Make My Son Play Football

I would let him quit.....but probably not for the reasons of everyone...because I would have never let him play football in the first place. But that's me.

Let him quit. If it had been his idea to play, then I would say otherwise, but HE didn't necessarily make this commitment, his father did.

He should finish out the season. He is part of a team, and his teammates depend upon him. There may even be other boys who didn't make the team, but won't be able to walk on midway through the season.

If he doesn't want to continue playing football, I would say that's fine, but then he should choose another sport to play. It's important for kids to stay active.

I think you should sign your husband up for a ballet class and make him do it not because he wants to but because you think it will be good for him.
See how HE likes it, being told what he's supposed to like, instead of being able to choose how he exercises and spends his free time.
What a jerk :-(

I will start by saying this situation makes me angry and I am usually pretty calm.

Never, in a million years, would I make my 8th grader play a sport he didn't care for. He is old enough to make his own decisions about this. I would not even make him finish out the season. This is NOT your son's obligation. It is your husband's. Your husband is not the one out there in the heat in full uniform getting smashed into by 13 and 14 year old boys that do want to be out there and have something to prove, with high school coming up.

Football is a dangerous sport that requires complete focus. If your boy gets injured it is on dad and you. But it is his body and future that could suffer. You believed your husband was right? Really? I would have told him to buzz off and let your son pick his own sports.

I would let my son quit football immediately.
Probably because I think it's a dangerous sport and could result in serious brain injuries.....
but that's just me.
I can not STAND parents that push their kids into doing something when they have said from the get-go that they don't want to do it. Why? What does it prove?
When we coached soccer there was this boy on the team who hated being there. Hated it. Every. single. minute. He cried. His parents forced him, saying it was good for him, team sports, blah blah blah.
No. It wasn't. He loathed it. He made it miserable for everyone around him.
I saw him the next summer taking swim classes. He was amazing in the water! He loved it and jumped in the water at the beginning of every class ready to go.
Let your child find their passion. Whatever it may be. Sports, dancing, math, chess..... Once they find what they love...they, AND YOU, will be happier.

I think, at this age, kids should choose their own activities, with allowances for why the parents can afford and what the parents' restrictions/values are. So I think a parent can say "no" to an activity for safety or ethical reasons, but I don't think a parent can force a child to engage in a sport or extracurricular activity when the child can make other choices.

Is there something else your son could do that would meet your husband's definition of "good for him"? What about football is so important to your husband? Team spirit, group function, working out? Great - but can't other activities fill the bill? If your son doesn't like to have his body and head bashed all the time, or if he doesn't like this coach, why should he have to participate? I agree that kids should have to finish a session that they themselves beg for, and I don't think they should be able to quit after 1-2 days, BUT I'm not sure your son started football for any reason other than to please his father. He "hated the idea of playing" - and now he has given it a try anyway, and he really wants to quit.

Your husband pushed him into this, but now you are the one asking if YOU should make him play or let him quit. You and your husband need to get on the same page, and sit down with your son to spell out what your goals are and hear from him what his interests are. You don't want him loafing around on the couch all the time, playing video games - but why can't he do something else that's worthwhile, getting some exercise (on his own or on a team) and playing to one of his interests (debate club, school play, chorus, social action committee, Spanish club)?

Right now, your son is taking a position away from a kid who would really love to play but maybe doesn't have quite the natural ability that your son does. That makes two kids who are unhappy with the current situation - all because of your husband's demands.

I'll bet you can find a better solution to this.

i don't get it. i can't for the life of me understand why anyone would force a disinterested kid to partake in a sport or any other extracurricular activity that he doesn't enjoy.
what does it mean that your husband felt it would be 'good for him'? why did you not care enough to ask him to explain further? what about your husband's omniscience makes you believe that he just knows what's right, without any further enlightenment needed? why are your son's wishes at the bottom of this family totem pole?
i don't get this at all.
ETA i absolutely disagree with everyone who says this kid should be forced to finish the season. yeah, i get follow-through and commitments yada yada, but THIS kid didn't make the commitment, he got buttkicked into it. i seriously doubt the football team will fold if he leaves, even if he is a great player. there are many, many and far better ways to teach a kid to honor commitments than to force him to continue an activity he dislikes and never wanted to do. of course, there's the weird thing that it's NOT halfway through anyone's football season, so this could just be an oddball troll question.
khairete
S.

A child should never be MADE top play a sport or engage in any other extra-curricular activity s/he doesn't like.
EC actitivies shoule be something the child WANTS to do and ENJOYS doing.
If he hates playing ball, let him quit. I would not make him stick it out in an activity that he never wanted to start in the first place.

I would let him quit. Actually, I would never ever allow my son to play tackle football. A study just came out that showed high school players have twice the incidence of concussion that college players do. I have no idea about middle schoolers but I wouldn't take the chance. And certainly not for a sport your kid doesn't even want to play.

ETA: Perhaps their league has a summer season. My son plays flag football and we have Spring, Summer and Fall seasons (DS plays fall and spring). We don't start school until September so the kids playing our league in summer still have almost half the season left.

There are extra-curricular activities that I do not regard as optional or up to my son. Swimming lessons were one of these - swimming is a survival skill. Also music lessons - he got to pick the instrument but learning an instrument is part of being an educated human being. My son will also take tennis lessons - IMO everyone should be able to play a racket sport in at least a friendly manner and understand the scoring.

It depends upon how active he is without playing football. If he is a couch potato, then make him play or get involved in another sport. He needs to be active now so he will enjoy being active later in life.

You don't want him to be obese with a bad heart and unable to breath when he is in his 30's.

NO, you should not make him play.. by 8th grade, a child knows whether or not a sport if for them...Look at it this way, would you want to be made to go to an exercise class or play a sport you truly didn't like? there are plenty of other sports and or hobbies kids can take up to build strength, endurance and teamwork,etc.. football needn't be one of them..

Finish out the season and then let him quit. And then tell your husband to get a life, and stop trying to live out his dreams through his son.

If it is the middle of the season I would make him finish to teach him about following through with our commitments to other people, but after that I would let him stop playing. But, I would not have forced him in the first place. I do encourage my kids to try new things, but I never force it when it is something unimportant like one sport over another. He can learn important things about team work playing any sport, whether track and field, soccer, base or basketball, ect, or even from none sports related things. There is no reason to force football, and in fact football would be the last sport I would push due to the huge number of injuries that occurs. My nephew had 3 concussions playing high school level.

I would make him finish the season and then let him quit but he has to do something else. Maybe your husband thought that if he just tried it he might end up liking it or it might build character so I wouldn't be so quick to vilify him here.

Kids shouldn't play sports they hate, and parents shouldn't force a kid into the sport (or other activity) of their choice.

The question now is about quitting a mid-season and if that would cause a problem for the team, or if he should stick it out and not sign up for next season. You should have this conversation with your son and coach.

"I don't really know why my husband did make my son play, but I believed he knew what was right."

This is something you should have discussed with your husband. You should know and understand what is happening in your household. Don't allow things to happen until you know the reasons.

I don't believe this is a real question and here is why. Nowhere in the U.S. Is the football season half over in August, especially Kentucky. Conditioning hasn't even started for most middle schools. Same with European football - there is a spring season and a fall season, but not summer. So something here is a lie.

Whatever the case, I don't believe in forcing kids into extracurricular activities they dislike, and I don't believe in forcing them to finish something they didn't willingly sign up for.

Make your son play? No way. Especially with that sport. You have to love
football to play it. Tell your husband to play it since it sounds like he's the
one that likes it. He can get friends together for a regular Saturday
football game.
If this were any other sport, I might have my son finish out the season but
with football & possible injuries, I'd definitely let him quit.
The part I'm stuck on is the sentence you wrote "his father felt that making
him play football would be good for him". Hmm, in what way? Because
dad is living vicariously through him? No, I'd let him quit. Football isn't one
of those sports you can just wing it if you hate it.

There were a few things I signed up for as a kid that my parents let me quit (other sports I followed through with and did not quit) and in my personal grown up life.....I am not a quitter. If that's what you are afraid of. I've seen everything through from jobs, to college to moves. And believe me it is not in my "sign" to have that much follow through. As an adult, I try to really think about things before "signing on" to ensure I'll stick with it.

Football season in America is fall and winter. Right now the whole of the USA is having sign ups for football. So I don't understand your question about it only being half way through the season.

If you're referring to Soccer that season hasn't started yet for the fall. It's going to start up soon though and they will also have a spring season.

So if he's signed up make him go. Hubby is right. He has been going and playing and if he truly hates it he can say no next season.

I would ask him what else he would like to do. I think kids should do something other than just school but it need not be football or sports in general. My SD has two left feet...so she did theatre. But even though my SS did wrestling and football, he also took time to join the chorus - surprised us! But it was really great to see him branch out. If your son haaaates it and isn't good at it and isn't inclined to continue into HS, then have a family sitdown about what else he might like to do. Why does your DH feel that football is important? Cultural touchstone? What he did as a kid? Something athletic?

We made the kids finish the season before they could quit.

Your husband wants him to play. That is NOT a good enough reason for your son to continue playing. Talk to him about finishing the season in terms of how him quitting would affect the team. He may want to follow through for his team and that would be good. BUT if he's miserable, let him quit. HE didn't want to join in the first place.

It's one thing to encourage a kid to play a team sport. It's another to make them play a sport they aren't interested in. Especially one where the potential for head injuries is high.

Find out what he's interested in and support that.

Your son is more than old enough to choose his own extracurricular activities based on his own interests--not on what Dad wants. Does your husband tend to force your son to do other things that are "good for him" but actually are totally optional? I would be wary of dad wanting to force son into another sport if son quits football. It would be sad for your son to go from one sport he hates right into some other sport or activity that dad insists will be good for him.

If I were you, I'd have a serious talk with your husband (without your son there, and at a time and place where husband can't say, "I only have a minute, I have to go do X") about the fact your son should be choosing what he does outside school and you and dad should support his choices. As long as he's not goofing away the days on computer games and does something, anything, that's active AND which interests him and stretches his mind and/or body--anything should be OK.

Was dad an athlete in middle and/or high school? Is dad a real sports nut? I'm wondering if there's an element of wanting son to be like dad, or assuming that "real men play football." That might not be the case, but if there's something like that in dad's personality and past, he needs you to give him a wake-up call that his son isn't him. Is dad going to handle it well if son doesn't want to do any sport at all but something else?

Considering the serious injury rate of football, this would NOT be my hill to die on. Even if he's a good player, if he doesn't want to do it and is injured in the process-- esp if it is a serious injury with long term repercussions, he's only going to blame his father. It can't be helping their relationship. :(

Respect is a two-way street. If his father won't respect that he doesn't want to play football, how can he expect his son to respect him in return? Kids have so many things they *have* to do, sports should not be one of them. Ultimately, this is really about your husband's ambitions and dreams, not your son's. A little self-awareness on your husband's part would really help matters considerably.

I would let him quit, but I never would have forced him to play in the first place. Football is, in my opinion, a dangerous game that often leads to brain injuries, the effects of which can last a lifetime. My two boys won't be playing.

I don't generally believe in making kids play sports or participate in activities that they don't want to do; a brief trial period or short exposure is one thing, an entire season is quite another. I would let him quit.

Finish the season and then let him do something he wants to do.
Not every kid enjoys the team experience or team sports.
Taekwondo is great for a lot of kids.
Your husband is living vicariously through your son and maybe Dad should take some time to think about why this is so important to him.

Why don't you talk with your husband about it first? And then together, perhaps, talk with your son.

Is there a sport he does want to play? Why doesn't your husband ask him what he would enjoy and encourage him to do that instead?

So hard. First of all it doesn't sound like "you" have much of a say in this, so in asking our advice, is it possible your husband will just force him to keep at it anyway? Just wondering.

If it was my son I would not have made him do it....but by 8th grade he should understand the concept of finishing something he starts, and if the season is over half done already (??) I think it would be best if he stuck it out. Hopefully you, kiddo, and dad can sit down and have a heart to heart where everyone walks away satisfied. Son needs to try to be mature and see his obligations through, dad needs to understand you can't force someone to love a sport and taking one you hate doesn't accomplish anything but resentment and anger. Lessons learned all around, hopefully. Good luck.

I don't understand about the season... it's summer and the new season will start when school starts, which may be this coming week or after. Why would he be considered being over half of the season now?

The way football works is that you start summer practice sessions and then real games start in the fall. Let him quit now before this year's teammates get used to having him. Plus, it would make room for another student who wants to play.

Your husband seems to be wanting to live vicariously through his son. That's wrong to do to him. Your son has never wanted to play, his father made him. Why would you go along with this???

If he wants to quit, then I would let him. Especially since he didn't want to play in the first place.

Otherwise he may end up resenting you and your husband for making him play when he really wasn't interested.

I am confused by this question.

Whether it is football or any team activity I wait until the season is over. Your son is older than my kids and I allow them options. I first pick activities that fit my budget and schedule and then let them choose.

If your son is getting injured then of course take him out.

Football is not a sport I want my son playing. He is not aggressive and it does not fit his personality.

If he didnt want to play in the first place, I would let him quit. Its one thing if they beg to play a sport, then try to quit mid season.
My son is young, and I dont really love the idea of him playing, but he has been asking, and truly seems to have a love for it so we signed him up. I told him he would finish the season because he was the one who wanted to sign up. Fortunately, he is really enjoying it.
I just dont see the point in forcing a kid to participate in a sport they dont enjoy.

Have your son complete this season and then he is done. Apparently, you husband doesn't know everything.