Help with Getting My Son in His Own Bed!

When my son started to squirm all over the bed while cosleeping at 3 1/2 mo and refused the bassinet, the doc convinced us that he was ready for his own crib. it was a tough few nights but he ended up doing fine. You may want to give his crib a try--he may just be getting too big for the bassinet.

I personally recommend the miracle blanket. It's a swaddler that works for older children as well. My daughter who's 7 months is STILL swaddled. look up miracle blanket on google. they're expensive at 30.00 but worth every penny!

good luck!

Ahhh the sleepless baby days, I feel for you.

Exclusively breastfeeding both of my boys resulted in two very different sleeping patterns. Of course that is because it was not the nursing them that caused them to sleep the way they did. I caution you not to believe that bottle fed babies sleep better and to beware of the promises of cereal fixing it as well. My first son never slept well until after 2 years old and his removal of his adnoids and tonsils. My second son (also had his adnoids & tonsils removed around age 2) was a wonderful sleeper from about 3 weeks old on. Both were exclusively breastfed for over 4 months before introduction of baby cereal and breastfed in total for almost two years each. This did not seem to be an indicator for sleeping habits at all.

There are many ideas on getting them to sleep alone not all of which I feel are good for babies but you will have to decide what is best for you all. I do not personally recommend trying some of these until at least 6 months old. Here are some to consider:

* giving the baby something you have worn with your smell on it to lay on.

* letting the baby get almost to sleep while nursing by not allowing her to fall asleep at the breast (this does not work for everyone) and lying her down while awake. Gently rubbing her and rocking the bassinet while comforting her asleep. Picking up only to comfort and calm then return to the bassinet or crib and remaining close by. (This is NOT nor do I recommend the "cry it out" technique) Keep in mind that you will need to be able to follow through on this and if you are already sleep deprived you will likely need good moral support to pull this off. There is more to this but you get the idea.

* If falling asleep before fully finished nursing is an issue try techniques that keep the baby awake until nursing is complete. If the baby is full she may sleep better or longer although this is not usually the problem.

* look for signs of other issues:
-babies and small children should NEVER snore. If your baby or child is snoring you should demand to see an ENT to make sure there is nothing disturbing the airway and sleep patterns.
-look for signs of food allergies as what your eating might be causing her sleep issues (unlikely but worth exploring).

* keep track of how many hours in a 24 hour period the baby is sleeping. Keep a sleep journal (can be a scrap of paper if need be) and write down time feel asleep and time woke up over 24 hours. Look for patterns and make sure that the baby is sleeping enough hours a day to be well rested in total. Check with pediatrician if unsure.

God Bless,
R.

P.S. "Babywise" is a book that has been linked to failure to thrive in infants and has even been linked to infants deaths. From a medical standpoint alone It is not a book I would recommend to anyone ever!! Even if it is not directly the book or the authors fault in these cases, it seems to have contributed to it. The authors have no real authority or expertise and do not keep in mind that all babies are different. It is not just the forcing the baby to cry it out that is the problem with the book but the breast feeding schedule and forcing a baby to cry and suffer while hungry that was a major part of the problem.

Older babies (older than 6 months minimum) can in effect "cry it out" but it can have long lasting effects for certain children. SInce these babies are too young for you to know if they have any other issues to consider (ASD's or sensory problems to name a few) it is unwise to assume that this technique will not "hurt" them. In most cases they will be fine having learned that when they communicate the only way they can, with cries,that you will not always come. If you are okay with that message and feel they are old enough to "get it" than it is the right choice for you. I tried the cry it out with my oldest son and it lead to severe anxiety issues and more intense sleep issues. I have met a large number of mom's who had similar experiences and wish they had not tried it either. I just want everyone to be prepared for a possibly bad outcome. Dr's tell everyone to do this and they are not the one's who deal with the results, we are. It does work for some babies and some families will advocate it endlessly so it must work well for them. Follow your gut instinct on this!!

I trained my then 2month old to sleep in her crib by placing her in there during her daytime naps. It took a few tries, but then I put her down for her evening sleep, and she stayed without a problem. Now prefers her crib to our bed.

~Liz

It is not realistic to expect a 3 month old to sleep through the night. There are those that would tell you to put him down and let him cry it out that it would be good for him. The truth is that is very selfish parenting. If you let him cry it out he will eventually be quiet all night because he knows you won't respond. I personally want my kids to know that I am available to them. parenting is a 24/7 job. Some babies sleep better than others. In our house we are happy with "horizontal time" You may not always get to sleep but you do get rest. If you are a stay at home mom you can put your feet up in the afternoon and rest a bit to make up for the lack of sleep for right now. If your baby sleeps best with you then that is what I would do for now and maybe try to lay him down during the day in a bassinet to begin to adjust him to sleeping without you but if he wakes up I would pick him up. It is also perfectly ok for a baby his age to fall asleep nursing. If you are sleeping with him and he wakes it is very easy to nurse him back to sleep without loosing much sleep yourself and as he gets older it will be so automatic that you will barely wake or you can just continue to work with him during the day toward sleeping more in his own space. "Sweet Dreams" by Dr. Fleiss is a great book on sleep. It has realistic expectations and great research data in a very quick read. Another good infant sleep book is "The No-Cry Sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I would avoid anything that advocates letting a baby so young cry it out.

There is no magic cure. I had to get professional advice to get one of my 3 to sleep overnight, since I was EXTREMELY sleep deprived. You are just not a good mom when it gets that bad. Anyway, the number one thing they all say is don't nurse them to sleep. Rocking and such are fine. I had help with this. There will be tears.You need to put them in there own space. You can go to them when the crying get crazy, but don't pluck them up. You reach to them and soothe them with calming words and rubs in the dark. My husband did it with me. It took 1 hour the first night and 2 other shorter sessions. The next night it took 45 ish minutes with one other sesssion. The tend continued and I was pretty must not dreading bed at the end of 5 days. :)
The point is you allow some crying and you don't just pluck them up with they get hysterical. You soothe them in their bed with soft words and rubs. We also had to set a strict routine for bed with order. Something like cereal/nurse (staying awake, so before the child is too tired), teeth brush, 2 books, lovie, and bedtime song in bed with a pull toy or mom and dad sing.

I hope this helps you.

I exclusively breastfed my daughter and co-slept until she was about 9 months old and, at which point she was just moving so much in her sleep that I couldn't sleep. She would never sleep in a crib and when I tried to move her to crib while she was asleep, she would wake up. The only way I got her out of our bed was to use a twin mattress, on the floor to avoid falls, in her room. I would nurse her to sleep there(she was used to that!) and whenever she would wake up I would go quickly to her and nurse her again until she went to sleep. This has worked well for us!

I had a wonderful lactation consultant with my first son. I have breastfed all 3 of my children to some degree (depending on my body's ability and having to return to work). The advice I think helped me the most was putting a piece of my clothing that I had worn that day in the crib/bassinet next to his head. Your nursing bra works best or a nursing pad that you have worn that day. The smell of you will be on those pieces and if the baby can sense you are close they may sleep better.

That being said none of my children slept for long spells while I nursed them - I may have been able to stretch it to 5 hours but that was probably the max.

I do understand that co-sleeping can be very difficult and I have done it both ways. Based on my experience I am an advocate for the child sleeping in his/her own bed. I got a much nore restful sleep without constantly worrying about the baby and I think they slept better without the distraction of someone else in the room.

Everyone has to learn what works best for them and I do agree with one of the other comments - you need to be consistent and firm with whatever you decide to do. The only way you will be able to break the habit is to do things the same way every time. Best of luck to you and know that they do eventually start sleeping longer - there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Maybe you just need a few days with a break to catch up on some sleep. It could make all the difference. If you are not opposed to pumping have a family member step in for a few nights. It may make all the difference! A sleepy mommy with a cranky baby is never a good thing.

Enjoy it! I think 3 months is young and it goes by so fast.I have 8 children and he wont always be in your bed. All my kiddos transition from co-sleeper to crib anywhere from 6-14 months. they don't like being where they cannot smell you and hear your breathing/heartbeat. Remember they have been lying next to you for 9 months 24/7. the transition is slow and it should be. He and you will sleep better if you keep him next to you.I use the co-sleeper as more of a guard rail in case he were to roll in the beginning,then when they are older,they start spending more time in there until they finally get put in a crib. I have never had any trouble with this approach.

Well if he is only 3 months old, that may be a bit to much to ask of him. I definately agree, it isn't ideal, but he is still soo young. I know what it is like to have a child that likes to keep you up most of the night eating, my 3rd baby(boy)did this to me. But that is normal for an exclusively breastfed baby, especially if he is a good eater. I think trying to get him to sleep in a crib, whatever or wherever that may be, is the most important thing right now. That way, whatever amount of time he is sleeping at a time, you can be sleeping too. Then worry about trying to get him on a feeding schedule later. Night time is tha hardest time of all, especially if this isn't your first baby. You get very worn out very quickly, and so I hope you are able to work this out.
God Bless.

I had this same problem with my now 21 mon. old. Come to find out she was using mommy as a comfort because she had very painful, reoccurring ear infections which would be most painful while she was horizontal. She also would do the same thing when she was getting a new tooth. The only difference is with the toothache she would rest for a couple hours once I got her back to sleep. During the day she was a happy, sweet, content baby, I believe because she had things to distract her from the pain, wherever it was coming from. So, after that huge story my suggestion is feel his gums to check for swollen places and watch for a temp. which might indicate an ear infection.

good luck
J.

It is tough love, but I am a mother of 4, all were breast feed for at least a year, my daughter slightly longer. You need to give up 2 days. It is hard, but you probably have already been told you shouldn't nurse him to sleep. He will learn to fall asleep without being nursed to sleep, it will take 2 days to break the habit! You have to stick to it and cannot give up at any point during the 2 days, it is hard. You can nurse him if he falls asleep that is okay, put him in his bed and if he crys it is okay. You can use your voice to reassure him, it is okay if he cry's he will learn to sloothe himself. You may leak alot during this process so be prepared it may hurt you still, when he cry's ( I do not know how old he is. This is a bit emotional to get through, but it works, I have done this successfully. My children are perfectly fine and there were no adverse effects from letting them cry and learn to soothe themselves. I have a cousin that also bought on of the items on the market so the baby feels like they are still being held, like a double wedge-like product that you would lay him between, that paired with letting him cry worked for her. I am not suggesting that if the crying gets to a point of lack of breathing screaming that you let it continue, but you will have to measure your own child's crying, but definetly to not pick him up immediately that is why he continues to behave this way, this is how he knows you will come and get him. Good luck stay strong, you will sleep again, someday!

Well, I know lots of parents are really into getting kids onto a routine that is convenient, but breastfed babies can have all kinds of different eating "styles" my 2nd baby (almost 2 and not nursing anymore) was quite the snacker and would nurse on one side and fall asleep and then wake up in a couple hours to get the other, most times all through the night. Sometimes allowing co-sleeping is the only answer, even though its not that fun for you and hubby. If you want the convenience of having him near you, but not IN bed, try keeping him in a pack n play in your room for a while until he outgrows this...just don't make the mistake I made and jump up at every cry...give him a few minutes first to see if he'll go back to sleep on his own. otherwise, he will continue to do it all through until he's on whole milk! I did it to keep him from waking my other son, but that was my consequence! sometimes its just a growing spurt, too. and they want to eat more often then!

When I was nursing I found the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper to be incredibly useful. The baby was essentially "next to me" all night but in his/her own space. This allowed me to sleep better since I didn't have to worry about pillows, comforters or ME accidentally covering the baby. It gave the baby a smaller and secure sleeping area with the comfort of knowing we were right there. You may be able to find one at a lower cost at a consignment store or Craig's List. Also, a plus was that when they woke to nurse I just had to reach over. It converts to a smaller-size "porta-crib" which was great because I could put it right in front of the bathroom door as they got older so I could actually shower and keep them in sight and talk to them while I dressed. Good luck!!

Hi T.,
I exclusively breastfed my son and I am still breastfeeding him, he will be three in August. He was not a good napper or a sleeper, allot of it was due to the fact that as a newborn I would keep him up until he was soo over tired it was hard for him to calm down to sleep.
When he turned exactly six months old I was getting so burnt out with the lack of sleep I was having, so I asked my pediatrician what to do he said to let him cry it out. This method is not for anyone, it takes allot of will power and knowing if your son really is hungry or the feedings at night were a habit. I knew it was a habit for him because he was not really drinking heavily but more like suckling and just wanting my nipple in his mouth. So, it took him three nights.. He cried the first night at one of his feeding times for 30 minutes, the second night another feeding time for 45 minutes and on the third night another time he would wake up for 55 minutes! After those three night he was sleeping through the night. We also have a very strict bedtime routine so it really helps that after bath is book time, and after book time it is night night.
Like I said this method isn't for anybody! It helped us out.
Good Luck!

I have 4 children, and the first had similar challenges. Here are some suggestions. 1. If your bassinett is the type that rock/swings, try switching to one that doesn't (such as the mini cosleeper- a raised bassinett that hooks up to your bed, so the baby is not ACTUALLY in the bed with you- just on the same level and w/in easy reach) 2. When you put your son in a bassinett, try a baby sleep possitioner- they can sometimes make a child feel more secure than open space. This works well in conjunction with a sleep sack, so you needn't worry about a blanket covering the face. Alternately, swaddeling your baby tightly can produce the same feeling of security. 3. As far as the nursing to sleep thing goes, since he is still so young, try nursing him, then burping him and rocking/patting his back until he goes to sleep, make sure he nurses well on both sides first. The sooner you break this nursing to sleep thing, the better- trust me. I didn't with my first, and when I eventually tried to ween her and get her to sleep on her own, I would have to rock her for 2-3 hours while she screamed every night. And she was over 1, so she was strong & would get so angry and flail, so I had to hold her securely while rocking her so she wouldn't hurt herself. It was no fun at all.
Anyway, back to your issue- get into the habit of putting your son down for naps in his own bed- that way he can get used to it. Keep him awake some during the day- I've found that one good nap in the morning and one in the afternoon, as well as possible dozing here and there are sufficient. It sounds as though he may have his schedule mixed up, which is why the frequent wakings at night. If he gets the idea that night time is for sleeping, he will do better and sleep longer. It could be that your inability to sleep with him cosleeping, is also what is causing him to wake and want to nurse so frequently. Just some ideas- these have worked for me with my children. God bless!

I have two boys, both of which are/were breastfed exclusively. My older could not sleep well and didn't start sleeping through the night until after two years. Even now he has trouble with sleeping and he's almost three. My younger is five weeks now and can sleep a four to five hour stretch at night. I didn't do anything differently, it's just they way they are.

Hello T.,
My dughter, 6 months, has the same issue. She is breastfed. We are still working at getting her to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. Also, she will fall asleep nursing. As my doctor described it is: We all go through sleep/wake cycles. We as adults know how to go back to sleep when turn over or move through the night. But, because our little ones fall asleep at the breast, they think they need that every time they wake, to fall back asleep. He said it is a habit. They do not NEED to be fed every 2 or 3 hours. So, he suggested to let her cry it out if she wakes after 2 or 3 hours and to put them in the bed when they are drowsy not asleep. ( Kind of hard when they nurse, I know!!) If she wakes after 4 or 5, then I do feed her. I don't like her to cry her self to sleep, but, I have to tell you it does get easier for her and for me. I also did the co-sleeping and barely got any sleep. I think they can smell you, so they wake more often. If I put my daughter in her own bed, she will sleep longer. It's been a battle, but she doesn't fuss so bad when I put her to sleep. Do not give her cereal at this young age. That can mess with their tummies.

I had my daughter in a bassinet in our room for 5 months. I took the top part of the bassinet and put it in her crib to get her use to sleeping in her own room. After a week of that I moved her to her crib. That seemed to work out well. She falls asleep now around 8pm, sleeps until around 11pm. I do feed her then. Then she will sleep until about 5am. I feed her, then she will go back to sleep until 7ish. So, I hope this advice helps. Good luck! B.

Have you tried using a pacifier? I'm still breastfeeding my son of 8 months who was a terrible sleeper. I resisted using a pacifer but everyone kept telling me not to nurse him to sleep. So I started nursing him when he'd wake up from naps instead before going down for them (I still nurse him before bed at night sometimes he falls asleep and sometimes he doesn't). Then when I'd put him down for a nap I'd give him a pacifer and that seemed to relax him. That was the only time he got a pacifer is when he was tired and at night when I knew he wasn't hungry and at 7 months he completely gave it up on his own. I also did the same routine every night before bed and before naps so he'd know what was coming. It took a long time but he is a great sleeper now and we don't stick to any strict schedule, although I've heard that really works for some babies. I honestly don't know what I would have done without the pacifer I think some babies just need to suck more than others. He also started sleeping much better when we moved him to his own room I think having him so close I was jumping up too quickly to tend to him before he really needed me. He is a noisy sleeper.

Hello T. I don't know if you are in the laurel, md area but in April my moms group along with the laurl moms group is hosting Kim West the sleep lady for a two hour session with Q and A included. The event is on April 10, 2008 from 7 to 9 the cost is $10. Check out her website at www.sleeplady.com. She usually charges $40 for one hour consultations. If you want more information please email me at ____@____.com
T.

Hello...
Well, I am not sure how lucky you got with your daughter, but you may not be so lucky with your son! He is too young to get him to sleep longer than his tummy says he is hungry. That may take some time. I had the same issue with my son, and not my daughter. She sleeps throughout the night at 2 months and he didn't until closer to 1 year old. They are just that different. Sorry, I know that's not what you may have wanted to hear.
As far as getting him in his own bed, you need to start that now. I also breastfeed my daughter, she is now 5 months and I also did my son until 1 year as well. We co-sleep with her now and did with him then. It is easier with our daughter to get into a crib than our son ever was. Once he falls asleep gently move him into his craddle. Be sure that it's right next to your side of the bed and that you stay close to him until he gets right back to sleep. The sooner you start this transition, the easier it will be to get him in his own bed.
He may not be ready to be away from you just yet and you may need to wait until he starts to sleep longer through the night.
I hope this helps!

Hi T.,

If you are breastfeeding your son, he may need to eat every two hours, especially during his growth spurts. Call the LaLeche League, they may know how to give you help. D.

My son was the same way. Our doctor suggested giving him some infant cereal at bedtime, because apparently milk alone was not enough. Try putting one of your nightgowns or a shirt with your smell in the bed with him. This may help. Good Luck and Congrats!!!!

1. Feeding. Try pumping you milk into bottles. Then at night, feed him from the bottle instead of you. This does two things; its still you milk and gets him out of your bed. This also allows you to lay him down as soon as he's done feeding. Its too easy when he's in your bed to just curl up and go back to sleep.

2. Sleeping. Does he have his own room? If yes, move the bassinet into his room. it could be that some of the waking at night is becuase of noise from you tossing and turning.

I've tried the cry it out approach and it isn't for the faint of heart. It made me more frazzled then the just getting up and feeding him did.

My daughter used to be the same way. Then my husband deployed while she was 2 months old and I had to get some sleep fast!!! I finally gave the book Baby Wise a chance. YES IT WAS HARD!!! B/c the idea of letting my child cry herself to sleep was awful and it was hard for the first week. Then once I got her on a specific schedule where I was feeding her every 3 hours (example) 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm then put her down for the night (then you only feed them when they wake up crying). After each feeding we would have some play time (30 minutes) then put them in their own room in their own bed and walk away and let them cry themselves to sleep. When it was the scheduled time to eat I woke her and started the process all over again.(What I learned was I had trained my daughter to fall asleep a certain way (breastfeeding) so I was conditioning her to fall asleep only that way. And there is no harm in letting your child cry for a while it will not harm them emotionally) In about a week she was on a great schedule happier, I was getting a lot more sleep, I was happier. I also had a lot of new moms who would stop me in the store and ask my why my daughter was so happy for such a little one. Within a month my daughter was putting herself to sleep (because I had re-conditioned her fall asleep a new way) in her own bed and she was only waking up at 2 am for feeding! It was really hard but the long term affects have been great. She is now 4 and still puts herself to sleep. She knows her bed is for sleeping not mine!

The book is Baby Wise or if your a Christin it is Preparation for Parenting by Gloria Ezzo. I didn't even read the whole thing just the part on scheduling. This was passed to me from a mom who had 4 kids and had done this with all 4 of hers! It REALLY REALLY works!!!!! I promise you it is not easy but it will make a huge difference in both of your lives!!!

T.,
Why are you unable to sleep with the co-beding? My children are now 13years and 19 years. Happy and healthy. The only way anyone in our house could sleep was if we were in the bed together. The 19year old moved to her bed when she was so excited about a princess bed and the 13year old meved to his bed when his room was painted green. They both were about 3 years old. When ever people downed me on the whole thing (co-beding) I remembered speaking with my pediatrician about it asking if there was anything wrong with it. His response was"If you are all sleeping and everyone is happy stop telling people and no one will give you any problems"
My niece has a 5 month old daughter and the only way the 3 of them (Mom,Dad & baby ) get any sleep is when the baby is sleeping on her chest. My niece has gotten used to it and says she's just happy to be sleeping. Have you tried side lying with breast feeding? So you can both fall asleep together? Just get a side rail for your bed or put him in between you and Dad.
As far as the only sleeping for 2hrs I am going to make the exclusive BF moms freak, but formula is harder to digest so they stay fuller longer. One formula bottle won't hurt.
Good Luck! They do grow up so fast.

hey if u figure out a way let me know too!!! my daughter that is now one!!! will not go into her crib.. Ill get her to bed the when i lay her in crib she crys its soooooooooooo frustrating!!!