Healthy 2 1/2 Year Old Always Wants to Be Carried

This is normal behavior...they want to be independent, but want to check that you will still be there for them when they need you. Not sure if they get tired or bored or what...but you need to let him know that he is too big for you to carry him around. You can really throw your back and shoulders out of alignment carrying him around unless you have a GOOD backpack such as a Kelty. Do reassure him that he is not too big to be held and cuddled on your lap or while you are squatting down. In the meantime, keep an umbrella stroller or backpack handy wherever you go. With our first and second sons we used a backpack and with my daughter, a stroller. We weren't able to get rid of the stroller until my daughter was almost 4 yo and then I had to convince her that our friend's baby really needed it more than she did. Good luck and take care!

If my 8 year old step son had his way he'd always be carried, too! Honestly - I think this is a normal instinct. Kids are attached to their parents, and it's comforting for them to be held. But part of parenting is also teaching the kids how be okay with some degree of independence while assuring them that you are still there for them. It's all part of growing up. My 8 year old wants his dad in the bathroom every night when he takes a shower or bath, insists that he stays in bed with him while he falls asleep, etc. Some of this is just personality - whether you have a naturally clingy vs. a naturally independent child. And it's the parent's job to teach and encourage the kids to act in age appropriate ways regardless of what the child wants.

My son was like that - especially coming home from the park. He would make it part way, and then, even if he was ready to go home, would turn around and start back toward the park. We finally realized we were getting to an incline in the path that was tough for him. Once we got him over that hump, so to speak, he would be ok until the next hill. The "hills" weren't any big deal for adult legs, but for little ones, it was a challenge.

Be aware of when he wants to be carried and accommodate as is possible.

My son is 3 1/2 and weighs 40 pounds, and he still does the same thing. Sometimes I will insist that we walks, but if it's just a short distance (like from the car in the house) then I just give in. I usually get a big, strong hug when I pick him up, and I just love the closeness. He's my last child, so I want to enjoy this as long as I can. I know it won't be long until he doesn't want to be picked up anymore, and that actually makes me sad.

A therapist once told me that young children are happy to run around and explore when they know that mom or dad is essentially in one place--i.e., when they feel safe. When mom or dad is out walking around, they feel less safe and so they want to be carried. Makes sense!

On the other hand, 30 pounds is a lot to carry. And you need to take care of yourselves too. So this might need some creative problem-solving on all your parts. Maybe bring a stroller. Maybe plan to periodically sit and hold him and then continue walking. There may be other ideas that you all come up with. It also might mean that you need to let him voice his upset--to cry somewhere along the line. If you just hang out with him and listen to him cry, meanwhile expressing your trust in him, he'll be fine. It may help him move on to another level.

Good luck!

Siddheshwari S

My daughter also does this and is around the same age. She's very active when she wants to be but then wants to be picked up and carried for whatever reason. Sometimes she's scared and sometimes she just would rather be held than to walk etc. I have those times when it is just not convinient to pick her up and hold her and I tell her that I can not pick her up and that she's a big girl now. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. If it doesn't work I try to distract her by telling her what we will see when we get to.... (The store or the park etc.) That has helped as well. If that doesn't work and I am trying to get things done in the house and she whines and cries... I put her in her room until she's ready to come out and be a big girl.... sometimes things just need to be done.

Good Luck!

My 32 month old son is the same way! We insist that he walk to/from our destination (within reason) or else we will not be doing that activity. Simply said, he understands that he is to listen to his parents and there are consequences for his behavior. Of course if he is obviously exhausted or it is an unreasonable distance, we make sure we have the stroller for him or he is carried by my husband. Since we also have a 9 month old, my son understands that carrying both of them is NOT option for me.

Lay down the rules and adhere to them. A few moments of crying are well worth not setting a bad precedent.

GL

I guess I am a little more old school. Both my sons did this to me and I am a single mom so when my first son did it while i was pregnant or carrying the little guy. I just said "NO I can't" I kept walking ( Still kept a extremely close eye on him. He eventually would get up and run to me. after a couple of times he just stopped and loved to run everywhere. Egging him on like saying "oh my goodness look at you! Wow you are doing awesome!" basically making a big deal out of it help too. They love to impress and make you happy.

You need to tell hm that he needs to walk. He's too heavy to be carried and is perfectly capable of walking all by himself like a big boy. Then you need to stick to it and not pick him up.

I'm sure they all go through this. Try to gently explain that he is growing up and getting too heavy for you. If you continue to carry him, your back will start to hurt and you won't be able to play with him. Depending on what your surroundings are, step around him and continue on your way or take his hand. My son tries to sit down when he doesn't want me to hold his hand. I have found that when he won't hold my hand and walk like a big boy. I hold his left arm in my left hand and grab the waste on his pants with my right hand. This method keeps him moving and when he has had enough of this uncomfortable situation, he walks.

Some great advice I received once was to be certain when you are making a change. Children can detect a tiny amount of uncertainty in us and us it to get what they want. It has held true for me, and been useful advice.
If it is time for him to walk then in your mind he walks. Let him protest, let him cry out the change, then once he has cried it out you can move on. But if he knows you are not going to cave, then he will let go. You can do this with firm tenderness. This is just a new boundary you are setting up, I am having the same challenge with my 19m.o.

One great technique I have seen work for me and others is to get him to help you carry things to the destination. Keys to the car, a grocery bag with a few items. They are eager to help and please at this age.

A big challenge is when you are in a rush, and in public. Just stay the course, it will pay off. Best of luck!!

All I can say is enjoy while you can! I'm serious, I would do anything if my daughter was a baby again and I could carry her around. She is my only daughter and I cherished every moment with her. I still do! Time goes by way too fast. I know it might seem like an inconvenience to you but you will not regret it. Have fun!

Hi T.,

We walk a lot and my 2 1/2 year old occasionally wants to be carried as well. I just tell him that he has 2 options, he can go in the stroller - which we always take with us - or he can walk. Being carried is not an option.
I am 6 months pregnant so carrying him is really not an option. If he says 'carry me' then I just repeat the options again.

He will usually choose to walk, but sometimes he'll choose to sit in the stroller and then I know that he's genuinely tired and needs the rest. If he throws a fit and gets grumpy about it then I make the choice for him and put him in the stroller. I don't get angry, I just tell him that if he's not going to make the choice then I am going to make it for him and that he can get out of the stroller and walk when he's ready.

Hope that helps.
D.

My almost three year old does this ALL the time. She gets scared of the street and the cars and needs constant reassurance that the cars can't hurt her as long as she stays right near me and holds my hand. Most of the time it works but not if a motorcycle is involved.

Motorcycles are her bane and she can hear them before I do and panics. At one point she started to run across the parking lot lane to her father and she heard someone start up their motorcycle at the end of the street. She threw her arms up in the air sending her bag of Cheerios all over the road, screamed and ran right back to me practically climbing up my leg yelling UP UP UP!

He may have a fear of some kind about the street or the HUGE cars or strange noises. When he stops and begs to be picked up, look around and see if you notice anything that could potentially scare him. It could be innocuous to you but scary to him. Notice when he's fine running, what's different then and when he begs to be carried. You may discover what's bothering him and help talk to him about it so it's not so scary anymore.

A stroller or a wagon would be my solution.

My son will be 3 in October and also weighs a little over 30 pounds. He does a lot when we're out and about, especially at the mall. Sometimes it's because he's tired of walking, sometimes he just wants a little more personal attention from me or his dad. I think it's fairly normal, but I'm also almost 6 months pregnant, so I tell him that I can only carry him for 1 minute. Usually, he wants down again before the minute is up. To help with this, I usually take his stroller just in case. Good luck :)

Hi! My 3 1/2 year old still does that. I bring a stroller with me everywhere I go. I device all kinds of games when we go for a walk to make him interested in walking. My son is not open to this but I've seen it done successfully: make your child promise he/she will walk all the way prior to the trip. For example, say you're not going to go out unless he/she promises to walk all the way. My son hates wearing the hat and if I make a deal with him, he keeps his bargain. However, I have not been able to make him promise to walk all the way. I suspect his flat foot tires him out. Good luck.