November 09, 2009,
C.F. asks from Carol Stream, IL on October 22, 2009
Help!!! My 5 Year Old Still Wants Me to Sleep with Him
With my first child, I made the mistake of laying with him almost every night until he fell asleep. Well, I never really broke him of this habit. He continues to want me to lay with him. We spend a lot of time together prior to bedtime: you know the normal routine, bathing, reading, prayers,etc... I have tried to offer rewards if he falls asleep by himself for x amount of nights, however, nothing has worked so far. I will lay with him and then leave his room. I then find that he wakes up about 2-3am to crawl into bed with me. I have asked him what makes him wake up in the middle of the night and he says he is scared, he also said because I get up and go in my bed in the middle of the night. I have to say I love every moment of it, however, I do not want to promote this long into the future. I thought Kindergarden would help knowing the other kids sleep alone, but this has not worked either. I would love any help or suggestions from the moms out there!!! Thank you:)
4 moms found this helpful
R.J. answers from Chicago on October 23, 2009
My son starts in his bed at night. He wakes up every night and comes to my bed. I asked him the same question and he says he doesn't want to sleep by himself. He is now six and is in first grade. I'm glad I started him in his own bed since he was a baby. He used to ask me at 3 and 4 to sleep with him. I would read another story and play music for him to fall asleep to. I never slept with him. Good Luck. I think it is just him finding a way to attach himself to me.
C.D. answers from Chicago on October 23, 2009
We had the same issue and the only thing that helped was putting his brothers in the same room with him. Now that there are three people in the room, he sleeps fine. He just didn't want to be alone and it didn't matter if it was me or someone else in there with him. Good luck!!!
C.M. answers from Chicago on October 23, 2009
Have him come to the store with you to pick out a special sleeping bag. Keep it in your room. Tell him he must go to sleep on his own, but if he wakes up and gets scared he can come into your room and sleep in the sleeping bag right by your bed. Be consistent.
J.M. answers from Chicago on October 23, 2009
Funny you asked this question because I'm going through the same thing with my four year old son and was just wondering if there are other parents out there that have gotten into this mess, lol. My situation is even worse because I pretty much sleep in his bed with him every night so I don't have to deal with middle of the night wakings (hubby just loves this), I gave up a while ago. He tells me he's scared as well, which may be manipulative on his part but it seems to get me every time. We keep telling him when he turns 5 (in January) that he is going to have to start sleeping by himself and he wants nothing to do with it. Neither of my kids have been good sleepers since birth, early risers. I guess I don't have any good advice for you but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one in this situation.
A.R. answers from Chicago on October 22, 2009
Are you opposed to co-sleeping for some reason? I say let him sleep in your bed until he feels secure. I would certainly never intentionally kick my child or disturb their sleep. Fostering a feeling of securing is important, and humans are not meant to be alone, especially our little ones.
L.K. answers from Chicago on October 26, 2009
Hello, C.. I hope I can help you overcome your problem, but I don't think it is going to happen without some FIRM foot holding, a lot of time, and a lot of patience. Just to let you know, I did not allow my now grown kids to sleep with me. However, my boss did, and now her daughter is almost 11 years old and she still crawls in bed with mom and dad every night. Even though the daughter has her own bathroom, her tub/shower has never been used because she bathes, brushes her teeth and gets dressed in her parents master bedroom bath! Not to scare you, but these are consequences you MAY be facing in the future.
I suggest this...let him know that, as of tonight, you will be putting him to bed in his OWN bed and will NOT be laying with him. Assure him that you will be checking on him frequently, and then do so while he is still awake so he can see you doing what you said you would do. After a few nights, expand the time in between 'checks' by just a couple of minutes for another few nights, and continue to do so until he becomes comfortable. When he crawls in your bed in the middle of the night, MAKE IT A POINT TO PICK HIM UP AND PLACE HIM BACK IN HIS BED. You are probably going to have to do this many times a night in the beginning and put up with a lot of crying, etc., but repeat, repeat, and repeat, keep a steady voice, but be firm. He already knows that he can get his way by telling you that he is scared, but you are not giving him the benefit of finding out there is nothing to be scared of in his room if you don't let him find out for himself. As far as offering a reward if he sleeps in his bed all night...well, I personally feel that giving a reward for something that is expected of him will only lead to you having to reward him in the future for other things that he should automatically be responsible for. A perfect example is, once again, my bosses daughter. They have to bribe her with money just to take a shower! (no joke!!) Now she thinks she has to be paid for everything, or it just doesn't get done. Also, does your son have a bright enough night light in his room so he can see? Is there a light in the hallway to the bathroom in case he has to get up and to? Dim lights to help light the way can make a world of difference sometimes. I hope you get some good advice to help dissolve your concerns, whether it be from me and/or other moms. Besides, you OWE it to YOURSELF to have that time in bed ALONE or with your husband. It's okay to take care of you, too! Good luck. L.
S.M. answers from New York on October 22, 2009
I read a book of Bill Cosby, He also had the same problem, what he has done is, after discussing with his wife, while his child was sleeping they both started to turn, kick to disturb her. Finally she herself decided to go to her new bed. Before do such a thing better to introduce her new place by spending some time there with the child.
C.K. answers from Chicago on October 23, 2009
Well, I have a 4 1/2yr old boy, soon to be 5. He has his own room, but on a Saturday night it is his treat to sleep with us....not a hard and fast rule, but works as a great incentive for good behaviour! Anyway, often he would wake at a similar time as your little guy and does the same - I think it is normal to some extent. Sure they start playing on it sometimes, but they are only 5! Of course - I'd like to be able to get a good nights sleep sometimes without being kneed in the ribs or kicked in the back! (However I do love it). If you are comfortable with him coming into bed - nightly or ocassionally, go with it and enjoy the bonding- it may not continue for much longer. If you really want to break the cycle, we pay my little guy 5 pennies if he sleeps in his bed until 5o'clock - again I'm not a very good Mummy because often I forget to pay - but HE remembers and dutifully counts his 5 pennies into his money box - it works for us, and he is proud of his accomplishment!
Go with what's right for your family - not what you think others will think!
M.P. answers from Chicago on October 22, 2009
It doesn't sound like you are unhappy with your sleeping arrangements, rather what you "think" they should be. If everyone is happy, then just go with it. We have a family bed and other than it being a little cramped, everyone is happier for it. If you have other kids, you might try putting them together so they have the feeling of security with each other. My kids love to sleep together, they don't necessarily need my husband or I. It's a good and healthy thing, not a habit to be broken. Humans thrive on physical contact, it's proven. Children weren't meant to sleep alone.
D.S. answers from Chicago on October 28, 2009
As long as you and your husband are okay with this, don't worry about it. He will not want to sleep with you forever. He will think it isn't "cool" eventually. Family sleeping arrangements are a reflection of our culture. In our culture, the kids usually sleep alone. Among my friends and family, I've noticed a change in this. It seems more and more families are sleeping together. And in many other countries, the family sleeps together. We are social beings after all. I don't think there is any thing inherently wrong with it. It is just a decision that you and your husband will have to make.