Home Schooling My 13 Year Old.

Hello!
I am a mom of 2 grandmother of 3 and and a public school teacher for families that homeschool! I find that the middle school age is often a time when children need to reconnect with their family. They're going through a great man changes; physically, emotionally, biologically, etc. My experience has taught me that when their behavior changes, they are asking for and need a change. With help from a home schooling program and teacher you would not have to do it all be yourself, you have another adult to back up your expecatations and if you have forgotten how to do algebra, the teacher helps!!

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This is late in coming! =) There is a great book called Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indugent World by Glenn and Nelson that is fabulous.

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Have you heard about unschooling? It's probably not the best choice for every child or every family, but it is a fantastic choice for some, especially those who have completely disengaged with school as they have known it. Google UNSCHOOLING for many useful links. Here's one: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/earl_stevens.html

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He is 13! He doesn't care about his grades! He cares about the things 13 year olds care about.
On homeschooling... I think is is the most beneficial thing any parent can do for their child! Maybe your son is discouraged. He tries his hardest to do good in school, then he answers something his way and the teacher puts a big red X on his work.
You do everything to keep him safe then send him off to school where he has to see and hear things you would never allow him to see at home. Maybe he is just trying to cope!

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Hi Shakura, Well here is how it worked for me. I have a 23 yo and a 1 yo. Huge age difference yes, but anyway, the 23 yo is obviously grown and out of the house. When she (23 yo) was that tender age of 13, she started getting into trouble, she was no longer my baby and got involved in the wrong crowd. Her grandfather insisted we do something with her to get her involved in something that would occupy her time. We gave her the option to join something, karate, judo, dance, softball, something. She did not want to, and didn't know how to, and didn't know anyone, etc, so my husband said pick one or I will pick it for you. We gave her a list of ideas and a phone book. She chose dance and we enrolled her. In dance they worked her little behind! She went to competition, she went to extra classes to get to competition and eventually would take homework to the studio and do homework there inbetween dance classes and breaks. By the time she was 16 she was able to drive herself to classes and because the coaches were so good at keeping on them, she had to do well in school. The coaches were very good at being involved to where if she was messing up in school, the coach would mention that her mom said she couldn't do a competition if her grades dropped so get back to work. It really was great. It gave her a great self esteem and eventually it got her mind working on what she wanted to do with her life. At first we thought...oh no, how will this help her future, but she chose to go to fashion design school (FIDM in LA) and she now works at the Wynn in Le Rev. She is a wig technician and makes more money than me.

Homeschooling is not a bad idea, but I would be careful not to make him feel like he is being disciplined. That is a very tender age where the bodies and hormones are all changing. They are growing older and don't know how to act or who to hang out with. As well, their self esteems could be very delicate at that age. My feeling on homeschool is that there is too much you can learn from other people to try to do it all on your own. I wasn't the best student, but I certainly remember some great instructors, with whom I learned from. They just need lots of love at that age - I know it is hard when you want to kick them in the pants!

Hang in there, do your research, and choose what is best for your child.

C.

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I do think that home schooling is a much better option than public school however with your hands as full as they are about to get you must ask yourself will you have any more time to help him than is over worked teachers (at least all the kids they are watching are diaper free, understand electricity, and aren't climbing on everything). maybe you should consider hiring a tutor or looking into private schools that have smaller class sizes. also it wouldn't be a bad idea to have is comprehension levels tested see where he really stands. it has been my experiance that kids that are smarter tend to get bored with Mediocre classes. he may just need more to focus on. remember alot of time the bad kids are not the dumb kids just the ones that got to bored with what was going on so they were given up on. if you give his school enough trouble they will make sure that he is placed in the appropiate levels. also after school activities can be a great way to occupy his free time. I hope this helps some.

I am also homeschooling my 11 yo son for the same reasons.
Are you in Vegas? If so, we applied through a charter school, which is online classes. Let me know if you need the web address.

My assistant, Toni has had experience with home schooling. Here is some advice from her:

I am a mother of 3 boys 14, 9 & 8. My oldest boy did great in elementary school, but then middle school came and he fell apart. He was doing the same things your boy is doing. He fell from a B,C student to 2 D's and an F on his last report card of the year. My husband and I were speechless. We didn't know what to do. We decided to home school. It was the best decision I could of ever made.

We home schooled his 7th and 8th grade years. We were able to bond with him and truly build a relationship that would not of been possible if he was in public school. He began to try harder at his studies and see how he was making poor choices. We removed him from the bad outside influences and took a couple years to reprogram him (for lack of better words). His attitude towards his dad and I changed. He still had a large friend base, played sports for the local school and went to church. We did not shelter him at all as some would accuse us of doing. The phone still rang non stop in the evening like every other kids phone does. He had friends over often, well all the time. But it was supervised unlike the halls at school. We had a little more say in who he hung out with.

He did not want to do this at all, but within a couple of months he started to see the perks to home school and began to like it. His dad had days off during the week so they could take off and do father son activities. He would just do his school work ahead of time to free up the day. Sometimes he would work until 11:00 at night to get done so he could spend time with his dad.

It was not all great. It was a lot of hard work on both mine and his part. We butted heads over things but we worked our way through it. I was very worried and nervous that I was not doing a good job and that I would fail him. But that was not the case.

He is a freshman in high school now. We did send him back to school, but he is doing better now. He seems to care more about his grades and trying to make good choices. He still messes up sometimes but what kids don't. There is a little more attitude now that he is back in school, but he now has a better sense of right and wrong, and the effect his actions have on his life now and in the future. He became more mature in his mind over those 2 years instead of just mature in his body.

I recommend every parent to home school their child for at least one year of their life to get to truly know their child. I did not know him academically at all until then. He confides in us more, listens more and cares more. School teaches academics, as they should, but they do not have time to teach them life. They learn that on their own between classes from other kids who have yet to learn themselves. Like the blind leading the blind.

Home schooling is not for everyone, but it worked wonders in our family. I would love to have the opportunity to school my other 2 when they hit middle school age.

I wish you all the luck. T

You sure have your hands full!! With the big age difference, he sounds like an original only child who is now surrounded by little ones. That on top of normal hormonal changes, the adolescents's need for sleep and things going on with the teenage brain. I've seen a show on PBS - you may be able to find it by searching online with something like "brain development teenage" or something like that. It even went into the fact that knowing right from wrong cannot fully happen until much later than we believe - making parents guidance and support more important than ever. Good luck with your decision with Dad and son!

I would make an appointment to meet with the school counselor. Your son never has to know that you ever spoke to the person but it can be very helpful to you. The counselor is a specialist in dealing with kids at this age and sees these types of things on a regular basis. He/she may have some suggestions for helping your son find success that you and we other mothers haven't even thought of. I often times think we, as parents, forget that the counseling staff at school is there for US just as much as they are there for the students!

I know your post is old just signed up and read it. Your a strong woman!! More power to you. I know two people one was 15 had a son and he's being raised by grandparents still! She is now 26. Another one this girl was a big dummy at 23 she gave her daughter up for adoption "to young" was her reason. The baby was adopted by my in-laws and when she had another she abandoned him when he was 5 that would be my stepson. I was 21 when I had my son I tell my kids to wait until after 30 only because I went through a bitter divorce at 24! Having and taking care of kids is far easier than marriage, LOL! Did you have the twins yet? Good luck and Godbless!!

Oh my gosh! Well, when I first read this, I did not think of the importance of his schooling but what is really, really wrong in his life that makes him do what he is doing. The underlying problems are probably way more important to address than his academics at this point. If he is not motivated to succeed at school, it is usually harder to homeschool him. But, many mothers have had different experiences in that. Also, if he has not been exposed to the homeschooling prior to now, 13 years old is a hard time to start.

Middle School is the hardest age!!! I just keep telling my 13 year old that if he can just make it to high school, he will be just fine. Also, you can still set up "play" dates for him without him knowing that is what we call it. :) That way you can expose him to nicer kids. You might even ask his teachers for recommendations on children that they think he gets along well with and will be able to uplift him.

I hope this helps a little. :) Good luck!

Shakua,
I have heard that some children do not perform in school to their full potential and are labeled as mediocre, having learning dissabilities, discipline problems, etc....but, I have heard several times and I know you probably have too that the traditional classroom is geared for the "highest" student. Also, "one size fits all". The one who is not keeping up wants to fit and does find the crowd that will accept him. Usually the wrong crowd. I am certainly not an expert, but, I have homeschooled my two boys from "day one". My oldest is 16 1/2. My youngest, 11. They both learn differently. If my youngest were in traditional school, he would probably flunk math. I spend lots of extra time above and beyond the curriculum to help him. He is understanding it and getting good grades, but at his own speed. We love homeschooling. Both boys are heavily involved in sports. My oldest plays baseball at the local public school, basketball at a private school. They both play instruments. And, they are both leaders in whatever groups/activities they are involved with.
Hope this helps,
J.

Hi Shakura,

Your situation sounds a lot like some of those I have just been reading about, where children were helped immensely by staying at home to learn with the love, trust, and support of their mother. The best advice I can give you is to read John Holt's book "Teach Your Own". At least check it out and see what you think, they have it at the library. John Holt has written a lot about homeschooling and it's really great, easy to read information. The great thing about Teach Your Own specifically is that it was co-written with someone who is still alive today, and so was recently updated in 2002 to contain more current information. It's a must-read for any homeschooling parent!

-A.

I would encourage him to learn/join something that is fun. Surfing or canoe paddling are 2 sports that not only help a kid fit in the right crowd, they are great motivators for doing well in school (if he doesn't do his work, he doesn't get to surf/paddle...). The list goes on for sports or other activities that might motivate him, influence him around other good kids, and increase his self-esteem.

Homeschooling may be a good option if he is self-motivated enough to learn. At his age he would probably do best with an online study program because, if he doesn't tend to listen to you then he probably won't listen to you for homeschooling either. If he enjoys working on the computer then it might be a successful option for him. Homeschooling is also great for concentrating on a special skill or trade (electronics, for example) that might be limited or completely left out in school. If he enjoys his social life in school, though, he might hate being at home.

Good luck.

I would pull him out of school in the blink of an eye. You need to get him involved in all kinds of stuff, get him an instrument/lessons, get him into sports, into a choir, into theater. I would try just about everything until I found even the smallest spec of passion for something. And then I would fill his life with that, and do you know what magically happens, their academic grades start improving! Why do you think so many kids fail our public school system, they want something in their lives to give their lives meaning, and usually end up in gangs because it's a brotherhood and in a strange aweful way they find meaning in that. You are an incredible mom to even consider pulling him, and it's the right thing to do. I homeschooled my two kids for two years, in that time discovered alot about them as people and what they loved, and now they are back in public school,(they were ready) my son is graduating highschool at 16, with honors, and my daughter at 13 is top of her class. I say go for it, you'll enjoy it to, but you have to make sure he knows the groundrules and stick to them. There are alot of very wonderful programs out there, we used Calvert but there are alot of different ones. You are doing the right thing! Don't let teachers or relatives or anyone else talk you out of doing what you know is right!
You can tell I'm pretty passionate about this subject. Good luck Shakura.
J. E.

Hi Shakura,
I home schooled three of my four children with great success. I think that middle school is one of the hardest environments that our kids have to face. Most of the influence is social at this time, and the kids are "practicing" skills and finding thier place within the crowd. Unfortunatly, it's usually a big mess of hormones and rebelion mixed with mean spirited kids, drugs and overtaxed teachers!I have even read that academics is the least interesting thing for the average middle schooler, and that is normal! Learning takes place at this age in the emotional and social world. Which you can certainly create for your teen, as well as more experiential academics that he may initiate(science is really fun at this age). My son completly "found" himself, and got very comfortable in his own skin during this age when he was in a Sudbury School, which promotes child centered and initiated learning. The maturity that can develop during this age is also a foundation for the years to come. At the end of his 2 year stint with Sudbury, he became an apprentice with an art and grapics firm. That was at age 14! My daughter who was also at Sudbury and homeschooled enrolled in High School one year early, 2 years later she has a 3.8 gpa. My oldest child, mostly homeschooled until High School, became the President of her Senior class, and is now working in an advanced position for the Directors Guild of America. Go for it!

There are actually some school out there that operate like home schooling. You may want to look into those instead especially with 3 children and 2 to-be babies, 5 children 4 under 5 that's hard enough.