about how to react when the big questions come, but most of the time a simple answer is best. I had my 2nd baby when my 1st son was 6 so I was expecting some tough questions. But when he asked how come I'm having a baby, I said "well I guess God decided it was time for our family to grow". Surprisingly he was satisified with that answer and never asked again. He is now 8 and I am expecting our 3rd. He was complaining about how his baby brother was jumping on him, I said "wait until you have 2 all over you". He said - "well, mom , you need to stop having all these babies". I laughed and said "ME?? What about Dad!" He looked at me so innocently and asked "What's Dad got to do with it?". This cracked me up, and I thought maybe now was the time to tell him, but he seems so content with what he thinks he knows - really what's the rush. I'll let him be a kid for as long as I can!
At this age too much detail is not a good idea. I would say from mommy and Daddies love.
I love that you are so aware that this topic might make children (and adults) in other families uncomfortable! We have adopted children (2.5 and 13 months) and I, too, am wondering how to address these issues, although ours is a little more complicated. :)
Could you talk about egg fertilization (or seed germination) as a separate topic and eventually add it into your explanation of pregnancy? You could start with a trip to a farm (or a book with chicks and chickens) and discuss how the chicks occur. I wouldn't go into the food aspect of eggs, unless you have an unusually advanced 4 year old! You could have a vegetarian on your hands for the rest of his life!
Good luck! This is a toughy!
The book 'Where Did I Come From', I also suggest. Diane is right, it is a really good book and thats what helped me out years ago. I passed mine on to my daughter when she has her son.
When I was pregnant with my twins my nephew was very curious about how this happened. i think he thought it happened differently! Anyway, my sister, who's best friend is in a same sex marriage, went to library and got a book that was geared towards explaining sex to 4-6 year olds. I don't know the name of the book but I am sure you could find something helpful at your library. Also, I think the idea of reading a book helped my sister cope with the uncomfortable part a little better.
my son (6)is totally into science and seemed to be mostly satisfied when I said that it is the same with all mamals. He's seen enough nature movies to know about mating. I told him that we'd talk to him more about it later.
good luck!
There used to be a book called "Where Did I Come From" which did a good job of explaining the sex act for kids - My son is now 19 so I hope the book is still in print. If not, check out the library or your bookstore.
I don't think it is helpful to say that a baby is born only of a mommy and daddy's love - it doesn't explain the people who don't have kids (especially those who want them but can't have them) - you don't want your son to say "Oh, they must not love each other." It also doesn't cover the same sex couples. Some of those couples adopted, but some of the lesbian couples may have chosen to have one of the partners become pregnant and give birth. I think it is perfectly acceptable to say that there are a number of ways for this to happen and that, for those who want to but can't, there are things that the doctors can do to help it happen. No matter how it happens, it is important that every child have someone to love him or her. You are already exposing your child to the glorious fact that there are all kinds of families - 2 parents, 1 parent, same sex, opposite sex, and there are also foster families and grandparents raising kids. It's great that you are celebrating diversity and trying to find the right words now to allow for all possibilities!
Enjoy your little scientist!
I would just say that the Daddy gives the Mommy a "special hug" and, with God's help, the baby starts growing. That will probably satisfy his little curiosity at this point. My boys are 9 and 7, and that's all they know at this point. I know that will change all too soon, but for now, that's enough.
At four, kids can understand a lot. You can probably get books about baby animals, tadpoles, etc. and how the baby frogs come from eggs that are fertilized, so he'll pretty much understand where babies come from. It's scientific, not embarracing.
