Bullying in CMS School

Not sure where you live, but here in the county in NC I live in, there is a 0% bullying policy. That means an automatic suspension if it is ruled that it was a bullying incident. If your not sure, find out and then ask the school admin why these children are being allowed to stay in school when they continue to bully your son. He has just as much right, more, to be in school learning since he is doing nothing wrong. I went through this with my now 15 year old when he was in middle school. I have to say the staff was right on top of it and after the kids saw so many kids getting suspended, they kind of rethought whether it was a good idea or not. I am not saying that kids still don't pick on my son. A teacher once told me he was a "triple threat" to the other students. I said as far as I know, he has never threatened anyone. He said no, it is because he is small for his age, he wears glasses and is very smart. He said that just makes him a target. So I told my son not to worry about it, one day he will be the CEO of some company and they will still be working at a fast food chain making minimum wage. Tell your son that everyone grows up and for him to be determined that what they are doing to him is not going to define who he becomes. Only he can decide what his future holds.

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Hi A.,

I don't know if you have read the book "The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander" by Barbara Coloroso, but this book is great. The director of our charter school here in Davidson, NC has made it required reading for all teachers and HIGHLY recommends it for all parents to read. For me it put into perspective the reasons bullying happens from all points. It not only opened up conversations for me and my daughters, but also talks about the most important person in this triad - the Bystander - the one who does nothing and how they are just as guilty as the one doing the bullying by act of omission. It also has great information on how to talk to the school and your child about what is going on.

Good luck, it is such a hard place to be in.

Our best friends had the same problem. Their son was bullied in middle school. They met with teachers, met with Guidance, met with the principal--nothing worked. Eventually they switched to a private Christian school and no bullying. He is now on the football team, basketball team, baseball team, and one of the most popular teenagers in high school. My children are in magnet schools and there is zero tolerance for that behavior. In a magnet school they kick the bullies out of school and send them back to their zoned schools. I would encourage you to remove your child from that environment--move to switch schools or petition the school district to switch schools or apply for a magnet school or change to a private school. Your child deserves to be safe in school.

Hi A.,

Don't know that I would be any help here, but I was a part of the CMS system myself - too many years ago. I attended a high school that was only a 5th the size when I attended as it is now. Whew! And I had trouble on the bus as well, when the school was so much smaller.

My sister has a child in Gaston Cty school system, and has learned the hard way that the only way to mitigate this mess is to take her daughter to school and pick her up. The school bus problems won't go away unless a parent actually moniters the bus, and that's probably never going to catch on. Is there any way you can drive your son?

I hope he'll be okay. CMS is such a big system that it's hard to get these things fixed.
All my best,
D.

CMS has a 0 tolerance for bullying. If nothing is done about it after your meeting, take it directly to the superintendent.

My advice from someone that has been through it..my son was bullied for 2yrs appr when he finally snapped and threatened back.He then was the one that got charged,expelled from school then kicked out.We ended up having to move from the area because parents wouldnt let him back in.Even though it was other children that were the bullies.

Any way..yes talk to the teachers,principle,other parents,bus driver and their up line,anyone and everyone you can think of..police also..get a report of it all filed with them even if the school doesnt like it being reported with the police do it.If the school isnt doing anything to your satifaction go to the media.I have some letters I wrote to the media about bullying in schools and if you or anyone would like to read them please email me private I would be happy to pass them on..good luck..
S. B

Most schools these days have a 0% bullying policy. I know in the district I work in we do not tolerate bullies. Your son's bus should be equipped with a camera (sadly most are these days due to things like whats going on with your son). Request the school record the happenings on his bus for a week. With proof of the bullying the bulliers should suffer the consequences.

In helping your son, remind him how cruel middle school can be. As a middle school teacher I witness lots of teasing and such. Enroll him in an activity that will build his self-esteem and provide a chance to bond with his peers.

My son is 15 years old now. He does go to a charter school which is a lot better than CMS schools. It is a smaller school and has a lot more control over situations. Anyway, when he was in 4th grade he was very distant from others. Always friendly and happy but he was picked on mainly because he was an easy target. I actually put him into karate. He became more confidant and his self esteem was lifted dramatically. He realized who he was and how to handle different situations. I really hope you find the answers, I would look into a charter school as well. I love Union Academy

Hi A.,
My name is P.. It sounds like you are doing a lot of the right things already. Reporting it and staying in contact with school staff. The bus part is really difficult because there is little if any supervision because the driver is trying to drive and keep the kids physcially safe. Kids know this and try to get away with things. Does he have a friend he can sit with? Because there is strength in numbers. Also if he can sit near the driver within eyesight in her mirror. Not necessarily in the first seat, because that could be cause of more teasing. Other than that I am sure the social worker has worked with him on holding his head high and not giving the bullies the reaction they want. Good Luck and keep up the contact with the school.
P.

What do the parents of the bully say? I've had better results going straight to other parents about anything (bully issues or not) than relying on the overcrowded school system to intervene and take responsibility. Can the bus driver assign seats so that your son is not close to whoever picks on him? Could he ride another bus or carpool with a friend for a while? I was picked on a lot (verbally) as a scrawny little girl with glasses and too-short yard-sale pants, and I know fighting or arguing back only fuels the fire for a bully, so I can't recommend that route. Not giving the bully the satisfaction of an upset reaction seemed to work best for me and telling them how I really felt sorry for them usually sent them to find another victim. Good luck and I'll add your son to my prayer list.

Hi there,
I am in union co. but had the same prob. with my sons on the school bus. I told the bus driver and she moved his seat. It happened again. I had him moved again. Then it still continued so I just drive him now. I have the opp. to drive and can do it so I just removed him for the situation and he is much happier.

It is very difficult to offer advice not having more details about what kind of bullying is happening, if the bullies are the same aged, etc etc. I will say that I think one of the biggest roadblocks to bullying is when the victim of bullying learns not to act like a victim.

This doesn't necessarily mean that your son needs to become the aggresser, but it does mean that he needs to hold his head up, his shoulders back, make eye contact and speak with an even-tone, but forceful voice. Many times children who meet aggression with bold confidence, discourage it without the need for adult intervention or physical confrontation. Try role playing different scenerios with your son until he feels comfortable in different situations.

Yes, trying to avoid bullies by staying out of physical proximity and involving watchful adults is important, but since bullies tend to target those they preceive to be weaker, it is essential that your son learn to stop the cycle by not looking like a victim.

My 11 year old daughter suffered from bullying and other issues in public school, my advise is to try the correct thing and meet with the teachers and principal but keep in mind our children are in a totally different world at school than when we went to school. I tried the proper channel thing and came to the conclusion that I wasn't getting anywhere. I now homeschool my children and LOVE every minute with them without worrying about what's happening when they aren't home. It is the last idea for most but if you don't find satisfaction with your meetings, you may want to entertain the idea.

I may not be the best person to respond to this because I myself never really had to deal with it (when I was growing up girls just bullied by teasing and stopped when they realized it didn't bother you) however my husband was bullied horribly in school and it still affects him to this day. He was very scarred by it, and is now very concerned about my kids get bullied. I was speaking about this with someone I worked with and they shared with me what they had told their child about bullies. I thought it was a good idea and will pass it on. They said they do everything they can to stop the bullying, contact the school, the parents, explore all options and if the bullying persists he told his child to win and he would stand up for his child and not let him get in trouble. Sometimes showing them that you can defend yourself is all it takes. Again, I don't have personal experience with this but I did think that this seemed like good advice. I would much rather that if nothing I'm doing is working, that he just took the bully down himself and put and end to it than that the bullying lasted for years and not being able to do anything about it.
P.S. - oops, I thought you were referring to getting beat up bullied.

I never anwser these things, However I seen ADHD,and I am a parent living with the side affects the medication had on my son. He is 7. Never had one health problem. For the last 2 years my son has had ticks from the medication. I am going doctor to doctor for anwsers. It messed his nervous system up. I can tell you putting my son on medication was the worst mistake i EVER MADE. I would tell your doctor to fly. Your kid knows his body and that stuff will mess him up. God bless and best wishes. You can email me anytime for more info. Please take my advice from a mother to mother DONT FORCE THAT ON HIM!!

Call TV News stations and let them know what's going. I promise you that the news stations will get results for you. Also, call the newspapers and report everything to them.

Bullying is not acceptable and you need to consider pressing charges if it is the same person. If you are able to talk to the parents do so if not, let the police handle it. This is why my kids will not ride the school bus! Remind your son that bullies pick on others to camoflage their own insecurities. So tell him he should feel sorry for the person because they may not like how big they are or how they look or something may be going on at home that noone knows about. Don't let this continue though!