Helping 20 Month Old Go to Sleep Not Just with Nursing!

I would not be concerned. Sounds to me like you are doing well.
I don't know what CIO is?
Honestly you will blink twice and he'll be in high school- the time seems to go so quickly- I'd enjoy every time you can hold and enjoy him now.
best, k

Hi! Great to hear you're still nursing. I nursed my daughter till she was 4, wish I didn't stop. BUT.... she wouldn't go to sleep unless nursed for a LONG time, either that or fall asleep in the car driving.
If it doesn't bother you to lie down with him then do it. It's beautiful and before you know it, that time will be gone. Enjoy every moment while you can.

Instead of nursing him and laying with him let Dad take over the bedtime routine. You can give him his bath and put his pj's on but then let Dad take over. He can give him a glass of something to drink and then read to him. The reading the book will take his mind off of you and nursing. It works...He will fall asleep during story time and also be getting some education at the same time. It's a win win situation...

I wouldn't be CONCERNED that he isn't falling asleep on his own, because one day down the road he will. But the only way FOR him to learn to do it on his own will be for him to be "on his own" and then "fall asleep." I dont know how on earth you do that without allowing the kid to cry SOME. He may just need 5 minutes of whining or crying, then go back in there and console him, hug him. So I'm not saying to let him cry for 20 minutes, but you said it yourself "Fall asleep on his own" -- he has to be on his own a little if he's going to fall asleep on his own.

I got my son to fall asleep and sleep through the night when he was 9 months old when I finally decided to let him cry for longer than 5 seconds before picking him up again. Within 3 days of letting him cry a little, he was sleeping through the night. Of course, I nursed him, but didn't let him fall asleep while nursing. I put him to bed DROWSY but still awake.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll have some great answers, hopefully one that you like better than mine.

I am in the same boat! Its nice to know I am not alone. I can't wait to hear the responses, I have been meaning to post this as well. Sorry I can't be more helpful. :)

I wouldn't be concerned. He'll learn eventually and you don't have to make him cry.

I can tell you what worked for my daughter although it's not quite working for my son (he's 20 months like yours). We started with naptime. I started a routine involving books. The previous routine was lay down in her toddler bed, pull up my shirt, nurse to sleep. ;) It ended with reading books, then nursing to sleep. Once that was in place, I experimented with nursing and singing the ABC's and trying to stop when I was done. And I also tried counting out loud. But, it wasn't working and just made her anxious. Finally, I told her I was going to let her nurse for 5 minutes and then we'd read until she fell asleep. I probably offered her a sippy if she needed it. So it was read our books, nurse for 5 minutes, and then read until she fell asleep. I basically nursed her long enough for her to get really sleepy so she wouldn't protest too much when I switched back to reading. Then I decreased the nursing time....probably to 4 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute, 30 seconds, 20 seconds, 10 seconds, 5 seconds, 1 second. I did each of those times for a week. So it did take about 2.5 months. It was worth it though because weaning her was very non-traumatic and gradual. She was really big on nursing so it worked for us. I found that as she learned to go to sleep on her own for naps, bedtime became easier too. I did the same thing for bed time, but started the weaning a little later so when I was nursing 2 minutes for naps, I was probably at 4 minutes for bed time.

With my son, I'm having trouble nailing a routine. Part of the problem is he likes to rip the book out of my hand when I've only read a few pages and insist on nursing. And at night he'll nurse and then pop up ready to play. So he's not at the point my daughter was at when we started. It's weird since he's not reliant on nursing for comfort and such like my daughter was. We'll figure it out though.

My husband was no help at all in weaning, but another idea is to alternate putting him to bed with your husband. He'll learn to fall asleep sometimes without nursing which will make weaning easier.

I totally feel for you. Our daughter was (and still can be) tough with sleep, but has sort of grown into each stage at her own pace. So...going to sleep on her own for night time around 14 months and then nap time a few months later. We also could not stomach CIO. She wasn't so concerned about nursing, so I stopped at 14 months, but she did require motion to fall asleep up until 14 months. I would have loved it if she would have just fallen asleep lying with me!

I read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It was a very gentle approach and would probably be helpful for some suggestions or just a glimpse into what you can do if you choose to do so. She does try to get the baby to go to sleep without a pacifier also, and I was not ready to cross that bridge. (I'm still not at 26 months!)

You may also think about whether or not you want to wean any time soon. I think that they may be related. If you're not thinking about weaning, then definitely leaning on your husband to take over after you nurse. It might work.

Good luck! I know it can be stressful. It sounds like you have a pretty good attitude about it--or at least are putting your best face forward even though you're pretty tired, I'm sure.

I am going through the same thing... and this is my third child. You would think I would know what to do. I have nursed each of my babies but each child is soooo different.
With my first, I worked, so the daycare helped and he had a pacifier.

My second was a great night sleeper. He is seven now and though I am sure I nursed him to sleep I can't remember a problem. I think I started introducing water filled sippy cups at twelve months. By the way, he still takes a cup of water and places it on his nightstand. My husband may have rocked him to sleep instead of me so that nursing was out of the question:).

My third (She is now 9 months) sounds a lot like yours except that she does not sleep well and I nurse her at least two times a night now not including the nursing to go to bed. I have tried CIO a little when she wakes every two hours demanding a feeding, but my feelings about this seem in line with yours, I don't like it. However, having her CIO does seem to get her the message she should sleep more.

I think the first thing you have to decide is when will you wean? Once that is determined, I think a 'replacement' item works. For my middle son, it was the sippy cup. I have no idea how I will get my youngest to sleep unaided. I am hoping the sippy cup works with her.

Good luck!

My husband was a huge help with us! My kids were a bit younger, though--around a year. We alternated nights, bathing, reading and singing before nursing. So on his nights, I'd come in and just nurse. Then, as the kids learned to do nap without nursing, we stopped nursing on his nights, then mine. They were pretty interested in the big kid stuff by then. And we did the backing-out of the room technique--I don't know who's that is. If they cry, pat them, then slowly stop, then stand there, then back up a step at time. It's tough, but it only takes three or so nights!

I nursed till 2.5 years, and I also nursed to sleep for a LONG time. The thing that saved me was my BABYSITTER! I worked from home, so she came several days a week and as he got older, she would put him down for a nap, without me around. He would fuss cry, but she stayed with him and comforted him - would even snuggle with him. He learned to sleep without me and it made the transition to nurseless napping and eventually nurseless night sleeping. If you can do this, it might help. It's the loving, trusting relationship that makes it possible. My guy LOVED his babysitter.

Yes, you should be concerned that he's not falling asleep on his own. Teaching a child to put themselves to sleep is something that can affect their adult life and how well they sleep from now through adulthood. I am a HUGE proponent of The Sleep Lady, Kim West. She wrote a book titled "Good Night, Sleep Tight" and it is awesome. I could go on and on here, but I wrote a whole article about my experience with my first daughter and how she had to fall asleep "on us" for practically her whole first year and how I discovered this book and what it's all about. When baby #2 came along, I felt like a pro at it - well, kinda! Here's a link to my article:
http://hubpages.com/hub/sleep-training-good-night-sleep-t...

I hope this helps. Best of luck!

If you want him to start going to sleep on his own, I recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. You can probably get it from your library.

Hi J.,

Just wanted to add that we used "replacement" items beyond the sippy cup. I would tell her stories as she went to sleep, or rubbed her back, or whatever I thought might distract her focus from nursing. She was over 24 months before we had the last day of nursing. I would've let it go longer but I was then pregnant and nipples were sore, and I had no milk left.