NEED ADVICE ASAP !!! Should My Son Go to the Principal on This or Not ????

If it was my son, I would be WITH him in the office and I would not leave until this issue resolved to my satisfaction.

Good luck.

9 moms found this helpful

Yes, Your son should definitely tell the principal what is going on. And if he doesn't you should. To me it's a no brainer. The potential for serious harm is there. Harm is already happening. If you want a simple definition, he is bullying Natalie and your son. Bullies have to be stopped.

Your son deserves praise for trying to stop it. However, he wasn't able to do so by himself. He can stop it by going to the principal or even a teacher that he trusts. If no one tells the threats could escalate to action.

Bullies get power thru intimidating others with threats and actions. Ask your son if he wants to remain powerless and at this boy's mercy or will he take a stand for what is right?

Added later: I'm not sure that the police can do anything. It is not illegal to make threats. They may talk with everyone involved and more may come out. If not, I suggest that the police will leave it up to the school and parents to first attempt a resolution. If the boy has a record, the police will also more likely get involved.

9 moms found this helpful

The prinicpal needs to know and the police need to know. What this kid is doing to the girl and to your son is a crime. The fact that he admits he is having violent thoughts is alarming. YOU need to go to the principal and YOU need to go to the police. I also think you should talk to this girl's parents and let THEM know just in case they don't.

9 moms found this helpful

I think you need to go to the principal yourself and tell him what is going on and I think you need to call Natalies mom and fill her in on what your son is telling you. She may not be telling her parents, hopefully knowing they will jump on board and help out also.

Two mom's are better than one.

9 moms found this helpful

If it were me, I'd give my son a choice: he can report it or I will. This is a lot for him to take on socially, so I can understand his reluctance. While we want our kids to do the 'right thing' --and he has stepped up-- maybe it's time to take the pressure off of him, and offer to do it yourself.

Do you have access to your son's Facebook account, so that you could show the principal (and a guidance counselor wouldn't be a bad idea) what you are telling us about? Aside from the first quote about "Jack and Sh*t" (which he ripped-off from the Evil Dead movies), the rest lacks humor and sounds like someone who does need guidance and intervention of some sort. Most especially if he is out and out attacking girls like this. No question about it. I'd be very clear that if the principal didn't see me in a day or so, I'd be going to the police, because this is serious.

(A girlfriend of mine in high school once dated a guy who gave off some bad vibes-- not nearly as overt as this-- he ended up beating her up and almost raping her. Intervention on your part is not an option-- it's something that we older and wiser adults must do.)

Added: I'd be wary of approaching the parents in this case. You don't know their family dynamic. Teens acting out in such violent ways don't often come from healthy, supportive families.... The last thing you need is the parents targeting you too, or reacting in a way that will push "Tom" further over the edge.

9 moms found this helpful

Umm not only is this sexual harassment but it's harassment towards your son as well. Screw the principal I'd call the cops.. or call the principal FIRST and let them know that you expect they call the cops because this isn't just a school matter. It sounds like this chick needs a restraining order, do you have any way of getting a hold of her parents? Because I GUARANTEE you that if they knew this would stop NOW. What if this was your daughter and she was too scared to say something and you KNEW another parent knew what was going on.. how pissed would you be if the harassment escalated and she was sexually abused and you knew someone could have stopped it. Screw convincing your son, you need to call like now.

9 moms found this helpful

He is a minor, and he has taken action. He told you. This is a pretty heavy situation for a 16 year old to deal with. Heck, it's a heavy situation for a fully grown adult to deal with. You are the adult so I would say you should take this to the principal.

Also, call the police non-emergency line and ask them what the situation calls for. Best to cover all your bases.

9 moms found this helpful

I would absolutely be talking to the principal.
These kinds of situations lead to more bullying, suicide, school shootings and violence.
This Tom person has no right to be touching any girl with any part of his body and that alone should be brought to the principals attention.

Whether Tom is talking about your son or not, the threatening talk and things like that should also be brought up.
Kids have been suspended for saying things and bullying people online before, it should at least be mentioned.

8 moms found this helpful

Bypass the principal and the parents ----- Go straight to the police. Tell them in detail what you know and what this boy has said. If you let the school handle it they may just pass it off as boys being boys or aww isn't that cute he has a crush on her.

8 moms found this helpful

YOU need to report this.
LBC

7 moms found this helpful

You, not your son, need to report this tomorrow morning both to the school and to the local police. Tell them about the Facebook comments -- I hope you have images of the actual screens or whatever. Do not let your son report this. Tell the principal that you are fully prepared to go tomorrow afternoon to the school board office in person if the principal cannot assure you that a process for dealing with this will get started tomorrow morning by him or her. And put the principal on notice, crystal clear, that your son's name must be left out of this -- if Tom hears your son was behind this, your son might be in danger.

Please update us ASAP. This sounds like a classic situation of a possibly mentally ill kid who needs help but might not get it until it's too late and he harms someone else.

7 moms found this helpful

this is what parents are for, this is your job Mom

7 moms found this helpful

You should take it upon yourself to go to the principal, superintendent, and police. Talk to the girls parents ASAP, and make no mention to Tom or his parents until you have involved the proper authorities.

7 moms found this helpful

Please go to this group and perhaps some of them may have some support and good ideas of what to do.

They are a group that has formed here in Oklahoma City in honor of a young man who killed himself after being bullied at school. His name was Ty Smalley.

The group is Stand For The Silent, they are on FB and on the internet.

http://standforthesilent.com/

Their motto is " I am somebody and I can make a difference". They promote behavior that you son exhibited by trying to defend this young lady. I hope they might be able to give you some ideas of how to cope with this situation. No telling what this young man is doing when he is not at school. He may have victims all over town.

7 moms found this helpful

This is too big an issue for your son to be going to school on his own to handle. You, mama, need to go to the school and the police. I would be going tomorrow before something bad happens that would be on my conscience.

7 moms found this helpful

Don't leave this up to your son. Take it out of his hands and report it yourself.

7 moms found this helpful

I would call the authorities, as well as the principal. We do not need another Jared Loughner incident, or Columbine. Especially since their are clearly well developed warning signs, and issues to bring up as well as written statements and witnesses. Do not hesitate, and you need to act NOW, before something happens. Your son as well as this girl are both targets right now, and you really need to protect them.

7 moms found this helpful

There are a few options here:

You print off the threats, make note of what your son said and go to the principal. That way everything is recorded and should be taken care of. If your son gets flack he can say, "Yeah, my mom saw all this stuff and totally wigged." and shrug it off.

Or he can learn a bit of a lesson here. That peer pressure shouldn't sway him from doing what is right. Going to the principal, or even a favorite teacher, is the right thing not the easy thing.

6 moms found this helpful

I think it's time for your son to involve the guidance counselor.

6 moms found this helpful

Go to the principal yourself, immediately.

6 moms found this helpful

If this is all true, I would just go to the Police.
Sure, the Principal needs to know.
But, he is not an Attorney nor will he know how to proceed... with disturbed behavior like this or threats.
Some Principals, will not move swift enough or know what to do.
Beyond detention or kicking the kid out of school, then what?
The kid can still, harass or threaten your son or that girl... because, ONLINE bullying and threats, are public.
AND he can still, if he really wants to... even accost your son or that girl, outside of school and/or follow them home.

This is a potentially, very volatile situation.
The Principal may not even know what to do nor even believe any of it.

You and your son need to DOCUMENT everything.
I would contact the Police.
Most Police departments, ALSO have a cyber crimes, unit.
Of which, this would be.
That boy is making threats and innuendos, online. Again, online activity is public.

A school Principal, cannot "police" demented or hostile threats whether that be physical or psychological. And in order to get to the bottom of it... can take a LONG time.

So, if all of this is true... then, this other kid, really seems like a danger.

Or, you contact an Attorney.
To cover your bases and protect your own butt/and your son's.

It is NOT only your son's responsibility.
He is a Minor, and you are his Parent.
You need to take the lead. Do not leave it all up to your son.
And yes, sometimes the person who helps... is the one that gets targeted... or worse.
So, your son has to be VERY careful.
Especially if that other kid... is psychologically, unstable.
You cannot predict.... their behavior.

Call the Cops, and see how to proceed.

You need to know... that this is BEYOND, "bullying."
I would, tell the Cops.
Before... your son, gets hurt or followed or worse.
He should not be alone, anywhere at school or off campus.

**Remember: that other boy is now making PUBLIC online threats. This... frankly, is outside of a school's responsibility. I have even seen this on a news show. Because, it is not being done 'in' school... but outside of school and PUBLICLY. Hence, it is a crime. Because, that boy is making threats on your son's life.
So... you cannot expect, the Principal... to handle ALL of this. He is not a Police. But he maybe can call the Police. BUT, You ALSO NEED TO TELL THE Police.
That your son is being threatened etc.

Again, this is BEYOND Bullying.
Do something, now.
YOU.
Not your son.

6 moms found this helpful

There's no way to know for sure what Tom will or won't do. But because his threats are escalating, it appears that he either hopes your son will go belly-up and run away, or that he's trying to work himself into a violent state. He appears to be used to taking an aggressive stance, most likely because it does often work to get others to let him have his way. But bullies often turn out to be pretty cowardly when someone pushes back.

I think your son will be safest if he does notify the proper authorities of the whole story. If he's unwilling to do so, which is understandable, I think as his mom you have every right to talk to the principal yourself. Or you might ask to talk to the school counselor first, and ask for some guidance.

Let us know how things turn out. This is a tough situation, but I'm glad your son and his friends are standing up for the harrassed girl.

6 moms found this helpful

absolutely need to tell...I would make sure you tell more than just the principal...can you get the school resource officer there too? or go to the PD and make a report. Some principals are not effective or well meaning, but even those that are could be distracted by the kid threatening suicide or the gun that was found that day or whatever...tell and tell again. Call Natalie's parents too and tell them you are going and would love their side represented.

I love the idea of taking a pict of the FB pages, too.

God bless your son. best wishes to all.

5 moms found this helpful

I think he should def take all this information to the principal. He should also gather any students who will speak against Tom, and they should go to the principal together. I would also consider talking to the police. I'm not sure if they can do anything for your son or not, but they may be able to help. I'm pretty sure what Tom is doing to these girls is not legal, and I know it is against school policy. If your son is scared, you may want to step in and talk to the principal. I hope you can get this resolved bc high school is hard enough without these kind of things.

5 moms found this helpful

yes do it yourself then if the principal wants to talk to your son and the girls then he/she can pull them in one at a time or all together to get an idea about this boy.

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If you don't contact the school and no one (either you and/or the school) doesn't file a police report you will only have yourselves to blame.

The kids threats are criminal and will be treated as so since he has resorted to harrassment on the internet.

How many similar stories in the news do you need to see to be convinced that he's working up toward something bad?

If you think your son is danger, why on earth are continuing to send him to that school?

Remember...

Abbey Prince the girl bullied into suicide thanks to Facebook
Columbine Shootings
Rocorri High School shootings at the Red Lake Indian reservation in MN
The Amish schoolhouse shootings in Lancaster, PA

And the list unfortunately goes on...

Yes contact the school. You as his parent should contact the school and file a police report. I'd also go as far as to have a safety plan in place for yourself and your son. Realistically, he may not be able to return to school if officials do not remove the kid or take your son's safety into consideration.

Either way, doing something or not doing something, it sounds like your son is in trouble.

4 moms found this helpful

I think it needs to be reported. His behavior toward your son and the girl are inappropriate and will likely escalate.
People need to take bullying - in any form - seriously these days. Sad, but true.

4 moms found this helpful

What "Tom" has been doing to the girl borders on Sexual Harassment. It NEEDS to be reported to the principal....

If you go, it may just be treated as hearsay, which may not be enough to get anything done. Your son, since he has actually witnessed it, (I think he witnessed it.. or since Natalie told him what Tom was doing) needs to talk to the counselor or Principal (or whomever handles discipline issues at your school).

"Natalie" and your son both need to know that people WILL stand up to bullies.... there are too many kids that commit suicide because they can't face what people are doing to them.

Also, take a screen capture of the facebook comments... although they aren't directed at your son directly, they are very disturbing comments and hopefully they WILL take action.

4 moms found this helpful

It is crucial the principal and school counselors of each child involved be contacted asap. Preferably by you. As for the girl, if someone she knows could talk to her and let her know it is okay to report him, that would be ideal. The other girl and his mother should hopefully provide written statements as well if they haven't done so already and if they are willing. As for the facebook comments, you need to take a screen shot of what he is saying, print it out and bring them to the principal's attention.

Your son nor his peers should take blame or feel bad for what happens to Tom. It is Tom's actions that will reap it's consequences. If your son and this girl feel threatened, they should go to the police, especially if the school doesn't punish Tom. If they won't go to the police, then at the very least the campus officer, but if it were my child, I would go to the police and file a report.

As for your son, he needs to be careful what he posts on facebook, that he isn't giving away information on where he is, who he is with and that sort of thing.

4 moms found this helpful

If I understand your question, you want your son to go to the principal with this, as in he himself takes the actual step? If I have read you correctly, I can see the value in wanting him to do that, but I also can more than understand his hesitation regarding backlash, especially if your state and school district do not have clear cut laws and rules around cyber-bullying, protecting the identity of the reporting person, etc.

So...you be the one to report it to the principal. Take this responsibility off of your son's shoulders. Take screen shots of the FB pages, print them out and give them to the principal and then tell him in person about what he needs to know regarding the back story and then let him and the vice-principal do their jobs to research the incident(s) and discipline as according to the school's code of conduct and the law, if applicable (my state has anti-bullying laws and this kind of activity would fall under that jurisdiction).

4 moms found this helpful

you need to copy exactly what you copied to us and take it to the principal yourself. This kid has a problem and if as you say he has mental issues he may go off the deepend. I am not sure he needs to be expelled but he does need some help. And the girl also needs an adult to stick up for her. But be prepared in all of this it will be a he said / she said thing. Stand up for your son and call the girls parents are they aware of what is going on?

4 moms found this helpful

PLEASE go to the principal, and print out the facebook remarks. Tell the principal that this girl is being abused and needs help putting up boundaries to this guy. Tell the principal that you expect a call from her or the guidance counselor as to what they are doing to handle this situation. You are worried that something is going to happen to your son and to this girl.

Your son does not understand, mom, that he's in this up to his armpits now, and it isn't going to get better because of not telling. It's only going to get worse, so the authorities MUST be told, AND you have to make sure that they don't just sit on it. Even if you have to get the police involved. And you should tell the principal this.

I guarantee you, if you get the police involved, they will go to the parents. In addition, if you get a lawyer to send a letter to the parents and a copy to the police and the school, those parents will do something about their son. This is a train wreck waiting to happen, and he needs help.

Good luck,
D.

4 moms found this helpful

Doesn't his school have a police officer? That's who I would go to.

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I hope you've already reported this to the principal AND the local authorities. Let them decide how to handle "Tom". Let us know how they follow through.

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I am a teacher and the answer is a unequivocal YES! Our schools have serious anti-bullying policies which include the physical building and cyberbullying. You have plenty of evidence with the facebook stuff that anyone could have informed the school so the fingerpointing could come from several different directions. Nevertheless, no student should be allowed to harass or bully another and this has bullying written ALL over it. It is your son's right and the rights of others that have infringed upon. Please talk to the principal right away. I haven't read your entire article, but I am pretty sure this Tom kid needs to have some mental health issues addressed. Take care and please let us know what happens.

3 moms found this helpful

Not only should he go to the principal and show him the site YOU and your son should go to the Police. What this kid is doing is illegal. Threats are illegal. This kid needs help and maybe your the only one who can help him.

N.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes go to the principal or straight to the parents of the boy.
Also think you dont know if "tom" has mental issues. From the sounds of it he may. Not trying to sound crappy here but it sounds like he was sexually abused.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh high school. In one aspect, he's a male in high school... I'd get into contact with the boys parent's saying that you'd like to handle this matter privately and outside of school. Have a sit down with both Natalies parent's and Tom's. Express your concerns. This way your son's reputation is not in jeporady and Tom will be handled by his parent's. Inform them that Natalie is upset by what is going on. Maybe all the mother's should get together, as father's get hostil. let them know that you are going to them first, then the school. also let them know if anything happens after the meeting and tom acts on his words that there will be two charges pressed. Harrassment and Battery.

1 mom found this helpful

Remind him of the other instances at schools where students knew that kids where planning shootings, didn't report it, the shootings happened, people where wounded and/or killed. This may sound like "teen kid stuff" to him but the girl is scared to death. She is much more vulnerable than he can ever imagine, being smaller, slower, and vulnerable to long lasting harm than he is. Report it, you report it, to the principal, the school district, and the police. Tell the girl's mother what you are doing so that she will not be blindsided. Take the printout from the Face book page, and what you have written here with you. Be prepared for repercussions because there will be some, both good and difficult. Tell your son you are the adult and you make the decisions.

1 mom found this helpful

You've got alot of postings, I didn't read them all but by all means do what it takes to keep the girl and your son safe. You never know what is really going on with the boy. Perhaps start with the guidance counselor and see if he/she has a knowledge of past issues or current ones. Also I would talk with the girls mom and see if maybe you can go to talk with the school and voice separate concerns. If more that one person is complaining than they will take you more seriously.

Don't let it slide, what happens if it takes a horrible turn for the worse and someone gets hurt. You would never forgive yourself!

1 mom found this helpful

I think I would go to the principal on your son's behalf. Make sure he knows you're doing it and tell him he can disassociate himself from you doing it, but that it needs to be done. The guy sounds like a total psycho and it's not fair to Natalie or any other girl he has done this to to let it continue. This is beyond bullying and is sexual harrassment. It sounds like other students will stand behind your son and don't like this Tom guy either and wouldn't be sorry to see him get in trouble...

1 mom found this helpful

I would report it to the principal immediately! (but trust me, the school won't do enough, but at least u made the report)..... I would also get a hold of Natalie's parents. I would also be sure to copy/paste all the "threats' that Tom posted on facebook....keep them for proof. (before he deletes)
I would then also IMMEDIATELY call the police and make a report! Just because they are in HS it is still considered a threat of one's safety!!! He is threatening your son and also is sexually harrassing Natalie!! Both wrong and illegal!!!!!! Letting the police know is the most important thing I think you should do!!! Keep us updated please and I wish you luck!!! You wouldn't want something awful to happen and you having regrets that you didn't do anything about it to try to prevent it.

1 mom found this helpful

If your son won't report this you need to report this. When I was in High School I had a group of kids start threatening me. I was lucky that they actually left messages on my parent's message machine. They too a transcript to the Principle and reported it. From that day on they were suspended and a couple were kicked out! This is important for someone to step up and report it. If your son won't You need to. Good Luck. It is scary for your son to report it. i know I was terrified, but once it was over and done with I felt so much safer and better.

S.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes go to the principal & got to the police or local sheriff get it documented, get a restraining order if neccesary . Most of the time they will do nothing until they look into the situation for themselves to confirm. Bullying & harassment are against federal & state laws in public schools. I would go to the Superintendent & the School Board next. Get it documented as much as possible. Save all your documents.

1 mom found this helpful

Hmm, interesting opinions here. Everyone assumes your son is telling the whole truth, without hearing from either the girl OR the boy in question.
I am not saying your son is lying, and obviously the facebook comments are very disturbing and there for the world to see. And yet you yourself say this boy "purposely does not name my son, yet he is seriously stupid to go on and on threatening my son in a public forum that the whole world can see." This boy may be threatening someone else (which is still not okay but if you are going to the authorities you are going to need to real proof of threat, not the random generic threats of a kid in cyberspace.)
The truth is, teenagers say all kinds of mean, nasty things online. Your own son may have said some nasty things too, and then deleted them just as quickly.
My point is: YES, these things must be taken seriously, absolutely! Let the principal know your concerns, IN WRITING. But you need ALL sides of the story before you start making serious accusations. Start with the harassed girl, sit down with her, your son and her parents before moving forward. Otherwise it's just your son's word against the nasty comments made online. There very well may be more to this story than your son is telling you.

I'm the minority here, but you believe your son and therer is a posibility that Natalie is lying and still encouraging this boy to continue yet telling your son she doesnt like it to get more attention...since she hasnt yelled at him in the halls to stop and still talks to him, if thats the case then your son may be bullying him by gathiering people agnst him at school thinking hes doing the right thing but still bullying. From this guys perspective, he likes a girl is flirting with ehr and your son thinks its wrong the way hes doing it an is telling a bunch of people at school about it and then all gathering around her looking at him like kes horrible.
I would call natalies mom and let her sort it out and explain the Natalie the seriousness of it and encourage her to tell the complete truth, which may be what your son says or may be a little diferent
I think going to the police based off hear say and possbily getting this boy kicked out and sending him on a path to failure is not the answer with no facts. I mean Natalie might like your son and tell him she doesnt like Tom being physical with her but still like Tom enough to not stop him. It's highschool the physcial behaviour you describe In PUBLIC in the halls to M. would indicate that Tom thinks she likes the attention, and he says he likes her in the FB post so I would assume he thinks she likes him back. Quite possibly she liked the attention but likes your son better so she doesnt stop it but complains to your son, he threatens Tom and tells Tom that Natalie thinks hes a perv and to stop, he is upset by the allegations that shes bothered, talks to her, she denies it, either in fear or beacause she does like the attention, and then tells him shes sorry about your son, and then it continues. So he continues his behaviour with Natalie and continues to get more mad at your son feeling like he is being singled out ad bullied, since your son is gathering people to be mad at this boy. You don't know that everything your son tells you is right...I mean he cant know all sides and what Natalie is telling Tom without im around...and if she is encouraging Tom and lying to Tom and your son, obviously Tom would grow angry with youir son for being mean to him. I would call the counselor and let them know and let them sort it out. I don't think the police or principal should be involved until its investigated.