Help Understanding Neighbour's Strange Behaviour?

Wow, that is very strange. It does seem like they may be hiding something, perhaps a squalid house or abusive conditions? If there was any incident again like that high chair episode, I would not hesitate to call CPS. I do not think they behave normally and I cannot think of any religion or sect that bans saying hello to a neighbor. For the welfare of their children, I would keep an eye on them.

My guess would be that this mom is either:

Unfriendly
Has a social anxiety disorder/depressed etc.
religious beliefs
abusive situation at home

Put a note in her mail box saying hi and that if she ever would like to come by and introduce herself, you would love to speak to her. GL

This may sound off the wall but those may not be their kids. If you have gotten a good look at the kids check the National Missing Children's website.
After hearing about the ordeal of the 3 women held captive in Ohio for 10 years this is a real possibility.

Maybe have a camera ready to sneek a picture of the kids and the adults living next door. Then check the registry.

if your babysitter saw a toddler in a high chair in the rain for ANY amount of time - she should have called the police. Taken pictures, video taped it - something. now that it's months ago? they are going to say "okay"

You can't fix this. Even if you went over with a welcome basket of goodies - you can't "fix" it.

The garbage thing? Is there an ordinance or something that prohibits the build up or collection of garbage (it breeds rats, mice, snakes and other vermin) then complain about it.

There are some people who are weird. Sounds like this is one batch of them. If in the future you see a child outside in a high chair unsupervised - call the police. Otherwise? Just keep living your life!!

Good luck!

I've had a handful of strange neighbors over the years, and I can tell you right now you won't be able to "mend fences" with them. Weird is weird.

But, if I saw a toddler left outside in the pouring rain for a long time I would alert the authorities. Something is obviously "off" about these people, and the kids should be protected. Think of the stories you've heard lately, where no neighbors intervened at suspicious goings-on, and terrible things were allowed to continue for years.

There is definitely something out of the ordinary with her: one thing that comes to mind (assuming it's not something worse) is that she could be a hoarder, in which case she deserves a little sympathy for her condition.

Anyway, don't expect to be friends with these people, just keep an eye out for the welfare of the kids. As for answering your kids' questions, just be honest. "The family is not friendly, so the kids can't play."

But have you tried asking the other mom if the kids can play? Maybe you should go over with a plate of cookies and introduce yourself (while peeking in the door), and ask if the kids can play at your house.

After what happened in Ohio (I think) where the monster kept 3 girls, I would ask the cops to do a welfare check. Better to be safe than sorry.

I started thinking other things not so nice. Kidnapping? Custody issues? etc.etc. I wouldn't worry too much about why, just keep your eyes open.Just read Reverand Ruby's post, good idea. Look at the websites and I looked at where you were from and my brother in laws wife disappeared with their child. You just never know.

It's not you it's them. Don't waste your time trying to fix things because your neighbor isn't interested.

I wish your friend had called CPS instantly when that child was left outside -- no, she should have called the police. That child was in imminent danger if he or she was left directly in pouring rain, confined to a high chair. That is not normal behavior for any adult. I would suspect that possibly there could be drug or alcohol use that made the adult forget the child entirely on that day.

We have neighbors with two small toddlers whom we very rarely lay eyes on, and after we went over and introduced ourselves and gave them a small plant when they moved in (never met the mom, only the dad) they have never once done more than the coolest wave when coming and going -- and we almost never see them coming and going. But I see none of the signs you mention here, and I know they both work what seem to be big-time jobs and have both kids in full-time day care, so I figure this is a family with a schedule that keeps them away from home most of the time, even the kids. But what you describe is suspicious --- just having the kids avoid neighbors would not really bug me that much (I am not from a "every neighbor must be a playmate" school of thinking) but the high chair incident and the fact that the kids are physically hustled away every single time anyone appears makes it seem they are hiding. Could be a case where the mom is hiding from an abusive ex, doesn't want it known where her kids are, has some other reason for fear.And that is totally legitimate. But I'd just keep an eye out and if you notice anything like the high chair incident, I'd call the police non-emergency line.

YOU have done nothing wrong. You could just knock on the door and say you wanted to introduce yourself and see if she slams it in your face. Even if she does -- that does not indicate that something CPS-worthy is going on; she may be simply antisocial.

If these kids are school-age, are they not going out to school at all?

From everything you've said here, it's really apparent that there is no fence mending that needs to be done, mom. It isn't because of who you are or anything you did. Your neighbor is not normal. Don't tell you daughter to stop saying hi to the boys. It's okay for her to say hi. I'm sure those little boys appreciate SOMEONE saying hi to them...

I urge you to call social services and ask them to check those children. God knows what is going on in that house. You need to tell them about the high chair incident.

You cannot live your life feeling bad about her children having to go inside. You need to allow your daughter and her playmates enjoy themselves. I don't know if you can afford to build a fence around your backyard, but if you could, that would solve the problem of the neighbors scurrying back into their house.

WOW! This definitely sounds fishy!! You say "she" all the time; is there a male or father-figure of any type? Are they ever out in the yard if/when the male is home? Are the children school-age? Have you ever seen them get on a bus? As for the visitors; are they the same ones all the time? Very often and how many? Maybe I've seen too many movies of this type and/or have just gotten so paranoid from watching the news, but this has red flags written all over it. I would do some investigating of some type - either by yourself or get a trusted neighbor involved. Or, if you really feel something isn't quite right, go to the police!!

Good luck!!

It is possible it is as simple as religious reasons. They may belong to a religion that does not associate with anyone outside of their faith.

It could be much more serious-perhaps the children were kidnapped. A boy I went to school with kidnapped his two kids from their mother and kept them hidden in an apartment in Mexico with no contact with anyone for over three years.

Maybe they are just unfriendly.

I have a fairly new neighbour on one side who is kind of unfriendly. He is flipping the house and isn't really interested in being good neighbours.

Have you tried going to the door to make a formal introduction?

The things that came to my mind were mental illness on the part of the mother; a custody or kidnapping situation where she is afraid she and the kids might be seen/recognized/found; or a severely abusive situation.

There are really no fences to mend here. However, if I were in your place, I'd make a formal introduction as soon as possible, if for no other reason than to get a better feel for what is going on with this lady. My guess is that she won't be thrilled about having you show up at her door, but at least you could get an idea of whether she is scared, strange, or just reclusive/unfriendly. After that, I would make a point of documenting every strange thing that happens, and make sure to call either the police or child services about anything else that happens with the children that is not appropriate. Whatever is going on with the mom, I am most concerned for the children in this situation and would definitely make an effort to look out for their welfare in any way possible.

You can't expect neighbors, to be neighbors.
I wouldn't want to be neighbors/friends with them.
If you see anything unlawful or weird or negligent per the kids, call the Cops.
You can do so, anonymously. Just say so.

You cannot make or force neighbors, to be friends.
And neighbors do not have to be friends.
And neighbors do not have to mingle.
And neighbors all have different lives.

There is no fence to mend.
And some people just do not want to socialize.
Neighbors do not have to, socialize.
So you just explain that to your children.

And if there is anything unlawful, call the Cops.

Is this your first time having unfriendly people in your life? I think that's nice you want to be friendly but they obviously don't.

Like you said, you met your other neighbors during an emergency. That's all it may take to meet the ones next door.

Don't make it about you or else you'll make yourself miserable. Yes, its hard to ignore such blatant behavior such as "scurrying into their house" when its right next door, but you're just going to have to and not make it a priority in your life when you go outside. This actually sounds like a good teaching tool for your daughter. She'll soon find out the world doesn't revolve around her and that there will be kids/people in her life that may not want to have anything to do with her, and so you can teach her now how to handle it well by respecting their privacy while at the same time living her life.

You're right in that you can't give your daughter an explanation why she isn't playing with them, because you simply don't know! There isn't anything you've done wrong, there aren't any fences to mend and I'm sure there isn't a religious reason. They are just simply unfriendly.

The behavior youve described sounds "off". I agree with another poster who suggested a welfare check. If there is nothing amiss, then there is no harm in calling, and you can cross that of your list of the possible reasons for the strange behavior.

I would not be telling my daughter she couldn't speak to them. This is their **it, not yours. You don't need to own it.

If you see them outside, say hi. If your daughter sees the kids in the backyard through a hole in the fence, let her speak to them.

This just reminds me of Jacey Duggard and the women held hostage that were recently found. People probably noticed some weird things there, but didn't say anything. Your babysitter SHOULD HAVE called CPS. There is no reason to put a young child outside in the rain in a highchair. Keep your eyes peeled and if you see anything else like that, call SOMEONE. Jacey would have been very grateful if my friend, Mark, who went to that house and was introduced to her as the idiot's wife, had listened to his gut and called someone about that strange situation!

Here are a few possibilities. Take them with a grain of salt, since I know absolutely nothing about you or your neighbor.

1. Are you of different races or ethnic backgrounds? Perhaps she fears your culture or has negative stereotypes and prejudices. Or maybe she thinks you may disapprove of her culture.

2. As you mentioned, maybe it's a religious thing.

3. Maybe she doesn't believe boys and girls of any age should play together. By keeping her boys from even meeting your daughter, she avoids them wanting to set up play dates or go to your house. Maybe she thinks boys and girls playing together always leads to problems of the "Show me yours and I'll show you mine" variety.

4. Maybe she has massive social anxiety, agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) or a fear of meeting new people

5. Maybe she doesn't speak English well, or has a massive speech impediment that embarrasses her.

6. Maybe she has heard you yell at your children and thinks you're a bad mom (I always worry about my neighbors hearing me when I yell at the kids with the windows open!)

I'm not saying ANY of the above are true and certainly don't think any of the suggestions I made about you are true. I'm just coming up with things someone else might think simply by looking at you, listening to you, or seeing the way you dress, the way you live, when you come and go, etc. I'm sure you're a wonderful mom, person, and neighbor. Just trying to come up with explanations for what certainly seems to be VERY weird behavior.