Am I the only one still shoveling in or bribing my daughter to eat most every bite of food? I mean if its yogurt or goldfish, or ice cream I don't have to work at it. But breakfast, lunch and dinner I sit there, one bit for her, one bite for baby, one bite for mom... its exhausting. Any tips on getting her to eat on her own?
Update: its not a lack of knowledge of using her utensils. If I don't get the meal down her, she is starving and I end up feeing her snacks which are never as healthy as the meal. No she does not get ice cream for snacks, the point was, if the food is dessert, or a less than health snack, it goes down no problem.
Thanks so much. Its so easy to recognize in others, but boy the bad habits we create out of desperation in our own homes! I am standing here looking back on the last year or so realizing that we have made food a much bigger struggle than need be. My husband is a real stickler for forcing the food down, I let her get by with smaller portions. Our main motivation is that we want her to eat healthy and not snack, thats what got us going down this path. My nephew was proficient with a fork @ 18 months. I marveled at his abilities. My sister marveled at my daughters ablitly to put her own shoes on at 18 months. I figured, different skills, different timing, but somewhere between being really slow to use utensils, and working us over at meal time she gained the upper hand. Thanks for the input. Today I told her she had to feed herself oatmeal and set a timer for 30 min. I never gave her a bite but had to return her to her chair many times. She was warned there was no snack until 10:30 and if she ate her breakfast, she could get a yogurt, but if not, she had to eat her oatmeal for her snack. I'm still figuring out how I'm going to foster this transition, but a transition is coming and as usual, its about me getting my husband on board because (love the guy to death) he shoots from the hip and changes strategy with out warning . Drives me nuts! Glad to know I'm not the only sucker to got dooped into spoon feeding a perfectly capable little girl. Things are changing in this house and it has already started.
I would just stop feeding her. Put small amounts of whatever you are serving for the meal on her plate and let her eat or not. If she wants more, she can ask. As long as you are only offering a variety of healthy options it will be ok whichever things she choses to eat. When meal time is over, it is over. She will not starve.
Our rule is if you don't eat your meal there is no snack between this and the next meal. We had only salad for dinner tonight and we were having ice cream for dessert, so in that case we do say they need to eat everything before dessert. We don't usually have dessert. My kids have left for school or gone to bed hungry plenty. They just have to wait until the next meal.
Eliminate snacks and desserts. They cannot be in the house or that is all she will eat. I know it sounds harsh but what else can you do?
It's time for her to feed herself. If she doesn't want it, say, "You must be all done." Put the food away and excuse her from the table. If she's hungry an hour later, re-present the meal, not snacks. If she gets hungry in the car, she has to wait until you get home. She will survive. It will not take long to break her of these bad habits if you are consistent.
That is the only way. She is more than capable and she is reveling in the constant attention from you. At 3.5, she will not starve. She needs to develop skills and confidence to eat without your involvement.
stop feeding her. if she knows how to use her utensils then make her use them. she will eventually feed herself. shes doing that because you are lettng her do it. good luck.
Well for starters quit using the word shovel. She's not an animal. Next up, start with giving her small portions of the foods you're serving, like perhaps 4 bites of the meat/main, 4 bites of the veggies, 4 bites of the grains, 4 bites of the fruits. If she wants more then give her more but she has to eat what she's been given first. As for the snacks, maybe make them smaller. If she's grazing all day long on goldfish or ice cream then of course she won't want to eat at the meals - she knows she can just hold out until the good stuff comes. Finally, quit feeding her and let her do it herself. She's 3.5 and perfectly capable of feeding herself. Set the kitchen timer for 30 minutes. Let her know that she has 30 minutes to finish. At the end of 30 minutes, clear the dishes and move on. Don't make a big deal or production, just inform her that if she wants to eat she will focus on eating and not dilly-dally. If she doesn't eat the meal then she doesn't get the next snack - so if she doesn't touch dinner then she definitely does not get anything before bed except for a reminder "If you're hungry you need to eat your dinner". You're not being mean and you're not starving her. You're teaching her that she needs to eat, on her own, during the meal time and not wait for the junky snack stuff.
She won't starve! Don't feed her! Put the plate in front of her and tell her it's time for lunch (or breakfast or dinner). She eats what she eats. If she's hungry later, she can eat what she didn't eat at the meal. When you leave the house, take only healthy snacks with you - dried fruit, carrot and celery sticks, mixed nuts. She will get used to the new routine, and you'll both be happier!
My 3 year old is like this, but only when we're visiting. She KNOWS that *I* won't feed her, but Grandma and Baba *will*....so she whines that she can't do it and they (suckers! lol) feed her bite after bite.
I would (and do) just give her the plate of food, a spoon and fork and leave her to eat it. If she doesn't, then she doesn't eat again until the next scheduled meal or snack. Sometimes I do 'bribe' with dessert, but not very often.
If I'm feeding my kids something I know they're not fans of, then I balance it with something I know they love: cottage cheese, biscuits, yogurt, cheese, salad (my 4 year old will eat BOWLS of it), etc - as long as it's mom-approved. Then if they want more of their favourite, they need to have x bites of the not-so-fav.
I would stop stressing over it and put in on her. Offer choices, she eats or she doesn't eat. It sounds like she's playing games...and she's winning. If you stop worrying about it she will stop trying to make you worry about...eventually. My daughter does get snacks and sure, sometimes she eats too many snacks and doesn't want lunch, that happens to the best of us, but I offer healthy choices for meals and if she doesn't want dinner then she doesn't eat, but there are no snacks after dinner and if she's hungry at bed she has to wait until breakfast. Most of the time even when she says she's hungry, she's not that hungry, more games. We eat pretty late so no snack after dinner works for us, but if you eat early you might consider giving her only her leftover dinner for a snack or something that is strictly veggies so she's not holding out for Goldfish and string cheese.
No your not the only one. Sadly I am feeding my 3.5 yr old too. Not always. He usually starts the meal feeding himself, then about 5-6 bites in, he's not into it anymore. And I end up feeding him. Either that or we'd be sitting there for hours!! However, I'm glad you asked this because I am due with my second in a couple months and want him to feed himself better by the time the baby comes. I feel bad not having him eat a full meal- which will happen if I leave it to him. But maybe that's what we need to do. Good luck with your daughter.
Wow I quit feeding my kids their food by like 2..they learned how to use a fork and spoon, baby is 13 months and he gets a fork or spoon each meal he doesn't know how to really work it but he tries and thinks it's funny to feed me. Stop feeding her and let her do it and if she doesn't eat then she will be hungry until the next meal. Is she refusing to eat unless you feed her or does she just not want to eat period? She will eat when she is hungry. It also could have to do with the baby,maybe she is still adjusting to not being the baby?
Start by knowing that a child's stomach is about the size of their fist (everyones is comparable to this), so offer appropriate servings.
I am a daycare provider on a USDA sponsored food program and we have serving guidelines for healthy meals and portion sizes. Our instructions are to OFFER the foods. We can not force them to eat it. They will not starve. You need to stop this madness of forcing bites into her, or spoon feeding her to get it in (willing or not). At 3.5...thats nuts to me. I don't spoon feed past about 12-14 mos...EVER! Once kids are on table foods, they do it themselves. When we really start utensils I offer assistance, but they figure it out pretty quick thru trial and error and by watching me and older children (modeling)
Serving sizes are pretty small for a 3 year old. (USDA food guides)
Milk--1/2 cup
fruit/veggie--1/2 cup
Bread/grain--1/2 slice (or 1/2 cup cereal)
Meat/protein item--1.5 oz meat or 6 oz yogurt or 1 egg or 3 TBSP peanut butter
For the food program, we do breakfast (cereal or bread product, with fluid milk and fruit), Lunch (protein item, bread/grain, fluid milk and 2 fruits and/or veggies). If you do snacks they can simply be that small glass of milk with some fruit...or a few crackers...
I would go cold turkey on the treat type snacks. Don't even have them in the house for a while. She needs to be feeding herself and not be playing these food wars with you. No seconds on the things she likes. Pre plate her food...very small servings (the measurements are really quite small...get her a smaller cute plate if that might help it not look so overwhelming?). And just do not fight with her, cajole or bargain with her. When meal time is done, clear the plates, dump hers (or save it if you go that route..personally I don't agree with that). And NOTHING but an available glass of water in between till the next normal scheduled (by the clock or whatever) snack or meal time. And make it healthy. No cute granola bars or fruit chews or teddy grahams. Grapes and milk. Yogurt (not the kids kind..just get regular adult stuff...kids stuff has alot more sugar) and milk, a few simple crackers (cheese its maybe?) or saltines and a piece of cheese. Keep it small and simple so she will eat her dinner.
I manage this with children year in and year out (14 years now..and an almost 17 year old picky eater when she was small...daughter of my own). These kids all have their own likes and dislikes....and I try to work with that a bit....but I never serve chicken nuggets or fish sticks or that sort of thing. My daycare kids eat hearty spaghetti and baked simple tilapia (they call it big fish sticks..LOL)...and they feed themselves...even my current 10 and 11 mos olds...my 22 mos old and all of my 2 and 3 year old kids. No sippy cups either except for the infants.
Bite the bullet and just do it. I know some I offer similar advice to I also tell them it often helps to go shopping with the child and get a new "big kid" dinnerware set..start fresh...toss the "baby set"...even if its about the same thing...its a head game, but can help with many. Make a big deal out of it.
I wish you luck!
Sometimes I am tempted to bribe my son to eat more of the foods I feel he should eat, but I fight that impulse. I feel like the links on this webpage helped me :
http://www.mypyramid.gov/preschoolers/HealthyHabits/index...
I also find it helpful to be aware of the small size of average toddler portions.
I have heard that toddlers eat one decent sized meal a day.
I get the feeling that toddlers see meals as a real opportunity to test out their independence. Maybe it is the captive audience that they get at the table. I myself can see how I have an agenda at the table sometimes, and I think my son may pick up on it.
Hope all works out for you. I believe it will.
My daughter is 5 and I still have to shovel food in her sometimes. It is not that she won't eat, it is that she eats slowly and by the time she finishes 1/2 of her plate, she is full. I just want her to eat faster so I stick a bite in if i see her not chewing. :o) With my friends it seems to be normal too.
