Hi Ladies - it has been a long time since I have been a regular on this site. I've been lurking a little here and there.
Unfortunately (I won't get into the why's how's etc as that isn't part of my question) my husband and I are going through divorce. We have been in separate houses now since the end of May. We have two children which we both see regularly - 2-2-5 right now.
What I want to know is - how do I relax on the days/weekends I don't have the kids? My kids are 4 and 7 therefore when they are with me I am busy - playing with them, helping them with various things, etc etc etc. However when they are not with me I get home and think "what now?" I have tried making myself just sit on the couch but it's hard. I do workout. I have friends I see from time to time. So, I do have a social life but being home I feel like I have to clean something, put something away, etc. constantly.
Any tips?
Kimberly - I love your comment "Children are not really supposed to be our lives but a part of our lives. My son, neices and nephews I have raised all know I have always had a life with or without them." You are so right - I think so many parents feel guilty that their lives don't always revolve around the kids, yet, we musn't or we're not doing our jobs of teaching them independence!!
I suppose I was lucky, I was so dang busy working and going to school I had no downtime. By the time I graduated I was engaged so....
If I were you I would just get out of the house, do something, go for a walk. Just don't clean all the time or buy cats, apparently that will make you look crazy or so my older kids told me.
Find a hobby.
I imagine that there's SOMETHING you've always wanted to try. So research it and get started.
I'd like to:
Get back into rock climbing
Hike more
Learn to sew and make my own dresses
Redecorate the house
Redo the yard so it's simpler to take care of
Fish more
Run more
There's more...but you get the idea. Do the things you've always wanted to do.
I second get a hobby or take a class. Relish in the help and the break. I was a single parent for 15 years and it's tough. It's all you all the time. I love being a mom but I single mom is the hardest job in the world.
If you take classes in something you are interested in or looking to advance your career by obtaining your MBA or undergraduate degree. This time minus the kids will be priceless. The time does go by quickly though and before you know it they will be off and out of your home and then you will have to once again figure out life without them.
Children are not really supposed to be our lives but a part of our lives. My son, neices and nephews I have raised all know I have always had a life with or without them.
You may even consider learning to play an instrument. 1,000 hours consistently at doing something will make you an expert at that thing. Make the time without your kids work for you. Also consider there is nothing wrong with using that time to tighten up the house with some major cleaning or perhaps redecorating the place.
What ever you do. Make it fun for you.
You need a hobby. Trust me when I say when you find one you are passionate about it will enrich your life more than you could have imagined.
Or...when you sit on the couch have a glass of wine😊
You need a hobby or to take a class so you can get out, meet people, make friends and get away from the housework and chores and drudgery.
Just something fun or something you've always wanted to learn but never had the time.
When we were first married (and before our son) my husband was on travel a lot and I always felt like I was waiting for him or something.
A co-worker single girl friend of mine (politely) said 'Screw this - let's take a stained glass class' - and we did.
I made a simple but beautiful stained glass lamp that's sitting in my foyer right now.
I've also taken a basket weaving class, and horse back riding and when I was on my own before I got married I took belly dancing for a year.
You can take yoga, or taekwondo, or learn to knit and/or crochet, or take up quilting, or pottery, take up clogging or Irish Step dancing, etc and so forth.
I've also been to Renaissance fairs (it's fun to dress up in costume) and star trek conventions.
When you're learning something you are growing!
Don't worry - the laundry will still be there when you get back.
A hobby, a class, or little day trips or things that you'd like to enjoy on your own. You could even scout out places that you'd like to see, and then if you like them and think the kids would like them, you've killed two birds with one stone. A massage every once in a while, nails done, hair done, "girly stuff". Even just little indulgences you don't allow yourself when the kids are around - favorite foods, favorite wine, favorite dessert - give yourself permission to be a tiny bit selfish and do some HEALTHY self care stuff. You'll be refreshed for when they are with you :)
Join the Junior League! Great way to meet women friends and do community service.
find something you are passionate about. I like to paint and do crafty stuff. I am not very good at it but it makes me happy so I do it anyways. Maybe you should build a dark room, or take a dance or cooking class?
How about taking a class, or even returning to school part time to work on a degree or certificate? It would get you out of the house a few times a week, and in your down time you'd always have reading and homework to do.
Or are there any home improvement projects you'd like to do? Even just something as simple as painting a room or two can keep you busy and moving and creative.
If you're into volunteering there are many opportunities there, and again, you'll get out and about :-)
Do you have single friends or are they all married? You need some singles in your life.
So sorry to hear about your situation. I'm a single Mom and one of those people who does not find it exciting to go eat, watch movies, or try new things on my own. But it can be hard to find other Moms who are free the same weekends/days that you are. You might want to check out some of the Single Moms/Parents groups in your area if that is a challenge for you too. While I have many married friends, they're usually (o.k., always!) doing something with their spouse and it can be hard for them to remember to include a single and/or divorced person for activities or going out.
Hope you have a full schedule soon!
