Flower Girl

I know this is a hard one however if it's possible She should go to the reception for a little while and then have a sitter (whomever would watch her after the wedding) pick her up. Maybe the SIL won't mind if she goes straight home, I woul ask to get a feel for it, just simply explain it's way too long of a day for her, she can't be expected to make it the whole day.
For my flower girls that's what we did, someone picked them up and took them home, however I did not have the big gap in between for that reason(I too had 2 flower girls).

Good Luck

Hi J.,
We had the same "great" timing my SIL's wedding. They had the ceremony at 1 PM, just before nap. It was a little dicey. So, I walked down with the flower girl and the ring bearer. Just lucky on that one. We skipped the reception totally. No regrets on that one. We hired a sitter and I got to eat and dance with my husband. My kids(ages 4 and 5) are still down by 7:30 PM. We are considered parental freaks by the way. Bedtime, wedding or whatever occasion, is inviolate.

L. L.

When my hubby's sister got married my girls were flower girls at 8 and 5. I let them stay for the recetion and they did fine. their normal bedtime was 7:30 but all the aunt's and uncles and cousins were there. My mom and dad came for the only purpose of keeping our 2 year old. She took him away to the hotel for nap and then again to dinner. She brought him back for pictures and a little of the reception, the announcement of Aunt Shelley and Uncle Bill then she was off with him again. It worked out great and mom didn't care about the wedding or the dinner she was there to keep the baby happy and out of my hair.

I don't think any one would take offense if she didn't make it to the reception. If you can get a babysitter to take her home mid-way thru the day, I would do it.

I just got home from shooting photos at a wedding.. The flower girl just turned 5. She was already pooped when they arrived at the wedding location at 4:00 pm. They have been running around for days and her schedule was pretty messed up (this info from her grandmother). She was also a little nervous about the event.

She became a little weepy during the photos, but when we left the reception about 20 minutes ago (11:30pm), she was still dancing and going strong. I was surprised.. She had some cousins there and they were all playing and dancing together and of course since all of the relatives were there it looked like they were all paying lots of attention to her.. I bet she will conk out the moment they get in the car..

So it may depend on your child.. They may be relieved that he will not be at the reception, since they are not inviting other children..

My daughter was 2.5 yrs old when she was a flower girl for the first time. The wedding was at 1p and then I made sure she took a very long nap before the reception which was at 6:30. I knew that dinner would start pretty late so I made her some dinner before we left for the reception. So she was well rested and fed...and had a great time at the reception! She stayed up way past her bedtime, but I figured keeping her up late once in a very blue moon can't harm her. My daughter just slept the 10 hrs back to Illinois!

I think as the Mom you can do whatever you feel is best for your daughter! It won't be much fun for you if you have to deal with a cranky girl all nite and it will be a big day for her. The reception doesn't even start until 6:30? that seems quite late. Especially with there being a huge wedding party, and only 4 kids invited, I don't think it is wrong at all. I doubt the bride would notice ;-) Pics are usually done by the time the reception starts. Good luck!!

I don't think it would be wrong to go home and stay, all of you, after the ceremony if that's what you want. :)

PlanB is to rent a hotel room in the city to go relax, nap, eat dinner, and be able to drive back to easily after being at the reception for x period of time

As far as personal experience... our 2.5yo son was our ringbearer. 8pm ceremony... reception to midnight. He did fantastic (huzzah for nana & friends who helped enormously). We had a quiet room set up for him to sleep in (but he's the kind that gets super happy and super wired when he's up late), as well as my mum who was going to drive him home (and spend the night at her house) if he couldn't sleep. He was helping "clean up" at midnight with the biggest grin on his face. His cousins, one of which was our flower girl) split the difference. One crashed early, around 9.... the other fell asleep curled up with her boquet that couldn't be pried from her fingers around 11. It's one of my favorite pictures.

Hi J.,

just for the record, it is possible! My 16-month old was flower girl at my sister's reception, I thought it was going to be horrible because she didn't nap well that day, and same thing, reception at 7pm which is her bedtime--turns out she did just fine, and we brought a pack and play to the reception and we put her down right after eating, and she slept through the super-loud music! Granted, it will probably be a totally different story with a 4 year old, but just so you know, it is possible! Perhaps all the excitement will make her very cooperative for you. . . good luck.

My girls were flower girls at my brother's wedding when they were 2 1/2 and 4yrs old. It was a late afternoon wedding which went well into the night. I'm also pretty strict about schedules, etc, and their bedtime was 8pm, like your daughter's, so I had the same concerns you have right now. Since it was such a special occasion, they got to wear SUCH pretty dresses and everyone just oohed and aahed over them, they did REALLY well. Knowing they were going to have a late night, I made sure they had a good night of sleep the night before and ate well the next day. I let them lounge around and relax all day and made them lie down (not sleep, necessarily) for a while to prepare for the excitement and late night. I also brought some snacks with me to help get them through the afternoon and evening (turns out they didn't need them). I think your daughter will understand what a special thing it is to be a flower girl and will rise to the occasion. If she gets tired later on in the evening, there's no reason she can't sit on mama's lap for a while and rest. Chances are, she'll be out on the dance floor having a great time. My girls are going to be flower girls again this summer (they're 7 and 9 now) for their auntie's wedding and can't wait, having had such a fantastic time the last time!

When my son was 2 1/2 he was in my SIL wedding. It was very hard for him to be running around all day and we tried to go to the reception because she asked us to stay, but when we hadnt eaten by 8:30, i left with him. It was ridiculous for a child to be in that situation. I had to feed him when we got home and put him right to bed. He was exhausted. Your child may be able to stay up late at the reception, but do you really want them worn out and over tired? You will pay for it for the next week. Some people are fine with that, but we are very scheduled parents and i dont like to throw them off unless it is absolutely neccesary.

I had a the same problem at my brother-in-laws wedding last year. My son was only just turned 3yrs old. What I did was pack a lunch bag up with sandwiches, snacks and drinks which the kids just nibbled on between the ceremony and reception. As for the bedtime problem, I know your daughter is a little older but if you still have a buggy? I took his buggy in with us and if he started to get tired he rested in that.You'd be surprised how the excitement keeps them going!
There was only four children at this wedding, three of them being mine, but that didn't seem to matter as they got all the attention which they loved.
You could always just be polite and explain that you can only stay for a little bit as your daughter gets tired in the evenings,if they are nice people they should understand! I hope this helps and the wedding goes well!

It's been a long time since my wedding. I had an adult only wedding. The flower girls came to the reception. However they just ate dinner, and stayed for a short period afterward. Their grandparents were also invited to the wedding, so they took the girls home early (they weren't up to a late night anyway).

Do you have anyone who could take them home early? If you pack snacks for them, and can possibly sneak in a nap in between the wedding and reception they should do fine.

I would discuss your concerns with the bride and maybe the 2 of you can come up with a better solution.

Good luck.

My son was a ring bearer in a wedding at 4. He did pretty well, surprisingly. You might even have time for a nap between the ceremony and the reception which would be awesome! Have fun--it doesn't happen all that often and it's a special occasion so go for it.

Why on earth would they have the reception and wedding with such a gap in time? That's just crazy and not very considerate of your guests.

If you have someone to watch her so you can enjoy the reception that's what I would do. The little ones get so tired out on big days like that. It might make it very hard for any of you to enjoy the reception. My son was much younger when he was a ring bearer and it was a nightmare because things got stalled and took much longer than anticipated. We left at 9pm and they still hadn't started serving dinner! We ended up eating McDonalds!

I haven't read all the responses, but as a bride that had 3 flower girls, I think it is nice to have them at the church, and early on at the reception, but then go home. We had an adult only reception, so the little ones had a quick dinner, and then sitters picked them up and brought them home. I'm sure you and your husband will have a "better" time without the kids!