Hello, C.. I hope I can help you overcome your problem, but I don't think it is going to happen without some FIRM foot holding, a lot of time, and a lot of patience. Just to let you know, I did not allow my now grown kids to sleep with me. However, my boss did, and now her daughter is almost 11 years old and she still crawls in bed with mom and dad every night. Even though the daughter has her own bathroom, her tub/shower has never been used because she bathes, brushes her teeth and gets dressed in her parents master bedroom bath! Not to scare you, but these are consequences you MAY be facing in the future.
I suggest this...let him know that, as of tonight, you will be putting him to bed in his OWN bed and will NOT be laying with him. Assure him that you will be checking on him frequently, and then do so while he is still awake so he can see you doing what you said you would do. After a few nights, expand the time in between 'checks' by just a couple of minutes for another few nights, and continue to do so until he becomes comfortable. When he crawls in your bed in the middle of the night, MAKE IT A POINT TO PICK HIM UP AND PLACE HIM BACK IN HIS BED. You are probably going to have to do this many times a night in the beginning and put up with a lot of crying, etc., but repeat, repeat, and repeat, keep a steady voice, but be firm. He already knows that he can get his way by telling you that he is scared, but you are not giving him the benefit of finding out there is nothing to be scared of in his room if you don't let him find out for himself. As far as offering a reward if he sleeps in his bed all night...well, I personally feel that giving a reward for something that is expected of him will only lead to you having to reward him in the future for other things that he should automatically be responsible for. A perfect example is, once again, my bosses daughter. They have to bribe her with money just to take a shower! (no joke!!) Now she thinks she has to be paid for everything, or it just doesn't get done. Also, does your son have a bright enough night light in his room so he can see? Is there a light in the hallway to the bathroom in case he has to get up and to? Dim lights to help light the way can make a world of difference sometimes. I hope you get some good advice to help dissolve your concerns, whether it be from me and/or other moms. Besides, you OWE it to YOURSELF to have that time in bed ALONE or with your husband. It's okay to take care of you, too! Good luck. L.