Girl Says Something Mean About Her Dad

My husband never watched sports either.

Just tell her to say "my dad prefers to be doing things with the family!"

It's ususally better to stay out of thingsbetween kids unless it's something dangerous.

My husband is the same way- he would rather fix a computer or write crossword puzzles. I would tell her to tell the other girl that he has his own hobbies, and different isn't weird. If she knows something this particular friend likes that is different, then she can really bring the point home by pointing out that the difference doesn't make her "wierd".

I find your email kind of amusing so I had to respond. My husband too doesn't care for sports (except racing once in awhile), he's more of a gaming nerd.LOL. But not to long ago my 7 year old came home and asked, "Am I weird?" I told her "Honey,you mine and daddy's, sorry but its in the genes...so yes, you are." I like to think that normal is boring and being a little "weird" is good. I then told my daughter that if anyone calls you weird, take it as a compliment and say "thank you". What are they gonna say to that? As for your daughter, she could say "We're all a little strange, buts thanks for noticing". You have to learn not to take things so personally and let stuff roll. Especially kids while they are in school, kids say stuff just to get a response sometimes...if theres no response, theres no point in "picking".

E., I know first hand how we all want to jump right in and fight our childrens battles. After all, we have experience and age to back up our approach. However, it would have been wrong for your daughter to call her "acquaintence" weird. Two wrongs never make a right...and this is where our maturity as the adult (a.k.a. parent) must set an example for our children to follow. Since it is after the fact, now is the time to do some role playing with your daughter. Present the scenario that occured but instead of your daughter striking back with hurtful name calling, suggest that she ask the girl, "Why do you say that?" The idea is to present to your daughter ways that she could have handled the situation. Also, encourage your daughter to come to you (or her father) right away when a situation like this happens. Children say stupid things and most of the time they don't understand the meaning of the things they say so it's up to us to give them the tools they need to handle these type of situations on their own. Role playing is an excellent way to give children the much needed confidence to handle "sticky" situations on their own.

My husband does not watch all that either.
First tell your daughter thanks for telling you what was bothering her letting you give her some advice.
Tell her if she wanted to respond, she could see...."he likes other things instead"
Also, tell her that probably the word "weird" was not meant as an insult but as a common phrase from kids her age to point out something different. I really think if they are friends that is probably all it was and not meant to hurt her feelings (I hope not).
If it was more too it...she could ask "weird like what" and then follow up with the "he likes other things instead"
The common vernacular has lots of word like that that are not meant to hurt feelings just to point out youth opinion. Check out some of the tv shows...lots of descriptive words.

E.,
Saying back to her "You're Weird!" is not exactly a mature response. It is a very immature response to an immature statement.
What you want to do is to teach your daughter Not to fall prey to responding from her emotions, but from her knowledge.
A correct response would be, "Not watching sports does not make someone weird. You should know that because there are things that you do not watch and that doesn't make You weird, does it? My dad is actually a very great guy!"
At least something to that effect...
People will always make emotional statements, but we can chose to respond in a knowledgeable way instead of in an emotional way.
Take Care,
T.

The MOST important thing to remember when dealing with 7th graders is that their desire to fit in with their peers is paramount. Therefore, the most useful thing you could teach your daughter is to edit her own comments when she might want to say something that will stand out as so different from the rest. (I have an 8th grader and have been working with this, too.)
I'd say, "Why did you say that?"
And she'd say, "Because it's true."
And I'd say, "Yeah, but why did you feel the need to say it? Just because something is true doesn't mean we always have to say it."
Then I would go into the funny, true things that we never say and we would have a silly conversation about how we don't talk about the color of our poop or some such. This gets the child relaxed and the ease between mom and daughter in a good place.
Then I would talk about how wonderful it is that our daddy doesn't waste his time doing all those hours in front of the tv that most daddies do and how lucky we are that that gives us more quality time with him. Then I would talk about how those other girls are probably jealous. Then I would suggest that they only said mean things about daddy because they are jealous and maybe it's better not to bring it up.
etc
I'm sure you get the idea!
good luck and feel free to write to me again.........
: )
S.

Teach your daughter that everybody is entitled to their opinions but she has to learn not to react to their opinion.

I would definately not tell her to name call back, 2 wrongs don't make a right. The child probably wasn't being mean. I would explain to your daughter that most men love sports so your daddy is just different and unique. I would also tell her that sometimes kids say mean things or things they don't really understand and you can't get upset or take offense at everything someone says. I would explain things to your daughter and if you were there when the other girl said it I would have told the other girl that calling other people names is not polite.

A great response would be: My Daddy is Very Special" and the best dad in the world! He'd rather spend time with me!!
Kids can be so cruel! Let her know that sometimes people say silly things, but to just wish them to get smarter soon! Good luck!
Truly
Kathy N.

I have to agree with Erika C's response. Why make "weird" a bad thing. Tell her that being weird is good, it means that you're unique and not the same as everyone else. I know at that age you want to fit in and be the same but the best lesson you can give her is that individuality is empowering. I think this lesson goes beyond this particular instance and unfortunately in life she will probably encounter more situations like this. It's part of life and you can either empower yourself with it or be victimized by it. Create lemonade out of lemons!

E., I agree with Amy S. My daughter used to hang out with two much younger girls when she was about 7th grade (she's in gifted too! Shameless pat on her back!!! lol). They simply don't belong hanging around with younger children by that time. As Amy said, the younger ones just don't have the social skills and at the same time, want to be all grown up. But it's so hurtful at the time, it breaks your heart, and theirs of course! I can't tell you how many times I had to go over this concept with her, to finally restore her confidence in herself, incident by incident. What I did was to start to discourage any sort of get-togethers by us doing things together. Anything! I bet I know how your daughter feels, that she's trying to be nice to the girl and wants to play with her, but this just keeps happening. I would take my daughter on errands, shopping, or simply say I didn't want these girls over today. Ugh! Also, we had a lot of talks about that one day she would have a one best friend, a soul mate of sorts (her own age), and it did happen that very year. Sorry so long, but believe me, I LIVED it! Hang in there for her, it's worth it!!

If you look up the definition of weird.. one definition is odd, unusual.. To this little girl he might be "odd" or "unusual" if all the men in her life watch sports. Weird isn't a bad thing!

I respectfully don't agree with you telling your 7th grade daughter to say "You're weird" back to a third grader. I totally understand that your daughter might have been hurt and bothered but she is considerably older than the other child. Explain to your daughter that third grade girls want to be all grown up. They say things to "impress" and sound older when they don’t always have the vocabulary or social skills to do so.

Best Wishes! :)

I don't think teaching her name-calling as a retaliation is the best thing...

Not sure what really works for this age group, but perhaps she could just say something like, "Instead of sitting in front of the TV watching sports, my dad would rather spend time with me"..or, that not all people like the same things and that doesn't make them weird because the world would be boring if everyone was exactly the same.

I'm sure the little girl who called your husband "weird" was just surprised because she thought that's what all Daddies like..maybe just explain that to your daughter and since she's older maybe she can just be content that she has a wonderful Daddy and this girl's opinion doesn't matter.

I agree with the concept that "weird" isn't necessarily meant to be hurtful (even if it is hurtful), it is just part of the common vernacular these days. It's another way of saying, he's different. But more creative, so to speak. Like "hip" became "cool", became "bad", became "killer", etc..
The more important thing is what your daughter thinks about her dad. I would talk to her more about that. Does she cringe that her dad is "different" b/c he doesn't get into football? Did she even realize before this that a lot of men spend half the day Saturday and most of Sunday afternoon and evening glued to a TV set watching it? How great for you guys that he does not.. maybe she needs to have that pointed out? What things DOES he get "into"... you didn't say.. but point that stuff out. We all are limited to 24 hours in a day... he's made some choices about how he'd prefer to spend his 24. Maybe it's reading, painting, surfing, tennis, or taking care of the yard. Maybe he closely follows the political scene. Or is involved in local government, or volunteers somewhere. Maybe he spends a lot of time with you guys doing things YOU love and taking care and providing for YOU... Or with other extended family. Or is highly social and spends time with friends.... which I'm sure he has, btw. And obviously if he has friends, plenty of people are NOT bothered by his non-interest in football. So why would she give much "weight" to a 3rd graders opinion? It very well could be that the 3rd grader thinks it's "weird" in a "cool" way.. .but is afraid of being "different" herself and saying so... lol
Just my thoughts...

It's important that she doesn't let it bother her or make her think something truly is weird about her dad. If I were you, I would help her to see that "weird" can be good. It could mean that her dad is more involved as a husband and father, and that's the BEST. If someone says that, she needs to believe and say, "well then I wouldn't want him any other way". Teach her to take pride in the fact that her dad is different than the other dads; that is like a precious gem.

I know it hurts children to be made fun of, and maybe it will take a while before she can understand how to see things differently. Help her understand that other kids that say that would only be jealous if they had the same relationship with their fathers. The other kids say that because the DON'T know her dad, and they just don't know any better.

Hi E.,
I don't believe the comment was mean at all. To most 5-yr-old girls, anything other than what they see at home is weird. Anything different is weird, whether it be race, religion, holiday traditions, some family activities, etc. Even different rules of a friend's house can seem "weird" to a 5-yr old. I suggest you explain to your daughter that there are many "different" ways of being (different personalities). Each way is not weird. It is only different. An alternative remark would be, "It's not weird, just different." Or possibly "Lots of people don't watch sports. It's not weird."

Hope this helps,
J. G

Hi E.,
You probably have enough said for now - We've had that word come up quite a bit with cousins and friends at school. I think it is used so much. I don't like my kids using that word to describe "different" because not everyone feels good with that word. Some kids are extremely sensitive and others don't care a bit. Your daughter must know that not everyone likes to draw... not everyone likes football...not everyone likes to do martial arts etc. and her father is not weird. Wierd sounds negative to me too. I think we should all teach our kids to use words that are more positive when describing people. I wonder if they use this word to be hurtful because even when they see the other kid's sad face, they still use that word over and over. I don't know. Whatever the case, I think it's a bad choice for conversation.

Ah - I almost missed the 12 yo..."gifted"...daughter part... Oh that sort of adds a dfferent twist to the question...

It sometimes can feel so strange and abnormal and unusual to be "different" somehow... I remember longing to feel "average" (or in my mind "normal")... This may be where some of the sting of anyone in the family being labeled "weird" comes from? Maybe not...you will know if that fits...

I agree with the folks who have already responded...The word almost probably was not intended to be hurtful, but rather to point out the obvious: her father IS unusual in that he is a man who is not particularly interested in sports. And - that was obvious, so - I favor taking the light approach to the situation and not having a heavy hand in responding... Somthing along thelines of, "Yep! We're a pretty 'weird' family. We like to do things together and enjoy being with each other. Go figure!"

If you suspect your daughter is feeling a little "weird" about her giftedness ("weird" in Webster's definition, you may want to look for other ways to help her see that there is not one single person on this planet who is the same as another. I like to look at intelligence as many faceted, and seldom is one able to be totally gifted in all facets. And - by seeing that I am especially good at some types of intelligence AND somewhat slower at others, I begin to feel more normal and begin to appreciate the gifts others bring to the table: social skills, verbal, mathmatical, artistic, musical, physicial, etc...