Bullying That Has Crossed the Line.

Your daughter was not just bullied...she was ASSAULTED!!! Go to the police station and file a compliant. They have to go to the child's family to investigate the complaint, sometimes they will ask you to go with them. This is an important teachable moment for your daughter. She is not to let anyone push her around--Verbally, emotionally, or physically!

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I am a public school teacher in an inner-city, low-income, violent neighborhood. I have done a lot of research on bullying behavior. As you know, bullying happens in ALL neighborhoods, socioecomic situations, etc. I advise you do a few things:
1. Know that it is NOT your fault. Know that you are a good mom and you are doing everything you should be doing.
2. Know that it is NOT your daughter's fault. It doesn't matter if she "did something to anger the little girl," your daughter does not deserve this.
3. Research this. PLEASE read the advice from professionals. Even though some of the actions posted here may have worked for them and the advice was given with good intentions, a lot of the advice given here would probably escalate the situation. Here are some links:
http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/bullying.asp
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/bullying
http://www.targetbully.com/default.php
http://www.life123.com/parenting/tweens-teens/bullying/st...
http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/15plus/aboutbullying.asp
4. Don't be afraid to involve the law. Some states have clear laws against bullying. However, bullying itself is not against the law in some states.
I am sorry your daughter is going through this. Everything you described here is very "typical" of bullies and the victims. Most victims don't tell adults and it isn't because they did something they are embarrassed of. It can effect your child's learning, self-esteem, and success in school and life. I am glad you are taking the situation seriously and I wish you the best of luck.

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It seems as if this girl may be a seasoned bully. She knows she will not get away with it at school so she is not doing it there. But, the school bus is another story. You can report that to he school and they have to do something about it. The bus is an extension of the school.

Going to her house would be a bad idea. That would most likely make the situation for your daughter worse.

Does your daughter stand up to her in any way? It is really hard to do that when there are a group of girls. I think martial arts are a great idea. Make sure you tell the instructor what is going on. They will be able to help her deal with the situation.

Good Luck, and do not be afraid to call the cops.

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M.,

I had this happen when my daughter was in elementary school. It is tough to handle. Part of the problem for my daughter was that the other girl was quite a bit larger than my daugher was.I followed the young girl (bully) home one afternoon. I was very nervous about approaching her parents; however, I explained what was going on to the Mother gently. I didn't want to get excited and cause her to be defensive. I was pleasantly surprised at how well she took it. She promised me that I would not have to worry about it again and I never did with that child. Try talking to the parents and see if that will help to resolve the problem. If it doesn't, I would not hesitate to involve the law. No child should be bullied by another child.

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Ok, I have a piece to say about this. We went through this with my oldest. My boys are very small. Bad genetics for boys I understand, not their fault. The much larger same age girl down the street and her little "posse" decided to intimidate him (and he had my other kids with him which are 11, 9, and 5). They were chasing them around saying they were going to kick their asses and what not. Well, I did pay her mom a visit. No one wants to think that their child is a bully. But I took all 4 of my boys and my sister who was also visiting my (she is 13 too like my oldest) and we all put them on the spot. I had just one My oldest son, explain in detail what had happened and the rest of them backed him up and even described the other kids that were in the group (that had dissipated by then). Then this girl showed a completely different side. Tears came down her face. We took that as our exit and took all the kids out to dinner. After we returned a couple hours later, we had a knock at our door, a teary eyed tweenage girl with her father and mother and a very well thought out apology. They never messed with my kids again. I told her that next time if there ever was one I was going to deal with it myself. The father reasured me that it would never happen again and told me her punishment was severe. She got several lashes with a belt and was grounded from her friends indefinitely.
It never hurts to speak up. Find this bully's parents and have a chat. But don't go in with the guns blazing, go in hurt and unsure of future actions. Take your child with you and talk to the parent without the bully there and let her explain to the childs mother or father or both what she has been experiencing. If these parents are worth their weight, you and your child will recieve a very sincere apology. Now not all bully's are alike. But it worked for us. But our bully's parents cared and had no idea that their child was acting like that. Just give it a shot. If it doesn't work, notify the parents, bus driver, police (should it get bad enough to warrent a restraining order), principal, teachers, etc. Do what you feel is right for your situation to keep your child safe.
Good luck and do email me and let me know an update about what happened.

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Since the bullying is happening on the school bus as well, you can involve the school. I'm a teacher and I know at my school, this case would be taken very seriously. Your daughter deserves to feel safe, so I wouldn't worry about stepping on any toes.

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You're waiting for the situation "to escalate"? I'd be at the girls house YESTERDAY. She was knocked down and SPIT at.

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Once your daughter was physically assaulted this issue crossed the line to requiring police activity. I would first speak with the parents to let them know that their daughter had physically assaulted your daughter and you will not allow such activity to happen again. You should also follow up with the school and the police. Everyone needs to be on notice that this type of behavior is not acceptable.
What advice would you give your daughter if you found out her boyfriend had pushed her and slapped her in the face hard enough to knock her glasses off? What about your best friend who's husband pushed her and slapped her in the face hard enough to knock her glasses off? Just because this bully is a female, instead of a male, doesn't change the fact that you need to take swift and deliberate action to protect your daughter. She depends on you to protect her.

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If ALL else fails, give $20 to a same age bigger girl to kick her butt.

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If it happens on the school bus, too, then you can definitely get the school involved. Call the school first thing Monday morning and ask who you can speak with about bullying. You didn't say the ages of the girls, but since she is home alone I am assuming middle or high school age. They have deans and school councelors who are trained in how to deal with this type of thing, so get their advice in the least, even if you don't want them to deal with it by speaking to the girl(s). In the meantime, the neighbor who came to talk to you-- can your daughter go to her house after chool until you get home?

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If this is happening outside of school, call the authorities.. yes the police. File a report and have your neighbor give a statement. Ask the police aboutt filing a restraining order against this person.

If this is happening at school also, talk with the principle and ask them what they are going to do about this.. Your daughter deserves to feel safe and be safe at school, in her neighborhood and in her own house.

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I'm sorry but I would contact the police and file a report. They will go to the parents house and talk to them and with a report filed I am sure they will get after their daughter. Today you can not ignore this stuff. You never know what some of the kids will do and if you don't act on it and then something horrible happens you will be sorry you didn't take immediate action. You could try to talk to the parents if you want first but like you said you don't know how you will be accepted. You might take someone with you and if they are not nice about the situation then just leave. Let them know you neighbor even witnessed this so they know you aren't just saying it. Explain if it happens again you will have no choice but to contact the police. Also let the school know so they are made aware. Don't let this get out of hand. I get so mad when people say I don't want to interfer or I don't want to rock the boat etc. That is your job as a parent and it also shows them that you pay for your actions. I am so sorry this is happening to your daughter and you don't want her to have issues later in left because of this. Stop it now and not later.

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since she kept it a secret from you i would find out why she is being bullied. in my experience when ppl bullied me it wanst just for no reason. you did not tell us what she did or didnt do. it could be as simple as the bully is horrible and is picking on her because she has short/long hair...really no reason at all. or it could be that your daughter did something to anger the little girl. either way its not right and i agree go speak with the parents. if that dosent help call the cops. good luck hope your little girl is safe from now on.

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I definitely wouldn't hesitate to go talk to the parents about the inappropriate behavior. As a parent wouldn't you want to know if your child was behaving this way. That is how you must approach it. Say, "Hey, I would want to know so I could handle the situation that is why I'm coming to you. Your child has..." However, if you feel like the parents are treating it lightly or if it ever happens again (talk to your child everyday to check) then you need to contact the police and file a report that includes everything that has happened. I would definitely contact the school so they become aware of the school bus bullying. You and the school must be your child's advocate. Kids have a hard time standing up for themselves for fear of making the situation worse.

Bullying is no joke. There is a story in the news recently about a 15 year old Massachusetts girl that had been bullied by nine other teens. She committed suicide because of the extreme bullying. Now those nine teenagers are being prosecuted.

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Call the police and file charges. Notify the principle. My daughter was a victim of bullying. I know how it feels, it wasn't physical as to your daugther, but mentally. It was to the point that the girl was making my daughter buy her lunch. I went to the teacher and she was upset. The girl had to pay back my daughter. Just file charges. The bus is part of the school. Have her removed from the bus.

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Hi M., I'm so sorry that you and your daughter has to go thru this unfortunate experience. What really bothers me is that a lot of the time we parents don't give our children the time and attention that they need. That may be the result of this girls behaving the way they do. My advice to you is take your neighbor and talk to these parents. They may not even know what their children are doing to your daughter. If talking to the parents nothing gets done then get the police involved. You need to do something though because this could escalate to something worse. I hope your neighbor is willing to go with you so you can have a witness should you need one later.

The best of luck,
E. M

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This is a touchy one. First I would have a talk with the school about what happens on the bus. Then I would call the non emergency number for the police teen task force if you have one and ask them what you should do. A lot of times when you have a very aggressive child it is behavior learned at home. In very few cases are the parents unaware of the child's behavior.
You may find that the parents are very aggressive, maybe the child is being abused at home and her actions are stemming from that. Or maybe you have a budding psychopath in the mix.

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If it is happening on the school bus, that is still school property and the school has the responsibility to handle the punishment aspect of the situation. I had a similar situation when my daughter was in kindergarten and when I finally figured out what was going on I called the school, told them the bus # and the girl's name and they made sure they were separated and called the girl's parents. As for the neighborhood, if this girl is already this excessive you may not have a choice other than involving the law. You don't want to wait until she involves weapons and your daughter is seriously hurt. Don't worry about trying to be "nice" to the other parents, you have to look out for your own child and this other child is obviously on the way to being a hardened criminal.

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I would try to contact the parents first. If that doesn't help, call the police. This child has already assulted your daughter, she needs to learn what the consequences of this behavior is now before it progresses further.

First off, show your daughter you have her back and that in no way is anyone to ever touch her. Go to the bus driver and find out what they know. I would definetly make an appearance at this girls house, talk with the parents and let the girl know you mean business.....tell her parents that she also has come to the house. Let them know anymore actions against your daughter will result in police intervention.

This has just got to stop!
DH

I'm pretty sure that I'm saying the "wrong" thing in most eyes, but I have NO TOLERANCE for bullying, on any level. As the mother, I would find this girl and scare the hell out of her, warning her that picking on my daughter or anyone else, for that matter, will land her face down in a pool of her own blood.

Meanwhile, you are doing great by teaching self-respect to your daughter. There's a country and western song called "Coward of the County". A boy went through life not fighting when he was picked on. At the end of the song, he says, "Sometimes you've gotta fight when you're a man." That's not limited to the males. It can be a delicate call to make, but sometimes a kid has to just knock the hell outta the kid who continually bullies him/her, especially if that kid is willing to call on others to join in. Your daughter might just have to get this girl alone and show her what's what...and then always carry a stick when she walks home.

I too would have gone directly to her home as Denise has said. There is no excuse, and unfortunately it will escalate. I believe these situations are to be directly addressed with the parents. Make sure they're aware of their childs actions, and ask that it stop immediately.

I agree about talking to the school but I think you should also press charges or get the police involved. I know it seems petty right now....but other kids are seeing this happen to your daughter. Even if she ignores the bully I'm sure the other kids are talking about it around her. Kids tend to make a clique--so I wouldn't be surprised if others start doing it to her aswell just to make their bully friend happy.

Bullying is such a serious situation now. It is not the same as when we were growing up. I totally AGREE about the martial arts thing and I think that you maybe definetly can try to get more peopel watching out for your daughter as the neighbor did. But until she can get some training and learn to defend herself in all situations this little girl will continue to cause trouble. I hate that people have to go thru this. I don't know how old these children are but maybe you can speak with her mother. Then again she might retaliate on your little girl... UGH. SO sorry.