Need to Ween Overnight

Updated on March 14, 2011
S.S. asks from Houston, TX
18 answers

I am strickly breastfeeding, and my daughter is above average in weight, heighth, and overall size. At her last dr visit, she has suggested that I start weening her from nighttime feedings because she is big enough to handle it. I quite agree considering I am exhausted most days because she wants to nurse more than 3 times a night. Understand, when I say above normal size, she is 22lbs, and isn't quite 7mths yet.
My husband is a little frustrated, and so am I, because she will cry and cry if I don't pick her up. She still sleeps in our room because we live in a 2 bedroom with 3 kids. No there is no other place to put her to CIO. I was told to CIO, but it just doesn't seem right for a 6-7mth old to be crying till she falls asleep. I could understand if she was a 9-10mth old. I have enough supply at night, and I have tried filling her tummy completely, but she still wakes up. Before bed we do babyfood, around 2 jars of Stage 2, and nursing till she falls asleep. I am officially out of ideas.
If you think I should CIO, that's fine, but bare in mind 2 kids, 2 more adults, small apt.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I did CIO with all three at 6 months. It took 2-3 nights of crying each, and then it was over and they slept through the night. Do it.

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R.L.

answers from Houston on

My suggestion would be to let her cry for a short time. If she doesn't comfort herself back to sleep in a reasonable amount of time just pick her up and snuggle with her, don't feed her. Will she take a pacifier? This may help replace the need to feed. Once she is calm put her back to bed, then you may have to let her cry and not pick her up. You can do this in steps. For the first few nights pick her up, then after that just rub her back and sooth her. Eventually she will realize that night feedings are done and she needs to go back to sleep. It may take a week or so but it can be done. It's important to let her cry some at first so she can learn to soothe herself, but there is a point when you will know that she is not going back to sleep and is just too upset, so that is when you soothe her.

Just my thoughts, this seemed to work for me.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

This may sound a little off the direct question, but it may not be. What is your bedtime routine? Do you feed her to sleep at bedtime? If so, then she has learned to expect to be fed to fall asleep.

If you are not putting her to bed at night when she is drowsy but still awake, then she won't figure out how to self-soothe herself back to sleep during the middle of the night, either. We ALL wake up multiple times per night. It's just that as we mature, we don't wake fully and fall back asleep without remembering that we were ever semi-awake. That is what she needs to learn how to do. But if you are nursing/bottle feeding her to sleep at bedtime, it will take her longer to figure it out. And that can make for some miserable nights for all of you.

If you are NOT feeding/rocking her to sleep at bed time, but are feeding/rocking for a bit, then putting her to bed before she drifts off to sleep, then do consider your own diet (caffeine does transfer through breastmilk, if I recall correctly-- and it is in more than just coffee), and perhaps rearranging the order of things. i.e., when you feed her, keep her awake at the end of the feedings (during the day) and then when she gets fussy, have her sleep/nap then. Then when she wakes up, feed her, then have awake time, then nap time. (Not feed, sleep, awake, feed, sleep, awake). Then, when it is time for bed, feed her, then put her in bed drowsy but still awake.

Hope this helps.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I believe your pediatrician is wrong, but I breastfed for 2.5 years. Breastfed babies tend to be bigger than formula fed and not all pedi's get this. My son is not even 4 yet and he's 47 lbs and almost 4 feet tall. If you can find one of those co-sleeper things that attach to your bed, it may help with the sleeping thing for you.

You're going to have to accept the fact that babies wake up a lot when they're little. Very few sleep through the night, and they never do anything to suit our schedule desires (LOL). I haven't had a full night's sleep for more than a week at a time since I was 6 months pregnant. Their needs change, and their sleep changes.

If you need support re. nursing, baby size, etc., try to find a lactation consultant to help you figure out what your baby's and your nursing needs are. Pedi's are NOT well versed in this in general. It's not their focus.

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R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

I have 3 children and 2 did not sleep through then night until 18 mos -2 years and I'm still up several times a night with my 14 month old during teething and times of illness. So my heart goes out to you. I encourage you to follow your heart regarding the issue of CIO. You might want to read this well written article on nighttime parenting by Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
If the link doesn't work, please go to: www.askdrsears.com and do a search for infant sleep.
My children tended to need night nursing until about age 1 year (8-10 hours is a long time for tiny tummies) even though my pediatrician said the same thing yours did about them being big enough to do without. You may want to set limits on the number of feedings in the night (do it gradually over several nights), but please don't abruptly cut them out just yet. Remember, children have needs at night and can't communicate them except through crying. Teething pain and even illness my exist before parents are clued in that anything is awry.
I know this is difficult for you, for I too am sleep deprived. I've found with my 2 older kids that eventually they did develop into better sleepers. I have to look at this exhausting stage of nighttime parenting as an investment in my children. Creating a strong secure bond with them and modeling empathy by caring for their needs even when it's not convenient (like at 1AM, 3 AM etc), is worth it. My 6 year old and almost 3 y.o.is proof that I did the right thing--not ignore their needs and let them CIO. They are secure, socially well adjusted, attentive to my husband and I, and now are excellent night time sleepers. R., a nurse midwife MOM of 3 of life's greatest blessings.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

There are times when a child needs a good cry. However, I do not condone the CIO method Mother's who endorse the CIO method often ignore the baby's cry altogether. This is not the best way to go about this. Your pediatrician is correct to some degree. At 7 months, your baby really does not need to nurse during the night. I would imagine at this age, your child is eating solids. Right? She is likely getting her calories from the solids as well as breast milk. Breastfeeding during the night, in my opinion, is strictly for comfort. There are other ways to teach a child to find comfort and she needs your help with this. Perhaps a night light, a soft toy in her crib, a music toy. Also, I had my first born sleeping in my room (in her own crib) for the first 9-10 months of her life. She always woke up during the night. Very frustrating. I decided she was likely waking up because she heard the bed creak when me or my husband moved, or she woke up when she heard her daddy snoring, or woke up because daddy's clock went off when he had to go to work. Once I moved her out of our room and into her own, she slept through the whole night. IF she did wake up during the night, either in her room or mine, I did not nurse her. Instead she got a sippy cup of lukewarm water...not juice, not milk, not cold water. The idea was to make her waking up not worthwhile for her. She eventually stopped looking for the breast....when I stopped offering it. This is what you need to do. You need to simply stop offering your breast. My sister just went through this same thing. She was tired of her son (my nephew) waking up during the night...to nurse. I kept telling her to stop offering the breast. She said if she didn't offer, he would cry. I told her to let him cry. It's not the same thing as CIO. To allow a baby to CIO without going to them is cruel. Instead, you do go to them, offer them a cup of water, offer a pat on the back, maybe a diaper change is necessary and then back to their bed (in their own room) they go. IF baby continues to cry, you have already tended to her needs, you know she is safe and dry and perhaps daddy needs to help with this weaning process. You just have to make your breasts inaccessible to your child. It may take several nights but eventually she will learn that mommy's milk bar is closed for the night and she will stop waking up. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I am in the exact same situation as you and was so tired, like you are. When my daughter was almost 10 months old was when I let her cry it out. I was so against it, but I just had to have sleep because I homeschool my older child and I just need sleep!

So, the first night she screamed for 20 minutes and it made me miserable, but she fell asleep. She slept so well and was so happy the next morning, I was like, why haven't I done this before? Second night, 10 minutes. Third night, she just fussed, and went to sleep. Ever since (oh, maybe a few weeks) if I put her down and she wakes up, I just walk out, and she fusses and goes to sleep.

Sometimes I will get her for ONE feeding during the night and put her RIGHT back, and she fusses a few seconds and SLEEP! Over the last 7 days, she's slept through 4 of them, I'd say...and she's been really sick, so the others were a little more challenging...but it has worked MIRACLES.

So I guess this is encouragement to you...you don't have to nurse all night long, and I am so much better rested now that I quit doing it all night long. Our babe is in our room right next to our bed, and it doesn't seem to make a diff, and our older child is in a room literally right next to ours, and the crying doesn't wake her...because after two days it wasn't even crying, but just a little fussing.

So go ahead and try it if you like, or tough it out for a month or two more and then try. You will be so happy! I am!

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D.B.

answers from Houston on

I think the amount she is wanting to feed at night is normal still at her age and I hate it when doctors say to just drop night feedings because they are fine height/weight wise! There is so much more to feeding than food and you can't just cut that out. I think to go from 3 to 0 is way too hard for your baby, you need to cut down gradually if that is what you want. But you may just want to stick it out another month or two when your baby will probably be a little more developmentally ready to handle the emotional separation. You probably want to look at what times she is waking now and what would be reasonable to drop. Maybe the 1 am feeding would be the last for example. Crying it out makes me cringe cause I just imagine a parent just leaving a baby to cry and cry. When I think of this method, I am more inclined to cry and comfort them. They need to learn how to soothe themselves by example not by crying until they are too tired to cry more! I would go in there is your baby wakes and rub their back, trying your best not to pick them up at first. If you do have to pick them up, do it briefly and then just follow it with "good night" and rub their backs. I used to have to rub my baby's back until she fell asleep at first. Then i gradually reduced the amount i was rubbing her back and then maybe gently rock the crib/ shake (not too hard!!) the crib to provide some motion and have her fall asleep, then just move to verbal shhhh. A think steps are better than cold turkey, yes, it is work and hard, but you are giving them more skills to take care of themselves and if you have a good plan you are also likely to feel better about the adjustments of weaning and learning to sleep. good luck!! don't rush it, if it's not working now, hold off until you feel your baby may be more ready....there are also all those lovely growth spurts and developmental milestones which also make nursing/sleeping even more tricky!!!

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

The first year of breastfeeding - it is best for the baby to not deny to nurse. I understand you are exhausted - I was a single Mother working full time and going to school part time AND nursed exclusively and pumped. She is waking up to nurse because her body and mind need it. She's not old enough yet to use manipulation or to ask for something (thru ques and crying) she doesn't need - at least not yet.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to overfeed a child who breastfeeds. Keep doing what you are doing Momma - and try to allow more sleep by having her closer to your bed or in it so it's easier access for her to nurse when she needs to without waking you up.

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L.!.

answers from Austin on

Hmmm, I have a 5 month old and she's not nursing 3 times during the night... Yikes! My first thought is how much is she sleeping during the day if she's waking up that often? My second question is to wonder about your diet--how well (healthy) are you eating; how much protein and dairy fat are you eating (and processing into breastmilk); how much caffeine, processed foods are you eating.... Because all of that will determine the quality of your breastmilk. Remember, your breastmilk is as good as your own diet. And my last question is whether she's bottle trained--because you can add a bit of rice cereal to her bottle before bed and it should help her sleep longer.

(By the way, I'm not comfortable with cry it out for an infant that young either.)
Good luck!

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

I found the dream feeding right before I went to bed really helped me get more sleep. I couldn't breastfeed exclusively and used formula at night. By around 5-6 months I had both of my babies sleep a good 5-6 hour stretch after the dream feed. Also, my kids ate less when they were sleepy but it was enough to get them through the night.

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D.R.

answers from New York on

i had pretty much the same thing with my 3rd baby. it was awful. i never cio with my first 2, i was just up forever, i dont believe in it. that said,,,,, it got gradually worse and worse, much worse than my first 2 kids, and by the time he was 10 mos he wasnt sleeping for more than 45 min or an hour at a time. ever. so, none of us were either, its a small house. it got really really bad and i just didnt know what to do anymore, i wasnt sleeping at all. so i let him cry. what could i do??? it sucked, but it really was only a couple of days. what i did was i kept nursing him to sleep in my arms, and transfer him. but i didnt go back in when he woke up during the night. so it was a lot of crying. but i taught him over and over that he stays in the crib till its light out.. i showed him the window over and over, "light" , "dark" etc. im not gonna lie, it wasnt fun, but it was quick and holy cow he is the best sleeper in the house. just saying. he kisses and hugs me and lays down with a smile and goes to sleep, sleeps through the night. and if he does cry, i go right in cause i know something is wrong. its a pleasure. first time in years that i am sleeping. he is 3 1/2 now, still in the crib cause he loves it and we all sleep. just get a crib tent as soon as you can so she is used to it right away. its like tylers little house. sleep is really important. its really important for all the kids, you know? and you too....good luck

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Are you willing to do just one feeding in the night? I would feed her the baby food around 7 and nurse her and then do a dream feed nurse at around midnight--she will be very sleepy but awake enough to eat and easily fall back asleep. She should sleep til the morning. If she wakes and crys for you, try patting her and do it in a rythmic motion so she calms and falls back asleep. She may take a week to get used to this, but she will-and you don't have to do the CIO. You are tending to your baby's needs without making her scream. Good Luck!

M

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

I, personally, do not ever agree with the CIO method...ever. Sje is waking up because she is internally scheduled to do so. If you don't think she's hungry...and needs to cut back the nighttime feedings, then do it gradually. If you're feeding her 3 times a night, then begin with feeding her the first and third time she wakes up. The second time, go to her and hold her, rock her, soothe her....and know it will take a while because she's used to being nursed every time she wakes up. She won't know how to get back to sleep without it. This seems like a comfort issue for her. Gradually and patiently you'll see that she'll be retrained to get to sleep without the comfort she finds in brestfeeding. Then cut out another feeding....but you really should replace it with loving arms and a soothing voice. Difficult (I know from experience) but it's better for just one person to be tired and cranky the next morning, than to have a whole house full of tired crankypeople. Remember this is just another transition and it will pass....but it is a process that will take time to acheive succesfully and still feel good about how you're mothering her.
Good luck!

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

Look up the Ferber method. It won't take as long and you don't feel like you are completely abandoning your child. She just needs to learn how to soothe herself back to sleep. All of you can handle a few nights of distress in order to get every night after that of peace.

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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

It is NOT unusual for breastfed babies to still be nursing at night. My youngest grandson is 14 months old and is currently here visiting with his Mama, they co-sleep and I know that he will wake to nurse sometimes a dozen times a night...not so much for food but for comfort. If your baby is sleeping in bed with you..there is no reason that you can't allow her to nurse and doze off as she does. I breastfed all three of my girls and each of them continue to breastfeed at night...long after they were already eating supplemental foods.
I do not agree with the use of CIO...especially with children this young. She has no idea why you are not responding to her...she evidentally is not able to comfort herself back to sleep...so she relies on YOU to help her. I cannot imagine anything more frightening than to be allowed to cry and cry for comfort with your parents lying right there in bed, and not coming to you to provide that love and comfort that you have come to rely on from them.

S.L.

answers from New York on

As Vitoria asked Can she self soothe or does she always nurse to sleep? ALL children at ALL ages wake during the night, the question is whether they can toss and turn a little and go back to sleep without us. If she nurses to sleep every single time than any time she rouses she wants to nurse. this doent mean she's hungry it means she has no idea how to go back to sleep wiithout nursing. Start at bedtime, nurse her but keep her awake and relaxed, have Dad put her to bed, if necesary, let her CIO then early in the evening. Has she bonded with Daddy? Have Dad deal with her more at night. she will not associate him with nursing, just rocking and patting and soothing. I agree she may still need to nurse ONCE during the night. MIne slept thru the night from an early age but then at certain ages they started feeding again once a night , I figured it was a growth spurt and they needed the food, But I never fed three times a night

A.F.

answers from Chicago on

IMHO 6 months is too soon to night ween if your child is really vigorously eating in the middle of the night. I stuck to Weissbluth and waited until 9 mos.

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