How Dare She!!!

Updated on March 10, 2012
E.A. asks from El Monte, CA
36 answers

Hi Moms,
My son has been getting bullied after school. I finally got him to speak. So I waited for him to get home & I saw him running & 2 boys throwing pine cones at him! This has been going on & he was afraid to tell me. He says they spit at him, throw things at him, & lock the gate on him to enter our apartment complex. I've always told him to ignore them. After I saw this I went to the office to ask what I should do since we live right across the street from school & the boys live here. They told me they would speak with the boys. I received an email that they did indeed speak to them & they have apologized. They have a zero tolerance for bullying. I thought great. Well No! Today a woman banged on my door. I opened it & she started yelling saying that if I went to the school to get her son in trouble?? I answered well who's your son since I only reported that D was the one who threw the pine cone at my son. I said Im A's mom & yes he is getting bullied. She would say who's mom she was so I was going to close the door on her then she said " Next time go knock on my door! " I was like I dont even know where the boys live? She clearly was upset because she says I am ruining her sons reputation. Umm How do I handle this? I called the office to inform the principle but she was not available. Then she goes on saying she missed work because the school called her in to sign a form regarding this incident. Im so confused. Did I make the wrong choice? I am involved in the PTA at school & I had just attended a class on this subject. It says to report it! I wish she was calmer so I could have explained what really happened. She wouldnt let me talk! How rude is that?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thanks moms! I was caught off guard & I didnt realize what she was yapping about! lol But It is serious. I notified the school immediately & my apartment complex. Not to my surprise they informed me that he is bullying many other kids that live here! I had already signed my son up for Karate the previous week before this happened & he knows he isnt a victim & he need to report this bad behavior. She knew where I lived because all the kids play right in front of my door ( I dont know why) & the kids told her where we live. I still dont know her name or where she lives! I am going to meet with the principal about this issue on Monday. But Yikes some parents just need to communicate. I would of had no problem speaking to her. I only asked the question not because I am afraid or she bullied me but because I am open minded & I try to be proactive. Clearly I did do the right thin & next time I will call the cops. I will not be a victim. :)

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S.Y.

answers from Chicago on

You did the right thing by reporting it. I would just ignore her. If it happens again continue to report it.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I haven't read any of the other answers so I may be repeating. You did the right thing. I would have done exactly as you had done. If she was a decent parent at all she would have been upset with her son and not you. Don't even sweat it and if continues report them again. If she isn't going to reel her son in then that's her problem.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

You made the right choice. I would call back and tell what she said and did. You can talk to the counselor and mention how aggressive she was.
DOCUMENT.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Wow this is the first clear example of the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I have ever read here. Yikes!!

You really don't get it, she tried to intimidate you.

Trust me I don't throw the bully tags around much but in a way that is what she did. She wanted you in the condition you are in now, second guessing yourself. Her hopes that you think she can sue you for lost wages and there is more of the same if you report her son's behavior again.

You did what was right and if she has a problem being hauled into school to sign papers then strike the fear of god in her son not neighbors.

I don't usually throw this advice out but you need to be protective of your son for a while. Like almost overprotective. If I am right you son will be left alone at school because the school is watching that kid but as soon as he is off the school yard there is a chance the boy is going to do to your son what the mom did to you except without the knowledge of how far you should take it. There is a very good chance he could hurt your son.

The reason I believe this is I think there is a very good chance she went home to her son and told him he was right, she was right, no one will treat us that way and basically planted in her son the idea to retaliate.

I really hope I am wrong.

Just in case this wasn't explicit you did the right thing, you did nothing wrong!

8 moms found this helpful
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S.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Not to be mean, but I feel for her kid: he is learning his bad behavior at home. I would notify the principal, in writing, of exactly what happened, and be as specific as possible, down to quoting her. Offer to meet with her in the principal's office if she would like to discuss the situation with your children with you.

Let her know that knocking on the door and bullying you is not acceptable...but do give her the option of discussing in a calm environment. If she continued coming to the door I would let the police handle it. We have principals for little bullies and the PD for big bullies ; )

7 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

As the saying goes, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' You now see where her son gets it. Document everything including her coming to your house. With this one, you may end up getting a restraining order :)

7 moms found this helpful
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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

Guess where her son learned how to bully...from her! Stay strong.

6 moms found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm not surprised at her reaction, but you did do the right thing. The school needs to be on notice so they can protect your son which is their responsibility. And you are not ruining her son's reputation; he's doing that all on his own!

Given the way she came at you, IMO she would be one of those mothers who would not have listened to you or taken any action had you knocked on her door first. If she were a mother who cared, she would have knocked on your door with her son offering apologies!

Don't think that just because the school was put on notice and the parent called, that the problem is solved. I will bet that it will continue and that more action than just a little talk with the boys will need to be taken. Bullies don't usually give up so easily.

You should be sure to watch because if your son is intimidated, he might not tell you about continued bullying!

6 moms found this helpful
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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think you did the right thing. It's what I would have done. I'm sure that your son is probably getting bullied by these kids not just on the way home but at school. The school should be made aware. The parent sounds like a bully herself. Don't let her bully you!

5 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

She's angry at YOU for her SON'S behavior, and the consequences of her son's behavior.

How in any way are you responsible for her son's behavior?

She blames you, she doesn't have to look at the problem.

ROFL... That's like being arrested for robbing a bank and blaming the cops who caught you as your defense. If they hadn't caught me, I wouldn't be in court! I wouldn't have consequences! It's THEIR FAULT. Ummmm.

5 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Wow, I would be scared this woman knew where I lived. Because this happened at your home, I would tell the apartment complex of the incident. They need to know what happened and that you have been harassed, just in case she does it again, it's best to have a paper trail on her, and call the cops if she comes banging down your door again. And yes, reporting your son's bullying was the correct thing to do. Now you know where her son gets his bullying behavior from.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from Chicago on

Unfortunately, you cannot change what has happened. This mother sounds like she is a bully herself...no wonder her child is. If it was me....I would be proactive and start going to the school when the day is over and walking my child home. No one is going to bully him then. I purposely drive my children to school (6 and 9) to avoid situations like bus stops, bus rides, and morning recess. They could take the bus. I choose not to utilize it because I can. Most bullying happens off school property and on the bus and at bus stops. There are always going to be bullies in life....when we are children and adults. How we react to it is what we have control over. I would however, have a chat with the principal again. She needs to know that this happened as a result of her course of action. I would not even let this woman take anymore of your time and energy. She is obviously one of those mothers who dosen't ever think their child does anything wrong. She will get her pay back when he is a teen.

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

You did the absolute right thing. That lady is just an idiot.

4 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I would tell her (if you have the chance) that you are sorry she missed work and is so upset but you had to contact the school in order to protect your son. As a mother she should understand. Explain that is she handles her son, there shouldn't be a next time. If she shows up at your door again, you should call the police for harassment.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.G.

answers from Las Vegas on

You were right, she was wrong. She was trying to bully you. Report her and document everything.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

How did she find you if you don't know where those boys live?

If the school contacted her and she had to sign a form, then it sounds like the school is holding her son accountable. She should spare the dramatics and deal with her son. Her son's reputation? If he's a good kid with a mean streak he needs to stop and things will go back to normal. If he's one of those kids only good at home who terrorizes the school, maybe she's seeing a side she didn't know about or didn't want to see.

I think she's just angry that she had to be held accountable for her child's actions. You are an easy target. Maybe her bully behavior toward you is where her child gets it from.

I would continue to focus on your son and if she or the child continue to bother your family, speak to the appropriate parties.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

If you knew her, I would have said you did the wrong thing. But since you obviously didn't know her, you absolutely handled this the right way. You can see where her son gets his nastiness.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

You can never tell with bullys if their parents will help or hurt.
I had a situation where my Mom talked to parents of 3 girls who were shoving me up and down stairs, knocking my books from my arms, making my life miserable and the parents told their kids to give it to me some more.
If you have any more trouble with these kids, report it as you did before.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Apparently the bullying in genetic- and oh so sorry you had to deal with the adult version of what is following your poor kid home from school. Dont try to talk or reason with this person- dont call the principal people like this are like a dog with bone the more you try to stop them the more they fight. Keep and eye on your little one what you did was probably the right thing but the sad thing is the right thing can sometimes bite you in the butt.

2 moms found this helpful

☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

You absolutely did the right thing. I'm guessing the school made her sign a form that she has been informed of her son's bullying. She sounds like a nutter. If it happens again, I'd call the cops on her.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I have to chuckle. The mom is bullying you to the point you question reporting the bullying. Of course you should report it. That is how bullying gets stopped. If you wouldn't report it because Mom is upset you're letting her get away with bullying you. You want your son to stand up to bullies. You have to show him how it's done.

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M.M.

answers from Lake Charles on

Call the cops if she comes back, what a wacko! And you did the right thing.. You are supposed to report that and how sad she's more concerned with her son's "reputation" than her son being a bad person. Go figure.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

If the school made a big enough deal with it to her to get her hackles up... I'm guessing her son is no angel.
I think you did the right thing. It's good to let the school handle bulllying stuff, they like to be on top of those things, they appreciate the opportunity to hear about the dynamics they may not be able to observe among the kids (like, neighborhood dynamics) and they need to be aware of who their bullies are.
I wouldn't worry about your neighbor. She sounds like a hothead. Her kid made the choice to throw a pinecone at another kid. HIS choices are ruining his reputation... not yours.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I think you did the right thing!!! The school needs to know when kids are doing something like that. I think she is where they learned it from. I would not say anything else to her but if she continues to say stuff to you go the the apt manager and let them know she's harrassing you! And if they boys don't stop I would call the cops and file a complaint!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

I guess you know where the child learned to be a bully! You definitely did the right thing to let the school handle it.

2 moms found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
You did the right thing. If the situation continues, next time call the police.

1 mom found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

No, i don't think you did the wrong thing. The school needs to be involved in this. Although since they were no longer on school property - they don't have much of a say.

I personally would have taken the kids to their parents and had them tell their parents what they are doing. I am a huge MAMA bear - so I might have recorded it FIRST and then taken the kids to their parents....then if they didn't fess up - I would show the parents the proof.

Sounds like she's in denial about her son being an angel and wants to push the blame on someone else. If it happens again? Record it. Then tell the parents of the aberrant child(ren) that they had better get their ducks in a row and stop their child's behavior or you will file a law suit and have the pictures to prove the behavior.

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H.D.

answers from Dallas on

You absolutely did the right thing on reporting it. Kids are killing themselves over being bullied and every parent needs to step up to the plate on this issue. Let the woman be mad, clearly she is the reason her son is a bully by all the yelling and not listening she did with you. If you see her in your complex, you could always be the bigger person and stop her to try and have a more civilized conversation on the matter. But, definitely, I love knowing that you stepped up and reported it.

1 mom found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

It's good that you reported it. Your poor boy! Now, I would march my self across the street and report his mom for her bullying!

And maybe sign your boy up for Karate?

Also, check his hygeine. Not that it's his fault, or yours, but in my school m any of the kids that got bullied didn't wear deoderant or they would come in dirty clothes. I always thought, wow, if only his mom knew what he was going through! Then I found out that my 2 little brothers didn't wear deoderant until they got into girls! oops. I don't know where I was on that one. But rule it out and try to get to the heart of why he is being bullied and address that.

Updated

It's good that you reported it. Your poor boy! Now, I would march my self across the street and report his mom for her bullying!

And maybe sign your boy up for Karate?

Also, check his hygeine. Not that it's his fault, or yours, but in my school m any of the kids that got bullied didn't wear deoderant or they would come in dirty clothes. I always thought, wow, if only his mom knew what he was going through! Then I found out that my 2 little brothers didn't wear deoderant until they got into girls! oops. I don't know where I was on that one. But rule it out and try to get to the heart of why he is being bullied and address that.

1 mom found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If you actually KNEW the other parents, I'm sure you may had tried to speak with them directly.
You didn't.
So you did the next best thing.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

You made the right choice. You are yoru childs advocate. If he is being bullied you stand right up to that mama. That mana should be ashamed of herself. But the way she came banging on your door she was probably a bully herself. Victim's of Bully's Unite. Your Children do not need to be victims and take this.

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C.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think you handled it correctly. At our school, it is not encourage to go to the bully's parents because they don't typically handle the news their kids is a bully very well. If it happens again, I'd continue to work through the school and let them deal with the parents of the bully. Your son has a right to be protected from pine cones and spitting by the school and you. I think it's great the way you handled it.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You did the right thing.

J.

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

You did the right thing! Protect your child!
People should not live being bullied, harrassed and tortured! Sounds like a bully mom raising her bully child.
Definitely talk to the principal again and keep them up to date on what is happening. If that mother starts causing problems report her to the police.

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

obviously...her kids learned from her....always report it no matter what....and let her know you will..it was her childs misbehavior not you reporting his behavior that got him in trouble....seems like she was almost bullying you...great! invite her to join in on the dialogue about the behavior and get the kids to work it out..but always report it....you are not responsible for her kids behavior...she is!

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Bullying is a senstitive subject, I think you did the right thing by reporting it. I sought safety and refuge from bullying by helping the office ladies in my apartment complex, they could keep an eye on the bullies and me - plus I was safe and doing something helpful. I wish they had an actual policy at that time that could have helped but they CHOSE to allow me to stay there after school (latch key kid) and do my homework and help them with basic office work. Finally it took getting the police involved for anything real to come of the situation - think about it would you want it to come to that?

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