Food Issues with My 7 Year Old

I agree with what several other people have posted. I'm getting ready to try this with my 5 year old son--make him set at the dinner table, ignore his complaints and not give him any food until he asks for it. A friend of mine was told by her doctor to pass the plate of food by her son & ignore him at the dinner table. Because every night it is an on-going battle to get him to eat anything. But it didn't take long for him to stop complaining and start asking for food & start eating.

I have also heard a lot of people having success with putting the plate in front of them and if they don't eat, saving it until later. The child is not allowed anything else. I even heard that they got the plate out the next morning for breakfast.

Good Luck

You got some good advice on this matter. and I hope that it all helps you out.

I seen on the Dr’s Show this one time where a child would not eat what was fixed and one of the Dr’s had gone to the home to see what they were doing. And he set down with them at dinner time and had them ignore the child. Fix there own plate and eat dinner. Asking each other if they wanted this or that and didn’t offer the child anything. Soon after that the child started asking for things to eat. And would eat dinner with them.
Make the child sit there with you with a empty plate. The Dr said don’t give in to the child after the meal is over with by letting the child eat what he wants to eat.
That Dr show is great it is called “The Dr’s” and where I live it comes on at 2 in the afternoon and is on NBC.
Good Luck.

Honestly, ignore him for a week or so. If he's eating breakfast and lunch and having a snack then he's not going to starve! Fix dinner, serve it to him, if he refuses to eat, that's fine, but I would set a strict rule that he is NOT allowed to verbally complain about the meal period! He has to stay at the table with the rest of the family and you guys go on about your dinner conversation.

He'll eventually get the hint that his attitude isn't going to change anything and more than likely he'll start eating again.

First of all, (and I'm sure you're already doing this) give him the tiniest portions of food possible (like something you'd give your 2-year-old). If it is a dish that he picked out (such as spaghetti) make him finish it; as really, really tiny portions won't make him fat if he finishes it all. Otherwise, if he didn't pick the dish and is still refusing to eat it, once he starts his routine of not eating it or gagging or whatever excuse he gives you, just simply tell him, "I'm sorry you don't like what we're having for supper tonight. You may be finished now" then take his plate away. Do this EVEN IF he's only taken a bite or two (or not at all). He WILL NOT STARVE and you're not being cruel; you're just setting out what you expect at mealtime. When he complains that he's hungry, give him his plate back. After a meal or two, he'll probably be so hungry that he'll be more willing to cooperate with eating what you're serving.
Since your 2-year-old seems to be picking up on this as well, don't hesitate to do it to her too.
Good luck!

Hi Anne. It sounds to me like a "battle of the wills" issue. Does your son eat his school lunch? The school should be able to tell you if he's eating or not. I am a school counselor, and we have students whose parents are concerned about food issues at home, but here at school, they are eating. If you discover that he's not eating at school either, then I would rule out anything medical.

After medical issues have been ruled out, make him a plate with extremely small portions and enjoy dinner with your family instead of focusing on your son. If he CHOOSES not to eat, that's his choice. The consequence for him not eating is hunger (a natural consequence). Maybe if it's not made into an issue, it will cease to be an issue.

Just another thought: I have a nephew who, when he was about this age range, ate just enough to survive because he absolutely hated to have bowel movements. He outgrew it after about 2 years. Could this be an issue with your son?

I hope it works out.
M. W.

Well, no advice here except that it seems to be a natural phase or else something in common between our boys. I begin to think I am the worst cook ever. My son just complained about cinnomon rolls for breakfast.

I have a little boy who just turned 8, so I completely understand. What we have tried doing is if he doesn't eat his dinner, we stick his plate in the fridge and let him know that he does not get any snacks for the rest of the night. And if he gets hungry later that night he has to eat the rest of his dinner. Usually about an hour later he tells us he is hungry again, so we pull out his dinner heat it up and that's what he eats. It took a little bit of time and now it works. He no longer is throwing fits in the middle of dinner or taking 3 hours to eat his dinner. This way he just eats it later when he really gets hungry. I know my son is not going to starve, he will eventually eat.
Good Luck and I'm sure things will get better.

Kids change. Unless he has developed some physical condition that is making it difficult for him to eat, this is not about food.
Whether you were having this problem with him or not, I would suggest by age 7 that he spend some time helping prepare meals. Once a week he should pick a meal menu, if possible help shop for the items, help prepare the meal to his maximum ability, and serve the meal. It would be great if his dad did this with him. He needs to learn how to feed himself.
On days when he is not totally responsible for the meal, still have him help. He can help with the salad, bring you the pasta, etc. Don't make this some huge lesson on responsibility, but as part of the family, he needs to help out. As your children get older, you'll be surprised how much conversation you'll have with your kids during the meal preparation time.
Don't forget to start your daughter on this path too. She can bring you the salt shaker or bring a carrot or something.
Good luck!

seven is plenty old enough to insist that he at least try the food prepared for him - i suggest removing the battle. it doesn't matter to you whether he eats dinner or not- he's the one that will suffer- but he's not getting anything else, besides what you've made for him. your two year old can follow the same rules. i did it with my son (at age two) and the fight only lasted one night. when he saw that 1. it was his choice whether ot eat or not, and 2. i wasn't going to engage him, he basically just ate what was placed before him. the very first night he did go to bed without dinner, but i didn't beg him or fight with him, i just told him, okay, that's fine if you don't want to eat dinner. seriously- they will eat when they're hungry! don't let it stress you out. if you remove the drama it's not nearly as appealling to them to spaz out about it. good luck!

Anne,
I see you have a lot of good advice! Kids are all different in so many ways, but they do know how to push your buttons at times! As parents we worry that they are not getting enough to eat, but your son isn't eating dinner because of any excuse he can find! Do you eat dinner early? Maybe he isn't hungry yet because he has had a snack. My kids are grown and we have grandkids now, but the cycle is still there! I was never the mom who said eat everything on your plate either. My kids did go through the same type of thing though and I would tell them that is fine, this is what is for dinner, you don't want to eat that is okay with me, but there are no snacks or dessert for you tonight. Well it didn't take long before they got the message and when dinner was on the table they ate dinner!!

When it came to the grandkids, my son-in-law grew up in the house where you ate everything on your plate! So he was always upset because they have a son who would sit there for hours and pick at his plate. I told him one day, just let him get up too, but when he comes and tells you he's hungry, tell him he should have ate dinner, sorry you'll have to wait for breakfast! This grandson is a DRAMA KING! Oh he was dying cause he was starving, you know the drill.If he got too out of line, he went to bed! But, it only took a couple times to get the message! No more fighting with him to eat, and he DOES eat, LOL!

My son-in-law did tell me that one time him and a friend stayed with his Grandma. They both wanted happy meals, so she bought them each a happy meal. They actually wanted the toy! WELL, his grandma told them that was fine, they could eat their cheeseburger for breakfast! The next morning they smelled breakfast cooking and imagine their suprise when they got warmed up cheeseburgers while grandma had pancakes! He said they never tried that one again!!

Hope you get things working smoothly soon! Hang in there, and know that your son is normal!

Good Morning Anne, I haven't looked at other responses from the Mama's so here goes. (curling my legs up under me so my shins don't get kicked...lol )

Nicely with a smile, Remove the child from the table. He will not starve. Place him in his room with "Nothing" to do but sit there or go to bed. That will not make him happy either, and he will probably throw a royal tantrum. Ignore it. Have dinner and leave his on the table (if he decides to behave he can have it) or put it in the frig to warm up for the next night.
He should be ready for a good breakfast in the morning.
A few nights of this should get his attention that Dinner time is family time and everyone eats together nicely.

It works at Nana's house.
If it's not your thing to try hopefully other mama's have alot better ideas and suggestions.

God Bless
K. Nana of 5
Edit
PS I read the posts now. Great advice Mama's!!

See how he eats something he likes such as popcorn or nuts. Maybe he really is choking. I had a friend who's daughter had a growth under her chin and it caused that type of thing. Do you see him eating applesauce or drinking milk like crazy? Kids may not complain about issues that have been gradual or become normal for them. Otherwise, I would consider that this has become a power struggle, and it may be signs of a pending eating disorder. In that case, you just put the ball in his court. I don't make my children eat, but if they don't, they don't get anything until next mealtime. Sometimes I have to watch close though, because they can get sneaky. The other idea for that is if they don't eat, they only get carrots or celery for snack between. That way, you don't cause an already thin child to become unhealthy, and that works well for very young children. You can always tell him he will have to see the doctor if he really is choking, and how important it is for you to know if that really is happening. If it isn't, then he needs to lay off of it, or tests may need to be run. But, you would have to approach him according to his personality. Does he make up stories to get attention? You certainly don't want to encourage that, but watch for signs that it is true as well. He may just need some special time with you, and he will straighten up.

Okay, it sounds like a deeper issue. Has anything in your house changed? You may ask his school councelor to talk with him. He could be having trouble at school with a peer or on the bus or at home. It sounds as though he needs to gain control of something and food is what he is able to control right now. Counceling at school is free and has helped my girls tremendously. Good luck and God Bless.

The "one bite" of things is something my mother did with me that I continue with my children. It's not about forcing them to eat; rather, I explain to them that they have to try something to know that they don't like it (a good mindset to have in life) and if they don't like it they don't have to eat any more of it. (If we're not having a sit-down dinner, however, sometimes I permit them to simply-- politely and quietly-- fix themselves something else to eat.)

I'm concerned about forcing him to finish his vegetables or fruit. Isn't it possible you're making fruits and vegetables seem an undesirable chore and setting him up to hate them? In any case as long as you're giving him healthy choices that's the most important thing; what and how much of it he eats is up to him, as it should be.

I wouldn't worry about how much he eats unless a doctor tells you otherwise. (I was taken to the doctor as a child for being incredibly skinny and picky-- he said there was nothing wrong with me, and there wasn't.) I would, however, worry about teaching him how to behave politely. Imagine if he were dining at someone else's house! If he didn't like something, you'd want him to politely decline, not whine and complain about how gross it was.

Finally, you're doing a great job as a mom. We never hear this enough. You're doing great!

I too have a son that has always been a picky eater. When he was younger,he wouldn't eat vanilla ice cream because it looked like mashed potatoes. He would complain to his grandma about pancakes because she cut them up AFTER the syrup was poured, I cut the pancakes up BEFORE the syrup, and to this day...he will only eat Great value mac-n-cheese dinner, also he eats his hamburgers with no cheese or bun, even when we go out. He see's and knows the difference. HOWEVER, he never got away without trying, except the ice cream. I cook a lot and am very offended when any of my family complains about what I cook.(they don't just my son) But I am more embarrassed when he doesn't try things or complains at other people's homes. So I think that setting a rule that you can't comment negatively about the meal served is 1 good rule,(the one rule he has to practice at others homes) and that he has to try one "no thank you" bite OR I have heard the saying "1 bite to be polite" (another he has to do at others homes) you have probably heard that it takes 25 times for the food to be put on the plate before a child may try it and then it takes 25 times for them to taste it before they may like it.
When he has taken his bite he may sit there quietly until everyone else is finished. ALSO don't load up the plate a small spoonful of food is plenty to much food may overwhelm the eyes and stomach, he can always ask for 2nds. Save his plate for later if he becomes hungry, my son would do this 10 min before bedtime, @ that time I would tell him it was too late and he could have a glass of milk or water. thirdly or is this fourth, anyway try to accompany the meal with something he WILL eat, my son loves apples and pears, so I would always have that on the table BUT he had to take a bite of the offending items first. I also liked the one of the mom's response to helping with cooking the meals. I made tamale pie once... My son likes taco meat, and he likes cornbread, this recipe called for putting the 2 together, they would be touching (another one of my sons issues) when he made it it wasn't so bad.. HE ATE THE ENTIRE SERVING.
I also wanted to tell you... with all of our rules, He is now 9 years old and tries more things than he ever did, things I wouldn't dream he would EVER try. So there is hope,
You are having a family dinner, and this is so needed in todays busy world; in the future things will get busier and then you will have fewer family dinners, and less time for listening to your family and learning. GOOD LUCK

Try involving him in the planning & cooking process. Sometimes they eat better when it is something that they have done from beginning to end. I know mine does.

We also do a night or two a month that is eat what you want night. I let them fix and eat whatever their heart desires as long as it is not sweet related like candy. & Being they are a bit older now, they are responsible for cleaning up their stuff too.

We also started, especially when they were 3 and 4 and carried it on until they were around 9, was they were expected to eat at least one bite for each year they were old. So your son is 7, tell him he at least needs to eat 7 bites of dinner and it his choice on what the bites are of from the meal menu. If all he wants is salad, than that is fine, but it must be seven bites & I must see you actually taking them.

Good Luck!

When it is dinner time AND especially when it is a meal that they requested, and the children do not eat it (AND they are not sick or something like that)....then put it in the refrigerator and serve it for breakfast the next morning, or lunch, or dinner again the following night, until they eat that meal. Good luck :) Eventually, they WILL get hungry and eat it.

I was a picky eater and one of my daughters was also. I spent years eating nothing but sliced ham sandwiches and then there were the "broccoli wars" I didn't eat and my Mom made me sit there for what seemed like hours-I finallly won those battles. Well today both me and my daughter are just fine. she was pickier than me and still to this day she seperates her food on the dish and eats in a certain order known only to her (at that time). So go with it and keep back up like cereal or peanut butter or whatever his back up might be. Only be sure to define your time as he could take all day/night to eat-so be brave Mom and set your time limits-generally most can eat in 15 minutes but you might want to add a few extra (just remember you have to stay with him for that whole time-so watch your limits) And again be brave-if all else fails then he will be hungry at the next eating! I promise this one! Check his room and make sure he is not hiding food or getting in when you are not looking. He will outgrow this if not tell him he can't borrow the car till he eats his food! Thsi will work by then. Good luck.

I have a 7 y/o son & an almost 3 y/o son. Our 3 y/o also picks up on his brothers behaviors.
If our boys don't want to eat we don't make them, but we do tell them that they will not get a snack later if they do not eat. This mainly occures at supper time & it is their last meal/chance to eat before bed.

God Bless!

If he picked the meal himself.There isn't anything wrong with him then I would make him eat it are do without.He will get hungry enough and eat. GOOD LUCK

My 8y/o is the SAME way!! He started doing this when he turned about 7 as well. He'll eat stuff at my Gramma's, cousin's, and at his Dad's, then will come home, and say he doesn't like it anymore, or it's yucky, or he's sick to his stomach, it'll make him puke, he's full after two bites etc.... I make him eat the veggies, and the meat at the least. I'm always trying to bribe him that the pasta will give him energy, or the meat is what makes his muscles bigger etc... I also throw in if he wants to play his sports well and grow up to be huge like his cousin (who is a varsity High School sports player and 6'3") he needs to eat his dinner etc! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't! I threaten he'll go to bed hungry with out dinner if he chooses not to eat, then he'll say ok and walk away, which of course I then try to talk him back so he won't go to bed hungry = P I'll even tease him his 2y/o brother is outeating him (which he does), and is going to out grow him etc... It's just one of those things, if he doesn't want to do it, he's not going to! I just have to be happy he's eating the veggies and meat, and be done with it! Tired of the dinner time arguements, and I know if he's hungry, he'll eat. Just pick the battles I guess! Best of Luck!!

Since this is a new issue with him, have his teeth checked, as well as a good check-up with your pediatrician just to rule out anything physical.
After that, put only about 2 bites of whatever it is you want him to eat on his plate. It won't look so overwhelming that way. If he eats that and asks for more ... GREAT ! Give him a couple more bites. If he doesn't eat it, don't make a big deal out of it. It will just turn into a power struggle and matters will continue to get worse. HOWEVER ..... don't give treats or snacks between meals either. Not even healthy snacks. When he gets hungry enough, he will eat what you put in front of him, especially if it is something you know he has always liked until now.

Anne, all of us are put together differently. I grew up in a house where you had to eat everything on your plate. So imagine the night time drama when yours truly would not feel like I could eat. At your sons age it wa very much like him, only I knew better than to cry. My fathers idea of a crying child was to punish them for it, nuf said on that subject.

The point is this. We are all different and we change, our children mature and grow. Sometimes if we listen carefully to what they are saying we can begin to understand what may be going on. He is telling you that he can not chew it and it is gross. If it wasnt, he would eat it.

At his age the world changed for me. I started learning about things on Tv and in school that I did not know about. I learned about the microscopic world of germs. I learned about where our meat actually comes from. I began to get images of things in my head when I would try to eat. I would think about the cow, that was now on my plate and I could not chew it. I would think about the germs on my mothers hands and I thought the food was gross. I could say how it made it me feel but I could not explain to them why I felt that way.

My parents never knew that the images and thoughts were inside my head. They never knew how much my stomach turned inside at the thought of eating something if I even saw a fly in the room with the food. I knew where that fly had been.

To this day I have a very sensitive stomach. Some peopel talk abou things at the dinner table that they believe is appropriate. On some level it may be, for me it isnt. I can not hear anything about someone being sick or in a hospital, my thougths immediately go to germs and that turns my stomach. I have gotten much better as I have matured and grown. However I am very aware of why the food wont go down now, it is because my mind and my stomach are very well connnected.

I am wondering if you son is having thoughts about his food that he can not articulate. It is a thought. I will say this, I am sure he is not doing to upset you and the family. I think most 7 year olds would love to eat without fighting with their mom.