Getting Through a Divorce

M.,

I understand! I did it years ago and I had a 5 yr old at the time. This too shall pass! Its hard but I found that when I limit my conversations to only discuss the child then it helped me to get over it. Keep the emotions out of it and focus only on the children. It will take some time to get over but you will and you will look back and say "why did I marry this person?".

Trust me,

D.

M.:
I have not been divorced, but have watched many of my friends go through it. A divorce is never easy. It is the end of something you grew accustomed to and most women resent their husbands b/c of what they might have done. You might want to consider some therapy/counseling. That will help you direct your anger and can help you and your children get on with your life. It is not your boys fault that you are divorced, so you don't want them to suffer. I am so sorry you are going through this. No woman ever gets married and imagines she will be a single mother someday. Hang in there. It will get better

hi i am soooo sorry for your pain. my husband and i were heading for a divorce until my sister-in-law referred us to a wonderful christian councelor from our church. her name is barbara kee. she is a practical no nonsense very wise woman. she is a christian but she will not shove that down your throat she will offer you tools to help you through your pain so you can move on to a fullfilling life. it will take time like all things do but she helped save our marriage and we were willing to listen and take in her advice. as a member of prestoncrest church of christ she has access to the benevolent funds to pay for her sessions if you cant afford it. you don't have to go to that church to recieve this it is free to people in need. i urge you to contact her she is wonderful understanding gentle woman and is also very knowlegable in child developement. she helped me so much i cant even begin to tell you. my husband wouldn't go at first so i went and then by the grace of God he started going. i will pray that you will contact her. no one can go through things like this alone we all need help! its hard to take that first step but you have to do it for your sake and your children. God bless you!!! this is her e-mail ____@____.com

I'm very sorry to hear that you're experiencing so much pain. My church has a class on Tuesday nights called Divorce Care and it has helped MANY people through what you're going through. On the same night, we have a class for kids that have divorced parents. My church is First Baptist, The Colony. The people that facilitate the class are good friends of mine--Pat and Maria Beisert. Their phone number is ###-###-####--they would love to answer any questions that you might have. You really need to get into a support group that will help you continue your life. L.

Michelle,

Sweetie you will get through this. I don't know if you believe in God or go to church, but my advice to you is pray and ask for guidance. If you ask God to remove the hurt, he will do just that. Take it from me, I've been there and one of my dearest friends just recently went through the same drama and heartache. The first thing is pray, secondly you will have to find it in your heart to forgive him, no matter how hard this may be. It's hard, yes it's hard, but women are strong. We can accomplish anything. Be strong and stay encouraged. Email if you would like to talk or if you just want to get something off of your chest sometime.

Hi, M.!
I went through a divorce about 3 years ago and I also have 2 boys. My ex has remarried (her name is Lori too)and now has a new baby girl. What you need are friends. My ex took away all my friends. Or should I say they took his side. Or to join a support group. I am still looking. Let me know if you ever want to vent. Sometimes that helps! :)

M., I'm right there with you. And I'm so very sorry to hear your pain. I'm only writing to give you some words of advice. Take it one day at at time. This will make you stronger. Please turn to your church, or any church if you don't go to one. It's the only thing that got me through (getting me through!) mine. Not only have I have made some amazing friends and I'm finding some solid support in the way of women that have gone through the same thing--I am about to get some counseling at no cost. They will also provide care for your children if you need it. There are resources out there for you. Don't try to go through this on your own. It can/will destroy you. I don't say that to scare you but to ENCOURAGE you to reach out...and reach out to the "right" people. Turn to God and ask for help--you WILL be amazed if you are truly humble. Your children need you and they need YOU to be strong. I'm thinking of you.

In fact, this is EXACTLY what I want to start a non-profit support network for--helping moms get through divorce and on thier feet.

Write me if you'd like to.

Hi M.!
It's A. from Plano again. I think you're the same M. that asked about Ebay???

Well, I know it may sound too simple, but at least try it for one week (If you don't already do this.) ....just pray to God... just talk to Him -- yell at Him, ask him all your questions, tell Him all your worries - give it all to Him. Ask him to take your anger away. If anything, it will help you vent. But I have a feeling that God will see you through this and make you a stronger person. Try doing this consistently every morning (or whenever you have free time alone - for me, it's when my son goes to bed) and just talk to Him like a father. Or write out/journal your prayers to him in a book. This always helps me get through the tough parts of life and helps me to see the big picture. Your life is way more important and bigger than this divorce you're going through -- you may not believe it now -- but this divorce will NOT define your life. You have bigger and better things ahead.

I would also like to tell you about my church's DivorceCare meetings:
For Adults & Children (ages 6-12): This is a 13-week passage through the initial shock of divorce or separation toward finding wholeness again. It is a video and small-group discussion recovery program designed to encourage, support and provide guidance from a biblical perspective. Trained facilitators lead discussions each week that focus on healing and recovery from relational loss. For more information contact Bobbie at ###-###-####, ext. 110.

http://www.fbcnorth.org/Content/ContentCT.asp?P=120
Click on current events/calendar to find the dates.
I think it meets every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. in Rooms 214/215.

If you have any questions or would like to pray over the phone, I would be happy to do that. Even if you would like to get together at Starbucks to talk and pray for each other, I would love to do that, too.

-A. Marshall

Hey Michelle, it sounds like we are going through the same thing. I am in the process of filing for divorce. I have a 13 month old daughter. I spend most days either 1) angry 2) sad 3) relieved. However, after being seperated for 2 months, I am starting to realize that I am much happier on my own without the constant fighting and negativity. Two things I would suggest that have helped me 1) eating a healthy diet 2) sleep and exersizing when possible. Email me if you need to vent.
Best of luck,
A.

Have you tried any counseling? Sometimes the local recreation centers will have classes or even group classes to get you with other divorcees.

Take care.

Hi M.. I am going through the same situation right now. I have a beautiful 15 month old daughter. If you would like to talk, just get together give me a call or here is my direct email. ____@____.com ###-###-####.

Please when you get help, let me know. I could use that kind of help right now!

Currently, i am leaning on my church support circle but i would love if you can share tips you learn!

well i moved as far away from my x husband as possible. however you can't do that with kids if he has rights to see them. All i can say is try your best, and find a support group.

Well, there's a lot of people in your same boat so the first thing to realize is you're not alone. There's a new free magazine out called Divorce Magazine (they have a website I'm sure) but I recently picked one up at Walmart. I went through a divorce three years ago. The way I coped was to just focus on my kids and take things one day at a time. I also hung out with a lot of other single moms because I had to move into a low-income area, get on welfare, and work five jobs. I guess I got through it by just keeping busy. I'd suggest joining a single-mom group or support group of some kind. It can be very therapeutic. And just remember that it takes time to heal but you will heal if you decide that's your goal.