Help with My 8 Yr Old... Going on 16 - Oak Ridge,TN

I had to LOL a little because we just went through this with my 9-year old SD. She's 9 going on 16 with an attitude to match!

First we cut out all the TV, video games, cell phone, iPod etc. We cut out the sugar.

We sat down and discussed her responsibilities, chores, the way she treated family members, etc. We let her know EXACTLY what was acceptable and what was not. We let her know that she has a responsibility as a member of the family. We let her know our responsibilities.

Then we had "attitude adjustment day." She woke up when daddy got up for work (early on a weekend!) and she began by cleaning her room. She was to work all day long until her attitude adjusted itself. I know there are people out there who don't think that chores should be given as punishment, but we phrased it as WE couldn't get OUR work done because we have to stand over her or constantly remind her to do things. So now she was going to do our work. I had her doing all sorts of chores, but I didn't yell or make her feel bad and I praised her for everything she did.

At 9:00am she was grumbling.

At 10:00am she stopped grumbling and was actually working.

By noon she was cleaning out the pantry and SINGING.

By 1:00 she was vacuuming and DANCING while doing it.

At 2:00 I said she was done and she asked for MORE CHORES!!!!

My SD was so proud of all the things she did. She opens the pantry and smiles because it's all nice and organized and SHE did it! We continue to point out how nice things look because she helped.

We do have a changed attitude. No, she's not perfect but she treats us much better now. She does her chores without getting mad or refusing to do them.

We have to do the Attitude Adjustment Day about once every six months. It has always worked. I think it helps her to feel needed, it helps her to see that when she does things it makes a difference, and nothing makes you enjoy your playtime more than work! The key for Attitude Adjustment Day is you do have to fill it with praise for your daughter for everything she does. Reinforce the good behavior and ignore the grumbling. They WILL grumble at first but it always goes away.

Good Luck!

Hi E.,

I have to agree with Jennifer S.

Children need boundaries. I have been a single parent for my son's entire life (14 years) and never once let that compromise how I allow my son to behave or treat me or others.

You need to take back the control from your daughter.

Set clear rules with clear consequences and always, always, follow through.

In my home consequences range from no TV to complete cessation of all privileges (TV, phone, computers, video games, board games, cards) - I mean everything, except books. He can always read. :) Privileges are then earned back based on consistent, proper behavior.

At several points I have stripped his room of everything except furniture and clothing (and books) and left it that way. I have removed door knobs when he locked his bedroom door one day when he was angry. I have threatened to remove the entire dang door - that one got him in line quick as he know I will do it. LOL

The end result, no matter how harsh I seem, is a really nice, fun, well mannered teenager who understands how to behave and knows that good behavior will take him farther than rebellion. My Grandmother always said "you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".

Also, don't depend on your Ex to help with discipline in your house. It really is not his job and, take it from me, he is not going to do it. It is you home, this is your daughter and you need to be in control.

Good Luck.

Hi E.,

I have no advice. So sorry. I can tell you what I did with my 15 year old when things started going that way. I took away her facebook. She was being influenced by soooo many people, even those I knew and approved of, that I did something drastic. Im sure your little girl doesnt have a facebook but there is obviously something that is influencing this behavior, even if it's a mouthy Hannah Montana.

God bless!

M.

I agree with Jennifer S. and just wanted to add that consistency is the key. The rules and consequences have to ALWAYS be the same, with no empty threats If you say "If you do X, the punishment is y", you have to follow through or you lose the battle. It's hard but it'll work. Good luck!