"Getting My 3 Yr Old to Sleep into His Own Bed

First off, I would like to say that my daughter slept with us until her 4th birthday. We only got her out because she picked out a great new bed for her birthday (with a slide on it) and she chose to move so we could have a baby for her (or so she thought). She wanted a baby, and I told her there was not enough room for 4 people in my bed, so we couldn't have more kids until she was sleeping in her own room.

Try sleeping in his room for a couple nights, then stay with him while he falls asleep for a few nights, and then after that explain to him that he is a big boy now and needs to sleep in his big boy bed like everyone else. The hard part is that he is old enough to understand that you don't have to sleep alone... you get to sleep with Daddy. So he will think it isn't fair he has to sleep alone. Is there an older sibling he can share a room with (just for sleeping)? After so long sleeping with you, the thought of being alone in the middle of the night is terrifying. Most adults even have trouble sleeping alone while a spouse is out of town.

If nothing works, then yes, the cry it out method also works with 3 year olds... just be prepared for manipulation, guilt, and tantrums. It will pass.

First of all, congratulations for sharing sleep with your little one for so long! Sharing sleep is an important part of attachment parenting, and is so good for the child.

What helped me to get my kids into their own bed, was simply lying with them in their bed, while I read their story, then turning out the light, saying our "good nights" to our loved ones, then laying with them until they fall asleep. This only takes about 5-10 minutes, once the lights are out. If I pretend I'm asleep, by doing some deep breathing (very relaxing, actually!), they sometimes fall asleep even faster.

The struggle a lot of parents seem to have is that they want to just leave the room when their child is still awake. This is scary for the child, especially if s/he has always been in the warmth and security of mom and dad's bed. So, I suggest simply staying with your child until s/he is truly in a deep sleep, then gently sneak out of the room, and enjoy the rest of your night.

I have been doing this successfully for years now. Both of my girls are in bed, *ASLEEP* by 7pm, every night. They are 3 and 5 years old.

p.s. There's a great book called _The 7pm Bedtime_ that is all about ensuring your kids get *enough* sleep. So many children today are not getting enough sleep, and everyone pays the consequences. It is so very important for young children to get 10-12 hours of sleep each night. When they get more sleep, they are MUCH more cooperative and good-tempered during the day! (Kinda like us adults!) :-)

Warm wishes!
A.
Mother of two

I have a 3yr old little man as well who sleeps everywhere.

His first year he slept with us (BFing) and then he slept dandy in his own bed until June 2007. In June we moved to Alaska. The first 2 months we lived in a hotel until our house was ready to move into. We are a family of 5...hubby & I in 1 bed, 2 kids in another bed & little dude on the couch.

Guess what...he is still sleeping on the couch! He LOVES Spiderman and we bought Spiderman sheets. That worked for a week and then he was back to sleeping on the couch. We stopped trying. At least he is sleeping through the night and so are we.

S....
First and foremost you are a wonderful mom. And you don't have to take my advice but I just wanted to share my experiance with you. No, it was not perfect but I love my son very much and I tried to help him feel empowered to go to sleep in his own bed.
My son slept with us longer then three years, I support anyone who has done the shared sleeping bed. We did though put him in his bed for a majority of the night, I actually kept track I got more sleep when we shared a bed. But there came a time when he had to go to sleep in his own bed and that came the summer before kindergarten. I let him know what was coming first by telling him about my plan that would involve him and that he was going to start kindergarten soon.
I just started with doing a bedtime routine...pj's, teeth, potty, book, prayers with family, and his own special music. I told him I would tuck him in and sit by his bed and read my own book but he was to stay in his own bed, we did this for a week, then I told him that he was doing so good that I felt it was time that I sit by the door now that lasted longer then a week I think it was three weeks, then i moved to the hallway, I know that was about a month also but that was my summer and he had a wonderful kindergarten year with only a few time with him asking if I could sit by the bedroom door. Which was always followed with only one time a week response so it was a nice experiance for both of us, we make eyes at one another!!!! He is almost done with first grade and will be turning 7 at the end of March. he is a wonderful little boy and knows that i love him and will even somtimes maybe once a month sit for 10 mins at his door while he goes to sleep.
Do it with love and understanding he wants to be a big boy but he is still little and loves to know his mom loves him. But be his mom and let him know limitations and that he will be sleeping in his own be from now on. Make sure he has his own music or teddy or special pillow or blanket. Also let him know that bedtime is not playtime it is quiet time for him and enpower him to choose his routine with in your guidlines, I did not offer prizes or rewards just my love and praise. I have to admit he did not like it all the time but it is worth a try for you.
Good luck. You can do it!

S.,

My husband and I are going through a similar thing with our 3 year old son, only he has always slept in his own bed except on the occasion we are traveling or he is sick and just needs extra snuggles. What I have found is that we are in a stressful area of life right now, my husband is working super late and we are also remodeling our bathroom right now. And though our son seems just fine during the day I think he just needs extra snuggles now at night due to the stress.

I can imagine for your son it is probably a little stressful to all of a sudden have to sleep in his own bed when all he has know is mommy and daddy's bed. I don't really agree with the whole let them cry it out deal, especially at 3 because I believe a 3 year old can communicate with you. I think you just need to be straight forward with your son and take baby steps to get him into his own bed. Reassure him all the way and let him know he is safe and mommy and daddy will always be there for him. Snuggle a little longer together at night either in a big comfy chair reading books or laying in his bed together.

Good luck sleep is so important for us moms too :)

It will be tricky trying to break these habits with a 3 yr old rather than if you started this when he was much younger, but it can be done. There is a book called "Sleeping Through The Night" by Jodi Mindell which helped us when we trained our daughter to go to bed on her own. The 1st couple of days are rough, but in the long run it is all worth it and your son's life will be blessed by learning to fall asleep on his own. I would not recommend laying in his bed until he falls asleep b/c that is still defeating the purpose of teaching him how to fall asleep on his own. Studies have link sleeping disorders in adults to the sleeping habits they developed when little. The best thing is to give them a consistent routine every night like most moms have stated already w/brushing teeth, reading a book, cuddling, singing, whatever floats your boat but be consistent. This will help your son prepare himself mentally for bedtime and help him relax so he can go to bed easier. He is old enough now you can have a talk w/him before starting this new phase in his life and help him understand that he needs to sleep in his own bed. I loved some of the ideas some of the moms had (rewarding w/chart and stickers, taking them to the dollar store after so many stickers, gain extra time on a favorite game or whatever your kid is interested in, a new bed or new bedding and the one who told her kid if they wanted a another baby they would need more room in their bed), those are all clever and great ideas. Once you start the routine, be consistent, stern, if he gets out of bed immediately tell him to get back in bed, this will help him know you are serious. Kids need consistency, rules and routines. It makes a HUGE difference and after everything becomes a pattern and your kid is sleeping on his own you will be able to enjoy the much needed alone time for yourself and the much needed private time with your spouse. I am surprised you have survived 3 yrs without this. I think you will discover a new you and will feel like your life is brighter and happier and refreshed and we all know that when mama's happy that everyone else is happy...so in a way by doing this you are not just helping him, but everyone will benefit from this. Good Luck, feel free to email me if you want b/c it isn't the easiest transition.

Hi there!

I did a chart... each night she slept in her bed ALL night, she got a sticker. When she had 5 stickers, we went to the dollar tree. :) She was sleeping in her own bed right off the bat. There were a couple nights that she snuck in, but it sure helped!

Good luck!

I think you have to do what will work for your family. Ask yourself, are you sleeping well? Is your child sleeping well? All three of my children slept in our bed for approx. the first 6 or 7 months when they were nursing the most during the night. This worked for us because we all got really good sleep. I'm an incredibly light sleeper and it's hard for me to get back to sleep after getting up to nurse so it just worked for us. I did the cry it out method (when I knew they weren't hungry or wet) and it only lasted at the most 30 min. That being said, I don't have much experience with getting an older child out of our bed.
I would start a consistent routine with your child-bath, brush teeth, story time, a bit of cuddling and then lights out.
Your child is old enough to follow directions. If he cries and gets out of bed you have to decide if you are truly committed to getting your bed back. If you are you need to stand firm and take him back to his bed after saying, "It's night time you have to sleep in your bed," and if he gets back up, you have to put him back in his bed without saying a word. You have to continue this until he gives up. This could take a few hours but it WILL work eventually. Super Nanny preaches this method on the tv show. That's what I would try. Your child will not die from crying. You are not a bad mom if you put your foot down and say, "No more".
You love your son more than life itself but you NEED to sleep and he needs to learn to sleep on his own.
My opinion is if you wait too much longer, "putting" him back in his bed will be harder and harder as he gets older, learns to manipulate more, and is bigger.
Good luck.
If you have another baby I'd suggest doing it earlier. It worked for ALL 3 of my kids and they all have different sleep patterns and personalities.

He slept in you bed for 3 years??? Hmmmmmmm. He should know that is a special bed for mommy and daddy only to sleep in.
You will have to be ready for some work. Plan on a weekend or when you don't have to get up the next day. You will put him in his own bed and say goodnight, and when he gets up, you take him back and keep this up until he knows you are serious and stays. This can take up to two hours, but you are boss and he needs to know this. Do not say anything to him, just sit on the floor in his room in the dark so he knows you are there. When he gets out, put him back saying nothing. Do not speak to him. Consistancy rules so be strong! Super Nanny will be so proud of you. You should try to read to him in his bed and have some wind down time in there so that he is relaxed and comfortable when it is time for lights out. Learning to self soothe is good for them. They need to know that you are there, but they will be fine alone, too.
You might also want to give him a new sleeping toy for his bed only. I like that reward system with stickers, too. Good luck!

Our oldest is 5 1/2 years old and he always wanted someone to sleep in his bed with him until he fell asleep (even just a week ago). He would also often wake up in the middle of the night for whatever reason and come in our bed. We have tried many times to get him to go to sleep alone, but nothing ever worked that well. When one of us would lay with him, we'd fall asleep as well.....then your whole night is gone!! Just this week we started a new plan and it has worked wonders, it's been 3 nights now.

I understand our son is older then yours, but finding something similar might work for you. Our son like sot play XBox...he can only play on non-school nights/days...so mainly only Saturday. We decided that he has to earn the time to play. So now we take him to bed, read a book, lay there for a few minutes and leave. For every night he goes to sleep with no problems and alone he earns 15 minutes of Xbox time (to be used on his day of playing)....and for every night he stays in his own bed all night long he earns an extra 5 minutes.....so if he does well all week long he can earn up to an hour and half of play time. He has done wonderful all week........he's also very proud of himself, each morning he wakes up and says "I went to bed alone and stayed there all night!!" FInding something he can earn time or points for might be a good incentive! Good luck.