Seeking Advice at the Dinner Table

Hi there! One thing that my mom did when I was little was to put the plate that I would not eat in the fridge, and then when I was whining about being hungry, she pulled that out and gave it to me. I either wasn't too hungry, or I ate it. I hate to say it, and I know it sounds mean, but maybe you should try stopping the "snackies" so that he will eat. If he is getting something yummy whenever he wants, why would he eat with the family? Good luck!
E.

you need to offer him the meal wen you all eat,if he doesnt eat it take him away.DO NOT make him a snackie you are making this issue worse.Kids never starve themselves and he will learn that if he doesnt eat wen you say he WILL go to bed hungry.
Stick to this and i bet he will be fine after a few days

I think Erika W's advice was good. And why can't you let him go to bed hungry? He'll learn REALLY quickly to eat when you eat!

I am a big meanie when it comes to this. We eat together. No ifs, ands or buts. There is not even an option to not sit at the table. If my son (who is 3) didn't want to eat, that's fine, but he has to sit with us. We talk ALOT at dinner. What did you do today? What was your favorite part of the day? Least favorite? It instills the value of being a family at meal time. I also read somewhere that you can't expect a child to sit in their seat at school if they can't sit down at meal time. Even if my son finishes first (we are working on slowing down!), he still has to sit with us until everyone is done and even helps with clearing the table.

AND, if he doens't want to eat, we put in in the fridge and he will eat it for breakfast the next day. Now, that has only happened once or twice until he realized that we were serious. He now LOVES dinner time and its pleasant for everyone.

I think you are sending a message that he can get the "snackie" as a reward for not eating with you guys.

I hope this helps. Good luck!
B.

Hi J.,

I agree with your hubby, you are more tolerant than me. My kids have gone to bed hungry before & they are fine the next day. As long as he knows you will give in & give him a snack or meal, he will continue doing it. It is hard the first time to send him to bed hungry but believe me he will get the message at the next meal. I have never made my kids separate meals, sometimes they argue about eating what is on the plate but they know they will not get anything until breakfast.

Hope this helps
C.

I agree with the others. We do the same thing. Dinner is when dinner is and the food is what I make. No special meals, no snacks. If they do not eat in a reasonable amount of time, they don't eat. We trained them by bringing the uneaten food out of the frige for breakfast the next day. If it still wasn't eaten, it came out for lunch. They learned pretty fast! It sounds so harsh, but it is so important that they learn...

Remember, YOU are the parent. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. It's our responsibility to drive it far from him.

J. -

My boss's daughter has done a lot of research on this problem (it's her job!) and here is the advice she offered recently:

"The parent's job is to buy, prepare, and put a variety of healthy foods on the table as well as to provide a pleasant eating environment. After that their job is done.

The child is responsible for how much they eat and even whether or not they eat.

If the parent follows this, the battle of mealtime is done and the child gets no attention for being a picky eater. It is important also to keep conversation positive, for example focused on family daily events, and not talking to the child about how much, what, or whether they are eating or trying to coerce them into eating By putting it on the table and modeling healthy eating habits the child will learn that "this is what we do during mealtime". If and when they are hungry, they will eat.

Two additional tips. The first is that when you think of nutrition with toddlers and preschoolers, especially, think in terms of weekly, not daily, servings of certain food groups- a nutritionally balanced week, not day!

Another tip is do not get hung-up on the scale at the doctor's office. If the child is developing normally and has the strength for all of the activities they want to do, they are eating enough!"

Hope this helps!

S.

My daughter will be 4 in June and we have very similiar problems. I don't know if you will agree but it has seemed to work for us. She has a little bit of a sweet tooth and always wants a treat. We tell her that she will not be able to have any type of sweet unless she eats a certain amount of bites. I don't know if it is because they are learning to count or what but she is really into how many bites she has to eat before she can get a treat. I also have no problem letting them go to sleep hungry because I believe my daughter isn't really hungry but just playing a game so that she can prolong bedtime a little bit longer. Seeing the way she eats, she doesn't need alot to keep going but that is just me. It has taught her that I won't give into her not eating dinner with the family. Does your 10month old eat with you are is she on a different schedule. Because I also have made a ritual of trying to sit even my 5 month old down at the dinner table with us, so she has no excuse that someone isn't eating with us. I don't know it worked for us but every child is different. Good Luck!

Most children eat when they are hungry, he might not be hungry when you sit down to dinner. Have you tried just not feeding him till he asks or maybe just leave a plate out. He will eat if he's hungry.

Let him go to bed hungry! I know it is hard and wait until he is up at 4:30 crying for food. That was my 2 yr old going to be 3 April 23. My doctor told me to hold out and she would crack and she was right. My daughter finally eats dinner, still a fight at times especially those veggies. A dessert bribe works sometimes too. I make fruit or pumpkin smoothies for dessert and she loves them-- healthy and good for dessert.

Good luck, been there and still there!

Hi J.,

You may have to send him to bed without dinner in order for him to get the message. He is going to continue to challenge your authority if you allow him to get something later when the kitchen is "closed" for the night. Your husband is right. Another thing is cut out the "snackie" between meals. He will protest because he wants things his way, but I have a three year old as well and you have to be firm in order to get results. Hope this helps. :)

I have a 4.5 yr old who started doing the same thing at around 3. I gave into him all the time. He would snack away all day long and then when it came to eat real food, he was full.

I started setting a clock with out a battery next to the real clock and would move the hands to "snack time" or "lunch time" and when it matched the real clock he could have a snack or he would have to sit for a meal.
I also would make a meat etc and then ask him if he wanted grapes or strawberries as an example. If he picked he felt in control and would eat what he picked.

You son is not going to starve, believe me. It only took 2 days of not giving in for my son to realise that he wasn't going to get something different if he didn't eat what was on his plate.

A few other tips: Keep snacks out of sight. Move them from their current spot to a different high up cabinet.
Give a 5 minute warning- in 5 minutes it's dinner time.
Ask your child to set the napkins on the table or get cups ready etc. If they are involved in preparation they will want to participate in the meal.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

I think your son is testing you. :-) Your husband is aggrevated because he realizes it and you don't.

My daughter is 5 and she still tries that and yes, she has gone to bed w/o dinner. She's quite stubborn and I have to let her know that what's been prepared for dinner is what's for dinner. When I was a kid, that was the rule... My mom said, if you're hungry, you'll eat what's on the stove.

Instead of making him a separate meal, reheat the same meal he left behind. Take his little plate, place it in a little tupperware and reheat! And that's being nice because there were no microwaves when I was little!

Good luck!
~M

I agree with what has been said already. Two of my four are picky eaters. And all four of them have certain things they like and don't like. I do not custom make the meal for each child. I try to make things I know they will generally eat, but it is impossible to please everyone (unless it's pizza!) How is he snacking throughout the day? Maybe he really isn't hungry is he has eaten something recently. And he does know if he holds out, you will feed him something he likes. I did that with my son a couple of years ago, and it got old really quickly! I stopped and he has been fine. It may be a struggle at first, but he'll learn. I also put their dinner in the fridge and give it to them later if they say they are hungry. Another suggestion is to maybe have set snack times. My kids would snack all day long if I'd let them and they used to ask for snacks all day! About a year ago I set snack times at 10am and 3pm. No ifs ands or buts. They know not to ask for a snack if it isn't one of those times. It has worked great!

J.,
My little guy does this to me on occassion. When he does not want to eat his dinner. I plastic wrap his plate and stick it in the fridge. When he comes to me later in the evening and is hungry. I don't fix him something else, he gets his dinner warmed up in the microwave. Otherwise I noticed that his snacks were not as healthy as his dinner was and I did not have the inconvenience of having to make something else. Plus, when my son realized that he is getting the same thing we had for dinner, then he just began eating dinner with us again. He still had to sit through all the meals when he wasn't eating with us. We also decreased his afterschool snack. Hope this helps.

A little about me, I am a full time working mom to an adorable 2 1/2 year old.

I think I'll have to agree with your husband on this one. As long as you continue to give your son a "snackie" after he has refused to eat the dinner you offered earlier, you will continue to have this problem. Nobody wants to send their kids to bed hungry, but you may just have to do that a couple times until he realizes that you are serious about him eating at mealtimes. Trust me, he will get the message! Good luck!

I am a working mother of 3 girls ages 15, 13 and 6. Getting dinner on the table after I return from work is always a rat race. My husband works the night shift so our dinner time is one of the few chances we are together as a family. We had this same problem with our middle daughter when she was about 6 or 7 and I got frustrated when I put a nice dinner on the table and she'd turn up her nose, making the same complaints as your son. What we eventually decided to do was to put the decision NOT to eat on her and let her eat when she WAS hungry. We told her she could eat later but it was her responsibility to put her (full) plate aside and cover it until she was ready to re-heat it. It didn't take her long to figure out that eating her meal when it was freshly cooked tasted better than eating it re-heated. She also didn't like eating alone. Our rule was that she ate what was prepared and there were no snacks or alternate meals until her dinner had been eaten. Putting the decision on her made it just that, her decision, making her feel in control. It also gave the rest of us a more relaxing meal. Good luck!

Sure he can go hungry...seriously...one or two times of that and I bet he will eat at dinner. I know it is hard to do as a mom, but I'd nip it in the bud personally, I had to do it with my son too when he was that age. He won't starve if he skips dinner once or twice, and I bet he will stop it to because he knows you mean business. The other thing is maybe show him what he has to eat, or better yet let him pick out some fun plates with compartments and put three "trees", three pieces of meat, etc., since he is three and tell him that is what he eats. Have him help you make dinner. And if all else fails, provide dessert as an incentive if he finishes what he is supposed to eat. Good luck.

Refuse the snackie. He will eat better at the next meal. Your husband is right, and you can let him go to bed hungry. Your son will learn to eat with the family, if you have the patience. Good luck

J.,

I'm on the same page as the others. Dinner time is family time. If your little gut isn't truly hungry, then maybe take a look at his schedule during the day. Is lunch too late? Is there A PM snack that should be cut out?

Unfortunately, giving him a "snackie" sends the message that he controls the situation. Going to bed hungry won't hurt him, I know for a FACT my sister did it many, MANY times. She was a stubborn one!

Good luck,
T.

I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I have SOOO many troubles getting my son to eat dinner. I literally dread this time each night. I have tried telling him that if he doesn't eat he will not get any dessert, this seems a little motivating sometimes. Sometimes I let him go to bed hungry, other times I have made him a pb and j or given him a banana or something, but I guess I need to make a plan and stick to it. He LOVES breakfast and eats lunch pretty well at daycare, but of course they feed him stuff he likes for lunch. I make more "grown up" type food at home for dinner but he doesn't like it. I refuse to eat pizza and hot dogs for dinner every night. It is so frustrating cause I work out of the home, I rush home to get dinner ready and then he sits there and refuses to eat. Sometimes I force him to take at least one bite to try it, and what a battle that is. I like the idea of putting the plate in the fridge for later. That would save my husband some time in the morning too LOL.