Convincing My Husband That Homeschooling Won't Scar Our Children for Life

Well, your husband is 'conventional', so it does not appeal to him.
He is a cookie-cutter type person.

MANY home schooled children, are very very bright, AND outside the box thinkers.
THIS is golden.
Nuf' said.

In this day and age, the proportion of home schooled children, is increasing.

Conventional thinking, ie: your Husband, has never made history.
It is the unconventional and outside-the-box thinkers, that propel history and create advancements and invention.

all the best,
Susan

6 moms found this helpful

I had to convince myself. I am a product of the public schools, my parents both teach in the public schools, homeshool kids are weird, they dont' socialize well and the kids dont' really get a good education.

Then my daughter started having anxiety issues.
My sister homeschools her kids and they were outperforming mine on general knowledge and compassion.
My new church has a few homeschooling families and the kids were really fun to be around and my kids liked them, and they were not weird.
As one dad put it in my neighborhood, I can let them socialize with all the riff raff or socialize with select riff raff from families I know.

I made the decision and just jumped in. HUbby was not really onboard until he saw that the first year was really successful then he suggested I take the other one out. He didn't say no at first just didn't know if it was the right idea.

I know being a conservative woman you want to make this a decision that fits your family. My hubby didn't say no and supported me but had reservations. Will yours support you because you are his wife or will he put his foot down because he is the husband?

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If I were your husband I would want to know what are your reasons for homeschooling and what is your plan to build their social skills as they grow. (maybe you've already done both of those things?) personally I would put them in a good preschool because a good preschool is all about building socialization skills, working in a group, gaining independence from Mommy, respect and being comfortable with adults other than parents. It's a great place to learn to share, cooperate, take turns if you do not have a lot of siblings at home. And it's usually part time. Then when the real academics kick in you could start homeschooling. or some other sort of compromise?

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Keep this in mind. You saying you want to homeschool to a man that makes his living (and yours) by teaching school, could sound a a bit insulting. He sees success in the class rooms, He sees the positive aspects of "traditional school".. This could be why he is a bit taken a back that you feel your child needs to be homeschooled. What are you saying about him?

Maybe you need to explain to him the exact reasons.

This is just a thought from the wife of a man that is sensitive to this sort of situation.

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Have him read "The Well Trained Mind"...look it up on amazon.com. You can read the first few chapters fro free there and then get it through the library.

I am not homeschooling but after reading it...it is making me consider doing it.

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I have seen a parent be convinced. You need to network with homeschool parents and kids who are fun, well adjusted, perhaps a bit quirky. Your husband needs to meet them! He also might need to talk to other fathers of home schooled kids.

I would also suggest checking out a variety of home school co-op options.

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I am not anti home schooling at all, but if you want honesty, I will give it to you.
First of all, I believe that all "schooling" begins at home. I have very bright children and we did projects, learned letters, learned reading, etc, from minute one.
There is something to learn in every walk you go on, in every leaf or bug you find, in every type of cloud.
Helping in the kitchen teaches fractions when measuring, planting seeds teaches about dirt, water, sun.........
Very few home schooled children I have known, and I've known a lot, learn about socializing. They may be able to recite or do insane equations, but get them around other kids and it doesn't go well. They've either been so sheltered they freaked out around other kids or they were so mean and bossy other kids didn't want to play with them.
I had a neighbor boy that was homeschooled and he was so socially awkward that my son, who was way younger, was his best friend. The kid was a fricking genius in many ways, but he should have been in high school. He was an only child. His life was home and his parents. He had absolutely zero peers his own age.
I think home schooling has it's benefits, for sure. I also think it can be done successfully if people allow their kids to also learn social skills with other children who aren't in a home schooled environment.

Best wishes!

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I can understand his reservation and even his concern for his image. If he is a teacher in the school system, how does it look to have his own child homeschooled? It looks as if he doesn't believe in the system he works for. Perhaps this is where some of the reservation is coming from.

We homeschool and it works for us. Perhaps, since your husband is a teacher, you need to pick the curriculum and show it to him. He may feel better once he knows what you're doing. OR, have him pick the curriculum with you. Let him know you value his opinion and his expertise. It's a fun journey picking the type of style you're going to use.

Your child is only 3.5 so no need to put her in school yet. Why not start homeschooling now? Then you can see if it's something you want to do, and if it's the right thing for your child. We have many young children in our homeschool group so you can join a group now and get to know some people. Our group does many field trips, which is great for socialization for your daughter AND you! You'll need support as well :)

Perhaps you can let you husband know you'd like to try it now before your daughter is ready for Kindergarten. Once she's ready for Kindergarten you can re-assess the situation and come to an agreement. Homeschooling takes tremendous patience and love. It's wonderful that you want to try it!

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I would find out what he considers "weird". Does he know homeschooled kids that never did anything, were overly sheltered, etc.? (I know public school kids like that, too.) I also agree with the others that you're asking him to buck the system that he works in. Give him credit for even thinking about it.

I know several homeschooling families. One has 4 daughters and they are polite, well-rounded, social and not "weird". Something that seems to work is to know what your limitations are and seek other resources. Maybe another parent teaches French while you do Math. Or you send your child to a science camp or to the local high school or community college for just the class they need. A lot of people teach cooperatively. One of my friends also has her oldest in a scout troup geared for homeschool kids, so they meet during the day and get to socialize and work on projects with other kids who don't go to a "regular" school. They also do science programs at the local nature center together. Our nature center has classes specifically for homeschoolers.

And you can always agree that you will homeschool through, say kindergarten, and re-evaluate. There's nothing that says one school program MUST be followed for every kid through graduation. Kid I used to babysit had problems with bullies so the mom pulled both kids out (the younger for the bully problem and the older so he could have time for a competitive venture) and they did really well.

I think that homeschooling is a good alternative - IF you are up for it and IF you are capable and IF you aren't trying to just skirt the system or haven't tried to deal with issues with your child beforehand. Does that make sense?

I'm not pushing my daughter into preschool, but I am aware of the county kindergarten requirements and am working on getting her ready for those things. We do playdates and regular events where she has to learn to sit quietly, participate as appropriate, play well with others, etc. We may still do a bit of preschool, but I'm being open-minded about it. If we do, it would be for reasons other than academic at this point.

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i am a stay at home mom who taught in public schools for 15 years. the way the state is heading, i am doubtful that i will put my 3.5 yr old in it...for sure not kindergarten, it isn't required. he too is very bright. I am not WANTING to homeschool per say, but i bet we go that route...i bought the book, "the well-trained mind" and from an academic standpoint, it is AWESOME...you may want to read it and show him some of the points. i also think homeschooling can really be good or really be bad. as a public school teacher, he sees the failed situations. truly from an educational stanpoint, that book makes a VERY compelling arguement for homeschooling. if he is a public school teacher he knows where the state is headed with testing and allowing kids to retest everything and basically the curriculum is beyond watered down so he may buy into it after reading that book. if he is even slightly open to the thought, it would be a great investment...it also gives a ton of resources for you

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my best friend was homeschooled so college was her first school experience with other people. they were pretty involved in other things though. she is a little weird, but that is from her family, not from being homeschooled. her family is a bit on the hippyish side. she soared through college with great grades and is now a registered dietician and the best person i could ever imagine. her sister and brothers however go to a public school. good luck on your decision.

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Take your husband to the regional homeschooling conferences/conventions in your area. It's tantamount to the NEA conventions in the Fall for teachers. He will be blown away. He will be amazed. When he gets a load of the diversity and numbers of people/families involved, his opinion of homeschooling will change forever.

I'm not sure which organization facilitates such events in your area, but the HSLDA website is a great place to find out and is also a great place to find out when the conventions are taking place in your area. Most run between January and May, so parents can prepare for the coming school year.

See www.hslda.org and click on the button "about homeschooling" (if memory serves me right) and go from there. You should find the link that lists state organizations.

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You are right that your husband needs to get to know homeschooling families. That's what will convince him, if anything does. Books are fine, but real live people are key.

I did not homeschool my children, because at the time the legality of it was in question in my state. However, I know many families who do homeschool (or have homeschooled) their children. They all say that it's not easy and it's not cheap, but when it works it works well. Some parents can't handle the commitment (and the 24/7 time with their children!), and some parents and children cannot seem to make the transition to the teacher/pupil relationship. And there's no guarantee how ANY children will turn out in the long run, no matter how and where they get their education!

That being said, if you lived near me I could connect you and your husband with a dozen families. Their children are very well adjusted socially, and they've done quite well academically. An increasing number are in excellent colleges now.

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Well in all honesty I know messed up homeschooled kids that are now adults and messed up public school kids that are now adults. Same with weird. I has more to do with the child than anything really. I know 2 kids from growing up. One went to public school the other was homeschooled. Both had extremely high IQ scores. They are both really "weird". The weirdness wasn't the education it was and is them. It is like blaming schools for a kid with aspburgers (sp!!) "weirdness". You and I know the kids are just dealing with something that isn't the norm and that so long as they have the things and interventions they need it doesn't matter if that is delivered in a homeschooling or public. There could be hindering factors in either environment that makes it less than ideal. As a parent you know your child best.

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First of all, I highly respect your comments about your husband, and your view of his role in your home. That is vitally important. My first question to your husband would be to ask if he has ever known any public schooled children who are weird. You will find all types of people in every educational system. Another question I might ask is how does he define weird? Is it their fashion? hehe Yes, some homeschoolers can be quite interesting in the way they dress. Or, is it that they look you in the eye when they have a real conversation with you (no grunting). They don't have earbuds in all the time and only care about their music, their hair, their peers? Is it that they have a good work ethic, strong morals, self-confidence? I know, stereo-types again. But, this is what I usually see in homeschooled kids. They love their families, they can socialize with people of all ages, they are pro-active in all of life. Politicians have found that homeschoolers are way more involved in politics than the rest of society. They will help campaign, make phone calls, show up at the capitol building, etc. They educate themselves about the current events. Well, we have more time to do those things, and we see how much they effect our ability to have our freedoms to homeschool and live peacefully with others. :) You might read the book, "Upgrade!" by Kevin Swanson. It discusses the best choices for education. Your husband is an educator. Ask him what is the best scenario for educating someone? Is it a classroom environment with 20-30 kids of varying backgrounds and capabilities? Or is it one-on-one tutoring, tailoring the curriculum and coursework to the individual student? Also, besides academics, what else do the children learn at school that may hinder their growth? Are they bullied? Exposed to all sorts of evil things (words, lifestyles, drugs, alcohol)? Do they have to go through a metal detector just to get to school? I'm sorry, but that is a huge red flag for me. Can you offer so much more for them? Can you offer wise counsel when they are needing it? Do you want to be able to tell when they need it? Can you offer loving guidance, character development opportunities, religious education that goes beyond one hour a week (if you are a Christian), nurturing that nobody like a parent can give, delight in who they are and what they are learning? Nobody will ever love your child like you do. Nobody else will pour their heart into them like you will. Even the very best teachers only have so much time to give to a student. And, students come and go. My BIL is a teacher. They will be homeschooling their children because he sees what is going on in the schools. He wants so much more for his kids.

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We just went through this last summer, and for the same reasons, how funny. My husband felt the same way yours does, so we agreed to really "school" before schoolage and see if I could get them socialized while teaching them (our kids are 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 2 1/2). I have been teaching them forever anyway, but this year it has been more structured and balanced between all the subjects, not just so heavy on reading. Well, let me tell you, he is 110% on board now. In fact my sis (we are her guardians) is 13 and flat out told me no she did NOT want to homeschool last August when we started. By Christmas she was so jealous of our fun schedule and fast pace of learning that she decided to do it too. She LOVES it. For socialization, we are very actively involved in a mommy and me type group and a homeschool group. We go to/host 2-4 playdates per week, the 13 year old takes ballet with other homeschoolers, 3 of our kids are in soccer, one takes hip hop, two take music. We get to go to the zoo and museum when it isn't crowded, and take vacations when everyone else is in school. We never have school on Fridays and just have fun. Most amazing of all, my 5 year old is now doing second grade everything, but is reading at a 6th grade level, my 3 1/2 year old is reading 1st grade and doing some 1st grade math, my 2 1/2 year old is sounding out 2 letter words, etc, etc. All because their teacher knows exactly what they need and how they learn best,and has the option of making it FUN! Of course it isn't always fun, and it is a huge commitment. We would never have seen ourselves homeschooling, but we are so glad to be doing it. You should definitely join my homeschool group (Fort Worth Homeschool Group on Meetup.com). There are plenty of moms in it that plan to homeschool but don't have any school aged kids. Good luck convincing your hubby! It is so much different than it used to be because SO many people hmeschool now. Kids can get socialization while homeschooling if you aren't trying to shelter them from the world and you make an effort to get them out there around other kids.

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I took my son out of public school after the 4th grade. I wanted to home school fulltime but my husband was not sure about it. I found a private christian school that supports home schooler. My son goes to school M-W-F and I home school him on Tues. and Thurs. It has worked very well for us. I wished I would have known about this school earlier. I would of loved to started him earlier. Home schooling is great if it works for you. Good luck!

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Your husband, being a public school teacher, should be aware of all the statistics. Homeschooled children score much higher on standardized testing, etc, etc. He should also know that being homeschooled has so many major advantages; one on one attention, moving at the child's pace, actually teaching all different kinds of things and concepts and not teaching to a test (which is what most public schools are now doing).

They only disadvantage is the social skills, which can also be an advantage, depending on how you look at it. As long as your child is involved in other youth groups and activities to round out their education, homeschooling is the way to go.

Note: my children have always gone to a public school

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Seven of my grandchildren have been homeschooled from start to finish. They are all bright, outgoing, well-adjusted and high academic achievers who learned to read early and consistently tested well above grade level. Two of them now have children of their own and value their homeschool experience so much that they are now homeschooling their children (who are also reading early and doing really well, by the way).

I am fascinated by some of the comments about homeschooled children being unsocialized, weird or not knowing how to dress, etc. Going to public school does not guarantee that a kid won't be "strange" in some way--there are lots of kids going to public school that do not fit the norm. Sadly, in public and private schools, these poor children are usually teased and bullied and we all know how terribly that can end. My point here is that kids are who they are and it is up to the parents to see that they are dressed properly and do activities that will nurture them. This does not sound like it would be a problem at all for you since you are alreadt doing preschool activities with your little daughter.

This is NOT the time to have a child in public school in Texas! The state is trying to eliminate the current $27 billion deficit on the back of public education by cutting programs and teachers, raising class size and other things that will most certainly have a huge negative impact on the quality of Texas public education which is already near the bottom in SAT scores and drop out rates. Stressed out teachers and overcrowded classrooms do not an ideal situation make. When you compare this situation with the homeschool scenario in which your little daughter will have all the one-on-one time she needs with a loving mom who is dedicated to giving her the very best education possible I don't think there is much else that needs to be said.

You are already doing preschool activities and your enthusiam and commitment would make you a fantastic homeschool teacher! I would begin now and if your husband is as intelligent and rational as you say he is, I'm sure he'll change his mind when he sees how well your daughter is doing.

Best of luck to you!

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There are so many options out there for homeschooling. There is "traditional" homeschooling where you determine the curriculum and pick up materials on your own, there is co-op learning where you can join a group and between all the parents, teach the kids various subjects. But there is also online schooling in various forms. We are part of k12 which is an online public school. It is federally funded so it has to adhere to the same standards that a regular brick and mortar school has to as far as curriculum but has the freedom of homeschooling as well. We go at our pace and pick when and where we do the work as well as how detailed we get. We meet with our "pod" twice a week online as well as in person once a month in school sponsored activities. We are part of a homeschool pe group that also meets twice a week. All our supplies are provided for by the school so actual cost is minimal for us (my daughter is in the 4th grade).

My husband was also concerned about socialization and making sure that she received everything that is required by our state as far as academics. K12 has turned out to be the best compromise for the two of us. Get online together and research ALL your options. This does need to be a joint decision even though only one of you may be doing the actual "schooling". Good luck!

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I was "home-schooled" (I took online classes). I was in public school until the middle of 10th grade. I was always one of the "un-popular" kids, but in grade school that doesn't really matter (Or it didn't back then (Lol, all of 9 or 10 years ago.)). From 7th-9th grade, I only had a handful of friends and all of them were on again off again, very unstable, type friends. I acted out, cut myself, met guys online and had sex with them, snuck out to parties, drank, smoked, did drugs. I was even caught in school "selling" drugs (I had more than enough pain killers to get me high, and some body saw me giving a couple to my best friend... So technically I didn't sell anything. I was let off with a warning though so it doesn't matter.). In 10th grade, things became very highschool-ish. My friends banned me from the group at the beginning of the year. I was tortured at school every day (By being made fun of, people playing tricks on me, rumors starting about me, etc.). By the end of the first quarter I became so miserable that I was planning on running away. I didn't want to live on the streets, so I looked on chat rooms for guys. I promised them sex, wherever whenever, if I could live with them. I found a guy that seemed nice, packed my bags, met up with him late one night. He made me have sex with him in his car to "make sure that I wasn't lying about having sex with him". After we had sex, he told me that he didn't want to risk hiding a run away in his house and told me to get out of his car. I kept going to school, but pretended to be sick every other day. One day, my dad pulled me out of bed and actually started yelling at me to go to school (He never yells... Ever.). I broke down sobbing, begging him to let me stay home. My parents moved me to an internet school shortly after that.

My mom and my aunt both work at my old high school and a month after I switched schools I went to go visit my mom. All of my old teachers commented on how much happier I seemed.

I definitely felt happier.

Homeschooling made me a better person. It made me happier, and it taught me a lot of discipline (In internet school the student is responsible for doing their school work every day. There is no one there telling them to do it.). My grades even improved.

I know this doesn't apply to you guys, since your daughter is young and obviously not going through what I went through. I just wanted to tell my story and show your husband that homeschooling can be a GREAT thing.

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Check out some "homeschooling schools" there are many in the dfw area that meet from 1-5 days a week, so they could go 2-3 days a week (usually 9-2) and then homeschool the rest. To me, that's the perfect compromise. I checked a bunch out (too far from Arlington I'm sure) but they all seemed good!

I had this problem too. It took having my husband talk to other homeschooling dads (a couple of which were teachers too!) for him to start to see the light. We're not homeschooling now only because my oldest son needed a lot of extra services that technically the state was supposed to give him but were running me around in too many circles so I gave up. All of my children are actually enrolled in an awesome charter school so it was a happy compromise for me (one went so of course all of them wanted to go).

As for the "weird" part, he does have a point. However, I have noticed that how the children are depends on how social the family is. If you find a very active homeschool group that does lots of classes, field trips, get togethers, etc. you are NOT going to have weird children. They're going to be well rounded well educated individuals. What I love about homeschooled children is their capacity to include anyone and everyone in their play! It doesn't matter how old a child is. Usually, in a public school, you'll see first graders playing only w/ other first graders or freshmen hanging out with only freshmen. I think that's a huge disadvantage to them.

In my experience, the "weird" homeschoolers are usually unschooled, rarely take part in any coordinated activity, etc. Those are usually the children that have no social skills but are not the exception. Like I said, it really depends on how active the family is in getting their children out and about or if they isolate themselves.

I LOVE my homeschool group and I still often hang out with them as much as I'm able to schedule things around my children's school schedule. That's something else nice about homeschool! You can do class in your jamma's, it's much easier to coordinate your schedule, you don't have to worry about yanking children out of school for vacation or family emergency, etc. A couple of years ago I was able to haul my horde to Wisconsin (a three day trip for us), spend two weeks there, see tons of great museums and zoos and stuff like that, totally visit with all of the family and not worry about time constraints, and still take some schoolwork with us that they did work on somewhat but I wasn't pushing them over because I wasn't worried about them falling behind! LOL A homeschool schedule is YOUR schedule. You can have class in morning, afternoon or evening. Whatever best suits your children and family. Etc. :) Can you tell I still love the idea of homeschool? :D

Your daughter is old enough to help around the house. Helping in the kitchen will do math, reading skills, spatial coordination, etc. At the grocery store having her help weigh produce will do math skills. You see how that works? If we as parents can teach our children a complete language by the time they're three, how to walk, etc. than we can totally teach them everything else IF we're committed to the idea. You can't be the type of parent that just sits back and lets it happen (although that can work with some children but said children have to be self motivated as well as self disciplined).

I loved the Waldord approach (we did Oak Meadow) but I didn't do that exclusively. I also had bits of Montessori in there, Five In A Row,etc. It was eclectic, but as similar to a classical education in my house. Look into Thomas Jefferson Education and Charlotte Mason. My kids had a blast with Five in a Row and it's based on classic old children's books. It's what I'm doing with my 4 yo right now and then she'll go to K next fall.

One of my favorite sites is currclick.com. There are tons of reasonably priced (for the most part) digital downloads of curriculum. There's even some free stuff! :) My children loved lap books so look into those as well. And if you let your daughter on the computer, take her to starfall.com. It's a free site for letter recognition all the way to early reading. My children love that site. I told their school about it, and now three of the teachers assign it as homework 20 min a week. It has a K curriculum that's really cool, if a bit pricey. They also have books and toys that coordinate with the site but are certainly not required to be able to enjoy it.

And don't forget to check out Ebay! They have TONS of homeschool supplies on there. :D

Good luck, and have lots of fun!

L., I just read this post after responding to the other. Now I definitely think you should check out Grace Prep. Grace offers a little of BOTH classroom instruction in a school environment and homeschooling! I will also mention that Grace is located near Park Springs & I-20. It's a great school!

Are you positively up to home school??If so then do it